I Give Up on Conquering the Heroines chapter 104

104 – 104. Responsibility of Irresponsibility (2)

“Again, it’s happening in Elven-Guard… again!”

Yulia quivered with frustration the moment she heard the news.

It was news about a dispute occurring between a high warrior and Transilvia in Elven-Guard.

On the face of it, there was nothing unusual.

The problem was the representative who had agreed to duel on behalf of them.

According to the story, the representative was a tribe that escorted a little girl in one hand with a two-handed sword decorated with marble hilt.

And it’s said that he had been given the name Heavenly Michael Jackson.

Yulia sensed it immediately.

It was none other than Eugene.

“Because he insulted the witch, he suddenly appeared…?”

However, the circumstances of how he became a surrogate for Transilvania was strange.

Rex insulted the witch of Fettenburg, at which Eugene suddenly revealed his hostile side and appeared on the scene…

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At this, Yulia’s mind went blank.

For me?

The man who left me in disenchantment, fights for me…?

“T-this isn’t the time! Hu-hurry! We, we need to rush! Ahh!”

Yulia tripped over the spread out magic tools.

But there was no time to take care of the injuries.

Yulia quickly put on her clothes and left the building.

If she took the fastest route to Elvengard, it would take two days.

By the time she arrived, the duel would already be over.

However, anything could happen.

Eugene might stay in Elvengard for half a day after the duel.

Or, he could leave a trace for tracking…

“Hnnngh.”

Of course, Yulia knew too well that it wouldn’t happen.

Eugene was consistent, after all.

Even if it looked like they were crossing paths due to a cruel twist of fate.

In fact, everything would be exactly as Eugene planned, so they absolutely wouldn’t be able to meet.

“Yo, you won’t… see me… will you…?”

Tears flowed.

A familiar sense of despair overcame Yulia.

Never before had the carriage heading to Elvengard felt so slow.

‘The spell is working.’

After driving the horse day and night, she finally arrived in Elvengard in a day and a half.

Yulia passed through the gate, her presence concealed through magic.

It was a simple spell, but it did its work.

However, she didn’t have much magic, so she couldn’t use it for long.

But the self-taught spell worked.

That was a significant achievement in itself.

With her hood flipped back,

Yulia ventured further into the busy streets to gather information.

“Have you heard about the duel? They say Rex lost?”

“What? Has the duel with Transilvania finished already?”

“No! I’m talking about the duel with the Human! They say Rex lost there!”

Given the big event that had stirred up ElvenGard, there were many voices discussing the duel.

Lending a quiet ear and analyzing, it seemed that Rex, a high-ranking warrior, had lost in the duel with Transilvania’s representative.

And Rex had suffered significant injuries and, for some reason, his hair had turned white.

‘He must have burned his life away…’

Rex was the younger brother of the warrior who died at the hands of Transilvania.

He was an elf who gave Yulia resentful looks until the day she was expelled.

He emerged from the duel with Transilvania with white hair?

It seemed clear that he used a sacrilegious spell, the one that defies the divine water provided by the World Tree.

His eyes were filled with fury, which was unusual.

I didn’t expect him to resort to such measures.

However, my main concern is not Rex…

“Tha… that… that!”

“What is it, Miss? Speak, please.”

“Tha… that! That!”

“Oh, my goodness, are you mute? That’s unfortunate.”

“I …I…I’m not mute! It… it… it’s been a while since I… I… talked to a person… so… what I… I want to ask is… what happened… to that Human…”

My worry for Eugene came first.

Out of urgency, Yulia even forgot that it’s been months since she had a conversation with a human, and she indiscriminately grabbed passers-by to ask them.

“Michael Jackson seemed fine.”

“Hm, he looked like he had some residual injuries but seemed like all had been taken care of by herbs or potions.”

“He looks just like a petty thief, but he seems to be quite skilled. Is he a hidden Swordmaster of the Holy Kingdom?”

“He probably originates from the North.”

“Hmph…”

Listening to the conversation of the elves, Yulia clutched her chest.

A sigh of relief escaped her.

Eugene was safe.

He had beaten an elf, who was ready to sacrifice his life in the fight.

And not only did he win, but he also did it without taking the opponent’s life.

Given that they were fighting to death, this victory held a different meaning.

You have to have an overwhelming superiority in strength to defeat your opponent without killing him.

‘Well… he did climb that harsh cliff of Pettenburg just to meet me.’

Although she was surprised for a moment,

It was not that surprising when she thought about it.

A bitter smile bloomed at the corners of Yulia’s lips as she recalled the events of the previous round.

“But, who is she?”

“I think I’ve seen her somewhere…”

“Her voice sounds familiar, too.”

“Ah, ah!”

However, as the elves started to feel suspicious one by one and approached, Yulia pulled her hood down tighter and retreated backward.

It had been over 50 years since she ran away from her priestess position, but to the elves, 50 years was not a long time.

If she lets them see her face clearly, she would definitely be caught.

