173 – Agony (4)
Dante’s story has come to an end.
Calmly, perhaps plainly.
That single word, spoken in a casual tone, the sentence and the emotions contained within it, made Beatrice engulfed in an incomprehensible confusion.
In fact, it was something that could not be helped.
I never thought I would hear such a heavy story.
At first, I guess I just wanted to hear the reason for the disappearance.
It was a story that was not easy to understand.
This is a truth that cannot be easily understood.
Existence from another dimension, existence from another world.
How can we accept this?
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She didn’t even know that Dante had this secret.
“… ….”
However, what was deeply resonating inside Beatrice now was not the clash of concepts from a cosmic perspective.
In fact, from Beatrice’s perspective, the existence of another dimension itself did not make much sense.
It just didn’t mean denial.
She accepted Dante’s words.
Because that’s what he says.
Because he said it with an expression so painful that it was hard to imagine him as he normally was, and as if he would crumble if touched.
I couldn’t help but believe it.
He was not Dante.
To be precise, the life of Dante Ruiz El Feil, who lived in this world, is clearly not his.
She heard the story of the soul that was compatible within her.
She was acknowledged by him, and yet she did not have the courage to confirm her own existence.
I heard all about her negativity and positivity toward herself, and her fears that go beyond rational understanding and understanding.
…… When the whole story was coming to an end, he suddenly apologized.
I’m sorry. Actually, it wasn’t like memory loss or anything.
It is true that Dante’s memories and memories were embodied due to an incident that occurred around the time he visited the imperial castle, but in principle, it does not change the fact that he deceived everyone around him.
I know my mistake well…….
‘…… Dan, te.’
Beatrice suddenly muttered to herself.
This is his name.
He blamed himself for saying that it was not his, that he had stolen it and that he had taken it, but Beatrice thought differently.
It had nothing to do with being recognized as the ‘real Dante’.
The Dante she knew, the boy named Dante with whom she enjoyed life at the academy, never meant Dante Louise El Pale.
I couldn’t help but know that the person he is now attaches great meaning to his name.
-My name is not Dante.
-I have no name. At least for now.
‘Not really, no… ….’
Still, I wanted to tell you.
I am proud to express my current feelings, but to me, you are still Dante.
I wanted to say that.
…… I couldn’t do that.
It was because I felt that if I spoke like that now, my voice would not come out properly.
I thought it would be very persuasive if I said that in a trembling, wet voice.
It might make Dante’s condition worse.
Maybe you can guess your own condition.
Beatrice wanted to commit a crime.
It’s not like that.
The reason his voice is trembling and wet is not because he doubts you.
It is by no means a nursery rhyme that comes from feeling betrayed and distanced.
But it wasn’t easy.
This is because the situation itself was unstable.
He and his emotions in this situation are illogical. Because they were not rational with each other, a small slip of the tongue could create a big rift.
So I had to endure it.
‘I am a horse.’
But.
‘I never saw you as someone else.’
-My existence was forgotten where I originally lived.
I’m sure it would be so.
‘You’ve always been Dante to me, and in fact, names like that don’t have much meaning…’ ….’
-Besides, the ‘Dante’ in this world is not the real me.
Why? It shouldn’t be like this. This idea must be dangerous.
‘What if it comes from another world? ‘Right now, beyond the discomfort of knowing you’re from another world, I’m just worried about you and I feel like I’m going crazy.’
-No more… …. I feel like I have no place to belong.
I couldn’t stand it at all.
-Who on earth am I?
‘Don’t say that. Please.’
It was the moment when Beatrice crushed the area around her eyes with her hands as if she was in pain.
Tuk, thud.
Tears poured out.
It was so sudden and unprecedented, in fact, so sudden that even she herself was not aware of her omens, so it caught her off guard.
After finishing the story, Dante’s expression, which had been quiet as if he had lost his soul, finally changed.
I’m embarrassed.
‘Ah.’
Beatrice stretched out her hand without even a single thought or concern.
*****
There was a girl who cried even more sadly.
She was like that in front of me.
A sight I have never seen before.
The sight of him wailing at the top of his lungs like a child was enough to make me feel deeply embarrassed.
Why on earth are you crying? I didn’t even have time to ask that question.
Beatrice immediately extended her hand to me.
He wrapped his arms around my neck, who was sitting next to me, and pulled me in in an instant.
I suddenly had to put my head down on the chest of the sobbing girl.
Even now, I can feel the feel of her bare skin frighteningly clearly, even through the thin pajamas.
…… And more than that, I could feel the trembling of her body as she sobbed.
I reflexively pursed my lips, and Beatrice cut him off at that point.
“I, I.”
“… ….”
“…… “I am not a goddess.”
The trembling voice contained uncommon agitation.
It looked so sad that it could be said to be unprecedented.
Before I could even finish understanding what those first words meant, Beatrice continued, hugging me tighter.
“Because I am not the omnipotent being you wish for, I cannot give you an answer. I can’t possibly give such a great answer…….”
