183 – Things that cannot be told
My body floats.
There was a time when I felt like my body was floating at a certain moment when I started from the starting line and crossed the goal line.
Although it’s only for a moment, he waves his arms and steps forward with his legs.
No sound was heard at that time.
My surroundings were filled with silence, as if everything in the world had stopped.
A moment shorter than 1 second.
When my shoes touched the ground, only then did I begin to recognize the sounds and sights around me.
For the moment when you cross the finish line and float up into the sky for a very brief moment, there is no sound or sight.
In that momentary space, I was alone.
From Noble mtl dot com
At that time, no one could enter my space.
Until I met him.
***
The pace slowly slowed down and I took a deep breath and rubbed my forehead.
The first-year manager, who was in charge of records, stopped writing with his pen and walked towards me.
“Thank you for your hard work! Senior!”
“No. Thanks for your help. Rather… How did the record come out?”
“Ah….”
The manager looked down at the file in his hand, smiled brightly, and shouted.
“0.2 Seconds reduced! “You are truly amazing!”
“I see.”
I took a short breath and relaxed my body.
“Then it’s okay to go back now. “Thank you for joining me in my private practice.”
“No! It’s an honor for me! If you need anything to do, please call me!”
The manager bowed repeatedly and glanced in this direction as he left.
It’s good to be enthusiastic, but if you continue to be like that, you’ll get tired quickly.
Reminiscing about my former manager, who was always very savvy despite taking on all the miscellaneous tasks of the athletics department, I made the comparison again.
“Huh….”
No. These bad habits.
Although he only worked for about a month, I still had the bad habit of comparing him with the countless managers who came after him.
Because the job of manager of the athletics department was as hard and busy as the players, many students often applied out of mere fanship or passion and quickly left.
2 Weeks for this first year…. As long as 3 weeks.
I sighed and shook my head.
Since I, the captain, am thinking like this, are the managers also quitting right away?
Although he is confident that he never showed it on the outside.
I couldn’t help but naturally think of it in my mind and compare it to him.
I returned to the club room and opened the refrigerator door.
I pulled out a metal chair, sat down, and took a sip of canned coffee.
When I looked up, all I saw was an empty seat.
Of course. This is my personal practice time after club activities are over.
All other members have already left school.
It was natural that no one was there.
As I was sipping coffee absent-mindedly with my head down, I felt like I was seeing a vision.
The sight of him carefully lifting my leg and massaging it.
– Please watch even if I’m not good at it…. I learned it for the first time today…. –
I remembered the image of him pressing his calf with the other hand while looking at an open book with one hand.
– How is it? –
I said while stretching my legs.
“Very… good night.”
But his answer was not heard.
I didn’t even ask in the first place and this was all just my delusion.
At that time, footsteps began to be heard beyond the closed window in the hallway.
I raised my head and was listening intently to the sound.
No way….
He always appeared at unexpected times.
It surprised me like that and seeped into my heart.
So….
“What is that face?”
The door to the club room opened, and Sayoko with a sullen face sat down in the seat across from her.
“Ha~ I said I wanted to apply, but my homeroom teacher, who doesn’t know even six letters about track and field, keeps lowering her gaze just because she knows so much.”
Sayoko grumbled as if she had once again had a fight with her homeroom teacher in the teacher’s office about the entrance exam.
“I wish Eri. “There is no need to worry about that because the course is laid out smoothly.”
I looked away and sipped my coffee.
“What? “Who were you waiting for?”
“Is there anyone who will come to the clubroom at this hour?”
“When we just met, you looked disappointed.”
“……….”
I ignored it and looked out the window.
“It lasts for such a long time. That.”
Sayoko spoke to me.
“That… rani?”
“You know. “Your crush.”
You spit it out without hesitation.
I laughed and looked at the floor.
“Is it because I keep seeing it? “We want to see each other, but we don’t have many opportunities to do so, but we meet Eri on the rooftop every day.”
“There is no particular relationship.”
“What’s not relevant? “When you get out of sight, your heart also gets out of sight.”
“No. If you’re out of sight… “I probably couldn’t stand it any more.”
She said quietly as she put down her can.
Sayoko frowned as if she was tired of saying that she couldn’t bear it, but that was my truth.
“I would have done anything to see him somehow. Because we are in the same space called school. “She could have forced him back to the track and field club.”
“That’s scary…” .”
