14 – Episode 14
# 14
Can beasts get drunk on alcohol?
Creatures of the natural world would collectively answer, ‘Yes.’
Curious how newly-hatched chicks with neither hands nor feet could be affected by alcohol? Surprisingly, natural alcohol exists within nature.
Alcohol is produced when sugar ferments. Abandoned fruits, sticky tree sap, rotten flowers filled with honey are typical examples of natural alcohol.
Of course, this natural alcohol is not easily produced and the quantity is also not abundant. It is insufficient to fully enjoy the pleasure of alcohol.
From Noble mtl dot com
However, once beasts acquire a taste for alcohol, they seek out human’s spirits and become regular drinkers.
Whether they volunteer to drink, secretly steal, or devastatively rob houses for alcohol. Beasts that once tasted alcohol drink it up voraciously.
Just like Drake in front of me.
[“Ha, hahahahaha! This is wonderful! Booze, I really just love it!”]
Drake spouted nonsense now that drunkenness had taken hold. Considering he had nearly drunk all the alcohol loaded onto the cart and had yet to fall over, he was seriously an enormous drunkard.
At first, Drake reacted grimly when he saw the mound of alcohol arranged in front of him.
[“Such a modest gift.”]
Typically, beast-like Drake asked about the quantity first. Ian calmly replied,
[“Precious commodities are naturally limited in quantity, aren’t they?”]
It was an obvious sugar-coated response, but, surprisingly, it contained half the truth.
The alcohol brought by the workers was a precious stash secretly saved by village brewers. Regrettably, it was exchanged by the artisan’s wives for something like an iron pot and ended in the hands of the merchants.
And naturally, due to the hillside village setting, the selection was particularly heavy in honey wine.
The mention of honey wine may sound like a sweet beverage, but in fact, it is extremely potent.
Reiterating, alcohol is formed when glucose is decomposed.
In other words, the sweeter the ingredient, the higher the alcohol content.
Here, in this medieval fantasy world, beer is the most commonly enjoyed alcohol because its alcohol content is very low. It is hard to elevate the content due to the lack of brewing technology.
If the workers had brought common beer, Drake might have crushed Ian out of disappointment, complaining about him bringing horse piss.
However, the stash laid out in front of Drake was the precious honey wine.
[“Feel free to help yourself to a glass.”]
[“It smells spoiled… You’re not up to anything funny, are you, magician?”]
Ian demonstrated to Drake the drink was safe, by taking a sip himself. His throat felt like it was on fire. The alcohol was disgustingly potent.
Drake stuck out his tongue to lick the alcohol, only after confirming Ian was unharmed.
[“Hmm… Tastes strange as well, just like it smells. It does seem spoiled.”]
Although he grumbled that the taste was peculiar and it seems spoiled, Drake seemed to find it not bad at all and cleanly emptied a bottle of alcohol.
[“How is it?”]
While maintaining his smile, Ian waited for Drake’s response.
Drake replied with a disappointed growl, unhappy with Ian’s gift.
[“This food isn’t particularly tasty. Do humans really treasure this?”]
“[Indeed.]”
“Well, I appreciate the precious item you gave me nonetheless.”
Drake’s response was subtle. It was as if he’d scored, but just a mere +1, an uncertain gain.
‘…I should keep going anyway.’
Ian decided to continue the drinking based on advice from a summoner known as Demonite.
In truth, he put more trust in his level 3 summoning skill than this seemingly knowledgeable human.
“Would you like another cup? This will taste better than the last.”
“Really?”
Swayed by the promise of a better taste, Drake tentatively extended his tongue.
This time, it was wine.
Drake seemed to prefer the wine to the mead, accepting and drinking it without hesitation.
And so it went, 3 bottles, 4 bottles, 5 bottles…
Slowly, a reaction began to show on the previously indifferent Drake.
“It’s strange… I feel really good…!”
‘Is he drunk?’
After six bottles, Drake finally started to feel good.
“hahahahaHA! Wizard! You’ve brought a very peculiar thing! It’s really curious!”
“Do you like my gift?”
“Yes!! I do like it!!”
