216 – 41. Kim Ha-neul and Kim Ha-neul
The time when the revived Namgoong Min blew away the emperor.
Unlike the dungeon where blood and battles were rampant, the princess’s palace was extremely quiet.
This was because the princess, who had blown a hole from the dungeon to the ground with a single punch, was silent.
“……………….”
“……………….”
An extremely awkward silence continues.
Eunha takes the lead, and Kim Ha-neul follows.
It is still dark in the early morning, and the princess’s palace is filled with silence except for the vibrations from underground.
But they weren’t the only ones here.
‘…… Five in the garden, three on the ceiling, twenty surrounding them…… Rather, considering my brother’s position, I came less.’
Kim Seong-il, I know that your brother also went underground. Because there’s no way I wouldn’t go as long as Namgoong Min is involved.
However, unlike her, Kim Seong-il is the next emperor of the Korean Empire, and naturally, getting her hurt in some way could be a serious problem.
Taking that into account, it seemed like they had brought in the imperial family’s most elite bodyguards…… Still, even if you look around with the spirit of , You can feel that there are only about 30 people.
It may be a carefully selected elite number of people, but if they really wanted to protect my brother’s safety, at least a hundred people would have moved.
It was clear that my brother had probably pushed me to do it.
And that………
‘…… ‘It’s a useless consideration.’
Did he consider his father and the emperor? Or was it out of consideration for her younger sister?
I don’t know what he’s thinking, but now I’m grateful for his consideration.
Perhaps it was her brother’s order that she only hid around the princess’s palace, and since no one entered the building itself, Eunha slowly walked around the palace.
“……………….”
Everywhere is a memory, everywhere is pain.
I remember playing tag with my mother when I was young and didn’t really understand .
Although it is a warm memory for her.
At the same time, her mother, who was ‘caught’ by her daughter, suffered a fractured arm.
Nevertheless, her mother, Kim Ha-neul, endured the pain and smiled. It was like that.
“…I remember. I often played tag with you right here.”
“……………….”
“I couldn’t tell you when you were little… But your hands really hurt.”
As if reading the galaxy’s thoughts.
Or like sharing memories with the galaxy.
Kim Ha-neul naturally talked about her memories of that day.
“You’ve grown a lot, Eunha.”
“……………….”
“Really, really…Excellent.”
I didn’t look back. That’s why Kim Ha-neul’s face is not visible.
She trembled for a moment, but then she just kept walking as if nothing was wrong.
Even though there was no response from her, Kim Ha-neul smiled kindly.
…… It seemed like that was the case.
“……………….”
Go through the small door. This is a really familiar door. Just a little while ago, I entered the dungeon through that door.
Now it’s just a dusty room.
That was the room where she stayed as a child.
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Did he notice the gaze that was inadvertently directed towards the door?
Kim Ha-neul opened her mouth again.
“It’s been a while. Is your room still dirty?”
“……………….”
“It was a struggle to clean the room every day. There was no problem in having a housekeeper do it…But it was my daughter’s room and I wanted to clean it myself.”
I know. This is a fact that even Eunha knows.
A minor secret is that the Empress herself cleans her daughter’s room in this secret palace of the princess, without asking anyone to do so.
That’s…… Was this a fact that Kim Ha-neul, a collateral royal family member, could have known?
“……….”
My mother, Empress Kim Ha-neul, treated the collateral royal family member with the same name kindly.
She often met and played with him, and she told him all kinds of stories, she heard.
Was there something about cleaning the room yourself in that story?
Do the collateral royal family members remember all the little stories they heard when they were young?
“……………….”
I had no regrets about visiting. She only glanced at him for a moment, but Eunha passed by her room without hesitation.
Passing by her memories. Past memories. Pass by the past
She pretended to be fine on the outside and like nothing was wrong, but that wasn’t the case on the inside.
I feel confused, complicated, dizzy, curious, and suspicious.
All of that lights a fire in And makes it burn like firewood.
‘…… Self-control.’
The burning fire is extinguished at once.
It is an impulse that I would not have been able to handle or resist in the past. I did not understand the concept of holding back because it was like the primal instinct to breathe, eat, and sleep.
But now I know. Rather than knowing with my head, I understood with my heart.
Accepting
Is pain.
