13. Iris El Devhardt – 05
“Cain-sama…”
Arya was looking at me. It was only looking at me, urging my answer.
“please.”
In her two eyes, shining like finely carved amethyst, only my image was dwelling. Anything else was not reflected. I ended up thinking that her purple eyes were like a mirror reflecting my true self.
“…Answer me, please.”
Aria was not standing in front of me as the current maid of Estelle’s family, or as a great sorceress who revealed the truth of the world. Just in front of me, she was looking at me as an ordinary woman who was nothing special. As a woman standing in front of a man, I was hoping for my answer.
“…..”
It wasn’t that difficult to answer Arya’s question. However, before answering her, I slowly reflected on the past time I had with Aria.
“…okay. Suddenly, a year has passed since you and I met. aria.”
To this day, I remember everything vividly.
After inserting the sword into the heart of the ‘witch of winter’, I came to my senses and found Aria sleeping peacefully on my bed. At the end of losing everything that makes up herself, Aria had dead eyes that had no expectations for the world itself.
Aria followed me around saying that she wanted to be of help to me, just because she gave me a name and gave me a place to stay. Over the past year, Aria has always wanted to stay by my side, wherever I went.
and-
“…..”
…When I think about the past year, it was a very short period of time. In the meantime, I thought that Aria and I were always together wherever we went, shared many things, and confirmed where our hearts toward each other were heading.
“…aria.”
However, it was only when I met her gaze that I realized something. Over the past year, I thought I must have gotten close enough to talk openly with Arya.
…Actually, it wasn’t like that. That there was still a small hesitation in my heart when I was dealing with Arya.
After spending a year together, I thought I knew enough about a woman named Aria.
The truth is, I didn’t know anything about her.
Because at this moment, I was hesitant to tell her all my secrets.
I know very well why Arya is asking me these questions. On the day of the festival in Istad, I shared a festival with her alone, and at the end of it, we exchanged something of more value than words, even though we did not express it verbally.
It would be a lie if I had treated Arya as if I were looking at a wooden stone, without harboring any feelings toward her. Right before I returned, the moment I met her who greeted us sadly in a white world where snowflakes fell endlessly, I was caught in a spell that even I couldn’t understand.
So, I didn’t know anything else, but I was able to open my chest and say this one thing with certainty.
The past year, the time I spent with Aria has been a precious time that can’t be replaced with anything, and I can only feel love for Aria who is by my side. I don’t care what kind of person she was in the past. The future filled with destruction will not come to us as long as Arya is by my side. An aria is just an aria. nothing more, nothing less. At least, that was the case for me.
…That’s why, I hesitated. I’m not sure if my revealing everything to Arya is really for her.
Because you don’t know. Is that white-haired woman standing in front of me and urging my answer, Aria, the handmaiden of the Duchy of Estel, or Aria, the archmage?
If it wasn’t that, it was because I couldn’t tell if it was the ‘Witch of Winter’ who had a history of freezing the world in the past.
“…I.”
In the meantime, I hadn’t expressed it directly toward Arya, but I was vaguely aware of it.
When I returned to the past, I don’t know why, but Arya returned to the past with me and lost everything including her memories.
As I started to learn magic, I was regaining the things I had lost one by one. And maybe, among them, her lost memories might be included.
Otherwise, her growth was inexplicable. It is said that Arya has a natural gift that will make her a certain future wizard, but the speed at which she learns magic and applies it to reality is too fast.
The time it took for her to reach the level of a great wizard like Bianca after she mastered magic was at most one year. No matter how ignorant I was about magic, I was well aware that Arya’s process of learning magic and mastering it was abnormal and unrealistic. No matter what kind of talent she was born with, there was no way to explain Arya’s growth.
…But there was only one case that could explain her growth.
In fact, if Arya wasn’t “learning” magic, she was “remembering” it, she could understand it. Because there is a big difference between climbing a road you’ve never known before and climbing a road you’ve climbed once.
“…..”
That’s why it was scary. I was afraid to see the truth. I didn’t know how far she was remembering the past, so it was scary.
If I hastily brought up the events before the return, I was like a coward who was worried that the current relationship would collapse due to that reason.
I was afraid that the ‘Aria’ that existed by my side would disappear, and that the ‘Witch of Winter’, everyone’s nightmare, might return. In the end, the future in which she might have to aim her sword at her again was just terrifying-
However, at the same time, in order to answer Arya’s question, I had no choice but to mention the events before the return. The reason I fell in love with Bianca and fell in love with a woman named Iris was because of things that would happen in the future that hadn’t happened yet.
