68 – The Princess, Alice Tantalothar 10 –
I don’t want to let him go.
Why is that?
It made her so unhappy to think that he would die.
‘Why… why would he say he’s saving me… there must be no other way… why… why don’t I want him to go…’
The princess clearly felt a strange emotion.
Until now, she thought it was fear because he was far away.
But she could compare them directly.
When she was afraid of being alone before.
And when he said he was by her side.
The emotions she felt were clearly different.
‘Why is it different…’
The princess continued to ponder.
But it didn’t take long for her to find the answer.
‘That’s what it was…’
[But… why should I live when millions of people die? Why? Does my life have more value than thousands of others?]
‘The heartbeat I felt at that time. The trembling. It wasn’t fear.’
She recalled the clearly strange emotion she felt in the past.
She remembered the time she experienced that emotion.
“I kept my promise…”
“Since then, I gradually fell in love with him.”
In her heart, Abraxas had already taken his place.
“The reason I felt bad… was simply because he was taken away. And… the reason I became more and more frustrated… was because I couldn’t see him.
And what scared me… was the thought that he might actually try to kill me…”
The person I hold in my heart wants to kill me.
If this were to happen in reality, anyone would be afraid.
Not wanting to be abandoned by the person you love is an emotion that everyone has.
“Until then, it was just something that bothered me, but now that everything has been revealed, I know for sure.”
Only after going through this situation could she define her own emotions.
“I… love that man.”
She had been captivated by Abraxas.
It started out as simply intriguing.
Just someone talented, but because of that, showing peculiar behavior.
However, as time went on, she felt that something was strange.
The fact that she behaved as if she knew how her actions would appear, unlike other talented individuals, was the reason.
Because of that, the princess found herself more interested in him.
She had an exceptional ability to understand her own emotions, as she had said.
When the demonic sect attacked her during the festival.
She could feel it then.
He wanted to kill her.
But it wasn’t sincere.
Rather, he hesitated to kill her.
She could feel that much about him.
“My judgment was clouded by the feeling I was experiencing for the first time. I… the feeling I felt back then…”
He wanted to kill her.
But he wanted to save her just as much.
Even if it meant risking his own life.
“He wanted to kill me. But he didn’t want to kill me.”
He wanted to kill her, but he also wanted to save her.
As if contradictory emotions and affection exist.
Humans are capable of having contradictory emotions simultaneously.
“If they had been a bit more persistent… He would have inflicted more harm, just as he did to my neck.”
The hypothetical scenario is meaningless, but if she knew Abraxas, she would have definitely acted that way.
And only when they gave up, he would have stopped inflicting harm.
“If it comes to that… I might survive, but Abraxas will undoubtedly face a longer sentence… In the end, it was resolved well… I was right to risk my life.”
The cult soon retreated, but it didn’t matter to him.
If the situation worsened politically, the princess would be fine, but he would have certainly suffered significant damage.
However, the princess didn’t really care that he had genuinely tried to kill her.
She liked his demeanor.
“A man who risks his life for me.”
She didn’t know, but such a man was her ideal type.
However, Alice Tantalota was soon overwhelmed by a profound sense of helplessness.
Love she had found for the first time.
She didn’t want to let it go.
But it was impossible.
Ironically, her love was in a state of sacrifice for her.
“What… should I do… Is there really no way…
Even if you are reborn. Even if you become someone else, it doesn’t matter. I fell for you, and that’s why I want to protect you.”
The fact that Abraxas had been reborn wasn’t all that important to her.
Rather, as his past actions were clearly explained, she naturally understood.
But as she slowly became aware of her feelings.
A more tragic reality awaited her.
In the end, she could only watch the fate of the man she loved.
That’s why she decided to do her best.
The only being on this land who could save herself.
The deity.
That god came to mind.
“I pray… Please have pity on this young lamb and grant the strength to escape the future…”
The princess prayed.
“I am the child of both divine and sinister beings. This lamb is suffering.”
She was once a doubting believer.
Reality was too harsh to hold faith.
Yet, it was too abundant to possess faith.
But the reason she believed in a god was.