You may be satisfied at that moment, but you have to live in the pain of loss for a longer period of time.
It was a fortune teller who made me realize that.
The person who had Eunha’s back and was trustworthy more than anyone else in the world.
That’s why.
“……………….”
Kim Eun-ha was able to walk while maintaining the contradiction of her chaotic inner self and calm outer appearance.
But that also cannot continue forever.
Eunha knew that well.
She had no intention of continuing in the first place.
Tap.
“……This place.”
Just as Kim Ha-neul, who was following behind, muttered.
Finally, Eunha’s steps stopped at the widest place in the princess’s palace.
It is the largest and most worn-out place, with dust accumulating here and there.
When you open the main gate of the princess’s palace, the first thing you see…… Entrance.
The place is decorated with old chandeliers, all kinds of furniture, marble floors, and antique stairs leading to various parts of the princess’s palace.
There is a huge portrait of a woman hanging.
This is not the face of her two women, but one of them claims to be her.
Portrait artist of Empress Kim Ha-neul.
“It’s still hanging…”
“……………….”
“I thought it was definitely removed.”
In the portrait, Kim Ha-neul is smiling benevolently. Her smile was very similar to that of Kim Ha-neul, who was following her.
Kim Ha-neul has memories that are impossible to know.
Talking about memories that Kim Ha-neul would never have experienced.
Kim Ha-neul immediately recognized the grown galaxy.
Kim Ha-neul said it was a fairy tale of memory.
That’s…… Wouldn’t it be possible even if the opposite were true?
“……I was imperfect.”
“Eunha…?”
“I heard that my body was weak when I was born. So her mother instilled the In me, and thanks to that, I was able to survive, but she had to satisfy her desires by killing people on a regular basis.”
I remember the bloody days.
When I was a child, it was natural to kill people and I didn’t even know that it was a sin.
“…I’m sorry.”
“My father built this princess palace and a dungeon, and my brother came and played with me sometimes… In particular, my mother poured a lot of love into me. It was wonderful maternal love, but I thought it could also be a feeling of guilt. “
“Eun, haya?”
“Because of my mother’s choice, one life was saved and dozens or hundreds of lives were lost. Even though they were prisoners who deserved to die, would they have been able to live in peace?”
“I-I was fine.”
“I don’t know. I’m not the mother, and she was in a position where she had to kill that life to survive… But the feeling of killing only continued to grow, and my mother also went crazy.”
Eunha quietly closed her eyes and thought.
The moment she realized that her daughter could very easily kill her.
Would the mother have been able to approach her daughter, who treated her killing like a game, as before?
Even if we do get closer, is it possible to overcome it solely with parental affection?
I don’t know. She doesn’t have a daughter of her own, and she has never felt maternal love.
But.
My mother, Empress Kim Ha-neul…… I guess she didn’t.
“In the end, my mother tried to kill me. Isn’t it funny in a way? It would have been possible if she hadn’t given birth to me when I was first born. Then I wouldn’t have had to go through a bloody childhood, and my whole family wouldn’t have had to suffer so much. There wouldn’t have been any.”
“Ugh, Eunha!”
“But it was her mother who died. She killed her mother in reverse, who was trying to kill her, and she only realized it afterwards.”
“I was an imperfect being from the beginning.”
Has been sealed.
Kim Eun-ha had no choice but to continue to feel emptiness and inadequacy because a big part of her personality was her desire to live.
Her father’s gaze changed.
Previously, he treated her as his daughter, but ever since he killed her mother, she could see regret, guilt, and a faint hatred in her father’s eyes. From then on, she became Kim Eun-ha, not the emperor’s daughter, but simply the princess.
Oppressed in every way.
Because she did not know when Would be released again, she had to undergo all kinds of surveillance and education, and of course she was prohibited from leaving the princess’s palace.
I accepted all of that. Because I realized that killing people is a sin and a pain.
After growing up to a certain extent, she was able to become somewhat free, but her father’s views and treatment did not change.
Kim Eun-ha’s giving up the race for the throne was not a choice but a necessity.
“I thought I would live like that forever. This was my punishment, my fault for being born that way. The original sin of killing my mother would never be washed away.”
“……………….”
“Then, I met a fortune teller at the academy. A strange fortune teller who was digging up flower beds with a shovel.”
