16. Before the end – 01
Then, let’s talk about one last woman.
About 20 years ago from now, since I was born, it is a tool whose use has been prescribed by my family.
A story about a small doll in a cage that was completed over a period of almost the same amount of time it has lived.
In fact, to confess to Jessie, Sarah Cernard had been engaged to Cain von Estel, and had no feelings about the fact that she and he might marry in the future. I wasn’t particularly happy, sad, bored, or offended.
No matter how much she was raised as a tool, and since she was born until now, she has never questioned its use, but she was also well aware of the common sense of the world. It wasn’t that I didn’t know what marriage meant, that a man and a woman get married, and it wasn’t that I didn’t know what it meant to spend my whole life with a certain man.
…However, there was no agitation in her heart. No matter how much she was a tool, she thought that she would be able to feel some kind of emotion as long as she was used as a tool, but she just kept her heart calm as usual.
In that moment, Sarah Cernard realized. Although he was prescribed by others as a tool, and was raised as a tool, he prided himself on maintaining a human heart.
That he, too, had become accustomed to seeing himself as a tool, like adults who grasp everything in the world as numbers and values. The fact that he must have become a machine in the shape of a human as they intended.
It wasn’t that I longed for a normal, casual life like everyone else. Nor did I want to attach special meaning to the life of a woman named Sarah Cernard. She just wanted to feel something that could cover the pain in her life full of pain.
Even in front of the engagement ceremony that might decide her life itself, her heart was still without any ripples.
There was no way a woman who could easily cut off and discard her own feelings could not value the feelings of others. She cut the man named Cain von Estel out of her heart, as if she should have done it in the first place.
And one day, in a completely unexpected place, I came to reunite with him.
…What happened after that, I don’t think I need to explain further.
Still, if I had to put it into words, it was a miracle.
I thought there would be no more joy in my life, I thought I would never feel any more emotion…
Through the time I was with him, I tasted the feeling of my heart beating wildly, which I thought was certain to have been plated. It was as if he could feel the blood rushing through his body, which seemed to be made of tin.
So, she was terrified and frightened.
Is this miracle, this joy really her own, and is it okay to give it to a woman like her? Having already cut him off once, she wondered if she had the right to come close to him.
So I gave up. No, I pretended to give up. However, there was no way to do anything about the lingering regret in my heart, so I made up my mind to be of help by circling around him ugly.
And now, she has come to realize the whole truth. About the harsh truth shared by everyone except her.
“…..”
In fact, if you look at it, no one in the world might be able to hold a woman named Sarah Cernard guilty.
Well, isn’t that a natural thing? What happened before the return was nothing more than what Sarah was unaware of, let alone aware of. You don’t even know it, you don’t remember it, much less it hasn’t happened yet.
Crucially, Cain had no intention of holding any guilt against her. In the past, when the princess tried to drive her by citing Sara’s past, Cain stopped the princess. I didn’t understand anything at the time, so I didn’t understand their conversation, but now I understand. Perhaps at that time, it must have been clear that Cain protected himself from not knowing the truth and covered it in his own way.
…but he knew best, no one else. That what the princess and Kirie said were never wrong. That’s how she didn’t even remember things that didn’t happen, and she accepted it as her own fault.
It was because Sarah was in love with Cain right now. Because in the past, I was secretly liking him like he had a crush on me.
And because I was acutely aware of how sloppy and heartbreaking this unrequited love was.
In fact, on the night he was saved, he proudly said that he would give up on love, but in fact, he was himself who had no attachment to him at all.
On the day of Ystad’s festival, he decorated Aria with all his heart, saying that he hoped it would go well with him, but in fact, he secretly wished that the date between the two would not go smoothly.
After arriving at Estelle’s family, he felt himself at a loss for what to do when he saw him laughing and chatting with other women.
In other words, it wasn’t pure love, it wasn’t heartbreaking love, and it wasn’t even pure love that only looked at one person.
It must have been a time filled with regret, just looking at the other woman next to him and feeling soggy jealous and in pain.
…that’s 10 years. Although he was suffering so much from the pain he had experienced in less than a year, Cain could not bear the fact that he had endured such pain for 10 years-
No matter how much it is all gone now, even if it is nothing more than a thing that does not exist in one’s memory.
Looking at his back, it is clear that the fact that he has been in pain for 10 years is a fact that will never change.
So, you have to take responsibility. It’s not because someone ordered it, and it’s not forced. It’s just something she’s taking on herself because she wants to take responsibility for the pain he had to feel.
