8 – The Place I Want to Leave (4)
Most of the supplies brought by Count Roxon were essential items for living, such as food, everyday necessities, and clothes.
However, there were not only essential items. There were cards and books to pass the time, and there were also snacks that Sirien would enjoy, if not as good as what they had in the castle.
Thanks to that, the siblings were engrossed in searching for treasures in the boxes, forgetting the fact that they had been here for three months.
A sword came into my possession.
It was a familiar form of sword. A dull, ash-colored blade that did not reflect light. A simple guard and pommel with no frills. It was a sword that seemed to proclaim that being sharp and solid was all that mattered.
It wasn’t bad to wield, but my body was that of a twelve-year-old boy. It still felt a bit big and heavy for me.
This sword belonged to my father, Count Berthus.
It may sound like a meaningful sword left by a knight, but I’m not sure.
There was no rule that parents and children had to use the same sword. My sword was taught to me by my father, but our swords were clearly different.
As I sat and looked at the sword, I felt a strange gaze.
It was Sirien. It seemed she had looked at me while trying to eat her sweet roll with a happy heart.
When our eyes met, the fork heading towards her mouth paused for a moment.
“Do you, do you want some?”
“No. I saw some meat earlier, just call me when we eat that.”
“Okay!”
It wasn’t that I disliked sweet things. But if I ate that, I felt like I would be resented from deep within Sirien’s heart.
It was already a marvel that she willingly shared it. Sirien liked to eat cookies and the like together, but she was greedy for cakes.
It had been days since I had touched any sweet food. To Sirien’s eyes, that sweet roll must have been as precious as a cake.
‘Do I make her worry?’
My father’s death seemed to be weighing on the siblings’ atmosphere.
I am grateful for her consideration, but there’s no need to look out for me. I’m really okay. It seemed like if I kept sitting here, the atmosphere would become heavy, so I went upstairs.
Lying on the bed, the siblings’ voices began to be heard only after a few minutes had passed. It was a pleasant white noise, similar to the sound of birds chirping.
‘That man wasn’t a bad person.’
There weren’t many memories to hold onto.
Most of the time spent with my father was related to the sword. I learned the theories and trained. I think we sparred a lot.
After a sparring, we would gulp down water, cool down with cold water, and then head to the dining room to inhale some meat.
He was a good teacher, but whether he was a good parent, I wasn’t sure. He was such a blunt man that it seemed like we had never had a deep conversation. And since I had been an orphan in the world, I had no one to compare him to.
In the midst of various thoughts, I heard footsteps.
Tiptiptiptiptip. A light, childlike footsteps. However, the rhythmic, but not hurried, sound of footsteps climbing the wooden staircase. That sound was Sirien.
The princess with bread crumbs on her cheek suddenly lay down beside me. Our faces were quite close as we faced each other.
“Razen, do you want to eat this? I brought a few from downstairs.”
“What is it?”
“Dried apples. Try it. It’s delicious.”
The princess didn’t seem to care much about my opinion.
Her hand reached insistently toward my mouth. I had no choice but to accept and eat what she offered.
As expected, it tasted like apples.
“You’re not crying, are you?”
“Did you come here to tease me?”
Well, shoot. My reply came out a bit sharper than I intended.
There was no reason for that. Why did I act so touchy for no reason?
I felt guilty for potentially killing the mood. But to my surprise, Sirien smiled.
It was a fresh and beautiful smile.
“No, I came because I thought you might be crying.”
“I’m not crying.”
“Why?”
“Do I have to cry?”
“Hmm, I don’t know.”
Our eyes met. Directly.
Her eyes were a refreshing red hue.
In the novel, it was mentioned as ominous blood-red or dangerous-looking, but it was all nonsense.
There couldn’t be another such pretty eye-smile in this world. If the author had seen her like this, they couldn’t have described her that way.
“You know, I thought about it, and if our parents were to pass away, I think I’d be so sad. If that day comes, I’ll definitely cling to Razen and cry my heart out. I might cry so much that I drench all of Razen’s shirts.”
Sirien came a little closer.
The girl, who was smaller than me, hugged me with both arms. Her chest rose and fell with each breath, and the sound of her heartbeat echoed faintly.