The first thing I saw was the entrance exam for a special vocational class, and the next thing I saw was digging up a flower bed.
He seemed to have abilities, but he was a strange person. That’s what I thought.
But in the entrance ceremony maze.
In mountain climbing class.
From assassination threats.
In the survival midterm exam.
From the Great Lakes Trial.
In summer vacation.
In Arthur’s duel.
In a dream.
And, in that dungeon.
The fortune teller solved all of Kim Eun-ha’s concerns as if she had worked a spell.
Unsealed
And taught self-control.
He was someone who believed in her, supported her, and helped her at all times.
It’s not just about relying on fortune tellers.
So that the girl Eunha Kim can stand up and walk on her own. So that she can be the protagonist of her own story.
Until then, she had extended her hand with a smile…… It was Namgoong Min.
I think so again.
I received so much more than what she did.
Eunha laughed inadvertently.
“It was a bit long. Well, there was a lot I wanted to say.”
“Is…Haya…?”
It was only then that Kim Ha-neul realized that everything up until now had not been a conversation, but just talking to herself, and her eyes trembled violently.
Look down from looking up at the portrait and look back with a smile.
There was Kim Ha-neul and…… There is only Kim Ha-neul.
“There were times when I blamed her mother. There were times when I cried out, asking why she had pushed me into this abyss. There were days when I was terrified by nightmares of the day I killed her mother.”
“What…What is it?”
“But, not once.”
“What do you say──”
“I don’t think she ever wished her mother would come back.”
Sureuk.
When did it come to my side?
Eunha whispered as she stood next to Kim Ha-neul with speed that could not even be described as superhuman.
“Personally, I think you are the mother.”
“Yes, that’s right! Eunha, it’s finally time…!”
“But at the same time, I think that cheeky collateral royal family is also right. It seems like the two of them coexist and blend into the memories of two people.”
Kim Ha-neul was momentarily unable to respond to Eunha’s words.
Kim Ha-neul too.
Another Kim Ha-neul.
I immediately realized my mistake and tried to say something, but I inadvertently closed my mouth due to Eunha’s smile.
So much…… ‘Junior’ with a fortune teller-like smile.
“Well, it doesn’t really matter.”
“Eunha…?”
“Whether you are the mother or a collateral royal family member.”
The decision has already been made a long time ago.
In the dungeon, when the sight of her mother brought back the trauma. It had been a long time since her decision was made, ever since Namgoong Min supported her.
Nevertheless, I walked around the princess’s palace. She tried to recall her memories and memories as best as she could.
I think that might change my choice.
What Namgoong Min wanted…… She is not swayed by the fortune teller’s words. It is clearly Kim Eun-ha’s own choice, made after much deliberation.
But even as she stood in front of the portrait, her mind did not change.
So, now we just do it.
“I am already complete now…My heart is not enough to pour out to just one person.”
“Ugh, Eunha!”
“Why were you so scared? Did you think I was going to kill you?”
With Kim Ha-neul shaking in fear as if she sensed what was going to happen next.
The galaxy just passed by her.
It was as if she left no regrets and no trace of her heart.
With a smile like a fortune teller.
“That can’t be possible, right? I won’t kill you.”
“Huh…?”
“However, no matter who Kim Ha-neul is… He won’t be able to shake me anymore.”
Something that suddenly occurred to me.
I felt like it had been a long time.
Her life was infinitely incomplete and confusing.
Before I knew it…… She has become complete enough to make her own choices.
She lived ten years in blood, ten years she lived in imperfection, and she spent a year meeting a fortune teller.
That one year was longer and more overwhelming than her previous 20 years.
“Live on your own terms. Do whatever you want, whatever is convenient for you, whatever you want.”
Anyway.
“Because there is no longer a place for Kim Ha-neul in my story.”
Perhaps Namgoong Min could hope for reconciliation.
She may have thought about reconciling with her revived mother and having a touching reunion.
But this was Kim Eun-ha’s choice.
What Kim Eun-ha saw and felt during the one year she met Namgoong Min.
Seeing a fortune teller trying to overcome the past while still being stuck in it.
Now that I have realized the meaninglessness of the past.
“Goodbye.”
For now, just.
I couldn’t wait to see Namgoong Min.
That was all.