Became an Academy Spearman chapter 187

187. The feeling of love

***

It’s late at night.

Now that dusk has settled down and the light of the earth has been gathered. Carly was relaxing at her mansion.

“… … .”

Even though it was time to take a break to face tomorrow, she showed a strange behavior, such as hesitating her lips or frowning.

that buck that buck… .

As if restless, she couldn’t calm down, and then stopped and let out a deep sigh.

“Whoa.”

Even as he brushed his hair roughly, the confusion in his heart could not go away.

ㅡReally, I love it more than anyone else… No, I like it.

The words that Cadet Han Chun-seong gave to me still lingered in my mind even after several hours had passed. It kept coming back to me and continuing to stir my heart.

‘What did Cadet Han Chun-seong mean… by saying that?’

Looking back on my memory, when I started talking about opening up. Cadet Han Chun-seong showed a different reaction than I expected.

Even though he may not have understood exactly the opening, he seemed delighted, but the reaction itself was satisfactory.

I obviously impulsively talked about opening up, but I didn’t even feel any regrets.

I think it’s early, but Cadet Han Chun-seong is a cadet worth it. He was buying high enough to be sure that he would rise to the axis of the empire in the future.

but.

“Sigh… … .”

Deep sighs continued to leak through my lips.

“Really… I’m going crazy.”

I couldn’t help my confusion even as I roughly tousled my hair. At that time, I had to finish my seat right away without being able to continue the sparring with the cadet Han Chun-seong at the time.

It was really not like me, and it didn’t feel like I was helping Cadet Han Chun-seong properly.

When I stood firm unlike usual, Cadet Han Chun-seong acted very cautiously as if he was watching me.

Seruk.

I tried to put my mind down for a while while holding my face. heart beating wildly. The hot heat circulated all over my body… I couldn’t sit still.

I feel like I’m not at all.

I felt that feeling again, just like the last time.

‘If I’m with Cadet Han Chun-seong… … .’

Like now, I used to get wrapped up in a strange feeling every time. But now it seems I know exactly why.

tight.

Even as I bit my lip, my thoughts seemed to be clearing up.

The meaning of Cadet Han Chun-seong’s words. That’s understandable now.

“But I am an instructor… … .”

I really couldn’t believe that something like this could happen.

—-Sa… No, I like it.

Cadet Han Chun-seong’s voice came to mind again. It was as if he expressed his emotions intensely without being able to suppress his emotions.

‘No matter how ‘I like you’.’

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Just looking at the change of words midway through, I felt that he was trying to hide his feelings somehow. So I guessed what Cadet Han Chun-seong was originally trying to say.

“It’s clear that the word ‘I like you’ came out after buying… .”

I guessed what you were trying to say.

Seruk.

When I put my hand on my cheek, it felt hot.

No matter how much I pondered the meaning of the words… there was only one conclusion I could reach.

—-Cadet Han Chun-seong has a heart for me.

When I realized that fact, I couldn’t help but be disturbed like this.

I knew at least that he didn’t mean to say he liked me as a cadet, looking straight at me as an instructor.

“Because they see me as a woman.”

Even as he slowly finished speaking… his heart continued to beat. Unless you’re an idiot, you can’t help but notice the emotion.

Maybe I noticed Cadet Han Chun-seong’s heart too late.

dump.

My mind was blank as I sat down on the bed.

After long contemplation and contemplation, I came to a conclusion.

About how to deal with Cadet Han Chun-seong from tomorrow… … .

Squeak.

As I laid down on the bed, only a deep sigh came out.

“Really… I’m an instructor.”

As I muttered the same words over and over again, it felt as if all power had drained from my body.

Having been with Cadet Han Chun-seong, I felt like I now knew exactly why I felt strange.

…I could easily think of it in the first place.

Because I was very conscious of the cadet Han Chun-seong.

I, too, wasn’t looking at the cadets as an instructor. I looked at Cadet Han Chun-seong as a man.

It was easy for anyone to think of spending many hours with a member of the opposite sex with a small age difference, and repeating behaviors that were not characteristic of oneself while being greatly shaken.

Why was he so agitated… … .

I didn’t even know I was trying hard to avoid it.

But today. Cadet Han Chun-seong expressed his feelings directly to me, and I came to a clear realization.

What kind of heart I had, and why I had to feel such a strange feeling.

“I like Cadet Han Chun-seong….”

As I said it as if I realized my heart, even greater heat rose in my body.

The realization that he knew me well was absurd arrogance. I was realizing even my feelings this belatedly.

…The feeling I experienced for the first time was so unfamiliar and different that I didn’t even try to find out properly.

Was I scared to realize this feeling?

However, my feelings were mixed with many emotions.

‘I don’t hate this feeling… I don’t.’

No, on the contrary, I was a little happy.

