Became an Academy Spearman chapter 329

329. Lie about being okay

***

Smart.

Even knocking on the door made me nervous.

ㅡWho are you?

Hearing her calm voice, she took a short deep breath and opened her mouth.

“It is agar. Instructor Carly. I came to ask you to take some time to talk.”

My heart felt like my heart was beating loudly as I said what I was thinking.

Maybe she would reject me, maybe she was very disappointed in me with the rumor that spread yesterday.

—-Come in.

At the end of a moment of silence, I cautiously opened the door.

Clap.

As I entered her office, I could see Carly with a strange look in her eyes.

“Sit down for now. I’ll make tea right away.”

“…Yes. Thank you.”

Good.

It wasn’t long before I was able to face Carly, who was quietly seated with a teacup in front of me.

While the faint scent of tea leaves spread, she did not speak to me first. Unlike the way she always spoke to me first, her appearance now was mysterious.

It took a while for each other to tilt their teacups like that.

“Instructor Carly. It’s nothing else… I thought I should say it properly.”

I opened my mouth to speak first.

“What do you mean?”

“About the rumors that are spreading about me.”

When I got to the point without saying anything else, Carly looked at me for a moment and let out a light breath.

“Cadet Han Chun-seong. First of all… I don’t intend to dwell on rumors. It’s a relationship that you know and accept that this will happen. So if you came to me thinking too big, I’m fine.”

I was speechless at the unexpectedly calm voice.

“…”

Because she said it was okay as if she read my mind.

Perhaps those were the words I wished for. The reason I came to her like this was because she wanted to soothe her heart in the first place.

But my heart didn’t ease at all.

Most of all, Carly, who was talking, wasn’t looking at me at all.

I just calmly conveyed the words while looking at the teacup on the table.

They say it’s okay, but I could feel it just by looking at it.

‘It’s not okay… Not at all.’

Even though she’s not okay, she’s forced to tell me she’s okay.

“Instructor Carly.”

“…Uh.”

Calling her again, I saw her reluctantly meet her gaze.

“Is there anything else you want from me?”

“What do you want from you, all of a sudden…why?”

“I wanted you to tell me if you have any.”

I was going to knock on her heart right now.

“That is a bit out of the blue. But thank you for asking that, but I don’t really want anything from you, just for now… I’m fine.”

Seeing her calmly speaking, she gently reached out her hand.

As I tried to hold her hand, which was placed naturally, I saw her Carly’s gaze towards my hand.

And I could see the conflict in those eyes.

The subtle look in your eyes, as if thinking about whether to accept or reject my hand…

Took.

So rather than holding her hand, I stopped right in front of her.

I felt like that wouldn’t work.

“You’re not okay with the instructor at all.”

“No.”

“If you hate me, you can say that you hate me, and if you feel sad, you can say that you are sad.”

“Why should I…? I already said it was fine.”

The words seemed to run parallel to each other.

And I thought it was fortunate that I didn’t hold her hand in response to Carly’s answer.

‘I can’t get over this situation clumsily.’

It was the idea of trying to free her mind by making skinship with her.

But I know that Carly was worried about that just a moment ago, and if I try to cover up this moment with an act of affection…

‘That… ….’

Maybe I’m too cowardly.

Even now, I selfishly put myself first and had relationships with several women.

Even if it wasn’t intended from the beginning, that was the reality.

And I thought the time was coming to take some sort of responsibility for it. If you want to have the heart of many women, you have to be able to embrace them all when they project their negative feelings on me…….

It should be acceptable.

So I thought that I shouldn’t take action every moment.

“Instructor Carly.”

I called her again and met her gaze.

“……”

I thought involuntarily even while looking at the eyes that looked at me without saying a word.

It was strange that I was contained in Carly’s red eyes.

I had a sudden thought. I managed… I was able to get her heart out to her.

Thinking about it now, it felt undeserved.

“I don’t mind anything you say or do.”

“So, Cadet Han Chun-seong. I… I told you many times that I was fine.”

“It doesn’t look good to me at all.”

“Are you kidding me?”

In the midst of repeated conversations, I had a strange thought in her voice, which was getting sharper little by little.

‘Now…’

On the contrary, I thought that we should diverge once.

I can’t always expect her to embrace me, and I didn’t even expect that.

“I don’t want to get over this moment like this.”

“…I don’t know what Cadet Han Chun-seong wants from me and says such things. I said I was fine, so that’s where it ended. Is not it? What kind of conversation do you want to have?”

Seeing him slowly raise his voice as if he was frustrated, he strangely thought that it was better now.

Trying to tell me it’s okay, that it’s much, much more now than seeing Carly calming down her emotions calmly.

“That is not the end of the situation.”

“Haa… Why is Cadet Han Chunseong like this today? I don’t want to raise my voice, I don’t want to make each other feel bad… So huh? It’s just… It’s done, so I want you to go back now. I just want to be alone now.”

As her words began to disapprove me little by little, I thought I could talk to her properly now.

…I thought it was a very funny idea.