But, Beatrice added, burying her head in mine.
“It’s so sad, but there’s nothing I can do. I feel pathetic because I don’t have any advice to give you since I didn’t even know about the existence of other worlds and other dimensions. Still, I hope you don’t suffer too much. “That’s just my truth.”
I couldn’t give a proper answer to her words.
A resounding, suppressed moan flows in from time to time.
“…… From beginning to end, I only had eyes for you. Not Dante or an otherworldly being, but you yourself. What’s so important about that name? … ?”
Beatrice’s voice made me pause for a moment.
And he clenches his fists weakly.
I know what she is talking about. Because I’m not so focused right now that I can’t even understand its meaning.
However, for me, a name was not something I could think about so easily.
I tried to part my lips with hesitation.
In fact, I just opened the conversation without even thinking about what to say.
However, even proper sentences, language, or at least short speeches could not come out of my mouth.
Before that, Beatrice grabbed my shoulder and pushed me, making eye contact with me once again.
‘…… Ah.’
Because of the sudden change in my vision, I was able to see only then.
The girl’s expression covered in tears.
“…… “Is your name that important?”
And the passion contained in those two eyes.
She chewed her lips roughly.
“No matter what name you use, it doesn’t change the fact that I like you…… !”
I had no choice but to close my half-open lips.
It was such a strong cry and it resonated.
My body was pulled halfway as if it were being pulled by the collar.
Beatrice frowned arrogantly and pulled me towards her body.
“Did you know?!”
Then she screamed.
The sharp shouts continue one after another.
“You probably know that I like you! And you like me too. But why? Just listen carefully to what I mean!”
And then, for a moment, I felt dizzy.
It probably wasn’t because my body was shaking.
I guess I was just a little surprised. I never thought I would hear something like this.
…… And at a time like this.
“I, the person you like, doesn’t want to see you like that. It’s hard to see! Then shouldn’t you think about getting rid of it quickly? “Don’t give it a hard time, idiot!!”
It would be absurd in many ways to call this a reasonable statement.
It was almost no different from the complaining of a child.
That’s why, more than anything, it shook my heart.
Finally, Beatrice let go of her hand that was holding me.
But that intense gaze still remained.
After taking a deep breath and saying ‘huh’, she spoke again in a voice that seemed to have calmed down a bit.
“I promise, Dante.”
It calls me. Emphasizing my name in a somewhat intentional tone.
The only surprising thing is that even I didn’t find it uncomfortable.
“As I said, I am not a goddess, so I cannot find 100% of the answers you want. Maybe he can’t even properly understand 10% of your worries and suffering. …… But.”
She paused for a moment, and then Beatrice came out more forcefully and met her gaze.
And carefully, I place my hand on her chest.
“Remember this.”
She continues her words as if declaring.
Her tearful expression turned more serious.
“Whenever you are having a hard time due to confusion about your identity, come visit me at any time. “I don’t have the power to solve all your problems, but I can still help you with other things.”
I was still speechless and couldn’t come up with an answer, but Beatrice didn’t care and just stroked my cheek.
And then he immediately lowers his posture and carefully places his lips on my cheek.
A brief touch, a light kiss.
I was even more dazed than before, so I just looked up at Beatrice, and she met my gaze and pursed her lips.
Soon after, she adds a few more words.
“…… It may be a little bit of worldly consolation, though. Still, I think my part in you is quite large. That.”
Why did her fingertips suddenly brush the hem of my thin clothes?
I entered a moment of deep enlightenment, and Beatrice continued her words in a suppressed voice.
“I was prepared for other things. Today.”
At some point, the gaze turned to the side and began to stare at the floor.
But soon, determination appeared on Beatrice’s face.
“Remember this. Come to me when things get hard. I can do everything. “I will stroke your head, hug you, and listen to your stories all the time.”
She reached out her hand to me. Still not making eye contact.
“…… Emotional connection and physical comfort. “I’m saying I can do both.”
“… ….”
“How much courage do I have to say this? I understand…… ?”
Her outstretched hand grabs my sleeve.
Be careful, but somehow dangerous.
And pull it. So that those sleeves, my hand beyond the sleeve, can touch your bare body.
Like that.
The shaking eyes of Beatrice and I were stickily intertwined in the air.
Maybe they both had the exact same thoughts?
There is no basis for this, but such a thought occurred to me.
I swallowed dry saliva.
Beatrice immediately removed her hand from my sleeve.
“?”
So, she suddenly threw her body back.
“Sleep, wait a minute.”
While I was blankly asking questions, Beatrice spoke in an urgent tone.
Before I knew it, I had completely covered my red face with both hands.
“…… Prepare your mind…….”
“… ….”
“10 Minutes, no. Just wait 20 minutes…… ?”
At this moment, I don’t know, but I think a bitter feeling in many ways appeared on my face.
To put it bluntly, it felt like I was unintentionally stopped right before the finish line.
…… As she said, it was a very ‘worldly’ feeling.
There was just one thing that was clear.
The state of my mind has improved slightly.