Alchemist After Possessing chapter 38

38. Realization after loss (4)

38. Realization After Loss(4)

『 May 23rd

I’m worried that there is no progress at all. Am I failing? Oh right! I met Eva again today. I asked why you ran away the other day, but I ran away again because I had nothing to say.

Meeting people is scary now. Eva doesn’t know who I am, so I guess she’s coming along like that. If she too would hear my name, she’d cast a cold stare from others.

I really hate that. 』

“Off… Do not break.”

I muttered that to myself while looking at Woros’s diary. It might sound funny for the person who drove Woros into a corner to say such a thing, but surprisingly, he was sincere.

I didn’t want Woros to break. It seemed that only then could I find some comfort. Cowardly. I was so disgusted with myself who drove a person’s life to hell and cheered him on in his difficult days for the comfort of my heart.

A woman named Larisha von Melloyer was so disgusting. Even so, I clenched my fists and cheered for Woros in my diary.

Looking at the diary the person who made it difficult for him wrote the diary he was struggling with. I was cheering him on.

『 June 1st

Eva has been following me for days. They probably follow me without knowing that I am Worros Blood. I’m too scared to find out who I am. Because I don’t need friends anymore. I just want people to pretend they don’t know me. 』

“Not needing friends… What are you talking about.”

No. Please don’t break please.

『 June 14th

Today is my birthday. Happy Birthday Woros. I know it’s true today, but Merina, who is taking archeology class with me, must have a birthday today too. When she saw a bunch of her friends gathered around her, she involuntarily burst into tears.

No one celebrates my birthday. No, there was one, but I don’t know who. Someone left a bouquet of flowers in front of my dorm. What is it? 』

『 June 22nd

I found an owl while cleaning in front of Shaiza’s statue today. Seeing that the hair is well taken care of, it seems like it has an owner. But I had a big wound on my leg, so I had no choice but to bring it to my room.

First of all, you should treat him, and then release him when his leg is completely healed. Wouldn’t it go to the owner then? I named it Melon in a hurry. 』

“Melon… “

Woros stole Denas Yeseul’s owl last year.

ㅡ ‘I… I didn’t steal. Just… I just injured my leg and treated it!’

This is what he said when he was accused of stealing Denas Yeseul’s owl and referred to the disciplinary committee. Everyone, including me, snorted at his words.

He just told the truth, but no one believed him.

There was not a single person on the side of Woros. Under such pressure, he pleaded his innocence, but no one listened to him.

Among the many people, not one took the side of Woros.

I remember the atmosphere at that time. Warros, who had no side of his own, and was being bullied by the Disciplinary Committee. How embarrassed he must have been How scared he must have been.

I wiped my eyes again. Then please… I didn’t want any more stories about owls to come out. I know it’s a cowardly act, but it was so scary to find out what Woros was thinking during the punishment.

『 July 4th

The long, long test is over. Result… I think I’m screwed. Will I be cut off from school like this? No, let’s not think negative thoughts.

Melon’s leg has improved a lot. I think I will be able to find the owner soon. But… Melon follows me too well and she’s worried about that. 』

I bit my nails. Please… I didn’t want it to be written about punishment.

『 July 16th

I found the owner of the melon… However, they seem to be misunderstanding that I stole the melon. The owner of the melon was Shiza’s senior, Denas Yeseul, the senior in the second year. She’s the one with the title of a delusionist. But he says he won’t forgive me.

I really only treated Melon who injured her leg, but she was immediately accused of being a thief.

No one believes me. I didn’t really do anything like stealing.

I cried for a long time in my room because it was really hard. I’m thinking of just quitting the academy. But if I quit the academy, the minimum shield to protect me from the family will disappear.

For Irina’s sake, you have to be patient. Because Irina has to enter the academy to get rid of me.

That’s how the child gets four years of freedom. So you have to hold on. 』

I came back to my room after receiving the punishment, and I thought of Woros, who was crying and choking.

“Woros… sorry. Sorry. I’m really sorry.”

I was having a hard time reading it, so I put my head on my desk. Didn’t you throw a word at him about the case of stealing an owl, in passing, during this year’s joint battle?

What did Woros think after hearing my words?

In addition, information about the darkness of the Blood family has been coming out little by little. This… It’s not something I care about, but I think I should remember.

Because I have to apologize to him. Because if you want, he should be his expendables. If he faces the family darkness, he must be his strength.

『 July 17th

Have I accumulated too much foreign matter in my heart? Today, while cleaning in front of Mr. Shaiza’s stone statue, I made a weak noise. Still, I feel like my heart has become lighter after I confessed it.

If Shiza was alive, what would he have said to me?

It’s vacation starting tomorrow. I told Shaiza-nim that I won’t be able to visit for a while. The stone statue isn’t even alive. I laughed to myself because my behavior was funny.