If you end this moment well with a calm voice, you might forget this moment in the next meeting and treat each other as usual. Because I’m hanging on to her words like an idiot.

Strictly speaking, I was touching her heart.

‘Because I made it to make you angry.’

I thought this was right even when I saw Carly completely averting her gaze from me.

I thought it would be pointless to cover up this moment and cover it up, and then meet again and laugh and share affection.

Surely, this moment will be remembered in her heart.

She will surely remember the moment when the film ended halfway and left me feeling sad.

In the future, when there is a bigger gap than now, that will touch you more.

And I hated it so much.

“Instructor Carly.”

“Cadet Han Chun-seong. Go back now I really don’t feel like talking to you anymore.”

“Is that because of Milia?”

Took.

The moment I uttered the fundamental words, Carly stared at me completely coldly.

Unlike the frustration and rejection that had been reflected before, it was a clear reaction now.

“……”

The way she stared directly at me was extremely cold, making me very nervous.

So I couldn’t avoid her any longer.

Because I chose to face this moment.

“Yeah, right. Cadet Chunseong Han… As I said, I’m in a really bad mood. I’ve been in a bad mood ever since I heard the rumors yesterday. That’s why I wasn’t very happy to see you today. I’ve always felt only good feelings, but I always wanted to see you. I didn’t want to see you at all today.”

I came to understand as I watched her connect her words with her exasperated voice, as if bursting out her emotions inside her.

… How did she look at me and whether she is still facing me?

Sureuk.

At that time, I moved her hand that had stopped and held her hand.

“Leave this.”

Awkward.

Rather, at her words, I held her hand.

“The Cadet of Han Chun-seong.”

Oddly enough, I wasn’t afraid at the voice of little anger.

A cold expression, sharp eyes, and tightly pursed lips.

Strangely, I was able to face her even though she seemed much colder now than the very cold side of her Kali that I saw in her classroom on her first day.

“You said you knew that this relationship with me was going to happen.”

“I told you to let go of this hand.”

Carly shook my hand with a spit.

Poof!

A strange laugh leaked out as I straightened her hand, feeling a little pain.

“Are you laughing?”

Seeing her looking at me more coldly, I felt like I was finally able to look at her properly. At the same time, I also thought that maybe I might not have seen her like this for quite some time.

When will I be able to see Carly who is so angry?

Despite her cold exterior, I knew very well that she was a really warm-hearted person.

I had a vague feeling that this situation wouldn’t have happened if I had acted correctly. The fact that her heart is so broad and her willingness to accept it in general…

‘Because I’m all bad guys.’

And I thought that was right. Because I am the problem in our relationship.

But I thought it didn’t matter anymore.

“Instructor Carly.”

I reached out my hand again.

Poof!

There was no delusion in my heart even though I felt even greater pain from her hand that was once again shaken off.

Then she saw blood oozing from the back of her hand, perhaps from a cut on her fingernail, but nothing really happened.

“Cadet Chunseong Han… I’m really in a bad mood right now. So, stop going back today. I don’t want to wrestle anymore. I hate it when you come up with another woman’s name out of your mouth, or when you openly talk to me about your relationship with another woman. I’d rather not speak. Then you can accept it. Then you can say it’s okay… So.”

I saw Carly calming her anger as she looked at my bleeding hand.

… Looking at her like that, I thought I was her trash.

Because it made her express her feelings to the extent of stimulating her to the extreme.

‘Because I have to do this…’

Contrary to how I’m used to dealing with women now, I know that there are still some immature things in me.

It was natural because I don’t think I’m perfect or that I can have an ideal relationship with every woman.

Nevertheless, I knew only one thing.

There are times when we have to clash our hearts even now.

“I like you. So… I think we should see this as well. Instead of trying hard to suppress your feelings, you should know how to express negative feelings towards me.”

Awkwardly.

She hesitated at my words. Even watching her, my heart was like that.

I felt that if I left it like this, her heart would leave me later, so I thought I should open my heart like this.

I want to show only the best side of myself, and I also don’t want her to be disappointed in me.

Because I really like her too.

Of course I had that thought. But I can’t.

I have already created the situation so that any woman I have ever had a relationship with will be disappointed in me.

Then I thought that even if I was disappointed, I had to do something right so that I could calm myself down in time.

A heart that is not solved in time is bound to remain in the heart, so I thought that the reason for the distance between people is that such a lump is the biggest.

“If you really suddenly say that… What the hell are you asking me to do…?”

Even seeing her obviously confused Carly, she felt sorry for her from the bottom of her heart.

“…I’m not forcing you to do anything. I just want you to express your feelings to me as they are right now. You can be angry like you are now, and it doesn’t matter if you speak harshly. Rather, I just hope that you don’t try to suppress it. Whatever it is, I will accept it.”

As I said, I took my hand into hers again.

Even as she stretched out her hands stained red with light blood, her heart was calm. Even if she cut my hand again, it didn’t matter.

I was going to accept it even if she showed more harsh words…….

Sureuk.

She didn’t shake my hand this time.