Drunk and high-spirited, Drake relishes the rest of the drink without leaving a drop.
Seeing Drake drunk, Ian felt strange.
“Well, even bears get drunk, and so do elephants.”
It’s a creature from a different world fantasy, but it seems its nervous system is not fantasy.
“Still, we’re halfway there…”
Having succeeded in winning hearts with a gift, if Ian could just appease Drake a little more, he would be free.
“[Drake, are you feeling a bit better?]”
“Ha, ha… My mood? Yes… I’ve been going through some nasty stuff lately. Dammit!”
Drake exhaled sharply through his nose and leaned in toward Ian.
Ian saw a dad-like figure in the drunken Drake.
‘I wonder…’
When you get drunk, it’s harder to control your emotions.
From laughing and chatting over small talk to getting angry and feeling down over small matters, that’s how it is.
And when someone in a bad mood gets drunk…
They usually become rowdy.
“Ha… There’s this girl in the neighborhood below, you see?”
“[You speaking about Drake?]”
“Of course, who else? You don’t expect me to talk about a human girl, right?”
Fair enough. Ian nodded in agreement.
“Her scales are shiny, and her voice is so soft… She’s so lovely.”
“[Ah… Yes.]”
“It just so happens that it’s nearing the breeding season for both of us… So, I thought of striking up a conversation with her.”]
Ian felt incredulous, but he didn’t show it. He knew Drake had recently had an unpleasant experience, but who would have guessed it was about romance? A story about a gigantic lizard’s courtship might be entertaining to a reptile, but it certainly didn’t rouse any interest in Ian. However, an inebriated Drake, not surprisingly, was enthusiastically recounting his tale.
“At first, she was interested in me. She even saw my lair, things were going great. But that damn woman! All of a sudden, she starts playing around with this weakling!”
“…”
Oh dear, lizard love gone awry. It must be heartbreaking.
“I became so frustrated that I confronted her. What, am I less than this guy?”
Straightforwardly acting upon curiosity. Ian nearly found himself charmed by Drake’s assertiveness.
Oh, what a truly masculine figure!
“But what she said… Ugh!”
“Calm down, let’s hear it. What did this despicable woman say?”
“That my lair! My lair was too cramped and bumpy for her to live in!”
A mournful roar burst from Drake.
Rick and the other subordinates were shocked and huddled together, shivering.
The subordinates communicated with their eyes.
…Is this the end, Master Wizard?
Ian responded with a glare that was akin to a curse.
Not even close. Just boozing and lamenting.
I see. So, that’s what happened.
“This woman is pure evil! She played with my pure feelings! Eventually, she wants to live with someone who has a more luxurious lair!”
Ian deeply sighed.
It was a sigh mixed with equal parts pity and relief.
It was pitiful that Drake almost died because a woman had hurt his feelings.
And it was a relief to be able to fully understand the emotional pain Drake experienced.
“I can understand her perspective as well.”
[“…What did you say? You little…! Are you siding with that evil woman now?”]
Grrr!
As Drake growled, the upper human servants had another collective fit.
Ian, who understood their conversation, was unaffected, but to ordinary humans, it would have felt like their lives were hanging by a thread.
Regardless, Ian spoke calmly,
[“It’s the same for humans. When we’re young and naive, simply making eye contact is enough to make our hearts flutter. But once you reach the age to start a family and have children, there’s no choice but to think about the practical future.”]
[“That’s…”]
[“Try to see it from the female Drake’s perspective. Would you want your child to grow up in a 50-pyeong house as big as a soccer field or in a room that costs 150,000 won a month?”]
[“Ehm… Ehm…”]
Drake shed heavy tears the size of chicken droppings.
He didn’t understand the phrases about 50-pyeong and 150,000 won rent, but the general meaning got through. It’s because the summoner’s skill was only at Level 3.
[“But…! My nest is the best nest that can be found around here! It’s clean, quiet, and not damp! There are hardly any humans, so it’s perfect!”]
His last word was almost a sob. Thanks to this, the human servants shivered as if they were being shaken by the cold.
Ian thought for a moment.