But I couldn’t help it, because there was nothing else besides Shaiza-sama’s stone statue. I should go to bed early today I have to go home tomorrow and see Irina. 』

I remembered the scene where Woros with a gloomy expression was talking to himself to a stone statue. The first time he showed me, the sparkling eyes, lost their light like the eyes of a dead fish. The lips that always smiled must have drooped.

Even in the open atmosphere of Shaiza class, he had no one to talk to, so he went to the Shaiza stone statue.

『 July 22nd

I was kicked out of my house, and I came back to the academy. He must have thought that he would never allow me to meet Irina. It’s probably solidified with a plan to get rid of me by getting me into the academy.

You’ve been questioning me while reciting my grades. Perhaps because of the events of that day, he thinks that I am still holding a grudge and rebelling. It’s true that I have a grudge, but the reason why my grades are low is because of my skills. They are really funny people. 』

I opened my eyes wide and stroked a specific word with my finger.

“I ordered Miss Irina… Remove Woros. How many times have you said this… “

From the beginning of the diary, it was written several times that Irina was going to school to kill Woros. Last year’s Woros was mistaken, so she must have written that, but she didn’t think much of it, but she wrote it over and over again. Can it be said that she was mistaken?

Come to think of it, Miss Irina used to show her unknown hatred for Woros. It was simply a sibling fight, she had thought of it that way.

There is a scene that comes to mind. That day in the hallway at the training ground, Miss Irina was sitting on her floor and crying.

She thought that Woros bullied her sister, but was Woros Blood really that kind of person?

With serious thoughts, the tears stopped before I knew it. But as she read the next page, she groaned at the pain that pierced her heart.

『 August 11th

I have a family. It’s like a stray cat, but it follows me very well. I named him Fluffy because he has fluffy fur. Puksin follows me well, so I feel really good. I wish people would look at me with an unbiased gaze like Puffins.

No. My friend has already given up. So let’s be happy with Puffins while we graduate.

Ah! And her Eva came to visit again, but I kicked her out. Because if you decide to make friends with her, she will be hurt again. I thought it would be better to do this. 』

“Puffy… “

A time when the devastated Warros became happy, even for a moment. Fluffy… Fluffy would have been the only happiness for Woros, who was cornered enough to worry that he would be hurt just by thinking about making friends.

That happiness…

『 August 13th

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Puffins is in a strange state. Suffering from a sudden high fever, she is giving up even her favorite fish. What should I do? I can’t sleep because I’m worried.

I want to save Puffy, but no one will use healing magic on Puffy for me. 』

Looking at Puffin, who must have been moaning in pain, and thinking of Woros who opened his diary with a sense of nervousness, tears flowed again. So soft…

『 August 16th

I sent Puffins. Fluffsin was actually a monster, not a cat. I was punished for the crime of raising monsters secretly. Punishment doesn’t matter. Fluffy… The loss of Pooksin is so great. Perhaps.

Perhaps, Fuchsin was subdued because I was with him.

Because I am a member of the Blood family. Because it’s a criminal No one believed me when I said that I raised it thinking it was a cat. If I didn’t raise Puffins and let him go, he wouldn’t have died, right?

I am. It’s like I killed Puffy.

I am. I killed In any case, I was served. I thought I would be expelled, but someone must have protected me. I won’t write a diary for a while. Just be quiet

I want to die… I want to disappear quietly. 』

“No… Woros… No.”

I want to disappear. Where? You didn’t do anything wrong just… people around you. Having isolated you like that, I made you that way. Why are you…

“hahahaha… “

My heart ached so much. In fact, Fuchsin might not have died. In order to use it as a monster science textbook, the words to keep alive… I. I suggested. That it should be subjugated. I said so.

Since we don’t know for what purpose Waros Blood raised monsters, it’s better to get rid of the aftereffects. With such a pretext, he suggested subjugation of monsters.

Woros You didn’t kill me.

“I… I killed him.”

Now, the content will come out. I… I, who destroyed Woros’s happiness, went to him. The thing you asked for will come out. Please… I have appealed to myself in the past not to go to Woros, but such miracles do not happen.

It has already happened.

『 August 21st

Princess Lelisha asked me what I was up to. The fact that I was raising monsters must have reached the princess’ ears.

I tried to forget about Puffins, but I remembered it again. I didn’t give much of an answer. Looking at me like that, she said that the princess would definitely find out and then disappeared.

What the hell is it revealing? I just want you to pay attention to me I hate people now When I see people laughing, I can feel my heart getting worse and worse. No. If you are swallowed up by evil, the same thing will happen. You have to eat heartily. 』

Salt was sprinkled on the wound. Fluffy… Ever since Woros was taken away for punishment for raising monsters, he had lost his smile. He’s just broken

I broke it.