The child who always snuggled and whined to me was now patting my back.
I heard her breathing. The breath entering her body, the slim breath leaving her.
A warm, small body temperature was felt through her breath.
“When I cry like that, I’d like Razen to comfort me like this. Hugging me and patting my back would be so nice. That’s why I’ll do it for you first. You are my one and only knight, after all. I can do it anytime for you.”
“…….”
“It’s alright to cry, and it’s alright not to cry. I think you should do whatever makes you feel at ease, Rajen.”
It was strange. The calm emotions suddenly began to waver.
Pointless memories resurfaced unexpectedly.
Trivial things. Nothing extraordinary.
Like when we crossed swords. If I pushed with force, my father’s sword would be repelled, and he would lift the corners of his mouth in surprise and delight.
The water we drank together tasted better than usual, and the water that cooled our bodies was incredibly refreshing. The meat from the restaurant had a profoundly deep and rich flavor.
I realized those unremarkable moments were now gone.
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The water I drank alone, the shoulder exercises I did alone, the meals I ate alone seemed to lose a little bit of flavor. Just a little.
Suddenly, I felt like I was the only one left in this world. The unexpected loneliness constricted my breath. My vision darkened and I felt suffocated.
It seemed like I couldn’t breathe properly. Even though I was breathing regularly, I had the weird sensation of continuous suffocation.
It was painful. The horrible agony would not let go of me, like a swamp.
What reached out to me in that state was a single soothing touch. The gentle pat on my back pulled me out of the swamp.
The reality I returned to was nothing extraordinary. It was just a cozy, old hut.
As I regained my senses, I noticed my eyes were hot and wet.
‘Ah, this…’
I had been crying.
I cried in front of this girl, who was younger than me and merely twelve years old, even though I retained memories of the present day.
It was mortifying beyond measure, but somehow, my heart felt at ease.
At least for today, I didn’t think I would be tormented again.
* * *
I must have fallen asleep without realizing it.
When I woke up, I was lying under the covers by myself. Based on the fading light outside, it seemed I had been asleep for at least two or three hours.
Siriene had slipped out earlier, and I could hear her murmuring downstairs. I could easily imagine her tucking me in and quietly leaving the room.
I was afraid to step outside the blanket.
Embarrassment washed over me as I remembered crying in front of Siriene. For me, the former sacrificial offering, it was unbearable shame.
If Siriene took advantage of this situation to make fun of me, I might have drawn my sword and committed suicide on the spot.
After all, a knight’s honor must be preserved…
I wanted to hide under the blanket forever, if I could.
But I couldn’t. My steps felt heavy.
“Did you sleep well?”
“Oh, you came down just in time. Come join us.”
Luckily, Siren didn’t tease me. Seeing her with a carefree smile on her face as if nothing was wrong was a relief.
By locking her own lips, our good-hearted and gentle princess saved my life.
“Were you playing catch the thief?”
“Yeah. We agreed that the last person would be punished.”
“Really? What’s the punishment?”
“Singing a song.”
“Good. Let’s wear out everyone’s voices.”
As soon as I approached, a seat was quickly made available.
It was arranged in the order of Terion, Hena, me, and Siren.
I shuffled the cards while I was at it. The cards were handed out to everyone, and I examined everyone’s expressions.
Terion couldn’t hide his playfulness. The corner of his mouth rose, but he consciously concealed it. It seemed he had gotten the Joker card.
Hena fumbled her cards with confusion. She didn’t seem familiar with card games, and her embarrassment was apparent. It seemed like she had a particularly bad hand.
Lastly, Siren was… a formidable opponent.
In the novel, Siren was portrayed as strong-willed and cold, with remarkable political acumen.
Her expressionless face was like a blank chasm that left no room for insight into her thoughts.
I didn’t expect her to show that aspect of herself, but I thought she might have a solid poker face befitting a woman who had been in charge of politics and psychological warfare.
And my guess was not wrong.
It was just different from what I had imagined.
Her unwavering smile made it impossible to know what she was thinking.
Was it because she had a good hand? No, it didn’t seem like that.
Siren kept her smile even when she came in last…