224 – Four Swords (5)
As I returned to the dormitory drenched in rain, Trisha, who was sitting by my window, looked at me with concern.
“You’re back?”
“Yeah.”
“But, Damian, what’s wrong?”
“…What is?”
“Are you feeling down?”
I had a terrible day, but I didn’t want to show it to the people around me. I was the only one who needed to feel down. I tried to act like nothing was wrong, but Trisha seemed to notice that I was feeling depressed.
“No, I’m just cold and tired. Can you help me get changed?”
“…I’ll help you!”
Trisha clung to me and forcefully pulled off my wet coat.
“It’s okay….”
“What are friends for! I’ll take care of this, so go wash up!”
She took my coat and ran off somewhere.
“….”
I packed up Priscilla, and grabbed my wooden sword as well. The wooden sword still hadn’t changed, even when I held it.
And then I went to the bathroom and soaked myself in ice-cold water that hadn’t even been heated up.
For a moment, I savored the cooling sensation on my head, reflecting on what Calliope had said.
I couldn’t outright deny his claim, but I couldn’t accept it as it was.
The mages I had encountered directly were not the absolutely selfish beings Calliope described.
However, if I truly wanted to erase Liza, it might be easier to take Calliope’s words at face value.
***
Knock, knock.
Late at night, as I was about to turn off the candle and head to bed, Trisha knocked on my door.
Before I could even respond, she was rattling the doorknob as if it were her own room. But the door wouldn’t open because I had locked it.
“Damian, are you asleep?”
I unlatched the lock and opened the door. Trisha, clad in her nightgown, stood before me.
“Why are you here if you’re not going to sleep?”
“Damian, you never used to lock your door…”
“I was in the middle of something important.”
“I think I left my script in here. Can I come in for a sec?”
I opened the door wider and stepped aside slightly.
Trisha squeezed in and retrieved the script I had stashed under my dresser.
Then, glancing at me briefly, she bypassed me and headed straight for my bed.
She got under the covers, leaving only her face exposed.
“Okay! You can close the door now!”
“…”
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“I’ll be good.”
“Fine, go to sleep! This time, it’s Damian’s turn to sleep on the floor.”
“…”
Fatigue washed over me, and I ignored Trisha and got into bed.
The girl lying in the middle of the bed scooted over, her body tensing up.
“What’s wrong, Damian? Are you really not feeling well?”
“No. I’m fine.”
“You’re not going to roll me up in the blanket and throw me into my room tonight, are you?”
“I already told you. I’m tired. Stop being weird and go to sleep.”
Trisha’s lips formed a pout.
“How can I sleep when my friend is in such a bad mood?”
“I’m fine, I said.”
Trisha suddenly sat up, her voice sharp.
“You just keep getting hurt when you’re left alone, and then you get hurt again when I nurse you back to health, and you keep getting hurt when you’re upset, so how can I possibly rest easy!”
“…”
Then, she lay back down, facing me.
“I can’t let you sneak out in the middle of the night. I’ll watch you until you fall asleep!”
Had I been too indifferent? Trisha was always the one taking care of me when I got hurt, but I had never fully appreciated it.
“…Do you mind if I put my swords on the bed?”
“Do whatever you want.”
Priscilla was placed between me and Trisha, who kept her under control. And the wooden sword was placed under her.
“Why did you have to put that between us?”
“There wasn’t anywhere else to put it.”
“It’s just like you. If you cross that line, everything’s mine!”
“We used to do this a lot when we were kids.”
“I’ve never done it, I’ve only heard stories from my friends.”
“Why?”
“Obviously because I didn’t have anyone to do it with. Who did you do it with?”
“…A childhood friend.”
“Who?”
“If I tell you their name, you’ll deny it.”
Trisha didn’t say anything for a while. Just when I thought she had fallen asleep, she opened her mouth.
“…Liza?”
“What?”
“I said Liza. Is that it? Liza Pasta!”
I suddenly woke up. I never imagined I’d hear that name from Trisha’s mouth.
“How do you know that?”
Trisha’s eyes widened at once.
“Why are you so surprised? Liza’s my childhood friend?”
“You… really…”
My head started spinning as I tried to figure out what was going on.
“When you were sick before, you kept calling her name in your sleep, so I thought it was someone I knew!”
“I did?”
“Yeah.”
“…”
“What does Liza do? How close were you?”
Why on earth did I call her name in my sleep? I didn’t want anyone to know about her. I wished this situation would never happen, not even in death.
“We’re not close anymore.”
“Then why did you call her name so desperately?”
“I never called her name like that.”
“Anyway!”
“…”
“Why? Why? Why did you call her name?”
Trisha’s innocence had never been so painful.
“She ran away with my first work.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.”
“Then why did you call her name when we held hands?”
Just when I thought I had escaped, she threw a lasso as if she had been waiting for this. What on earth did I see in my sleep?
“What?”
“Interlocking fingers… I mean, that wasn’t me. You grabbed my hand while you were sleeping and called me that name.”
“I don’t sleep-talk like that.”
