154 – 24: I had a doubt
Christmas. When I was young, this was a difficult time to evaluate in many ways.
It’s so cold on a red day that everyone sticks around and it would be nice to get a part-time job selling cakes. Otherwise, it’s just a time of hunger.
I received a lot of teachings from the priest, but I was worried about making a living because I didn’t have any coins in my wallet to go to church because it was Jesus’ birthday.
The most terrible thing was that my uncle, whom I hated the most, made a point of telling me how good he was. I picked up a cake that was past its expiration date.
The reason why that person stuck his head out to my brothers was because he was greedy to somehow take even the small amount of money that my brothers had saved.
I stabbed him with a kitchen knife about 4 times every time he came, so in the end he stopped coming.
If you look at it up to this point, it may seem like there are only bad memories, but I also remember receiving my first Christmas present, and I also have some memories with my younger brother.
It was also Christmas when my younger brother introduced me to the person he loved.
This Christmas season was a mix of good and bad memories, so it was difficult to personally evaluate it, but…….
I saw Cheongryong and Wooshin smiling brightly and eating the cake with clumsy chopsticks, saying it was so sweet and delicious.
Seeing a smile that makes everyone who sees it feel good makes me feel good too.
As I was smiling softly, the blue dragon suddenly grabbed a piece of cake with chopsticks and handed it to me.
“Captain! “Eat your large intestine too!”
“I hate sweets. “You eat it all.”
“I don’t like it! “I will share it with the captain and make sure he never forgets this taste and won’t be able to leave!”
I laughed out loud as he confidently said that if the taste was this good, you would never want to go there.
Pure affection. In the case of the blue dragon, we know that it embraces the love that is common between a man and a woman, so much so that it cannot be dismissed as a child’s illusion.
Because I have no connection to such things and it is difficult to make a living, I have never met a woman.
The feeling of love…… I’ve never felt that way, and because I’m a very selfish guy, I’ve never developed relationships with women in that direction. Maybe it’s a friend.
I really have strange tastes. Maybe it’s a family relationship, but you’re looking at me with the opposite s*x? A human like me?
Cheongryong also has strange tastes, so I started to worry that she might have a hard time because of men in the future.
But no matter what I worry about, the blue dragon is like he won’t put down his chopsticks until I eat! Unable to resist the blue dragon snorting, he put a piece of cake into his mouth.
The sweetness of the cream spreads in my mouth and the blue dragon smiles. But Wooshin also handed me a cake, as if he didn’t want to be left out.
However, Wooshin is not as good at using chopsticks as Cheongryong, so after trying to scoop it up with chopsticks several times and failing, he cut the cake with his hands and handed it to me.
As I took it again, my mouth felt dry due to the sweetness, but I didn’t show it and said thank you, and Wooshin also smiled brightly.
Yes, I like it when you smile. I laughed and was about to put the chicken and pizza I ordered together in my mouth when my cell phone suddenly rang.
When I looked at my cell phone, there were congratulatory messages saying Merry Christmas from people who knew my cell phone number, as if the timing was right.
Not only other people, but also trees were contacting me to congratulate me.
Not just a formal greeting, but also a message saying thank you for this year.
Seo Yoon-seo received a curse message saying that it was because of you that I was dragged into the position of team leader of the Yin-Yang Five Elements team, but she ignored it and when she saw the message, she felt her emotions becoming more sensitive again.
After an accident in which I would have been better off dead, I ended up being immersed in the world of a game, a story no one could believe, and ended up leaving Christmas as a good memory until the end.
I am a selfish and arbitrary person. I was really lucky to meet a good person and not become an animal, but that’s relatively true. Because he was stubborn, he often got into trouble with people.
It was the same even when I came to this world…… No, since I was going to die anyway when I came to this world, I was even more angry than my original personality.
But you still thank me. Next time we meet, let’s try to be nicer.
If I go, the main character and his friends, Wooshin and Blueryong will stay together, and this is something I have to do for Wooshin and Blueryong as well.
