Civil Servant in a Romance Fantasy chapter 123

It’s over even if it’s long – 4

The worries never end. The worries that started from that day grew bigger and bigger and didn’t leave my head.

‘What should I do?’

It’s hard. I didn’t know that the choice I made a year ago would have such a fatal effect.

Why is it difficult to get married immediately after becoming a bureaucrat? Officials can’t even get married? Why is the bureaucratic treatment so cruel?

‘I should have looked more closely.’

I can’t remember how many times I sighed. It was a choice to be closest to the knife. However, it is only in close proximity and it is impossible after that. Then it doesn’t make any sense Had I known, I wouldn’t have made that choice.

That said, I can’t quit the student council now. If you show such an irresponsible and unprincipled side, your mother may be disappointed.

It is also impossible to force marriage as soon as you become a bureaucrat. By ignoring rules or conventions among bureaucrats, she could be seen by her mother as her arrogant daughter-in-law, trusting her ducal prestige.

‘How nice.’

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No matter how much I think about it, I can’t think of a way. If you think positively, you still have a year and a half until graduation, but to be honest, it’s only a year and a half. In the meantime, will there be a way to take care of her mother’s expectations and practicality at the same time?

It’s sad. If I relax a little, I feel like I’m going to cry. I am so ashamed of myself for being proud of being mistaken for treasure with deadly shackles on.

Could it be that Carl has been quiet all this time because I am the student council? Did Carl stay still, thinking that I had no intention of getting married after graduation?

When I thought that, I laughed out loud. What a strange person I must have looked in Carl’s eyes. It must have been the look of someone who had no intention of getting married.

Maybe it’s time to decide with the heart of the beast. Even if Mother disappoints me, I will first take a knife and—

– Smart

“Mar, are you there?”

My body trembled at the sudden voice of Carl. When I was thinking of Carl, Carl came, as expected, our relationship is doomed.

It’s a problem that I pushed that fateful relationship far away due to my mistake. Really why I want to turn back time

“Yes, Carl Youngsik. Come in.”

I was in a depressed mood, but I couldn’t return the knife I had been looking for, so I cleared my throat and opened my mouth.

“Sorry for the sudden visit.”

“Whoa, it’s Carl Youngsik’s mansion. Is there anything you’re sorry about?”

As soon as I opened the door and entered, I saw Carl apologizing and smiled spontaneously.

Still, looking at the knife seems to put my mind at ease. Yes, no matter how troublesome it is, you have to overcome it. To be by Carl’s side, I have to overcome this ordeal.

“Sit comfortably. My mother is not here, but shall we have a tea party?”

I offered Carl a seat and walked towards the teapot on the side. It was cumbersome for him to call an attendant every time, so he left it in his room, and it just worked out.

“Hey, Mar. I have something important to tell you.”

But at Carl’s words, I turned back to Carl. Unlike usual, it was a heavy, low-pitched voice.

A knife standing still without sitting down. And a hardened expression as if nervous. It’s such a strange look, and it’s a look I’ve never even thought of.

“It could be a bit long.”

“It’s okay. It doesn’t matter if it’s too long, so please speak comfortably.”

I started to get nervous myself in that atmosphere. What are you trying to say?

Still, I can’t show a firm appearance to Carl, who has come with great determination. Respond with as calm a face as possible. That way Carl can speak comfortably—

“I was the one who told my mother that I couldn’t get married right after I became a bureaucrat. It was a lie.”

Gee…?

“I did it to avoid being engaged to Mar. I’m sorry.”

…?

My head stopped thinking for a moment.

***

It is an undeniable fact that Marghetta was pushed away with strange lies. So, first of all, I tried to apologize for that and start over.

“Ka, Carl Youngsik? Did I ever make a big mistake with Carl Youngsik? I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it. Tell me what you did wrong and I’ll make it right.”

Marghetta, who stood there blankly for a moment, immediately uttered gibberish and her body trembled. She was not at ease when she saw that tears began to form in her eyes as well.

But she felt compelled to apologize for my mistake. It could be something that could have been overlooked, but while I was talking about that bureaucrat, I couldn’t just pass over the hardships that Marghetta had had in the meantime.

“Marr did nothing wrong. She is a very well deserved and nice person.”

Even with words of consolation, Marghetta’s trembling did not stop. No wonder. She will be heard as a courtesy when someone who has already pushed her away said that.

“It was because I wasn’t ready to marry someone.”

“Ready…?”

She nodded her head to Marghetta, who asked cautiously. In fact, I said this last year as well. Even then she turned down Marghetta on the grounds that she wasn’t ready to be with someone yet.

And now I can tell you why I wasn’t ready. That’s really great. Great in a bad way.

“There was someone I loved. I was promised marriage.”

At those words, Marghetta’s eyes began to tremble in a different way. There was, did It’s not clear what that means.

“I left with Enen because I wasn’t confident.”

Simply means no more.

Oddly enough, nothing happened after I brought it up. I thought she’d either feel relieved or regret having said her words. I really didn’t feel anything. It’s steak tonight, as if you said the same thing.

That’s why I was able to continue talking without hesitation.

“I really loved you. That’s why I thought I was going crazy when you left me. Even though the bad news overlapped, but I’m still by your side. I wish I had depended on you and endured.”