『 September 1st

A warning came in. Look at how many class days there are. He couldn’t go back to his family, so he decided to attend class. I met Eva again today. There must be only one reason why she is interested in me.

Because I am the heir to the Blood family. Is there anyone you want to kill? I’m sorry, but I won’t kill anymore. I have no power to kill. So I said it coldly. Don’t tell me not to come close to me again.

Please leave me alone. 』

It collapsed. That his heart was completely broken. So judged. His clean handwriting has changed to a scrawled handwriting. And there are traces of pressing the corner of the diary with a pen. He’s completely broken down.

Students with sparkling eyes seemed to enjoy seeing the new world and laughed.

A student who tried not to lose his smile no matter how hard it was.

A boy whose smile may have disappeared because it was so difficult, but his eyes were shining.

He completely collapsed.

『 September 6th

The test is over. Failing again But I don’t care. Will it be as it should be? 』

『 September 14th

A letter came from the family. I think they’re trying to appoint my sister Irina as her official successor. It finally started

It was written to be respectful to Irina and to be polite to her heir.

She would hate Irina if she did that. In my family, they really don’t know us, but they don’t know too much. If she is appointed as the official successor, it means that she is Irina and also that she cannot back down. It will start with my death.

I don’t intend to die easily. 』

I can’t get out of my head. She said Irina’s eyes as she glared at Woros as if to kill her.

Anyway, after reading through the diary, it seems necessary to check it yourself. With that thought she turned to the next page.

Why are you checking now?

Why are you worrying about me now?

To escape from guilt. Are you thinking of helping me?

Are you trembling with hypocrisy now? It seems like I can hear the voice of Woros saying that in my head.

『October 31st

I forgot there was a diary. Actually, I don’t know what to write in my diary. I just want to forget everything Now is the time to think about Irina. You can’t put Irina in the same position as me.

Irina also stamped. If she gets a heart… Absolutely must be stopped At least. We just have to stop being killed by that child and leaving the imprint on our heart』

“The imprint of the heart… ?”

Without thinking, I turned to the next page. She was shocked.

『 November 15th

I tried to hang her, but her line broke. Scared. She doesn’t want to die But if I’m alive, Irina will… 』

“Mo, they said they hanged her… ?”

What on earth happened between October 31st and November 15th, did she choose to hang herself? Actually, it wasn’t hard to guess. He was isolated. His heart was still broken, and he pressed Waros even from his family.

The reason Warros chose her death is to protect Irina and her sheep. It feels like it reads like that.

『 November 16th

Eva is following me again. She yelled at me not to follow her now. 』

『 November 17th

Her

To apologize to Eva, she went looking for her, but she literally disappeared. Well maybe someday we can meet 』

『 November 20th

I can’t go home. If you go, you will surely be killed. I’m alive. You have to stay alive. 』

『 November 21st

I am the heir of the Blood family. I even thought of destroying the tradition by committing suicide, but the thought was too short-lived. First of all, you have to hold on until you meet Irina. 』

“Tradition… “

What exactly is the tradition of the Blood family? One thing is for sure, Miss Irina is in danger because of that tradition. Even if Woros lays down his own life. From that tradition he seems determined to rescue Miss Irina.

『 November 22nd

I caught any student passing by and sold the name of the Blood family. People will definitely be aware of this. That the heir of the family is not Irina, but I, Woros. She told Irina that she couldn’t hand over the family heir.

The kid has to live his life. 』

『 December 1st

The princess looked at me with pitiful eyes and wrote a letter of protest about my actions and sent it to the family. It’s all according to plan so far.

The family must have known by now that I am claiming to be the heir to the Blood family. Now, even if you don’t like it, you’ll have to enroll Irina into her academy. Let’s get our minds straight now.

When Irina enters the school, she is given 4 years for that child. With that much time, she will discover the darkness of House Blood herself. After looking at the situation moderately, I just need to take my own life along with my heart. 』

“Suicide… You mean?”

Woros had too many enemies. The good man was carrying too many burdens. One thing is for sure, Waros cares for her younger sister, Irina, more than his own life.

Perhaps the plan to commit suicide. May still be in progress. When the goal he set for himself is achieved, it is as written in his diary. He himself…

『 December 4th

I made a potion for the first time. I used a recipe and ingredients that his brother left for me before he died, they say it’s a family elixir, but I don’t know if it will work If you drink this, it will change into a personality suitable for solving the case. It means getting stronger

Now I feel the need to change because I am so weak and hesitant. So I drank the potion.

At worst, it seems that my personality dies and I am born with a new personality. There is no other way to save Irina from the family shadow. 』

“This, your personality has changed? No way… What I felt was that Woros’ personality had changed… Oh, isn’t it?”