They say that friendships and interpersonal relationships are very important. I thought of my younger brother’s friends.
What was it? In the school laboratory, together with my so-called friends, we collected chemicals that would explode when placed in water and threw them into the lake where the principal’s favorite fish were, destroying the lake’s ecosystem.
When I got into a fight with a gangster who was famous for riding a motorcycle in the neighborhood, instead of fighting, I disassembled the motorcycle and hid the main parts around the neighborhood with my friends.
As you can see, friendship is a very important thing. If you do it wrong, this non-human baby can become a literal animal.
In that sense, let’s think about it. Are the main character and the tree good friends?
Even though he has a good personality and believes that he can be friends with gods, Wooshin and Blue Dragon are gods, so that’s an added point. The ability is also good.
It’s a bit weird to argue about making friends, but as the main character, he’s a very personable friend.
But the swimsuit she wore last time was a little different, so if that’s her hobby…….
What should I do? I start to get extremely worried.
I have nothing to say if it’s unusual for a child to worry about such things while making friends, but honestly, that swimsuit wasn’t the best.
I swallowed my nose once and worried about the future, and soon saw that there had been a reply to the message I had sent.
“Uh-I guess he’s here. “I’ll just give you a gift.”
“…… Yes~.”
The blue dragon pouted his lips as if he was a little dissatisfied, but he didn’t seem jealous or anything like that. I asked him vaguely.
“I am honestly jealous, but no one will be able to hand over that child unless he is the captain. “Like us.”
“I will cry when my child hears this.”
It’s a bit sad to say that you don’t seem to have any friends.
No matter what I thought or not, Cheongryong told me that he had prepared a gift for me as well, and handed it to me with the same multi-colored mushroom that he had given to Guitae before, tied with a ribbon.
Since this is sold at a high price, is it okay to give it as a gift?
I opened the door to see mushrooms showing off their true colors under the night sky. And in his hands, he held a gift from Blue Dragon, a multi-colored mushroom, and a dried four-leaf clover, a gift from Wooshin.
Thinking that the crazy woman was quiet, unlike usual, perhaps because it was a miracle of Christmas, I headed to the alley behind the house, yawned, and waited for a while when I felt a rustle from behind.
“What on earth did you suddenly call me for?” … ? Are you planning on getting involved with some strange evil spirit again? That’s amazing. “Is it because he is Lee Jun, who is called the latest monster, that he is loved by evil spirits?”
“No, you’re talking as if I’m the one causing the accident…” … “Wow, I’m surprised.”
I was reflexively going to swear at Gwi-tae’s ridiculous words, but when I saw Gwi-tae’s face, the curse came out in a different way.
Gwitae already had a sharp look, but now his dark circles were so deep that he looked like he was a real ghost.
…… No, in the sense of her lineage, she is half an evil spirit. Anyway.
“Why is your face like that?”
“… ….”
Guitae closed her mouth with a pouting face. Her face, dripping with deep fatigue, was usually the face of someone who had not slept, so I asked reflexively.
“Did you not sleep?”
“…… How do you know that? Upset.”
“Her face says she’s dying of sleep. “Is it puberty?”
Guitae, who seemed unable to find words to refute her words, twisted her hair with his hand and rolled his eyes at her, soon let out a sigh.
“Yes. I can’t sleep. I can’t sleep because whenever I sleep, the face of the person I killed comes to mind. It’s funny, right? “It’s funny to me too.”
Gwi-tae, who was sighing while wiping her face, really had a face drenched in fatigue. After seeing that, I wondered if I should send him to the hospital first.
She felt slightly offended by the sarcasm when she saw Gwi-tae nervously telling her to quickly tell him why he had called her.
I brought a gift, but the person who brought it was actually an adolescent child suffering from insomnia. I’m really feeling unmotivated.
