067. Dream (5)
In his dream, where he had chosen to escape from reality, he faced more memories.
The memories were still all painful and dreadful, so he struggled with pain even in his dream.
Being locked in the attic, being hit by his mother with a stick, his whole body bruised and wounded from his father’s swordsmanship practice, the memories of the child were vivid and lifelike.
It felt like he was suffocating up to his chin as if he had actually experienced it.
Even after the young child grew into a boy, violence continued.
The violence that had been repeated since childhood continued into his boyhood, and the boy couldn’t even think of fighting back.
He just continued to be hit with a stick as usual, and didn’t even try to dodge the merciless blows of the sword.
Even when he switched to a real sword for training, it still cut and created wounds.
“Why are you stupidly not dodging the sword?”
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Smack.
His father struck the child’s cheek.
Not satisfied with that, he grabbed his hair up to his scalp and put a frown on his face.
“If you keep taking sword hits, you’ll die. If you continue like that when sparring with other knights, you will really die.”
Then he actually called the knights of the Verdini Duke’s Order to have the child spar.
Brutal duels unfolded for a child who was barely twelve years old.
To survive, the child gritted his teeth and parried the sword.
While it might have been a light threat to instill fear in his father’s eyes, for the child, it was a matter of survival.
-That’s the way it should be.
She managed to deal with everyone somehow, but praise did not come back to her.
Just called for healing the wounds that were all over her body.
-Why are you so silent like that? When I see other noble children, they behave so gently towards their parents.
The mother of the child said to her twelve-year-old child.
It was a cruel story.
How could a child be loving and affectionate in the face of abuse?
It was fortunate that the child did not become crooked after enduring such cruel abuse.
-Useless. Even though I said you should become a perfect head of the family.
At the gesture of her mother tapping her cheek, the child trembled involuntarily.
It was a reflexive movement that came out because she had been slapped several times before.
At that response, his mother frowned.
-Ha. Do you think I’m going to hit you now?
Against all odds, the child’s mother slapped his cheek.
-You only disappoint me. The only thing that satisfies me is your swordsmanship.
That remark must have been the catalyst.
The reason the child became even more devoted to swordsmanship.
The talented child, as she delved into swordsmanship, improved her skills day by day.
Thus, the child quickly learned to handle the blade, and was able to wield the Ouroblade with the sword.
When the child turned thirteen and learned to handle the sword.
-Let the energy flow.
A harsh trial was given to the child.
-Using the sword alone, kill all the creatures here.
-Oh, Father….
The child pleaded, but Father did not listen.
With tears streaming down her face, the child reluctantly let the sword flow.
That’s how the child killed a living being for the first time.
After that, the child was ordered by her parents to take lives forcibly.
The child’s parents willingly bought a new forest for the child, and the child had to destroy and kill everything in the forest.
As the child gradually became numb to the repeated events, just as she stopped clinging to being left alone in the mansion in summer and winter.
The child no longer cried, was not sad, and stopped smiling and feeling happy like before.
Her face lost all expression.
As the weak and gentle child turned sixteen and became a complete young man, she was no longer a child.
The young man prepared to become the perfect head of the family as his parents wished.
Once the young man became perfect, the child’s parents ironically showered him with feelings of inferiority and resentment.
Father, testing the young man’s sword skills and martial arts, lashed out in violence when the young man did not counter his attacks.
It was a clear misunderstanding.
The young man, accustomed to his father’s unilateral violence, became stronger but was afraid to resist the violence.
The fear ingrained in him since childhood was something the child’s father did not understand.
-What good is being perfect on the outside? What will you do, unable to hide that cold interior…
The mother poured out complaints and resentment to the young man.
The young man’s cold and emotionless face, dull voice, and lack of emotion did not please her.
Even though everything was self-inflicted, his parents did not realize that fact.
So, in the end, they only left the child with traces of wounds and abuse.
Until the summer of seventeen.
[Today, it ends here.]
The sequentially flowing memories scattered.
Along with that, a voice was heard.
It was a familiar voice.
In other words….
[This seems to be the first time we’ve met like this. I’ve only seen remnants of memory until now.]
It was Owen.
Not me, but the real ‘Owen’.
“You….”
Owen’s eyes wavered.
It was the soul that was thought to have disappeared.
But maybe that wasn’t the case.
[No need for those eyes. I have no intention of taking your body.]
“…That’s not it. And, it’s not that you took my body, but that it was taken. By you.”
“I don’t think you were like that. Was it my mistake?”
He calmly countered Owen’s reply.
Owen remained silent.
Because it was the truth.