Ian, who possessed a very modern sensibility, started to feel a bit sorry for this gigantic lizard, who seemed to have lost his girlfriend to NTR.
If his girlfriend had left him for another man just because of a house…
‘Sorry, honey! Your basement flat just doesn’t do it for me anymore! I’ve become a woman who can’t live without a Gangnam apartment!!!’
Chills. Ian nodded his head.
Although the metaphor was a bit extreme, the fact of suffering due to home issues did not change.
Be it a South Korean citizen or Drake. In any case, the house was the problem.
[“Drake, don’t cry.”]
“[A simple nest, if expanded, wouldn’t that suffice? Even a not-so-good house gives a visual good enough to be featured on YouTube with a bit of remodeling and interior design.]”
[There are many words I find difficult to understand… so, you’re saying we should renovate my nest? Is that what you’re saying?]
“[Yes.]”
Drake asked again, as if he couldn’t believe it.
[Is… is that possible?]
Ian flicked his finger lightly.
At that moment, Drake saw it.
The challenging fact to comprehend that a huge mystery was with the young wizard.
“[A being that transforms the impossible into possible, isn’t that a wizard ?]”
A feeling rose in Drake’s chest, too difficult to put into words.
[If you fix my house! I’ll never forget this act of kindness!]
Ian smiled thinly and said,
“[Let’s go to the nest together.]”
#
“…So you may go ahead.”
After promising to take care of Drake’s nest, Ian led the townspeople and travelers down the road.
As soon as they arrived at the wagon, everyone collapsed to the ground, gasping as if they were dying. They hadn’t done anything, but they felt tremendous stress simply from being in the same space as Drake.
As soon as the words ended, a silent touch overwhelmed Ian.
“Aahhh! Mr. Wizard! Mr. Wizard!”
“What’s your freaking problem now?”
“Waaahhhhh~ I really thought I was going to die! No, I swear I was definitely mentally dead!”
Emily hugged Ian and started sobbing.
Usually, he would have told her to stop overselling, but seeing her celebration of mere survival without any ulterior motives, Ian’s heart softened.
Constantly clinging to him wasn’t in his preferred view. However, this hug wasn’t that bad.
“Great magician!”
As Emily started shouting, others joined in her cry.
The head vassal Rik took the lead.
“The Magician is our hero!”
“Indeed! The magician is our life’s benefactor!”
Each vassal strongly discussed how amazing Ian was, and how thrilled they were to see whatever he did next.
To summarize their cries:
‘From today, we shall leave behind our hierarchical relationship with the magician, merging one with Ian Eridis Raven. Any attack towards the magician will be considered an attack on us. The end.’
‘Plague…’
All Ian did was lend a sympathetic ear to the poor Drake’s problems and promised a bit of help.
However, to commoners, it seemed entirely different.
‘Grand magician Ian Eridis Raven has an engaging conversation with Drake using his exceptional abilities, even while sharing a drink!’
‘When Drake cried out savagely, Magician Ian rebuked him!’
‘Under magician’s reprimand, Drake shed tears reflecting on his wrongdoings!’
One cannot help but admire the mystical abilities of a magician who drove away the monster Drake – whom it took an army to barely drive away – with just light conversation.
“Long live the magician! Long live Ian!”
“Come on, cool it off! We are not done yet!”
Actually, it was just Ian who was not done yet, the rest were given leave.
Therefore, everyone apart from Ian was in quite good spirits.
“That’s the magician! He really is eccentric!”
“His eccentricity matches his skill! hahahahaha!”
“…Are they insane?
Due to the false rumor that the more skilled a wizard, the more eccentric he is, people did not pay heed to any insult from Ian.
“Mr. Rik. Go find out where the mercenaries have disappeared to, and if they’re alive, bring them back. The rest of you, prepare to depart. Let’s move ahead without any fixed plan during my absence.”
“Yes! Magician Sir!”
To finalize his tasks, Ian headed toward Drake’s nest. The remaining persons started searching for the missing mercenaries.
Everyone was so busy.
Because everyone was preoccupied, no one noticed a hooded female traveler following behind Ian.
Ah, she’s the chrono magician. Only realized now.