112 – Grand Duke of Ilencia (6)
[November 20, 272 in the Ethelmar calendar]
Three days have passed since the invasion of Demon King Eligos.
Despite dissuasion that it was dangerous, he headed directly to the front line.
Luckily, Sir Arjen is next to him.
Still, the battlefield is a place where nothing strange happens.
I couldn’t help but be worried.
It would be better if we went to the safe rear together.
I couldn’t say these words in front of others. He is the head of Ilencia, and I am the wife of such a man.
As it was something I was determined to do someday, I couldn’t let my weak heart hold him back.
I couldn’t express these feelings anywhere, so I decided to write a diary.
What I am most worried about are the children.
Count Roxen said he would take responsibility and take him to a safe place, but since he was not visible right away, his mind was wavering.
Is it a mother’s heart to want to keep her children in her arms?
I guess I have no choice but to pray to God now.
Sirien, Therion. Please be safe.
[November 26, 272 in the Ethelmar calendar]
Seven days have passed since the invasion of Demon King Eligos.
The atmosphere in the camp was not good.
Sir Arjen was injured. This was because he had a direct fight with the demon king Eli Goss.
The Demon King seemed to have been defeated more cruelly, but his victory ended with only scars.
The future was the problem.
Sir Arjen, our most important force, was injured, so we had no choice but to manage our military cautiously.
In an unexpected moment, I could no longer rely on the man who would always bring me victory.
There was one more problem.
Eligos’ attacks are overly sharp and lethal. It was as if they had been told where to attack.
He said that if things go wrong, the corps he leads could be surrounded by the enemy.
We came to the conclusion that there was a traitor within the family.
The rear was no longer safe.
He told me to go back to my parents’ house.
Now that things were like this, I wanted to take the children with me, but Count Roxen was against it.
If you follow me and track the children’s location, I don’t know what enemies will come out.
Nowadays, it is important for everyone to survive.
I couldn’t put the children in danger with my greed.
The day felt as long as a year.
I miss my children. Enough to do business.
[January 1, 273 in the Ethelmar calendar]
The new year dawned while I was at my parents’ house.
While I was here, there wasn’t a single day that I didn’t think about my children.
I started knitting because I felt like I would go crazy if I stayed still.
It was very awkward because it was something I had heard before.
Because quite a bit of time has passed, I have become so used to it.
Gloves for Therion who often goes outside.
I made a sweater for Sirien, who hates the cold.
I wanted to give it as a New Year’s gift, but I couldn’t find the children to give it to.
Our Sirien looks really good in red. I really wanted to see you wearing this sweater.
I even wanted to see a happy face saying that it was a gift.
He is the child with the brightest smile in the world.
Is Therion doing well? Wouldn’t she bother Sirien again?
Still, since Rajen has that child, he will be by her side and protect her well.
The images of children kept flashing before my eyes.
[January 24, 273 in the Ethelmar calendar]
After Lord Arjen sacrificed his life to force him and his family’s core forces to retreat, there was a massive counterattack.
As the head of the family of Ilencia, he mobilized all his family’s power to put pressure on the Demon King.
As a result, the demon king Eligos was defeated.
Two of the collateral families that had betrayed were not spared extinction.
Now I can finally see her and her children’s faces!
I can give you gifts that were just piling up.
In times like these, I also have to be strong.
[January 25, 273 in the Ethelmar calendar]
The news that was sent late has finally arrived.
He. My husband died.
A person who appears blunt but is actually kind.
A man who was so cowardly that he even hesitated to approach me out of fear that he might hurt me has died.
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Not only does he not show it in front of others, he is even afraid of blood from a paper cut.
How painful was it? How scary was it? How lonely was it again?
I’m sorry for not being by your side. I should have been there for you.
Now all I have left are my children.
[February 12, 273 in the Ethelmar calendar]
Even after her husband died, she did not see her children.
Even before the funeral was over, Count Roxen revealed his true colors.