“It seems like you were just swayed.”
“…Yes.”
“Well then, what’s the point of resenting each other in such a situation? It’s pointless.”
His emotionless eyes felt unfamiliar.
The face he faced was so familiar, yet the expression was not.
It was not cold or icy; it was a face truly devoid of any emotion.
Like losing emotions day by day as if fading from memory.
“It seems like you need my memories and experiences. That’s why I offered them, causing confusion.”
“So, did you appear in my dream?”
“It feels strange hearing that from that face of yours.”
“…Is that important?”
“Well, it’s not that important.”
He nodded once and continued his explanation.
“Actually, it’s to explain what will happen in the future. Up until now, I’ve lent bits of memories and experiences, but from now on, it won’t be like that.”
“What…”
“You must have felt it too. Feeling like you’re starting to get confused, thinking you were me from the beginning.”
“Ah.”
It seemed like he was talking about the confusion he felt even when speaking and thinking to himself.
Was there a reason for that?
“I expressed it as lending, but in reality, I can’t lend memories or experiences. It’s more of a transference.”
“Transference, you say?”
As Owen muttered the unfamiliar term, he added, “Yes. Put simply, I’ll be absorbing bits of you. It means our souls are merging.”
“…Is that okay?”
Owen asked in response to his continued words.
Merging souls was by no means a simple matter.
No, regardless of simplicity.
Wasn’t it about two individuals becoming one?
Whether it was possible, and even if it was, whether it was okay, remained uncertain.
For Owen, and for him.
Was it not that they were becoming someone other than themselves now?
“You must be struggling. You’ll have to bear my traumas, emotions, memories.”
“Then, what about you…”
“Likewise, you’ll end up with your memories. Theoretically. In reality, it’s just two souls merging into one. The larger, stronger one will take the lead.”
“…”
In a way, this was absorption.
Becoming a part of someone and disappearing.
“It seems like you’re considering whether this is necessary. But if you don’t do it, you can be certain you won’t remain in this body.”
“That’s…”
It was true.
This body originally belonged to him.
Owen, a mere stranger, could not possibly prevail over him.
“And I don’t particularly have a strong will.”
“Will, you say.”
“You could say it’s a desire to keep on living.”
“…”
Yes.
He was someone who had lived such a life.
It was rather strange that he was dreaming of a future and seeking peace.
Suddenly, a sense of guilt emerged.
If I hadn’t come here, if he could have been with Bella…
Then peace and happiness would have found him.
He felt like he had taken away his happiness and rights.
He didn’t actually know if that was the case.
“I’m not sure what you’re thinking, but stop digging your own grave alone.”
“That’s…”
“Do not make a sorry face. It’s what I wanted.”
“….”
“I will completely hand over my memories and experiences to you. My soul will seep into yours. Then, you will be yourself but also become me.”
If he does that, Owen can remain here.
Completely, becoming the real Owen perfectly.
With all his memories, experiences, and emotions.
“But….”
But is it really okay to do that?
Is it alright to selfishly consume someone else’s life and find happiness and peace alone?
“I really don’t understand why you’re doing this.”
As he hesitated, he let out a sigh.
With narrowed eyebrows, he spoke.
“You have nothing to feel guilty about. You take what you want. I will assist you with my will.”
“….”
“I’m not sacrificing myself for you. Do you understand that clearly?”
“…Yes.”
Owen barely nodded his head.
He knew it was pointless to feel guilt and remorse.
Being quite selfish, if given the chance, he was the type to seize it.
Even if the other person suffered from that opportunity, if he and his people could be happy, Owen was willing to do it.
“What do you think you understood with that face….”
As he thought like that, he muttered.
Letting out a long sigh, he opened his mouth again.
“I have been living because I had to be the ‘perfect master’ of my own. You must understand that now. Why I had no choice.”
Owen nodded his head.
So, he met his gaze and continued speaking.
“But then someone appeared to replace that. But do I really need to make an effort?”
“….”
“You are a person who can be a ‘perfect master’ enough, and besides that, you have talents that I lack, right?”
“I don’t really have that…”
Not knowing what to say, he mumbled, and he simply replied.
“You seem to understand others’ feelings and emotions well. Unlike me, who spent childhood differently.”
Was that a talent?
Owen pondered deeply.
However, still not sure, he furrowed his brows, so he added an explanation.
“It means not just leading the Verdin Duke well, but also being able to understand the hearts of those within it.”
“Ah.”
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“It seems you get along well with the Edelt Countess. In that aspect, you must be better than me, who always nagged at the visitors due to the successor issue.”