24 – Feeling guilty and miserable
“Isn’t Professor Plum really weird, Brown?”
It’s hard to explain, but anyway it was strange. There was no reason for him to take the time out to teach me magic.
Moreover, I had been so rude to the professor from the first day. Despite our bad first impression, the professor seemed to be particularly kind to me.
What could be the reason? Like he once told me, had he been indebted to my father, and was taking extra care with me because of that?
I’m not sure. But it felt strange to ask, ‘Why are you so good to me?’. It seemed overly sensitive…a bit too self-conscious.
“Hah…”
I pulled Brown close and lay down on the bed. What could it be?
I couldn’t understand why I was feeling so unsettled. Thoughts of the starlight, the sunset, and Professor Plum smiling underneath them, kept coming to my mind.
They still came to me even when I was tormented with guilt, and continued to do so even after I pushed that guilt away.
I guess maybe it’s because I can’t get a handle on it. He’s so different from anyone I’ve ever known, which might be why he left such a deep impression.
I’m supposed to meet Professor Plum tomorrow evening. He said he would personally teach me magic at the private training ground.
It’s a secret from the other students.
Learning magic directly from Professor Plum is certainly a good thing.
But something…
“Isn’t it like a romance novel…?”
Among the maids working at the Ruskin King’s mansion, there was a sister named Dalia who liked to gossip and chat with me. I heard she’s a daughter of the Brown Earl… I’m not sure.
Dalia used to come to me often when I was living in the Ruskin King’s mansion and tell me various stories.
Among them were stories about romance novels that are popular among noblewomen.
I recall it contained a rather salacious material. I hadn’t read it myself, but thanks to my sister Dalia, those details were imprinted in my mind.
Suddenly, those memories began to resurface vividly.
A romance novel set at an academy. A male professor who secretly calls out the female protagonist, a student of the academy, for private, clandestine lessons. Starlight. An intensifying atmosphere. An awkward tension hanging between the two.
And then, the two of them crossing a line….
“No, no, that can’t be right… A novel is just a novel… Right, Brown?”
That reminded me.
Didn’t Professor Plum used to write… in the past?
There was something emotive about his speech and demeanor…
Ah, I don’t know why I’m recalling this sort of thing.
All I have to do is learn magic from Professor Plum. Nothing else should happen.
I hugged Brown tightly, hugging so firmly Brown’s stitches might burst, and buried my face in deep.
My face felt so hot I thought I might need to cool down a bit.
“Sigh…”
This was all Dalia’s fault.
If she hadn’t told me about that indecent romance novel, my face wouldn’t be flaming like this.
And.
My heart wouldn’t be racing this much either.
Probably.
*
During the Basic Magic Theory lecture.
Fortunately, today went without interference from other professors swarming in to disrupt the class. It seems submitting a concise paper outlining ‘Magic Principles,’ upon the department head’s request, proved to be effective.
Seeing the students looking at me with their bright eyes lifted my spirits. Their expressions were filled with anticipation. Such was their love for learning that they truly deserved to be called the geniuses of the continent.
Had these kids been born on Earth, would they have studied solely from textbooks and aimed for Seoul National University?
I couldn’t help but think that.
I cleared my throat with a loud “ahem” and, picking up the chalk, began to speak.
“Last time, we learned about the structure of magic circles, yes? You might be expecting to continue with ‘Demon Magic,’ but this time, I’d like to talk a bit about standard magic circles.”
No matter how diligently I explained about the intricacies of demonic magic conversions, the magic that students could actually use was ultimately bound to the existing theories. These kids weren’t half-demons like me.
That’s why there was a need to teach the basics. After all, the very name of the course was ‘Basic’ Magic Theory.
“Most of you are probably magicians capable of manifesting magic already. Some of you may aspire to become scholars who solely research the ‘theory’ of magic. Is there anyone here who failed to register for the right course and ended up in this lecture by mistake? Show of hands, please?”
A student half-raised their hand then hesitated and dropped it back down.
Nobody else raised their hand, and it seemed a bit awkward that he was the only one to do so. Looking at his build, perhaps he aspired to be a knight?
I managed a light smile and continued speaking.
“I see. Regardless of whether you’re aspiring to be a knight or a merchant, familiarizing yourself with a few basic regular magic circles can be very beneficial in the course of your life. One of the greatest advantages of magic lies within its versatility. Now, class will begin. There are two main types of universal magic circles…”
The students responded with clear reluctance, which was evident.