But she said that she was suffering because of a mistake she had made, so she didn’t even react. No matter how bad my personality is, I can’t be angry at a kid with eyes like that…….
I took a deep breath and looked at Guitae.
From Noble mtl dot com
Being a selfish and self-indulgent human being, I respect people who can truly reflect.
Gwi-tae is definitely a b*tch who killed someone, and I don’t mind it myself since she didn’t kill someone I know, but objectively speaking, she is clearly a villain.
She is said in the game to have killed as many people as she could reach, and Gwitae herself said she had done so before.
I saw Guitae again. Even though she suffers and makes excuses, she can never be forgiven for killing someone.
No matter what the reason or the past, that doesn’t change. Is it meaningful to offer comfort? No, is it right to comfort in the first place?
The answer to this is unknown. There’s just one thing I know.
I glanced at the gifts I was holding in my arms, then sighed and said.
“Ugh, okay. Take this. It’s a Christmas present. “This is a gift for my little ones, and the sunglasses here are a gift for me.”
“Yes…… ?”
“If you’re having a hard time because you can’t sleep, take some medicine. “I heard sleeping pills and psychiatric medications are quite helpful.”
“Well, sleep… ….”
“If you are tired, go in. Oh, and eat some food too. “It’s not much, but if there’s anything left, I’ll use it as pocket money.”
The money given was about 100,000 won. This would be enough for pocket money. On the outside, Gwitae and I are similar in age, but on the inside, he is a man in his 30s.
I can’t believe there’s enough room in my wallet to even give me pocket money. She giggled softly and lightly tapped Guitae’s shoulder.
Gwitae was holding the gifts I gave him in his arms, trembling like a cat that had been hit with tangerine juice while walking down the street.
Fully colored mushrooms and coated four-leaf clovers. And the sunglasses in the glasses case made a rattling sound in Gwitae’s arms.
“What is this?”
“It’s a gift.”
“…… To me? Why?”
“It’s Christmas.”
“You…” … “I would definitely not be the type of person who would intentionally take care of something like this for someone else.”
That wasn’t wrong. Due to my nature, I would never intentionally take care of things like this for Gwitae.
The reason I tell her it’s Christmas and bring her presents is not to prevent the original story of this world. Because I don’t know the original story at all right now.
It is not for the reason that the world will change for the better if she reformed. I honestly don’t care whether I convert or not.
The reason why a guy like me treats Gwi-tae as a gift is simply because he sincerely wants to cheer on a kid who is trying to reflect on his success or not.
Even if it doesn’t work out the way the good people who reached out to me did, I’ll be able to support them.
“Cheer up.”
Although it is clunky and may not be proper cheering –
As I was licking her tongue, feeling the heat rise to her face for no reason, tears began to flow from her precious eyes.
It was surprising, but as soon as a single teardrop fell, Gwitae silently shed her tears as if a dam had broken down.
Guitae opened her red eyes wide, as if she was even more surprised that she was shedding tears…. ? She did and she made stupid noises.
Wow, what would happen to me if I react like that? Do girls usually have this much emotional change? Or maybe she was mentally exhausted from lack of sleep.
I saw Gwi-tae quickly turn around and run away while shedding tears like a waterfall.
Shouldn’t she be caught? She runs away on the Jangsan Beom, how can I catch that damn thing. I sighed.
****
It was the first time in my life. I received congratulations from someone and support. And like a fool, I couldn’t control my emotions and burst into tears. It was all a first time.
On a bright night for her Christmas, Guitae, who was running as if running away, using the shadow of the noisy city as a blanket, swallowed her breath.
When Lee Jun called him, he didn’t think he would be comforted. He must have gotten involved with a new evil spirit again, he thought as he answered the call.
I couldn’t sleep well every night, so I thought about passing the time and didn’t think about anything else.
Why can’t I sleep? It’s a miserable reason. This was because when I closed my eyes and tried to sleep, memories of the person I killed in the past came back clearly.
Isn’t it funny? What gives you the right to not be able to sleep?