But what can I do? She lost most of her close friends and everyone like her family. Even as time passed, he was injured to such an extent that he could not even control his body.

If I had a family to look after, I would have endured, but that family disappeared. Hecate, who has nothing, must have been afraid of falling into a being under my care. I fear that she will be the one holding me back.

I was fine. No matter what state you are in, if it were you, you could laugh and be together for the rest of your life. But you left

“As time passed, I thought that. I am not someone who can be depended on. Even if I have someone else in my heart, I might leave someday.”

Even Hecate left. As if the world was really determined to take Hecate, all sorts of bad things overlapped.

Can you be sure that what happened once won’t happen twice? Can we be sure that all sorts of bad things won’t strike Marghetta?

“That’s why I didn’t have the courage to be with Marr. If Marr leaves me, he’ll go crazy if he does that twice.”

If it happens twice, there is no third time. Before the third blows up, I’m going up to grab Ennen’s collar too.

And I looked into Marghetta’s eyes, which had been filled with tears until just now. Tears welled up on my cheeks before I knew it, but Marghetta stared into my eyes without avoiding her gaze. She kept her mouth shut, as if she would listen to whatever I said to the end.

Anyway, I heard that green is a color that gives peace of mind, but I think it’s true. No, it’s because I just started telling my insides.

“…Actually, it was because I still couldn’t forget it. Even after two years, it was still clearly in my mind.”

Since she decided to tell Marghetta everything, she spoke until the very end. There are still people who left me in my heart.

“I’m sorry. I should have said this last year. I finally did.”

At that time, she thought that all she had to do was move on to the moment when she and Marghetta shared marriage. She figured that if she refused in moderation anyway, she would never see her again. So I didn’t explain the details.

But that’s an excuse. That may have been true at the time, but not now. The moment she met Marghetta at her academy, the moment Marghetta showed her undeserved favor, the moment her mother showed interest in Marghetta no matter how late. At least she should have said that back then.

“…I’m sorry, Mar.”

I lowered my head automatically. She said too late I finally told the person who had been looking at me for a year.

Even the result is the long-spoken ‘reason for not accepting you’. I’m not saying I’m going to get a Marghetta. In a way, a long and detailed refusal. No more cruel

“Carl Youngsik. Can you raise your head?”

At that, I cautiously raised her head, and Marghetta’s hand flew towards her cheek.

Yes, of course. Thank you for making me so angry.

Unexpectedly, however, Marghetta’s hand lightly rested on my cheek. It wasn’t a loud friction sound, but a sound that came out on the level of her chin.

“It’s one year, so I’ll take care of it. But it hasn’t moved on to two years.”

Red eyes, but a face with a gentle smile. I was speechless at that reaction.

“Thank you for trusting me and telling me.”

“Mar.”

I didn’t expect to hear words of gratitude rather than resentment. Thank you, I don’t deserve to hear that.

“Carl Youngsik. Does anyone else know about this?”

“Your Excellency the Minister and the Excellency of the Tradition know it, but I’ve never said anything… Marr.”

“It’s true that you trusted me.”

She didn’t blame me, she kept her mouth shut for a year. Even though it took her a year, she was grateful she was the first to tell me.

How could that be? If it were me, I would have been angry and asked why I was saying that now.

“To be honest, every time Carl Young-sik hit the iron wall, my heart hurt. I’m not a person lacking, so why am I so determined?”

“Mar.”

“There was a good reason. A reason that I can understand.”

Understand why someone pushes you away. Even the man he loves. How miserable Marghetta must have felt when she said such a thing herself.

But Marghetta continued with a bright smile.

“Is Carl Youngsik being honest with me now?”

I inadvertently nodded at Marghetta’s words. I’ve already told you everything. There’s nothing to hide anymore, and you shouldn’t hide it. Marghetta has to show everything. If it’s a person, that’s the way he is.

“When Carl Youngsik looks at me honestly and wholeheartedly, I am confident.”

He didn’t understand what he was saying at the moment, so he didn’t respond.

“I am confident that someday I will enter Carl Youngsik’s heart.”

“Mar?”

“It’s impossible right now. Carl Young-shik has barely shown his wounds. But it’s okay.”

Then Marghetta was placed in my arms. It was sudden, so he didn’t react, but he couldn’t bear to push it away.

Because Marghetta in her arms was trembling little by little.

“I’ll wait. Until Carl Youngsik is comfortable. I’ll wait until then.”

“I’ll wait for you to call me older sister, so isn’t there a 100% chance that I’ll eventually be called older sister?”

I gently wrapped my arms behind Marghetta’s back. I don’t think I’m qualified for that, but I wanted to.

“Hey, Mar. I have a favor for you.”

I buried my face in Marghetta’s shoulder.

“If it’s okay, it’s not Carl Youngsik…”

I didn’t have the confidence to look at Marghetta.

“Can I call you Carl?”

I didn’t even want to let go.

“Sure, Carl.”

“One more time.”

“Yes, Carl.”

It’s selfish, too selfish.

“If Carl wants it, if he likes it, I’ll call him that.”

So you should try not to be ashamed of yourself.

Marghetta’s shoulders got a little damp as she buried her face.