Chapter 134
Chapter 25 Germination (3)
‘It was scary.’
I already had a history of failure.
At the cost of that failure, the twins grew up too quickly.
The beginning was learning how to pay attention to adults and hide it rather than show it.
‘I haven’t complained about side dishes since sometime.’
It wasn’t that I didn’t want to do it, but I started looking for things I could do.
I’ll never forget the first time the kids did my laundry.
The twins were then eleven years old.
In fact, such a change was only natural.
‘Because I couldn’t take responsibility for raising and raising children by myself.’
But even though I knew it was natural, I didn’t feel comfortable.
It’s also because I’ve watched that uncomfortable change that I can’t dare to do it again.
Because I know that it is practically impossible for me to protect children’s innocence.
In the end, it is the same as trying to withdraw from fear of repeated failure.
“under.”
When he faced his cowardly intentions head-on, bitter self-condemnation flowed out.
Still, I couldn’t help but stretch out my hand.
Sometimes there is a wall that is so far away that you are not even allowed to look up at it, and you know better than anyone else that that is the reality.
I’ve experienced it myself.
The reality of not budging even when I scream and struggle, and the terrible sense of helplessness that engulfs me by standing by that reality.
‘Especially in Bihar, it’s even more impossible.’
We’re at war with monsters we don’t even know the origins of.
Is it possible to protect the innocence of a child in a world like this?
It would be better to help them realize the reality as soon as possible.
In reality, it is advantageous to live harshly, coldly and selfishly.
It’s better to roll your head and stimulate the sympathy of an adult than to convey this kind of pure gratitude.
that’s the reality
‘What is innocence in a place like that?’
I can’t protect the innocence of those children.
‘There’s no need to play a game you’re sure to lose.’
How is that different from the ephemeral life of a moth rushing into the light?
My head, which quickly calculated, urged me to make my choice, and it was not difficult to put that choice into practice.
The children said their prepared greetings and I received them.
So just get up like this, turn your back on the children, and go on my way. It was really easy.
But when I opened my closed eyes again, I couldn’t make it that easy.
“uh… … .”
Because I saw Ilena looking at me with an uneasy look.
My hand moved freely and stroked Ilena’s hair.
“It’s good that you’re okay.”
It came out a little locked, but it was a fairly normal voice.
It would have been enough even if I had only gone there.
“If something happens, tell the priests and contact them. Please tell Kay.”
“… … yes?”
“It doesn’t matter if I call you when I’m bored.”
He omitted the detailed explanation of the homepage, and just told me that there was a way to send and receive a conversation right away.
Then the anxiety disappeared from Ilena’s face, and a bright smile bloomed instead.
“yes!”
I know what I’m doing is a stupid choice.
As long as reality exists, I will fail again, and I will struggle with helplessness as a reward for dreaming of the impossible.
Even knowing that, I felt sorry for myself for jumping in.
But even though I knew it was inefficient and stupid, I couldn’t turn it back.
Therefore, all that is left for me now is to grit my teeth and run harder so as not to repeat the failures of the past.
This time, please, hoping that the outcome of this stupid choice made by the heart, not the head, will change.
I chewed on another name for this foolish choice.
What those who struggle against the impossible dream of.
Knowing what will happen but believing that the next time might be different without letting go of the lingering attachment.
People call it hope.
* * *
The contract for the building to be used as the party’s base has not yet been concluded.
I returned to Bennett’s mansion with the party members with all my complicated feelings.
“Are you home, Mr. Kay?”
The one who greeted us was the sub-butler with the second highest rank after Chentler.
It’s because Chentler, who went to his hometown, hasn’t returned yet.
According to the sub-deacon, Rashar, the owner of the Hani Mansion, was away for a church meeting, and for some reason, Belta didn’t visit either.
Thanks to that, the mansion was quiet, unlike usual.
From nob le mt l dot com
Judging by the awkwardness of the silence, it seems that I have gotten used to life here.
The sub-deacon asked, when he recalled that fact and was overcome with strange feelings.
“Can I prepare a meal for you?”
Thanks to returning right after the victory ceremony in the morning, it was just lunch time.
After returning, we talked about having personal maintenance time beforehand.
‘I think it’s better to solve it once and spend the rest of the time separately.’
I was going to go hunting right away anyway, so going up and down was cumbersome.
After thinking for a while, I looked back at the party members and said,
“I think it would be comfortable to eat and go up, what would you like?”
“It’s ridiculous to ask to be taken to another room when we’re together.”
“I am meat, unconditionally meat!”
It was unanimous. We headed to the private room and waited for the food to be served.
In the meantime, I decided to organize the rewards I got this time.
‘Shall we organize intangible rewards first?’
Some of the main scenario rewards have not been received yet, so you should check them out.
‘Something like fame or achievements are received automatically when a message pops up.’
For magic, I tend to choose the one that gives more elemental magic.
‘Next, God bless.’
Yang Tae-ho and Kim Yul automatically received the protection of the gods to which they belonged.
Like priests and paladins, he could officially use the power of God once.
Originally, I should have been given Palao’s blessing.
‘Is it a draw again?’
I got roulette.
‘I think it’s because of the nature of being a token of alliance.’
After the random box that I have been collecting through continuous synthesis, I am going to draw again.
‘He continues to do unkind things.’
Isn’t this roulette, as well as the random box, a system based on luck rather than effort?
It wasn’t my preferred type, but I couldn’t throw it away, so I pressed the draw button.
road road road road road.
