Episode 219
“You mean what I think?”
“…Yes”
She looked at me with a very serious expression.
“…However, Mr. Doyun, there is something I must tell you before that.”
“Please tell me.”
“…I was born with some damage to the part of my brain that senses emotions. So, actually, I don’t feel emotions very well.”
“…”
“…It was really difficult at first. “I kept a blank expression even when I had to feel sad, and I kept a blank expression even when I had to feel happy.”
She said, biting her lips tightly.
It seemed to be quite a painful memory for her as well.
“…So, to be honest, I couldn’t blend in well with people. That’s because everyone looked at me like a psychopath. Well, honestly, I don’t really care what other people think, but I have a goal, and in order to achieve it, I need to maintain good relationships with people.”
I decided to just quietly listen to her difficult story.
Just talking about her painful memories to someone makes me feel relieved.
“…So, I learned all the moments and situations when people feel sad, and I learned what facial expressions to make in those situations.”
“…The process was very difficult. Because it took several years. However, fortunately, I was able to learn, and as a result, I was able to integrate with people.”
“…So, to others, they may look like normal people, but in reality, they are not. Can’t you feel emotions? No, it is not accurate to say that you cannot feel emotions. “I think it would be right to say that I barely feel it.”
“…When ordinary people are put in a really sad situation, I can barely feel the emotion of sadness. In short, it doesn’t mean you can’t feel emotions. However, the threshold for feeling emotions is quite high. So… “
“…Of course, I have never felt the emotion of love. “Others may feel love even if they are only slightly attracted to someone, but in my case, this person has to be my whole world to be able to feel a little bit of love.”
“…In one word, it seems almost impossible. In fact, it is a very selfish greed of mine to say that it would be better to get married while still loving each other. “I’m the type of person who can’t do that in the first place.”
“…So Do-yoon chooses. If you say you just want to get married without love and only need children, I will prepare accordingly. And, I think it would be better this way.”
“…I am a human being who cannot feel love in the first place. I guess I was drunk for a moment and was talking nonsense. Sorry.”
The moment she sighed and tried to stand up.
I caught her her.
“No. “Let’s give it a try.”
“…Yes?”
“…You don’t know until you try, right?”
“…”
“To be honest, if you are Jiyoon, I want to work hard.”
“…”
“…Because I want to make Jiyoon happy. Isn’t it okay to enjoy that level of happiness in an already difficult life? “You’re already going through a lot of hard times.”
“…”
She looked at me blankly.
And then she spoke.
“…Doyun is so amazing.”
“Yes?”
“…When others see me, they are all envious. Well, I can understand their feelings. At such a young age, I have only 4 affiliates. “It’s hard to say it with my own words, but she’s also quite pretty.”
“…”
“…So, ordinary people are divided into two categories. People who feel inferior to me and chew me out behind my back. Or, the type of people who somehow look good to me and want to eat any drop of soybean paste.”
“…”
“…Still, both groups envy my life without exception. No, actually, anyone does that. But, Mr. Doyun, you are unique as expected.”
She said with a grin.
“…My life is full of tragedy… hehehehe.”
“If you feel uncomfortable saying that…”
“…No.”
She smiled and said.
“…It was such a perfect expression that I quite agreed with it. Why isn’t there something like that? “Life is a comedy when seen from afar, but a tragedy when seen up close.”
“…”
“…I think that is correct. But, you can’t say that in front of others. People who have everything just seem to be complaining. It would look ugly. So I don’t say that to anyone.”
“….”
“…But, Mr. Doyun, it’s really interesting that you described my life as a tragedy.”
“I just wanted to help Jiyun.”
What he said was sincere.
I wanted to support her and help her.
“..I want to help..”
“I don’t know Jiyun that well, but if I were to describe Jiyun as I see her in one word, it would be like a carriage running through mud.”
“…”
“It feels like you focus all your energy on one goal and don’t worry about anything else.”
“…”
“To be honest, I find Jiyoon’s appearance cool and respectable. In order to achieve a solid goal, exclude all other things and focus only on that goal. “It may seem easy at first glance, but most people can’t do it.”
“…”
“That path is very difficult, lonely, and lonely. Anyone can do it for a few days. But whether that turns into months or years is a completely different story. “If you don’t have a lot of willpower, you will never be able to walk that path.”
“…”
“If I look at Jiyun’s attitude toward life, to be honest, it is true that I am also very motivated. “I unconsciously start to think, ‘I should work hard like that, too.'”
“…”
“However, to be honest, it is also true that it looks precarious. “If you keep looking forward like that, there will inevitably come a moment when you will run out of energy and be unable to do anything.”
“…”
“I am satisfied if it can provide me with a place to rest for a while. I want to be a place where Jiyun can rest for a while if she gets tired while running to achieve her goal. “Isn’t it good to have such a temporary resting place in a life as dark as the open sea?”
“…”
“So to be honest, I had a lot of fun hanging out with Jiyoon these days. “It was great to see Jiyun, who only knew about work, being so happy and taking a break.”
“…”
“So, sometimes, if things get too hard, you can rely on me. “I will always be by your side and pat you on the back when you are having a hard time. Isn’t that okay?”
“It’s already a difficult life. I think it’s okay to have that much companionship. So, I don’t know about love, but let me tell you at least one thing for sure. When you’re having a hard time, you can come to me and complain or cry. It’s okay though. “I will stand there silently and support Jiyoon.”
“….”
“I can’t honestly guarantee that I will make you feel love. However, it is true that at least he will be a reliable companion. And it’s not just because I have to marry Ji-yoon. “I just thought Jiyun was so cool and respected that she focused on her goal and put everything on the line, so I wanted to help her.”
“…”
“Was I being too presumptuous? Then.. “
“…No. “Not at all.”
“…I was actually really tired and lonely. I pretended to be okay, but the truth was that I was very stressed. It was so hard. However… I couldn’t say that at all to others. “I make a lot of money, so all I hear is why I whine so much.”
‘..”
“But this was the first time I heard someone say something like that. Really… So much..”
“…I pretended everything was okay, but in reality, it was very difficult and lonely. Because my life was really just work. “The routine of leaving work, going straight home, going to sleep, and going back to work is repeated.”
“…”
“…But you can’t tell that to others. In the first place, other people don’t like hearing difficult words, and such words can actually cause others to view me as weak. And, that is extremely detrimental to business. So I couldn’t tell anyone.”
“….”
“…Surprisingly, I can now speak in front of Mr. Doyun. “I never thought I’d be able to meet someone like this, but I’m really, really happy.”
“…I really had no joy in life. To be honest, though, things have been a little different lately. I made people I could truly call friends, and it was so much fun playing with them. “Especially when I was with Doyun, I felt really stable.”
“…”
“…Thank you so much for saying that. Mr. Doyoon. Thank you so much..”
“…”
“…Then, can you look forward to me when I’m having a hard time? I won’t do this too often. Very, very occasionally.. Very, very occasionally.. That’s enough. I won’t do it too often. “I’m just going to lean on you for just a moment.”
Cha Ji-yoon fell asleep next to me.
The corners of her mouth were raised ever so slightly.
a guy lacks on social communication ability and a girl with emotional sensitivity disorder