Despite that, the atmosphere quickly elevated when I demonstrated a few magic techniques created from converting demon magic intermittently. It seems like visual examples help them focus better.
The lecture seemed to end quite smoothly.
As soon as the lecture ended and the materials were organized and the professor’s meeting at the academy was attended, and all the other various jobs were finished…
Before I knew it, it was time to teach magic to Roza.
I moved to the agreed training hall where Roza had been waiting for me.
“Ah, Miss Roza, have I kept you waiting?”
“No, it’s not that! I just came too early.”
Roza was wearing a shawl over the academy’s uniform instead of her usual comfortable training outfit.
Her face looked a bit red, perhaps due to the evening sunset.
Or is it cold? It was a little chilly outside. She seemed to shiver slightly which is why she wore the shawl.
“I apologize for keeping you waiting. Is it a bit cold outside? Let’s go in.”
“Yes!”
There were public training fields and personal training fields in the training hall. The personal training fields usually required reservation in advance but almost no one used the professor-specific personal training field, so it was quite available without reservation.
After writing ‘special education’ for the purpose, we entered. Roza, following behind, seemed a little startled at the word ‘special education’, though I’m not sure why.
Is she feeling guilty about getting special privileges in secret?
Anyway, she was a very honest and pure child.
“In fact, I thought a lot last night. What to teach Miss Roza… I thought about it all night.”
“Oh, did you…?”
“Yes. I wanted to gift Miss Roza a meaningful and wonderful time.”
“It means exactly what I said.”
“Yesterday, didn’t you say that you wanted feedback on your teaching…?”
“Ah. That was a lie.”
“Huh?!”
If I simply said I would only teach magic to Roza, honest Roza would refuse.
I just thought she wouldn’t reject if I asked for her help from my side. Actually, there wasn’t much meaning in student feedback as I received it every day through the suggestion box.
“Miss Rosa seems… too tense. Always so stiff, and… bound by duty, should I say?”
“Me, I, I mean, it’s not that I’m, no, not exactly….”
“You’re still young, so it’s okay to be a little more relaxed and enjoy the moment. You don’t have to live so earnestly either. After all, Miss Rosa is no longer a child.”
“Hmm…. Well, that’s….”
“Why not entrust me with just a little of your time each day?”
“Could you… please be gentle….”
“Then, let’s start with practicing the standard magic circle we learned today.”
“…Excuse me?”
Rosa was an extremely dedicated student. Her magical ability was also among the highest of her peers.
But Rosa’s magic was born of a desire for revenge against the demonkind. She studied spells with an intensity that veered into aggression.
That fact was somewhat disheartening. Magic was… too beautiful to be employed merely as a weapon.
I wanted to teach this to Rosa.
“Let’s think of magic as a toy just for today – a wonderful toy that can become anything.”
“….”
From Noble mtl dot com
“Miss Rosa? Are you listening?”
“Hm, hmph… Whyyy….”
“…Miss Rosa?”
Why was she suddenly crying?
Did I make a mistake? Perhaps I pushed her too hard.
For Rosa, vengeance and duty were practically her principles of action. She might have felt I was denying them.
Though I thought the burdens she carried were too heavy.
To her, those burdens might have constituted her entire being.
Should I have approached more carefully?
“Huuuck… hic, this is all… because of Sister Dahlia… I really hate it…. Whyyy….”
“It’s okay to cry as much as you want. Let it all out until you feel better. I will wait.”
“I am… really worthless….”
“Miss Rosa is not worthless at all. There’s nothing wrong with you, so it’s okay. Please don’t blame yourself.”
“Huu, it’s, it’s okay… snuff, let’s stop… Professor Plum… I just… want to be alone for a bit….”
“I’m sorry. It appears I lacked consideration for Miss Rosa. But remember it’s okay to lean on others when things get tough, okay?”
“It’s not like that… please, just stop….”
Sniffling through her tears, Rosa suddenly began to push me away with a voice that seemed to vomit up her indignation. Then, abruptly, she started to thump my arm with her fist. It didn’t hurt.
“Miss Rosa. Be strong. Everything will be okay.”
“H-huhhh…”
Ah.
That actually hurt quite a bit.
Did I make another mistake…?