I guess I’ll have to sleep with my mouth shut from now on.
“You did! I heard you clearly.”
“…I must have just blurted it out. Is it really that important?”
I quickly turned my back on her, afraid of what she might ask next.
Then Trisha reached out and grabbed my clothes tightly.
“Were you closer to Lisa than me?”
“Why are you comparing me to someone from the past?”
“Just tell me if you were close.”
“……Yes.”
Trisha’s breathing stopped. It was so quiet, it felt like time had stopped for a moment.
“Were you and Lisa in love?”
Women’s intuition can be frighteningly accurate at times.
“No.”
“…Liar.”
“I’m not lying.”
At least in my world, that statement was true.
“Between Lisa and me, who is your closer friend?”
Not who are you closer to or who do you like better, but who is your closer friend. What was Trisha trying to confirm?
“Of course it’s you. Why are you asking?”
Trisha tugged at my clothes again.
“I’m the one who takes care of you all night and cherishes you, and I’m the one who suffers and hurts when you call out another person’s name… I was taken aback… and I was so angry!”
Trisha suddenly kicked off the covers and got out of bed, as if she still had some unresolved emotions.
“Go to sleep. And if Damian sneaks out at night and gets hurt again, we’re over. Forever!”
With that, she stormed out of my room.
***
Same time yesterday. Calliope was sitting on the tombstone, just like that time. Fortunately, he wasn’t fumbling through suspicious documents like yesterday.
“Are you still unable to communicate?”
He was asking if there had been any change in my relationship with Priscilla.
“Yes.”
There was still no progress with Priscilla. But on the bright side, my wooden sword had returned to normal after I woke up.
“Well, have you sorted out your feelings?”
“…No.”
“I appreciate your honesty.”
“What are you going to do today?”
Calliope got off the tombstone and walked towards me. Then he pulled out the wooden sword that was hanging from my belt.
“This is getting in the way, so I’ll put it aside for now.”
“Are you going to teach me unarmed combat?”
“No, I’m going to peel the old grease off your mind.”
Kalios tossed my wooden sword aside.
“My mind is fine.”
“No, your mind is rotten. Your soul, to be exact, is rotting away. Old impurities are blocking the channels, preventing what should be flowing, circulating, from doing so, and they’re rotting.”
“….”
“That’s why it overflows when it rains, when it snows, when it hails, even when the sun shines! You’re a mess.”
“…You seem to know my mind better than I do.”
“Any examiner who can’t see the soul of the person they’re facing should be buried in the ground.”
“…What should I do. Perform a purification ritual or something?”
“No. I’m going to teach you how to breathe.”
“…Is that the name of the ritual?”
“It’s how you breathe.”
“….”
I doubted my ears. I hadn’t expected much, but I thought I’d learn something more…well, more than this.
“In another sense, it’s called meditation. Have you ever done it before?”
As a child, I had learned meditation as part of the prayer method at the Temple of Akates.
“Yes.”
“Then it’ll be a little easier.”
“But I don’t know what meditation will do.”
“It’s essential for those who train with the sword.”
“If I master meditation, will I become a sage? Always wearing a gentle smile, forgiving sinners and understanding them, that sort of thing.”
Kalios screwed up his eyes.
“That would at least make you look cool. What kind of meditation did you learn?”
“I learned to close my eyes, breathe regularly, and receive the energy of the magnificent universe that the gods created, cleansing my mind.”
Unlike those teachings, I had never actually experienced any significant effects.
“That’s too grandiose.”
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“….”
“Sit down comfortably.”
Kalios sat down on the floor. I sat down on the floor, following him.
“You can open your eyes, but it’ll be easier to concentrate if you close them. You can lie down if you can avoid falling asleep.”
I closed my eyes while sitting.
“Close your eyes and breathe.”
“That’s it?”
“Forget the teachings that tell you to inhale for a certain number of seconds and exhale for a certain number of seconds. Breathe as your body wants to breathe, and concentrate on that.”
I relaxed as he said and breathed slowly.
Then, for some reason, Trisha’s words from last night came to mind.
“All sorts of thoughts will rush into the empty space in your mind. That’s natural. Don’t force them out. Just think, ‘Oh, a thought has come,’ and let it pass. Then concentrate on your breathing again.”
“….”
“I know what you want to say. You want to ask what the hell this meditation is supposed to do for you. This isn’t some grand act. Forget the half-baked teachings. This won’t make you a sage beyond reproach. Even if you meditate, you’ll still laugh, cry, get angry, get sad, get jealous, get scared, and feel all the beautiful and ugly human emotions just the same. You’ll be exactly who you are.”
Meditation was much simpler than I had thought.
“The only difference is that you can observe those emotions from a distance. You can see the joy when they’re happy, and the anger when they’re furious.”
Kalios was answering the question I wanted to know, as if he had read my mind.
“When you learn to look at yourself completely, you’ll be able to see others.”
“…”
Kalios took a deep breath with me.
“When you’re able to observe others, you’ll be able to take a step closer to the realm of mastery.”
sometimes trisha can really be a bit annoying.