I didn’t promise not to kill anyone in the future or give up my desired goal, but I can’t sleep? Isn’t this such a miserable hypocrisy and a fool?
My self-loathing deepens, and I begin to think that it would be better to give up being truly human and become an evil spirit in human flesh, regardless of whether someone calls me human or not.
Lee Jun gave these things in his arms. Those eyes were looking straight at the shaking Gwitae.
Those eyes were shaking, showing no disappointment in themselves, no distinction between good and evil, but only one. There was support for him.
I know. If he keeps trying to kill people and bumps into him, the man named Lee Jun will stop and kill him without hesitation.
Even if he is converted and repented of his sins, he will still treat himself the same as before. Because a man named Lee Joon is that kind of person. His choices are solely his own.
“Cheer up… ….”
What should I do to cheer up? What choice should you make?
I couldn’t figure it out. The only time she learned anything in her life was through blood, pain, and violence.
How to suspect, curse, and kill people, how to deceive people, and how to laugh at others. It was all accompanied by pain and curses.
So, it was always clear and simple what to choose. But what about now?
When I looked back at the path I had taken in my life with hatred and curses without thinking of myself as a human being, I was stabbed in the heart by the realization that something that should be called a heart existed within me.
What is Christmas and why do we celebrate it? What does he know about himself that he supports?
I could have just snorted and passed it off, but I am now so shaken by that pitiful word.
Gwitae looked at the items in his arms blankly. A mushroom containing a curse, a coated four-leaf clover, and sunglasses in a black glasses case.
Gwitae carefully opened the case. And when he saw the contents inside, he burst out laughing.
“hahahaha, that sucks… ….”
Her eyes are not human. The devil’s eyes, lying vertically, express disgust to anyone who sees them. This was unavoidable.
The sunglasses she usually wore were to hide herself, but they also reflected her unwillingness to make eye contact with others by covering her eyes.
Not seeing others and hiding oneself is a disconnection. However, the tool of disconnection lost its meaning due to the goodwill it received from others.
It was a gift that further confused Guitae, who already had no idea what to do. It’s truly sad.
What do you want to do? What do you really want to do?
I know the easy way, but in addition to the people I killed in the past, I keep thinking about it – and now the presence of Lee Jun passes by and I can’t stop walking.
Feeling that her body, which had not slept for a long time, was becoming heavy with fatigue, Guitae stopped her steps for a moment.
And in her foul-smelling alley, she curled up and sat down on the floor, her back against the wall.
She was just tired and thought it would be a good idea to wait for the night to pass by.
“[There is God’s providence even when a sparrow falls. They say we just have to prepare our minds. ]”
In the darkness, malice spoke as if singing.
“[You want something, but you want to get it divinely. Because they don’t want to be hated, they don’t want to do bad things, but they want to get it at all costs.
That’s great. Truly, truly human, truly curse-like. It’s a good night. Miss Gwitae. Your face looks very worried. ]”
A man in a suit with a creepy smile appeared in the pitch black shadows. She waved her long cane and lightly pressed the hat on her head, giving a nice greeting.
Guitae revealed his teeth at the appearance of the being and immediately raised her spiritual power as if it was about to explode.
Her ghost’s back cracked, and a powerful evil spirit with a jigwi and a red mask appeared in the air, clearly showing hostility.
Even if the opponent is a possessed body, the current Guitae cannot be easily defeated. No, there is no way for the skeleton man to defeat Gwitae, who has acquired two extra-ordinary beings, Jigwi and Red Mask.
Although he probably knew that, the being who appeared in front of Guitae spoke as if the hostility and curses directed at him were nothing.
“[The time of destiny will soon arrive. There is a way to solve your problems once and for all. Would you like to take a listen?
You and the man who committed the sin. Whatever the reason, there is only one way to ensure that Lee Joon is looking in the same direction. ]”
The possessed body, whose instinct was to hate humans, smiled while saying that.