At least, according to what she thought, to offer hope to humans.
“Please, it doesn’t matter if you don’t grant me the power to escape this world. It’s okay to struggle in pain.”
That’s why she placed her hope.
“Only… Only… Deliver us from evil…”
May the god please look after a young nation.
From Noble mtl dot com
So, the prayer ended.
She couldn’t pray well.
Because she hadn’t prayed well until now.
But Alice Tarotaro at least hoped.
That her sincerity would be conveyed.
So, for a while, there were silent cries.
A moment’s fleeting time felt like an incredibly long time.
“Please. Give me hope… I don’t want to lose my first love in such a miserable way…! Please…! Please…!”
As the eternal time continued.
When it finally seemed like everything would end in exhaustion.
[Huh?]
An inexplicable sound surrounded the princess.
When she strangely considered it, the princess raised her head.
“So, what’s making you cry like that?”
The princess witnessed a miracle.
“Ah… Ah…!”
What appeared before the princess’s eyes was truly a holy sight.
Pure white garments, and skin that rivaled it.
Six pairs of wings on her back.
Blonde hair that rivals the princess herself.
A halo hovering above her head, shining just as brightly as her hair.
Everything was speaking.
An angel.
An angel stood before her.
Though Abraxas had foreseen his own death and told her to leave, that was why she had come.
“Hmm. It was cumbersome to see everyone praising demons… but here are believers in heavenly beings? Is this the princess that Abraxas mentioned?”
The angel did not know how important the princess was.
He only speculated that she held a high position based on Abraxas’s extreme respect.
[Can I assist you?]
The angel asked her.
Since she was a newly converted believer in this land.
If it was nothing special, she had the will to listen.
Alice Tantalota thought that it could possibly be fake from deep within her heart.
But since she couldn’t fulfill Abraxas’s request to keep him alive if he was fake anyway,
Alice Tantalota gathered her determination. She spoke to the angel.
“Can you… help me… save Abraxas’s soul?”
[Sorry, but that’s difficult. I can’t interfere in the material world beyond a certain extent.
To fulfill your wishes with my power, there needs to be no conflict between each other.]
At the angel’s words, the princess tasted hope only to experience greater despair.
It meant that saving him was impossible.
But she couldn’t give up.
Because he was not yet dead.
As long as he was not dead, it meant that he could be saved if she found a way.
She did not give up.
Regret could come after he died, so it was okay.
“If there is no conflict… it’s impossible. Conflict. All I need is conflict.”
If there was no conflict.
On the contrary, if internal conflict were to arise, it meant there was a possibility.
“Think. Is there a way to cause internal conflict?”
Alice Tantallota recalled numerous stories she had pondered over.
She applied each learned case one by one.
All in vain.
“A method… a method!”
Through countless thoughts like that.
The princess could think of one thing.
It was the remark Abraxas had made that brushed her mind.
[“If the princess’s power was intact, she could have caused internal conflict and fought them both. But that’s not the case, is it?”]
Abraxas had also mentioned internal conflict.
It didn’t take her long to come up with a response.
“Perhaps… can you help me better utilize this power?”
She brought forth the power she had hidden until now.
A power she never wanted to use.
But for the sake of saving the one she loved, she decided to wield it.
“Mother… it seems the time has come to use it…”
She had used this power on her mother, the former Empress, and turned her into a terminally ill being.
According to principles, Alice Tantallota should have been executed.
Ironically, as the first empress was dying, she asked her husband, the emperor of this country, not to punish her.
As a result, Alice Tantallota was able to survive.
And she still vividly remembered the words her mother, now on her deathbed, had said.
[Alice… this power is too dangerous… please refrain from using it as much as possible… do not create beings like me again…]
[Yes… I understand… Mother…]
[Hmph. There’s no need to be so gloomy. I told you to use the power. I only said not to use it like your mother did, hurting the one you love with this power.]
[Someone I love?]
[Yes. It could be your family. It could be my husband. Or it could be your pet. Or maybe your boyfriend?
So, either master this power extraordinarily well… or don’t use it at all. That would be better.]