Taking responsibility is actually a very simple thing. The pain that someone else had to go through because of you, and you also go through it as it is.
If you have caused financial damage to someone, you must compensate for it, and if you have suffered because of yourself, you must suffer the same. And as a result, the victim must see it, understand it, and forgive himself.
That’s what it means to take responsibility for what you do.
Then, how could a woman named Sarah Cernard take responsibility for Cain von Estel? In what form should the requiem for the pain he had to feel be made?
“…..”
Sara stared blankly at the dagger made of tree branches that Kyrie had handed to her. The effect of this twig is really simple. According to Kirie, since it is a dagger that pierces the essence of humans, not the spirit and body, it is possible to die quickly without even having to feel pain.
Sara touched the branch she was holding in her hand. The tips of the branches are so blunt that even if they poke a person, it seems like they won’t be able to hurt them. I still can’t believe that if I stick this into my heart, everything will end just like that.
“…Cain.”
A lot, I thought. And indeed, after long consideration, Sarah was able to come up with an answer. No, maybe the answer was decided from the beginning. I was able to get the answer to how I should act in the future and how I could atone for him without leaving any regrets.
Yes, the way that a woman named Sarah Cernard can take responsibility for Cain von Estel is—
****
The days are gradually getting darker. Kyrie was looking up at the sky with her back leaning on the outside of the backyard where Cain and Ariel had a conversation not long ago.
“……”
In fact, Kirie likes to look up at the sky without thinking. Because everything has always been the same. A thousand years ago or now, the sky boasted unchanging scenery without any change. Even as the time of a thousand years passed, the land underwent such drastic changes that the scenery of the past could no longer be found.
She likes things that don’t change. In the eyes of her, who has lived for over a thousand years, things change too quickly. In the finite flow of time, it was indeed a tragedy that the only thing that did not change existed other than oneself.
However, recently, things have happened that inject a little vitality into her bored mind. The endless winter, the winter witch, Cain von Estel, and the phenomenon called ‘Return’ that has already happened several times around him.
To be honest, the many plays that had taken place were more than enough to soothe her boredom that had accumulated over a thousand years. It must have been a surprisingly fun spectacle to see the ending of what kind of choices the different women made when they themselves became the main characters.
But, unfortunately, it seemed that the game should come to an end at this point. This time, it was not just a simple game, but I felt the need to be a little more serious. Because, unlike the previous regressions, a white-haired girl, Aria, existed by Cain’s side.
Even though she was weak enough to be incomparable to the time when she received the faith of all the people on the continent a thousand years ago, she was a different being than a human being in the first place. Moreover, in only two years, she regained all her powers as a witch, and to make matters worse, she even regained several memories she had forgotten for a while.
Before returning, it took 10 years for her to regain her power as a ‘witch’, but this time she regained all her powers in just 2 years. Then, if eight years had passed from now, what would Arya be like?
“…..”
Although some of her own bad taste was included in the middle, there was only one purpose that Kyrie wanted from the beginning. It was for that purpose that he handed Sarah Cernard the courtesy ‘suicide’ dagger, and that he provoked Ariel Thiers to instill a sense of purpose in her. Well, although the main guest tended to be a bit inverted.
The goal that the guardian of the world tree, Kyrie el Denaris, aspired to was none other than—
rustle.
“…are you here?”
When she turned her head to the direction where she heard the sound of stepping on the grass, she saw Ariel Thiers with the same elegant expression as usual.
It didn’t take long for her to make the decision, but I could vividly feel how much anguish and anguish there must have been in that short amount of time.
Because right now, Ariel’s eyes were shining more colorfully than she had ever seen.
“…Have you decided, Ariel? Have you finally realized what you must do?”
Ariel nodded her head without blinking an eye at those words from Kirie, who was only looking at her for interest.
“Yes, thanks to your advice, I have come to a realization. If I were a mother of one child, I could clearly distinguish what to do and what not to do. I’d like to thank you for that. Kyrie.”
‘lie.’
At Ariel’s straightforward answer, Kyrie sneered inwardly. That woman now has other ulterior motives. But even so, there was a purpose to achieve something separately, so it must be that he was ‘pretending’ to agree with his will.
‘…well, it doesn’t matter that much.’
Even if that woman has other feelings, it doesn’t matter. Because it’s not just Ariel who’s wearing another bag right here…
“okay. Then, this time, let’s take the two of us one step ahead to save this world.”
He was lying because he was the same.
“Isn’t it a virtue of being a wise wife to take care of the hard work first without making your only husband suffer?”