136 – shock therapy_4
Coincidentally or not, he returned to his original place at once without arriving anywhere else. My head was blank as if everything including my soul had been sucked out. When I glanced to the side, Lane looked up at me and slightly raised the corner of her mouth.
My body stiffened as if I had faced a predator that was several times bigger than me and was savage.
Accumulated emotions are not easily erased. Even if it is covered with something else, as long as the gap is open, emotions will flow out endlessly.
The self-destruction and hatred that were embedded deeper than I thought did not go away. If he was going to disappear so easily, he wouldn’t have suffered for such a long time.
I don’t think it’s improved. Apart from knowing Lane’s true feelings, the anxiety that came from having acted like that in front of so many people was coming.
how am i now? Will I die while receiving the glares of countless people all over my body?
With that thought in mind, I returned to where Solar and Lian were.
As soon as I returned, I saw Solar approaching me with both hands holding a huge white and bright red orb. The expression on his face showed firm determination. I didn’t know what I was determined to do, but I could clearly recognize that the target was me.
“What are you trying to do?”
“cure.”
“..me?”
“yes.”
“How about that?”
“I’ll put it in.”
“To me?”
“yes.”
It felt more intimidating than treating me as an invalid.
Since when did it become a world where physical therapy is used? I’ve heard that you can hit some non-working machines to get the cogwheels running again. But that doesn’t apply to people.
If you hit someone because they are sick, it only hurts more. If I put that orb inside me, which at first glance looks like half of my body, it’ll tear my skin, or it’ll roll round enough to roll, or both.
Maybe this is an execution wrapped in a skin called treatment.
“I’m sorry to say it in this situation. I finally got my thoughts in order.”
“What are you thinking?”
“There were mistakes I made in the past.”
“What did you do wrong? I don’t remember anything in particular?”
“I’m sorry I didn’t put everything I was thinking into words, and I’m sorry that I just passed on your condition while insisting that it was okay.”
“You don’t have to apologize. I overreacted. So, let’s put that aside…”
“I’ve never thought of you as a colleague. You saved me and believed in me, so it’s natural for me to trust you as well.”
With her half-open mouth at Sola’s words, her body stopped.
“I came to believe in you after you saved me by suppressing my magical runaway and burning myself. I trusted you in everything you did and followed your opinions completely. It’s not like you’ll understand right away.”
Solar, not looking at my appearance, continues talking. The huge mass that doesn’t match the body is impressive. So why is Lian struggling more?
“Isn’t this what you really want? To be useful to us, to prove your worth, to not want us to abandon you.”
“right.”
I was ashamed to the extent that my limbs twisted when I actually heard my wind coming out of someone else’s mouth.
“No matter how much I say that you are a person of sufficient value and indispensable to us, you will not be able to understand.
Solar took one step closer.
“Even if we promise not to abandon you, it won’t mean anything here. So I’ll say it here.”
One step closer. Even though the stride was short, I blinked and before I knew it, I was standing in front of me holding a glowing sphere.
“I want you to stay with me and with us from now on. This is a magic that will make the things that bother you in your head disappear. When everything is over, let’s calmly talk to each other again.”
I couldn’t even open my mouth properly because of the intimidation of the sentence that reminded me of a confession. I knew that Solar treated me and others differently. But to say something that seems to have different intentions to this degree is like…
“Solar… quickly…”
Lian, who was sweating with a grunt, cut off the flow. What is Ryan doing? It’s been a long time since I’ve seen you suffer like that.
“..I’ll ask you one last time. Are your eyes okay?”
“Huh? Yes. A little bit.”
I could feel the bitterness of the scars, but I didn’t feel the same self-loathing as before, even though I stared straight into their eyes. It’s hard to say that it’s a substitute, but the moment I stared into Lane’s eyes, I thought of what Lane had done and I shrank.
“..What happened with Lane..”
“Solar..!! Quickly! My head really hurts..!!”
Solar, who was suspicious of my actions, who might have already noticed what I had done, tried to question what had happened to us, but she hurriedly moved her hand at Lian’s cry.
“Rain. Hold tight. I’ll ask you what happened later, so don’t try to escape.”
In an instant, the limbs were tied. Rain, who restrained my body without a hint of doubt about Solar’s actions. A huge orb approaching. It was like being at the scene of a highly dubious clinical trial.
I couldn’t resist. As if I had grabbed all the joints necessary for movement, I couldn’t hold it even if I tried to hold on to it.
The lump that Solar was holding enters. You put it in your mouth and force it into it.
“..yes?”
“Don’t worry. The things you think don’t happen.”
The size of the sphere, which seemed to explode my body, decreased. Something bright red inside flowed into the mouth, and the white membrane outside contracted.
As if breathing in the air inside a balloon, something inside was brought into the body in an instant.
“What is this…”
A response came before I even asked about its identity. The sensation of magical energy flowing through the body that had not been felt since it was completely annihilated according to the method suggested by Solar.
But the intensity was stronger than expected. It was as if a giant sun had been swallowed whole, burning inside. Every time it flowed from the center to the extremity, it seemed to pierce the inside of the skin and bones and burn them.