But when the elves surrounded Yulia and she had nowhere to retreat, just on the verge of revealing her face,

“Is she a spy? Why isn’t she showing her face?”

“Uh…!”

“Can you all not mistreat my guest? They said they’re a shy person and feel uncomfortable.”

“Your holiness!”

A startled voice flowed from behind.

On this, all the elves became rigid.

The saint, Mia, lifted an umbrella made of the leaves of the World Tree and flashed a smile at Yulia.

Thanks to that, she escaped the crisis.

But Julia could not laugh.

She struggled to even feign a smile for Mia.

Soon, Julia found herself led by Mia’s hand to her residence.

Mia could be seen and heard no one here.

“What, what are you up to?”

“Hm?”

“What’s your game? You, you… You know you hate me.”

Her words clenched Julia’s fist tight.

Mia who was still surprised, her eyes widened in innocent confusion.

The moment their eyes met, Julia’s feelings of inferiority exploded.

“You think you’re all that, don’t you…!”

She’d always found Mia irritating.

At first, when Mia came onto the scene as a new Spirit Woman, Julia found her endearing.

But as soon as Mia made an appearance, the council elders began an offensive against her, shifting their attitudes towards Julia.

Now that they had someone to replace the Spirit Woman of the World Tree.

It had started around then.

The feeling of resentment towards the young girl who was quick to learn and competently handled the tasks of a Spirit Woman.

“That’s not true. You know how much I admire you, Julia.”

“…”

Hugging the shaking Julia, Mia reassured her.

Of course, Julia knew well that it wasn’t Mia’s fault.

There were no ill intentions.

Julia knew that Mia had pleaded to the council of elders until the day Julia was ousted.

But still, if Julia didn’t despise this girl, she didn’t know how she would stand it all.

Yet Mia did not respond to Julia’s hatred with her own,

Instead, she enveloped Julia with tolerance.

“I don’t hate you.”

“Ok, okay…”

Julia deflects Mia’s embrace and avoids her gaze.

This wasn’t some pretense of being kind.

Mia was indeed a kind child.

To the extent that she would hide me from the council of elders, even when I, who was banished from Elvengard, appeared out of the blue.

However, Yulia couldn’t genuinely get close to Mia.

Perhaps forever.

Because Yulia wanted to destroy Elvengard once again,

And Mia wanted to protect Elvengard.

Mia’s warmly tender gaze is rooted solely in reverence for the former saintess.

Mia has no intention of helping Yulia.

She neither understands Yulia, nor does she want to.

Their differences in opinion are insurmountable.

That delicate gap would never disappear.

“So why did you come to Elvengard this time?”

“Uh, don’t know, so asking…?”

Incredulous, Yulia retorted.

I heard that Mia was going to oversee the duel.

She should know why I’m here then.

She’s pretending to be ignorant, despite knowing.

Again, again, and yet again…

‘She’s just being polite as ever.’

The Mia who used to follow Yulia around and call her sister was no longer there.

The way Mia now treats Yulia is decidedly the way the saintess treats an enemy of Elvengard.

Seeing her respectable manner of maintaining her etiquette at all times, Yulia felt an intense realism.

They could never return to their old relationship.

“Are, are you avoiding? Go, good food, ask while, while you eat. Where has Eugene gone?”

“Um, I wonder?”

“I, I’ll ask again. Whe, where did Michael Jackson go?”

“…”

Even in the face of an overtly threatening voice, Mia did nothing but flash a broad smile.

Just like the last time.

It was certain that Eugene had come and gone here, and it was clear Mia knew something.

However, Mia remained thoroughly silent.

In order to protect the interests of Elvengard as its Shrine Maiden.

Although from Mia’s perspective, she was simply doing her job,

As Yulia, it felt as if she was playing dumb, causing her irritation.

“I, I’m warning y-y-you. If you d-d-don’t tell me the truth, I don’t know what I might do-“

“Miss Yulia. Rather than being angry, how about we talk calmly?”

“Eh, what?!”

“Why don’t you sit here and tell me about it. Eugene, right? I honestly don’t know about him, would you like to tell me?”

“···.”

Yulia’s inside was boiling.

Pretending not to know despite knowing.

Although she had consistently maintained ignorance, this time, she said she would listen to the story.

Yulia wasn’t sure what caused the change of heart.

Nonetheless, Yulia decided to take up on Mia’s invitation to sit on the plush cushion offered to her, considering she had nothing to lose.

“T-tell me what. What d-do you want to know.”

“What kind of person he is. How do you see him, Miss Yulia? I want to hear it.”

“···.”

Yulia’s cheeks inflated with her blatant manner.

It was clear she was determined not to teach anything about Eugene, only to listen.

It was as if Mia had declared to only gather information unilaterally.

“Eugene is…·····.”

And yet, Yulia opened her mouth to speak.

She couldn’t bear it any longer.

She now wanted to release it all.

Rather than locking up ‘my Eugene’ inside her heart.

She desired to vent this frustration to someone.

If she was to do so, then the tight-lipped Mia was most suitable.

“The only one. He is the o-only, irreplaceable person to me.”