If I had forced him away from me, I would have tried to see him even more. That was me, a human being, and a single-minded, rebellious person named Eri Takase, who had built up a faithful dark history until middle school.
So my unrequited love burned quietly next to him
“But I’m glad.”
Now I was just waiting for it to turn off.
“Back to the old Eri Takase again.”
Sayoko smiled, resting her chin.
“I was worried at one time. “I wonder if I’m really going to retire like this.”
“Why don’t you worry about yourself, Sayoko, more than me?”
“It should be like that now. “The captain of our track and field team has regained his condition and is cruising along like this to take the ace course.”
She said, looking somewhat lonely.
“I am working hard while watching you in the country.”
“Sayoko will be able to do well too.”
“Yes, yes~ Even if you succeed later, don’t forget my name?”
I could fully understand Sayoko speaking so sarcastically due to her anxiety about her career and her complicated feelings about me.
No matter what she did, in the end she cared about me and gave for me.
I once heard from another member that I had even requested counseling from my manager regarding my poor physical condition.
It was also true that the wandering of my mind was related to him.
I also realized that it was time to end it.
After confessing my love to him more clearly during summer vacation, my heart became lighter.
I was able to run again, feeling like I had let go of a heavy heart.
Conditions and records were back to their previous state, and now a good opportunity was ahead.
“Of course, for your sake, I will have to forget about the manager.”
Sayoko said, bringing up the topic again to suit her grumpiness.
“I’m speaking from the heart. “Have you talked to those kids?”
“…… “Not yet.”
“It’s not long until graduation. “Do it quickly.”
This was already known to the track and field club advisor, Sayoko, and several other members.
“I’ve known them longer than I have. “They will also need time to mentally prepare.”
“……… ….”
That is correct.
But my mouth never dropped.
“It’s rude to them to suddenly leave without having time to prepare. I know?”
“…… Know. Sayoko is really….”
What a nag.
I couldn’t say that.
Because everything she said was correct.
“It’s almost December. Before winter break… No, announce it as soon as possible, even tomorrow. “Make lots of memories before you leave.”
“It’s not like we’re breaking up forever…” Therefore….”
“You can’t come back for two or three years. “That’s quite a long time?”
She nodded.
I felt like I would never be able to become a friend like her, a nag like her, who cared about me.
***
The afternoon of the next day.
After repeatedly nodding and agreeing with Sayoko’s advice, I decided to tell them my news today.
I received an offer of admission to a famous foreign university.
It is not a bad condition for me, and it is something I cannot refuse for the sake of my future career as a track and field athlete.
Now we are accepting it positively and talking about it.
So, I think I will have to break up with everyone starting next year.
“…… “No.”
I shook my head slightly as I went up to the rooftop carrying my lunch box.
It’s not about breaking up.
You can see it again.
If I have time, I will come back here and reunite with everyone… We can all spend time together like we do now.
Okay, let’s do that.
Since there was no one around to talk, I reached out for the doorknob on the rooftop, thinking of lines that would suit the situation in advance.
How would the kids react if they suddenly heard something like this?
The only thing missing is me.
They still have one year left in school.
You will be able to have fun even without me.
Haruna and Yuuki too. Akira and Yuuko too.
You will soon be able to forget about the breakup.
And…
“Eri-chan~ It’s here!”
“Sister, why are you so late!”
“Come quickly!”
Minsu, you too.
My heart was pounding.
More than when I stood in front of the starting line before the final race of the competition.
My heart was pounding and tension filled my entire body.
“I’m sorry…” I have something to think about for a moment….”
As I was approaching them, raising my hand like that, I stopped.
“Ah….”
He wasn’t there.
“Manager… “Not yet?”
“Ah~ I left school early. What did they say… Was it a visit to the hospital?”
I see.
My pounding heart slowly slows down.
I calmed down before I knew it, sat down on the mat and put down my lunch box.
I decided to tell them my news today. However, I was relieved that he was not here.
It was because of hesitation.
Would I be able to say that while looking at his face?
I wonder if I can say that I have decided to leave, because I just don’t have the courage to do so.
That’s why I felt relieved.
“…… Sister? What’s the matter?”
“Ah….”
“Because your complexion looks dark… “Did something happen?”
“No… no.”
I shook my head and smiled.
Okay, let’s tell him separately. If he were here now, I wouldn’t be able to talk today either.
After making that decision, I spent lunch with them again today.
And he calmly conveyed it.
Surprisingly, I did not feel any tension or anxiety.