Through the ‘string’ connected to Kyrie, I peeked into various memories. To be honest, the memory of peeking through the ‘string’ was only vague. As if it were a daydream, it was an incomplete memory with blurry holes in places.
To be honest, the ‘me’ in my memory didn’t really feel like me. Because the way of life, trajectory, and things to pursue are all different.
However, I do not think it will be possible to separate the me at that time and the me now as if I was being judged with a ruler.
Because if that happens, everything will be false.
The heartbreaking times I had with Bianca and just passed each other.
The fierce sword fighting that I was with Iris and exchanged with each other.
The warm days I spent with Ariel in the cabin.
Because everything becomes a lie.
A certain ‘Cain von Estel’ in the past confessed this to Iris right before he died. i love you So, I hoped to die at your hands.
And Iris nodded her head to Cain’s confession. Even knowing full well that Cain would soon die, knowing full well that her love for him would become meaningless, she complied with his confession.
However, if I told Iris that it had happened before the return, so everything hadn’t happened, where would the oath between ‘Cain’ and ‘Iris’ at that time go?
It’s not just Iris. Bianca, Ariel, Kyrie, all of them.
I don’t know why, but the world I’m standing in now is a world where their wishes come together. Also, I am standing in front of them now, having inherited all the memories of ‘Cain’, though imperfect.
What has already happened can never be undone, but the girls who were with me still exist here. As of yet, nothing has been decided.
I want to love Bianca, Iris, Ariel, and Kyrie. I love you. love. After falling in love, he tries to take responsibility for all of them.
After all, there was only one answer I could give Arya at this moment. No, other than that, I couldn’t say anything to her. All of these were answers that came out of my terrible selfishness.
“…okay. I love her, Iris.”
Being in a relationship didn’t make me fall in love with Iris. Because he loved her, he agreed to a relationship with her. Although it is me and not me at the same time, ‘Cain von Estel’ of the past loved a woman named Iris El Devhardt. So I, too, just love Iris. That was the only story.
“…it’s okay if you resent me. As you said, it is true that I have no integrity, and it is also true that I am reaching out to other women recklessly.”
I’m sorry, Aria. I’m sorry I couldn’t understand your heart. No, I’m so sorry that I can only give you this kind of answer, even though I understand it so well. For you, I’m just such an ugly person.
However, Arya just smiles sadly at my words. Maybe it’s an illusion of my eyes, it feels like she’s going to cry any moment.
“…It’s shameful, really.”
“…..”
“If you talk to me with an expression like you’re about to cry, you have nothing to say.”
“…Do you mind if I ask you one more thing?”
“…what?”
“Why did you come to love Iris el Devhart?”
That, too, was an unanswerable answer. Because it was a story of a future we haven’t met yet. Because it was a fragment of the future that I didn’t want to tell Arya about.
“…sorry.”
In response to my answer, Arya, who was not ready to ask another question, finally kept her mouth shut. For some reason, I felt like I could guess what the question she was going to ask me was about.
“…it’s okay. Because I believe in Cain. So, I won’t ask any more questions like this.”
Saying that, Aria grabs one of my hands and takes it. Our hands were cold, but when they overlapped, it felt warm.
“Later, even after a very long time, it’s okay. So, be sure to tell me why someday.”
It’s okay, even if you’re hiding something from me, it’s okay. Because I’m hiding something from you too.
But I believe that one day, the day will come when neither of us have anything to hide from each other. Because I know very well what kind of eyes you looked at me at the end of winter and the beginning of spring.
So I’ll trust you for now. Thank you for not telling me lies. The fact that you are the person I fell in love with is really, fortunately. really-
Warmth begins to build up in the hands that hold each other like that. Even without words, I could feel that there was something connected. The very moment when the atmosphere surrounding the two of us was also warmly about to unravel-
aang-!
A huge explosion rang in my ears.
Surprised, I turned my head to where the explosion came from, and there was a truly unbelievable scene being created there.
Woo woo woo woo-
The peak of the mountain located behind the imperial palace was being cut obliquely. Even at a cursory glance, the top of the mountain, which seemed to be over 500 meters high, was cut like cutting a cake, and the scene of falling to the ground was just a truly unrealistic scene.
“…no way.”
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My voice trembled on its own. Because, to my knowledge, only one person in the archipelago had the ability to slice a mountain like a cake.
“Oh, it seems that it started because I couldn’t stand it.”
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Meanwhile, Aria is just looking at that shocking sight with a carefree attitude.
“…what the heck?”
To my question, Arya only answered in a really nonchalant tone.
“It’s the chatter of shameless stray cats, what else is there?”