Their encounter was fleeting.

Their meeting was not in adolescence, but after they had both experienced all of life’s ups and downs, and their self-identities had been fully formed and then worn down.

Until then, Yulia didn’t think there was anyone who could change her life again.

Exhausted from her relationships with people, Yulia had broken and cut off all her connections.

As a successful engineer and noblewoman, Yulia had no need to look up to anyone.

The only gaze she permitted was one that admired and revered her.

It was entirely one-way.

She believed there would be no one who could alter this structure.

That was until Eugene appeared.

“I, it’s just a fly-by-night. I, I never expected to be taught by a fly-by-night… that not all people are filled with malice. Not everyone hates me.”

Eugene was the only person who had such great influence over Yulia.

Eugene confronted Yulia without any hesitation or restraint.

To Eugene, she was neither a goddess of the world tree nor a witch of Petersburg. He simply saw her as a friend he could share a drink with and enjoy a conversation.

Despite how she was known outwardly, Eugene never probed into her true nature, her stuttering nervous self.

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He never questioned her essence.

Eugene accepted Yulia as she appeared in his eyes, without any prejudice.

“It, it was only Eugene. He, he was the one who saw me as a person… “

Eugene was the only one who did so.

And he would remain the only one.

That’s why he was seen as more precious than anyone else.

Precious people deserve to be treated accordingly.

She ought to have treated Eugene as precious as he was.

“But, but I screwed up. I, I was afraid Eugene would leave… I messed everything up out of haste.”

She was terrified that Eugene would disappear.

She was scared that Eugene would leave her and in that fear, she made a mistake.

A mistake in a single moment led to war and everything fell apart.

“I, I regret it so much. I want to apologize… I, I can’t now… He, he pushed me away and won’t talk to me…”

She wants to meet him again.

She wants to see Eugene’s face again.

There are many things she wants to talk about when they meet.

First, I would say, I’m sorry.

Sorry for being selfish.

Then, I would whisper to him.

Let’s stop the regression, and live together.

If it cannot be stopped, I will help to stop it.

“I want to be with you, Eugene. Grow old with you. Even if the lifespan given to us is different.”

It’s not that my resentment for Eugene had disappeared.

That moment the world had stopped.

The words Eugene had once harshly spoken to me was still stabbing into my heart.

But I could forgive him.

Considering Eugene has been living the same life over and over, that much I could understand.

In the first place, the one who was more disappointed, who loved more, had no choice but to adjust.

No matter what condition came, as long as I could be with Eugene, I could accept it all.

“If Eugene is to die tomorrow, even if I only have till today, I am okay…”

Tears began to flow down Yulia’s cheeks.

I thought everything would be relieved once everything was put out.

But the pain in my heart only increased.

“I see…”

Yulia couldn’t stand it any longer and began to sob.

Mia looked at Yulia with pity, then turned her gaze toward the back door.

.

.

.

“I want to be with you, Eugene. Grow old with you. Even if the lifespan given to us is different.”

I heard Yulia’s small voice.

I closed my eyes tightly.

It feels like my heart is burning.

It was Mia’s suggestion.

To try to coax out Yulia’s inner feelings, just listen once.

At first, I refused.

He decided to wait until Julia arrived, fearing the worst case scenario if he was caught.

“Won’t you regret it?”

However, Mia’s words shook him, so he ultimately decided to wait it out.

He erased all traces of himself.

He even sent out the carriage that had carried Mark Jackson, creating an alibi.

At the back gate of Mia’s residence, he hid himself within the barrier formed by Mia.

From this side, one could observe and hear beyond, but on the other side, this side was completely unrecognized—a one-way barrier indeed.

“Eugene, I’m fine…even if I die tomorrow…it’s okay…My life, if it ends today…”

It would be hard to say that Julia had revealed all her true feelings in front of Mia.

However, with the exception of himself, it was certain that Mia was the most comfortable companion for her.

Therefore, most of what she said in front of Mia must be true.

‘I never thought she didn’t hate me.’

He naturally assumed that she must detest him immensely.

He had used Julia’s kindness and at the last moment before his return, he betrayed her feelings.

But Julia still wanted to build a future with him.

“Let’s go now. There’s nothing more to see.”

” …Okay.”

Having confirmed Julia’s true feelings this time, he hardened his resolve even more.

Even if he was going to leave, he would make sure to properly conclude things before he left.

He couldn’t simply run away irresponsibly and abruptly leave.

At the final moment, he had to properly face Julia.

He had to tell her about his fate.

He had to bid her a sincere farewell.

And then he would leave.

It was the least he could do and his responsibility.

It was a way to settle, if at all, the karma he had accumulated as a regressor.

‘How ugly.’

In the end, I am left without a single occasion to genuinely express my feelings to the women I’ve loved.

So far, I’ve deliberately played those girls with false confessions.

But now, at the very end,

I’ve ended up unable to express any true affection.

I can’t say I love you, not ever again.

Because this could be the ending, the final episode.

It’s bitter… how harsh.