The cheap sound effects, as well as the flashing effects, were all annoying.
However, when I saw the letters that came out of the end, my eyes were opened involuntarily.
[Meferoseta’s Authority 1 Voucher]
I stared at the voucher in my hand with the bright light.
“Meferoseta… … .”
Meferoseta is a church that players prophesied to come.
As soon as I brought up the questions related to the name, my head quickly became a commotion.
‘The trust came down about a year and five months ago.’
However, the number I heard in my first conversation with the system was two years.
‘You said that you were planning to connect to the server two years ago.’
However, because the 7 gods missed something, they couldn’t use the existing gate.
I haven’t had a conversation with the system since then, so I couldn’t ask what the 7 gods were missing.
But I remembered the number clearly.
‘If the server was planned to be connected two years ago, it means that the 7 Gods and the system signed an alliance before that.’
But why did the oracle say that I would come after that?
Moreover, it was not God who gave that oracle, but the apostle of Mepheroseta.
‘The 7 gods should know everything about the alliance, so why didn’t they tell each church and let the apostles speak?’
What if that apostle couldn’t see the future of my coming?
According to what I’ve heard, Mepheroseta’s power is not the power to see exactly what you want.
If we had been able to select and view the information we wanted in the first place, Bihar would not have ended up like this.
‘I explained that I see what I need to see, but… … .’
As long as future information could not be selected, it was safe to say that it was random.
Of course, an apostle who can use the power of God without limit will be able to see more futures.
‘An apostle has no restrictions on power, but there are side effects.’
The priest of Mepheroseta may reveal the future he saw through his authority.
It was because I was using the power that I had already paid the price for.
However, various restrictions are attached to the apostles who use the power of God without such a causal process.
As a representative example, the apostle of Meferoseta dies if he reveals the future he saw.
Lashar once explained the phenomenon in the way that Meferoseta was punished for violating the rules of temperance.
Since authority is a power that ignores cause and effect, it puts restrictions on those who use that power without divinity.
That is only half the correct explanation.
‘It’s not Meferotheta punishing for violating the rule of moderation, it’s more like causality intervening and eliminating it.’
It also means that the apostles must always live vigilantly against the law of cause and effect.
However, Rashar, the apostle of Palao, knows that the intervention of the law of cause and effect is God’s punishment.
‘The results are similar.’
It is not clear whether the punishment was directly mentioned by the seven gods or a misunderstanding accumulated over time.
However, I was able to get a glimpse of the true intentions of the 7 gods in the fact that they did not actively explain.
I was about to give an accurate explanation to Rashar in relation to that, but I stopped.
It was because he was not sure that the truth was a choice for Rashar.
‘I’ll find out that I’ve been tricked by the gods I believe in and follow.’
If Rashar wanted to know, wouldn’t he know? If not, wouldn’t it be nothing more than a revelation for my own self-satisfaction?
Maybe it’s low-key retaliation.
‘Because I hate the 7 gods.’
The desire to strike the back of the head of those who treated raw meat as a shield always exists in the back of my mind.
As a result, the subject related to the seven gods could not completely exclude my feelings.
As a result, hesitation remained.
I will not be the first to speak on the subject unless the hesitation in question disappears.
I shook my head as if to brush off my thoughts.
‘First of all, write the authority.’
It is better to know something than not to know.
I just used the ticket I had in my hand.
Soon, the vision was distorted, and the earth and sky were reversed.
The balance of the body was broken along with the feeling of floating as if riding a roller coaster.
“Sigh.”
The moment when I covered my mouth with my hand and closed my eyes with a disgusting feeling of vomiting.
The balance, which had been arbitrarily broken, was set right again, and the field of view became brighter.
Even though I closed my eyes, I saw a forest of buildings I had seen all my life.
Black smoke billowed above it, and screams rang in my ears.
-Giyaaaong!
strange cry.
-Pajijijik!
familiar spark.
– Seolgi!
-it’s crazy?! Do you want to see the way your eyes roll?! Come here now!
Kim Yul shouting with a ferocious expression, and the nostalgic shadow next to him.
As the calloused hand snatched the thin arm and pulled it into its bosom, lightning struck.
Soon after, the ground turned over again. Perhaps because I had experienced it once, the feeling of vomiting was not as severe as before.
When I gently crinkled my brows, I straightened my balance.
Then, Yang Tae-ho, who had a scar that started on his left cheek and extended to his lips, appeared.
– Ahhh, you’re here again.
And there was a man standing in front of Yang Tae-ho, who had a strange wound.
‘Apostle?’
His eyes were golden.
Since there is no symbol, it means that he is an apostle, a priest immediately after using his divine protection, or a holy knight.
‘… … His physique is like that of a knight.’
I wanted to take a closer look, but I didn’t have time for that.
It’s because the earth and sky turned upside down before I even looked closely at the man.
A moment later, when a new scene filled his field of vision, all accidents stopped.
The golden-eyed man I saw earlier was twitching his tongue and bowing down.
-Hey, he seems like a very sensitive guy.
He groaned with his brow furrowed.
– They make me do the dirty work. Damn you. What if it’s God?
Then, he picked up the one lying on the floor.
As soon as I could see the face of a man drooping over the shoulder of a stranger, the earth and sky returned to their original places.
As soon as my balance returned to normal, I opened my eyes.
‘what… … .’
The person the man with golden eyes carried on his back was definitely me.