[Yes… I understand… Mother…]
[Looking at her expression, it seems she doesn’t want to use it. But, Alice… But, you know, isn’t the world truly cunning and doesn’t always roll the way we want it to? Someday, there will be a situation where you have to use it.]
[No, that won’t happen.]
[Hmph. You’re still young, Alice. I wanted to see you grow up. Alice… I wonder if you’re not using it because of this mother… Actually, there will be someone more important to you than Alice. Someone even more precious than family.]
[Who… are you talking about?]
[Someone you love. You’ll understand my words someday. You’ll want to obtain it, even if you have to use your strength.]
In that situation, Alice Tantalotta shouted.
[That won’t… happen.]
She had made a vow.
To never again use the power that turned her mother into a time bomb.
Her determination became even stronger because the First Empress, who was also her and Ephrento’s mother, couldn’t survive that year.
So, she had that seizure back then.
If she used that power… people would get hurt again.
She even thought that if she saw it now, Abraxas could get hurt even more, so she had another seizure.
“Mother was right.”
After a brief, fleeting reminiscence, Alice Tantalotta.
And she realized.
She was going to use the power she had sworn never to use.
Even though she had lost the person she loved because of this power.
Now, to save the person she loved.
She decided to abandon her principles.
Pah-ahk—
The golden power began to seep out of Alice Tantalotta’s body and spread around.
A tremendous power that corroded this land.
The power of the aristocracy, the aura of domination.
And the angel who coveted that power felt tremendous interest in it.
Because that power was very similar to a power she had known.
“This power…? Oh, I see. Using such a strange power? This is almost like the angels’ restraint.
Binding thoughts together to move as you wish. It can even control the body, right? How can a human possess this power?”
“Humanity may not experience God’s presence.
That’s why they can’t be controlled like the divine.
So, the nobles have not been able to create restraints that make them move voluntarily like the heavens and angels.
They’ve only been able to drop a hint to stop hostilities or feel charisma.
But Alice Tantaro had a gift.
A power that the heavens could have but chose not to use.
She possessed the ability to forcibly control the bodies of others.
Naturally, she wasn’t a god, so proper control was impossible.
“On the other hand, if I have your help… I might be able to learn the ropes.”
And in this place, there was an angel who had broken free from such restraints.
One who had experienced the restraints and knew how to break free.
“I don’t really want Abraças to die either. So, I’ll help you.”
The angel was curious about the source of this power.
Abraças also decided to help her.
[Then I’ll help. It may take some time, but you should be able to control it perfectly.]
“Taking a long time means…”
[Oh, because the practice will take place in the mental realm, real-world time won’t matter much. Maybe about 30 seconds have passed.]
Upon hearing this, Alice’s face started to pale.
While the angel explained how long and difficult it might be, and how tiring it could be, the only thought in Alice’s mind was one thing.
“I can save him.”
Just as he had risked his life to save her.
Now she could risk her own life to save him.
Of course, the Empress knew this well.
He had saved her not out of loyalty to her but to leave a mark behind.
However, she fell for his appearance.
For his willingness to sacrifice everything for his goal.
And she already knew the answer to that attitude.
“A man who would sacrifice even his life for his purpose. Isn’t that the kind of man who would give everything to me if I became that purpose?”
A man who would sacrifice even his life for his purpose.
On the other hand, it meant that if it became his purpose, he would give up everything for himself.
Alice Tantalota existed.
In her standards, he was a man without any flaws if he became her purpose.
“Surely children are just traces. Make them exactly like that…”
The princess steadied her heart and spoke to the angel.
“Please let him in.”
[Didn’t you hear properly? No, are all humans the same… Not listening to any explanations, is that the same?]
The angel grumbled but faithfully executed the mission.
The angel’s index finger pointed at the princess.
From its tip, an unknown light flowed and covered the princess’s eyes.
As she slowly felt an unfamiliar drowsiness coming over her.
The princess thought about what would come next.
“If I survive here, if I can hear about your past… Please tell me. I’m really curious about who you were in another world.”
With that, she slowly flowed into her inner thoughts.
No one knew when she would return.
But she had more hope than ever before.