The word that the personality has changed, in extreme terms, means that the original Woros died and was reborn. To the extent of making such an extreme choice, Woros’ inner self is not so weak. Wasn’t weak

Isolated from the academy, my heart has weakened as if it is slowly weathering. In such a situation, family affairs overlapped, so he, who was already having a hard time, was pushed to the limit and began to make extreme choices.

Or hang yourself. Or yell at Eva. Actions that try to get rid of one’s personality and be reborn.

If he had just entered the academy, he would never have made that choice. I could see how concentrated Woros was mentally.

I made a drastic choice, and a lot of my share was involved.

No, it is absolutely my fault. Woros… If you read the first part I wrote about Miss Irina, he hinted at the darkness of the Blood family, but there was an implicit belief that it would be resolved well. That said, it was pretty hopeful.

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He believes that whatever danger may come, it will be resolved, and that making friends is more important than family darkness. Wasn’t it written that way?

It was strong. Woros was a strong man. Because I defeated such a person, he became an extreme personality.

I began to think and act in extreme ways. What would his life have been like if there hadn’t been a stumbling block called Larisha von Meloyer?

She didn’t lose her smile, and she might have been preparing to face the family with her colleagues to help her. Of course, Woros now is also preparing to face the family, but at least he is now.

He saw this year. He never had his eyes twinkle or smile as brightly as he used to.

『 December 7th

I made a poison needle. If he’s going to be killed by Irina, he’ll have to stab himself and destroy the tradition. I made up my mind to stab myself. In fact, life at the academy is so difficult that I no longer have the will to live.

For that reason, I was able to prepare for death without difficulty.

The thought that no matter where I go in the world, there is no one on my side, makes me very helpless.

I was prepared to die, but I didn’t write a will. Looking at the situation so far, it’s obvious that everyone will laugh at my suicide note. The last one won’t go that way.

The potion must have been useless after all. A few days have passed and nothing has changed. At last. In the end I have to

If you find yourself in a situation where you have to commit suicide, apologize to Irina. As promised, I’m really sorry I couldn’t save you. Let her apologize

“The potion failed… “

I don’t know what the tradition of the Blood family is. One thing is certain, Miss Irina will kill Woros. That seems to be the first button of the tradition he wrote down.

『 December 8th

I had a nightmare. I don’t really remember the details of the dream, but I woke up crying because I was very sad. 』

Starting December 8th. All the diaries up to February were the same. Having nightmares every day. Not being able to remember the content of the dream. Even so, it was the content that he was afraid that he would change.

It is said that at some point, every day, the memory disappears for several hours as if the mind flickers.

He was so scared of it. He says that every night he shuddered under the covers.

After reading Woros’s diary in such fear, I reached the end of the diary before I knew it.

『 February 23rd

Irina took the test at Arisha Academy and passed. I think she’s coming to see me tomorrow. Let’s honestly tell Irina about the dark side of the Blood family.

Irina will definitely understand. Maybe, the two of us can work together to get through this situation. If persuasion seems difficult, proceed as planned. Let’s destroy tradition. I can’t let my heart fall for Irina.

Irina is sure to do well. Now that she has entered the academy, she has four years left for the child. My plan to get her into the academy worked, in order to give Irina her four years of freedom.

She actually dreamed of having a fun life where she could make friends and learn something new, but it was hard. I guess people shouldn’t be happy. That’s right Isn’t it strange when someone like me who killed her brother becomes happy?

Anyway, let’s keep our minds upright. I have to have a serious talk with Irina tomorrow. 』

…

This is the end of his diary, and all the questions so far have been resolved.

“I….”

My 「Discrimination」 Saw him through the wrong way. As a result, I made Woros’ life hell. Take away his valuables. Drove him to the brink of death. The diary says that the potion to change the personality didn’t work, but I don’t know.

Actually, with or without the influence of the potion, I didn’t change his personality. Didn’t he give him the pain that changed his personality? Whether or not his personality changed due to the effect of the potion, the fact that I killed his existing personality remains the same.

Woros is February. So, the day he met Irina, he was prepared for her death. The fact that he was still alive was because the conversation with Miss Irina went well. Or Irina tried to kill Woros, but she escaped on her own. I can think of two cases.

If it’s the latter.

“Miss Irina might still try to kill Woros… “

You must apologize to Woros. She can’t repay him anyway, but she has to make amends for turning his life into hell. And.

We must help Woros. He is driven to a cliff by his family. The most urgent thing is Miss Irina.

Woros Blood is Irina. Because she cares for her sister more than her own life. For her sister she is willing to lay down her life. She is that kind of person If she is killed by her sister, whom she loves, how will Woros relieve her resentment?

He suffered too much. Somehow somehow… His last year should be compensated. Even to do that, he has to make things right for Woros and Irina.

“Woros… “

When I came to my senses, I was out of the dormitory and running outside. While ignoring all the students who greeted me while looking at me. He was running blindly toward the Shaiza Market, where Woros’s shop was located.