174 – Anguish (5)
The heated atmosphere felt like it had calmed down just a little.
The excitement hasn’t all disappeared yet…….
“Hmm, hmm! Anyway, yes.”
Beatrice moved her body back quite naturally in the name of taking time to prepare her mind.
It’s not that we completely widened the distance, but should I say that it went from being close to being barely able to touch each other’s breath to no longer that distance?
For a moment, I had the somewhat absurd idea that he was trying to manipulate me, but I soon learned naturally that that was not the case.
“I am always on your side. So, if you have any concerns, you can come visit me at any time…….”
The change of topic felt somewhat stiff, and the way she looked at me without any signs of looking at me from a moment ago made me understand her current feelings without having to think too much about it.
As I’m sitting on the bed, my bare feet on the carpet on the floor wiggle endlessly.
A reddened complexion, still heavy breathing, the emotions on that face were shame, a bit of anticipation, and at the same time something that could be called a slight hesitation.
It may be complex, but at least I could tell very well that she was more nervous than I was about this strange situation and atmosphere she was experiencing for the first time.
‘Wow.’
It was enough to make me laugh out loud.
Is it really not a good idea to prepare your mind?
Actually, it wasn’t much different for me.
Still, seeing as there was a guy in front of me who was more nervous than me, it was definitely not my mistake to be relatively calm.
This may be a new story, but if this guy I knew, I don’t think he would be immune to men.
Don’t I know better about my childhood at the convent and the headquarters of the religious order, as well as my school days at the academy?
‘What kind of guy is this guy who doesn’t even have a few friends of the same s*x…? ….’
Suddenly, I was reminded of the extremely narrow human relationships that Beatrice had built at her academy.
Without realizing it, I ended up looking at her with her pitiful eyes.
As if there was no way she wouldn’t have noticed that look, Beatrice immediately stopped her hesitation and continued talking for a moment and looked up at me stiffly.
Me and her gaze meet in the air for a moment.
With that moment of silence as the background, I nodded her head as if I understood, and Beatrice flinched once and then raised her voice as if she was having a fit.
“Why, what’s wrong?”
“What?”
“What did that look in your eyes mean?”
“No, nothing.”
In response to Beatrice’s persistent questions, I shook her head and her expression changed as if to say, ‘I don’t think it’s anything?!’
Of course, I didn’t give you the answer. That would be a very bitter story.
It is true that I felt a little dissatisfied with the fact that the close contact from before could not continue, but when I thought about it this way, it was impossible not to understand.
Just before, I was almost tempted to fall for her temptation, but I managed to hold on to my consciousness and relaxed my body.
And then he laid his body down like that. He collapsed onto the bed.
“…… Dante?”
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Beatrice’s embarrassed voice is heard from above. Although it didn’t get on her nerves.
I simply stretched out my hand and grabbed Beatrice’s wrist.
Beatrice must have raised a question mark at such a contact, but it did not give her time to react.
“?!”
I immediately pulled her arm and made her fall into my arms.
Thump, there was a small shock, but it didn’t hurt.
Her head rested under my chin, her arms rested on my shoulders and chest respectively, and her awkwardly tangled legs overlapped my knees.
You literally ‘feel’ the fact that Beatrice’s body has hardened.
The sound of my heart pounding tickled my ears, and my trembling breath touched the back of my neck and then dispersed.
I wonder if the reason her heart is pounding so hard is because, in addition to her nervousness, there is also a very small amount of excitement.
I couldn’t know because I wasn’t the person involved, but deep down, I hoped that would be the case.
“All right, Dante… ….”
Before long, Beatrice called out to me, straining her body as if pleading, but there was no way. She was never going to let go.
Oh, I hope she doesn’t criticize me for being in heat.
Even though I was hugging her, pressing my whole body against her, I wasn’t feeling that much carnal desire right now.
Rather than that, I should say that healing was needed a little more fundamentally…….
At least, something like the girl in my arms twitching her fingertips but secretly looking forward to something (?) Won’t happen.
‘Hmm.’
…… Maybe?
Actually, I wasn’t sure, but even that wasn’t an important issue.
“Riche.”
I just hugged her like this to say what I had to say.
What I need to say, and even more so, what I want to say.
I thought over and over again that the essential ‘me’ was not included in this world, but even now I could not erase that negative thought.
-I, the person you like, doesn’t want to see you like that. It’s hard to see!
Still, there was something that struck me.
-Remember this. Come to me when things get hard. I can do everything.