“Ugh…”
I asked this badly. The arms that could not reach her due to lack of strength dropped without strength.
betrayal? Disappointment? abandoned? It wasn’t like that. It was because Solar’s eyes still contained a strong will.
What did Solar say earlier? Get rid of the things that bother your head? I couldn’t figure out what it meant. I couldn’t even breathe properly because I felt like my body was about to explode.
The feeling of being shattered when you kill someone for the first time.
Even though I did what I could, the memory of being condemned and suffering from countless damages.
The trauma of seeing the limbs and necks of the beings with whom I could communicate, with whom I had a conversation a while ago, were severed.
The feeling of bursting inside of you when you first set foot in the Demon Realm.
The feeling that the whole body burns from the inside when the mana runaway is blocked.
I almost lost my mind for a moment at something so intense that I wouldn’t bow down even compared to everything else… No, all of those things combined.
I tried to clench my fist. to trigger the curse.
“No..! No! The curse is.. just, bear with it..”
Ryan’s expression looked even more painful as he said that. Sweat trickled down from his forehead and mixed into his eyes, blurring his vision.
Three people stood in front of me. I couldn’t see the expression properly, but because the composition was the composition, it seemed to be abandoned by them for some reason and looked up at it for the last time.
Something flowed from his nose and landed on his lips. Even though it hurt so much, I wondered if it was dripping with runny nose, but I could smell the fishy scent and taste from it that squeezed through my lips.
Then I felt like someone was squeezing my eyeballs. As the sensation that seemed to explode in a little while calmed down, something started to roll down my cheek like tears.
The size of the tinnitus, which sounded very small, increases. I bite my lower lip so hard that it bursts. Something is flowing back from the inside.
The thing that wraps around the body is using a dragon to get out of any hole in the body. Even so, the tough lifeline did not break and continued to give extreme pain.
gradually get stronger The intensity continues to increase so that it is impossible to guess where the peak is. I could feel my body bouncing, like a freshly caught fish struggling.
Am I being abandoned like this? Is it going to end in the hands of a colleague like this? I don’t want to show such a desperate side.
My eyes were stained so red that I couldn’t tell what expression they were making. No, I don’t even know what they’re doing in the first place. Did you turn your back? Did you think you had nothing to see me and left?
Right before I let go of the lifeline I was holding on to, right before the candle, which had given only a weak light, went out completely, I felt the touch of something hugging my body.
Something holding tight to your waist. The unique hardness of iron armor felt around the thighs. A soft touch felt underneath. The feeling of being sorry that is clearly conveyed through actions.
rian. is it rian? Is Ryan holding me?
why? Didn’t you throw it away? right. Come to think of it, I did talk to Lian to some extent. If it’s one last hug, I think it’s not a bad end.
“That’s the name you gave it. Lian Serwin. Saved comrade… True to that name, I’ve received a lot from you. You’re my comrade, my light, and my god. I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you. I, you. .. …. ..”
I haven’t heard anything that follows. I caught a glimpse of Lian’s figure in front of my reddened eyes, as if completely embracing me who was struggling in the middle of extreme pain.
It was shining silver, and the whole body was covered with holy power. Like a god who will embrace everything.
Like the silence that comes after a climax, the pain that ran through your body begins to subside. It flowed like a river in an instant and disappeared somewhere.
The negative thoughts that made my head thump disappeared.
I couldn’t hear the voice tickling about them.
The weight that seemed to tighten my body and the headache that directly pressed my brain disappeared.
Seeing them did not cause envy. It wasn’t that he burned everything and made his will disappear.
It was clear and light.
The blue sky was not a single white or black cloud. The campsite was a mess, with the green tents completely ruined and strewn about, and the brown trees uprooted from the ground and rolling about. The brown ground was dotted with scratches and sparsely red bloodstains.
I can feel my tiny magic power, which I thought I would never see again, circulate through my body.
I looked at them, and they looked at me, who had stopped the seizure, and released their hands from holding me.
“..Are you okay?”
“Are you okay, what have you done to me?”
“Treatment. Sorry for being so late.”
Say sorry again.
If it was like before, I would have complained, saying ‘why are you guys sorry to me’. Because I felt like I was disappearing into the ground even more. But now I didn’t feel anything. I was just thinking that I’m sorry.
It means that I came to understand the psychology of the sentence as it is, rather than being dejected by it.
Solar explains the treatment method and how she found it. As innocent as a child seeking praise.
“So you’re okay? You’re not feeling anything bad?”
“Yeah. Compared to before, I think I’ve gotten better.”
“It’s a relief. …I didn’t expect Lane to traumatize me like that…”
I looked at Rain at Solar’s self-talk. Those lake-like eyes were staring at me, but I didn’t feel any slushy emotions rising from the depths of my head.
Even though I felt like I was going to cry for no reason, I continued to look at them.
What came after the collapse of my body was freedom, and I knew I wasn’t abandoned by them.
What I lacked was a short communication to open up my heart, and it was only through the sacrifice of their whole bodies that I was able to fill the cracks that came from it.