The shock of hearing that he likes Cadet Han Chun-seong. Above all, I could definitely feel that I didn’t hate Cadet Han.

“But… … . I am an instructor.”

Even though I muttered blankly, it felt complicated.

Really I was an instructor. I was trying hard to realize that fact.

If you were an instructor, it was necessary to distinguish between public and private, and the relationship with the cadets. Therefore, the answer I would give was also clearly determined. Instructors are the ones who stay at the academy to teach the cadets, not the ones who are dating or having a personal relationship with the cadets.

“… … .”

That’s why I know the answer I have to give. Still, I was hesitant to choose an answer.

Took.

Even as I put my hand on my chest… I tossed and turned as I was lying on the bed.

Sabjak.

With the sound of my soft pajama brushing, my gaze turned to the ceiling.

I felt as if I could feel my heart beating faster than usual through my hands touching it.

pounding.

pounding.

I also realized that this was the first feeling of ‘love’ I felt.

…At this time, he was at the academy as an instructor. I was feeling love for a cadet.

“I’m really going crazy.”

It was clear that it would cause a really big stir if he said it out loud. It wasn’t that my reputation was low right now, I was called the axis of the empire and was even given a second name.

I… to feel love for a cadet.

Even though I knew the answer I was supposed to give, my reason seemed to keep blurring.

It is only now that I realize why people give in to their emotions and cannot make proper judgments.

“Is this why… everyone is becoming a fool?”

A really stupid sound leaked out of my mouth.

Me as a cadet, not an officer.

There were a few times when I looked at the cadets who were in love and neglected their training.

At that time, I thought that they were so pathetic, and that they were idiots who didn’t even know what they came to the academy for.

But when I experienced love myself, it was so different.

“…I hate it.”

I was dumbfounded while muttering candidly.

Even though I know the right answer, my heart can’t choose.

But as time went on, I now clearly understood why I had feelings of love for Cadet Han Chun-seong.

Even the fact that the times I cared for him was actually not because I cared for the cadet, but because I looked at him as a man and began to love him… .

“… … .”

He raised his hand blankly through his disheveled red hair.

The white hands visible under the ceiling were barely visible in the darkness.

“I….”

What should I do? What if you know the answer but don’t want to choose? But can I make a choice other than the answer?

If you accept the heart of Cadet Han Chun-seong, ignoring all other external conditions. It was not the current relationship between an instructor and a cadet. Do you have the confidence to develop a relationship beyond that?

…Sreuk.

As I thought about it, I shook my head without even realizing it.

I could feel it right away.

“If that happens, I… .”

I will ruin the cadet agar with my own hands.

Although the weight of reality as the axis of my fame, nickname, and empire also weighs. Anything more than that seemed like it would ruin the cadet Han Chunseong.

There was a cadet named Han Chun-seong, who had grown so splendidly like this now and showed his talent to a greater extent than any other cadet. But I could see a future in which I would ruin him with my own hands.

Aside from the unhealthy relationship between the instructor and the cadet, the awareness that I was about to ruin his future filled my heart.

‘If you accept Cadet Han Chun-seong’s heart… .’

Days like today could never have happened.

It was clear.

gulp.

“… … .”

As I swallowed, I carefully touched my lips.

I didn’t touch my lips often, so I felt the heat on my lips right now.

So it seemed to make me realize how not like me. I couldn’t control my mind more just by being aware of my emotions properly.

‘I really… like it too.’

Even as I sensed the size of my emotions, a futile laugh leaked out.

My heart felt a little joy just that we were embracing each other.

but. I couldn’t just ignore everything in reality.

It was dangerous for me to connect with the cadet Han Chun-seong.

“I’m sure… we’ll be longing for each other.”

I just assumed that I would accept my heart, but I really thought it would be like that.

If the boundary of instructor and cadet between him and me breaks down, what will happen after that? You will long for each other.

More than anything, as an instructor, I didn’t have the confidence to see Cadet Han Chun-seong.

I’m afraid of that more than anything now.

The strange feeling I felt while staying with Cadet Han Chun-seong. I tried hard to suppress it and erased it.

Because I didn’t think I would be able to help properly as an instructor.

Now that I am clearly aware of the emotion I have to express as ‘love’, can I properly teach Cadet Han Chun-seong? ?

“Whoa…”

Even as he let out a big sigh, his thoughts deepened.

And ironically, not long after. i was able to make up my mind

Even though the right answer was decided, my heart didn’t want to choose it. The reason was that I also had that kind of heart for Cadet Han Chun-seong, so I loved him.

But beyond that.

Now that I thought about it assuming that our relationship would develop. My hesitation was gone and I was able to make a decision.

That was a really simple answer.

“… … A Cadet of Han Chun-seong.”

As he spoke, his face seemed to shimmer in front of his eyes.