There was something in Beatrice’s words that touched my heart.
She almost shed tears like a child for a moment.
I forced myself to endure it. I didn’t even want to be seen like that.
It was a matter of pride, but even so-.
-You probably know that I like you.
I didn’t just hate this unidentifiable feeling.
To put it another way, yes. Just.
“Thank you.”
I felt grateful.
Simple and important.
That was all.
“… ….”
I muttered only that short word and closed my lips against his, but Beatrice looked up at me, forgetting to keep putting pressure on her legs. Definitely.
I thought that the round, bright eyes were somehow cute. Is it severe?
It didn’t really matter, but honestly, I couldn’t help but be very embarrassed, so I slightly averted my gaze.
I didn’t think I said something for nothing. I was just a little, really, just a little embarrassed.
“Hmm, no. Well, it’s just that… ….”
So I blurted out the words and tried to force an end to this topic.
I felt like continuing the conversation would only result in embarrassment.
I just looked down and scratched the back of my head.
I was planning to make eye contact again due to my belated shyness.
“…… Uh.”
But, are you trying to say that my avoidance of gaze itself was wrong?
To my dismay, what came into my field of vision was not an ordinary expression.
“… ….”
Eyes that are watery and smeared whitish, lips that keep twitching.
Even when he tries to say something, his voice shakes and he shakes his head.
She just looked at me blankly, with an expression so complex and emotional that I couldn’t even tell what she was trying to say, as if she was sad but happy.
For me, my reaction was to be horrified.
“Why why why, why are you like this? “What, what’s going on?”
I’m not going to lie, I don’t think my voice has ever shaken like this before.
I held Beatrice’s cheeks in great agitation.
It was really funny to see the cheeks and lips being crushed like glutinous rice cakes.
…… No, this isn’t important.
“Riche, Riche?”
“Let go, let go…” ….”
My pronunciation was crumpled. The impact of the cheek I held was probably greater than the impact of the tears streaming down my face –
First, in her confused state, I lifted my sleeve and wiped her eyes.
“…… Oh no. Stop.”
Beatrice immediately took my hand away as if she was embarrassed.
She wiped away her tears and whimpered softly.
Although it was difficult to infer her exact state of mind, whether she was embarrassed by the situation that made her suddenly cry, or whether she was just embarrassed for something else, Beatrice took a breath and tried to control her emotions first.
Fortunately, it didn’t take long for her to calm down.
“…… Just, no big deal. This.”
As I was waiting patiently, he was the first to open up.
Beatrice frowned and sighed.
The eyes and facial expressions that glance at me feel like they contain a sense of shame.
Soon Beatrice spoke her words.
“I thought it was a little fortunate.”
A short word spoken quietly.
She closed her mouth for a moment and gently took my hand.
“…… I also thought that my sincerity might not be able to reach me. “Because there was nothing I could do for them, they were things I said with passion.”
But, I still think they were some weak words. I wondered what if those things were meaningless to me.
“This time I…” …. “It wasn’t a problem where we could provide real help.”
It is said that she expressed her self-destruction, her helplessness, and her pathetic, yet wishful wish, ‘I don’t want you to be sad.’
“I thought about it a lot. For a short period of time, nothing came to mind, so I ended up crying a little out of character…….”
Beatrice said this and carefully tickled the top of my palm with her fingernails.
I felt puzzled, but soon realized the meaning.
It wasn’t tickling.
Is it writing letters?
“…… You know what? Dante.”
It felt like I was writing the same words or sentences over and over again.
I concentrated for a moment to interpret it.
I guess it was just because of that.
-I like it.
Because of the pause, I was a beat late in understanding Beatrice’s next words.
“I have tried to increase my own value in you in the past in order to keep you.”
I didn’t want to admit it, but my expression probably looked very stupid at this moment.
I raised my head without even being able to manage my facial expression properly.
Beatrice grabbed my cheek.
And put your foreheads together. “Tap,” He said.
“…… “Maybe at the time, it was something that was really strange, misfocused, and could even be called a fool’s errand.”
Her and I looked at each other so close that they were less than a span of distance.
I looked at her. She looked at me too.
Beatrice smiled awkwardly at me.
“Is it a little different now?”
“… ….”
“It’s different, would I have lost?”
I couldn’t answer.
I just kept looking at Beatrice. In a daze.
In hindsight, I thought, what was the most correct answer?
I’m not sure, but it probably didn’t matter much.
At least when Beatrice saw the expression I made at this time, she smiled with satisfaction as if she had found her own answer.