He threatened me using my children as an excuse.
He told them to cooperate with him if they did not want to see the bodies of the two children.
They said he dared say something terrible and they threw everything they could get their hands on and chased him away.
But I knew. That I have no alternative.
If you want to save the children, you will have to accept Count Roxen’s offer.
If I thought of even the slightest wound on the children’s bodies, I felt like my courage would collapse.
If my children had been held hostage from the beginning, would they have warmed themselves properly on this cold day?
Was the winter that cold?
I’m sorry that this mother can’t do anything.
It’s all my fault. It’s because I was incompetent and couldn’t protect you.
God, please take care of those children.
You can curse and punish this body a thousand and ten thousand times.
I will take on all the ups and downs and pain. Please let those children live happily.
[February 27, 273 in the Ethelmar calendar]
Count Roxen brought my children as doubles.
He couldn’t hold back his anger. He raised his sword and tried to kill him, but he was stopped by the knights.
After Sir Carlton took office, the knights of Reheim began to stop listening to me.
I need someone to help me with my work. We must bring the children who will become the real owners of this castle.
I started gathering people through articles I had known before.
No one can replace my children.
Even if my head falls to the ground, I will still be the mother of only those children.
[May 19, 273 in the Ethelmar calendar]
Failed.
I tried so hard to find my children, but I could not escape Count Roxen’s eyes.
All the knights who followed me were purged.
I was imprisoned in the castle without knowing what happened to the others.
Now the only people I could meet were a few maids.
There is no one who can protect my children.
Is he still alive as the Count says?
Sirien, Therion. There is no day that I miss you more than today.
Probably not as much as tomorrow. Tomorrow, it will hurt more every time I think of you.
[June 4, 273 in the Ethelmar calendar]
My body is sick.
Recently, I noticed that my coughing had become more frequent and blood came out.
I don’t know what the disease is.
Count Roxen called a doctor, but I refused to be examined.
Because it was a natural punishment for a mother who failed to protect her child.
[June 15, 273 in the Ethelmar calendar]
Unable to overcome the anger of the maids, I accepted the examination.
Even if I ended up like this, I couldn’t be cruel to the people next to me.
It was a pointless thing to do.
Even the doctor didn’t really know what kind of disease I had.
However, he told me to eat well and rest well in a warm place.
This is ridiculous. How could I do that?
How can I rest in peace when I don’t know where my poor little babies are and what’s going on?
I miss my children.
[January 1, 274 in the Ethelmar calendar]
Another new year has arrived.
The sweater I made last year caught my eye.
Now, even if you give me that as a gift, it’s too small to wear.
These children were growing up quickly, so they may have looked a lot different from what I remember.
I couldn’t even notice your growth.
Watching you grow up must have been your responsibility as a parent.
Is there ever a mother in this world as lacking as me?
You gave birth to the most adorable child in the world, but you couldn’t give him enough love.
I feel so sorry for myself that I can’t stand it.
[July 6, 274 in the Ethelmar calendar]
God punished me.
I started sleeping a lot. I thought it was because my body was weakening, but my memories gradually disappeared.
Sometimes I wonder where this place is. There were times when I even forgot who I was.
My dear, this is too cruel.
How can you take everything from me?
Were my children not enough?
I would have lost the whole world just for that, and now you are trying to take my memories with my children.
This is not enough.
Please. I know that those children were too much for me.
Still, it’s not as good as I remember.
If there is justice and laws in this world, this cannot happen.
When my children come to visit someday, I don’t want to make them cry, even if I have to show them my dead body.
Please have mercy just once.
[October 30, 276 in the Ethelmar calendar]
It’s been a while since I came to my senses.
I still couldn’t meet or save the children.
I can’t even remember the children’s faces anymore.
Why am I alive?
I thought my situation was no different from that of a corpse.
All that remains are memories like fragments.
I should leave my memories with my children in a diary, even if only a little bit.
So that you can look at it again and remember it.