16. Before the end is over – 10
“…Sarah? What the hell are you doing?”
The situation is completely incomprehensible. Why the hell is she aiming that kind of thing at her own heart? I mean, how are you trying to do something like this? And what the hell is that tree branch she’s holding? Everything, nothing makes sense.
“Yes, of course it was to end his life, right? With your own hands, no one else’s.”
Sara’s tone as she was answering me was nothing but plain, and it was no different from the tone she used to give me on a regular basis. And that was what frightened me more than anything else.
Even though he was aiming such a dangerous weapon at his heart that threatened his life, the fact that his complexion did not change was the same as saying that he had already made up his mind in his heart.
“…..”
I gently rolled my eyes and glanced at Bianca and Iris. The girls also looked puzzled, as if Sarah didn’t know how to act like that all of a sudden, but as if they had already grasped the situation, they were preparing to subdue Sara by raising magic power and aura in their bodies.
I don’t know what Sarah was thinking to do such a crazy thing, but unfortunately, the chances that she could succeed in killing herself on the spot were extremely low. Because there were two masters and one wizard who could use Aura.
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Moreover, Bianca is a woman who is already a great wizard who has reached the level of knowing how to use magic with a no-delay spear. No matter how ominous the f*cking tree branch was pointed right above Sara’s chest, if Bianca used magic herself, it wouldn’t be a problem to harden her whole body.
“…I’m sorry, but that’s useless. Little Duke. I know very well that the duke and the lowly princess are warriors who have reached the state, and I also know that Bianca is a great wizard, but if you think that I came here without thinking, it is a huge mistake.”
Saying that, Sarah raised her left hand and very gently touched the earrings and necklace.
“The earrings and necklace I am wearing are magical tools that increase the wearer’s anti-magic power. Of course, it’s a useless item in front of an archmage like Bianca, but at least I’ll have time to embed it into my heart. So let me warn you in advance. If Bianca tries to use magic on me, or if the little duke or his servant shows any sign of movement, I will shove this into his heart without hesitation. So, you’d better not think of any nonsense.”
“…What.”
We were all at a loss for words when we saw Sarah threatening us with nothing else but her own life as a mortgage.
“…Sorry, Little Duke. Actually, I didn’t want to threaten the Duke by using myself as a hostage as if I was showing off like this. Actually, instead of bothering you like now, I intended to go somewhere quiet and take my own life. However, no matter how much I thought about it, I couldn’t help but think that it wasn’t the right answer.”
For a moment, I did not miss the slightest trembling of Sarah’s hands holding the branch.
“Because if you go somewhere and die secretly just to be comfortable with me, that’s just running away, right? I needed someone to admit I was wrong, to condemn me, to hurt me, to tell me I wasn’t worth living. So even if it’s cumbersome, I’ve prepared a place like this. At least in my last moments, I wanted the Duke to judge me personally.”
In Sarah’s eyes, there was already a strong will. It could not but be clear evidence that the stage of persuading her with words had already passed.
…However.
“…why.”
Even though I knew better than anyone that this was exactly what Sarah wanted from me, I had no choice but to ask her a question.
“Why? Sarah. Wasn’t your purpose to be liberated from family oppression and live a free life? Nothing is holding you back now. You can do anything now, you can be anything. Wasn’t that your only purpose when you first asked me for help? But as soon as you are free, do you think of killing yourself?”
“…the body of freedom?”
Sarah must have sensed something from my words, so she blinked her eyes for a moment, and then a small smile appeared on her face.
“Yeah, come to think of it, that seems to be the problem. I am the foolish woman who has been duped by the word freedom and the flattery that she can do anything, and has not been able to look beneath her own feet.”
In her smile, which seemed like a painting, there was only anger and ridicule towards herself.
“Certainly, I dreamed and desired nothing but freedom in my life. She hated her own situation of growing up as a family puppet, and only felt resentful of her situation when she would be engaged to be engaged to be sold to a man she didn’t know her face when the time came. That’s why I made up my mind that even if I sold my body, I would never give my heart to anyone.”
In an instant, the image of ‘Sarah Cernard’ came to mind in my head. Sarah, like a doll, never smiled once during our engagement ceremony. And even at the wedding venue with Lucian, Sara had a stiff face like a mannequin.
“In the end, ‘Sarah Cernard’ of the past did a great job keeping that promise she made to herself. Even though she was engaged to Cain von Estel, she did not allow her heart to the end. That’s why I was able to leave him without looking back, even though I knew full well that Cain von Estel loved me.”
What did she mean by that? Who was she referring to? Sara was now confessing to me about her past self, but her words were hurting herself rather than reaching me.
“…But, there is nothing wrong with you. Just like you said, we were just betrothed for political reasons. Since the first button wasn’t put in a good shape, the end couldn’t have been good either. So there is no reason for you to feel indebted to the engagement.”
Also, the fact that I truly fell in love with my fiancée Sarah Cernard. It was just that I had unrequited love for her. Unrequited love that did not become love overflows all over the world. At most, the fact that you turned away from someone’s heart is never a reason to end your own life-
“Your Majesty is right. Cain von Estel and Sarah Cernard of the past were nothing more than walking on a different path from the beginning. It’s a bit shameless to say it, but I also don’t think I did anything wrong in the past. The Sarah Cernard of the past just made the best choice she could.”
Sarah’s face, which smiled at Cook, looked like she was crying for some reason.
“However, with Sara Cernard now, the story is somewhat different. Because the current me, I know everything.”
“…everything?”
Does Kyrie mean the things that happened before the return?
“Yes. It’s not just a story told. I also saw it all through the ‘string’. I was able to see everything from the perspective of a man named Cain von Estel. The mistakes, the original sins, the mistakes that Sarah Cernard had committed. And even the feelings the Duke felt while looking at her. All.”
…A quiet voice echoes throughout the room.
Her eyes staring at me were desperately revealing what she had seen and what emotions she had to feel.
“…how.”
Is it because the vision is out of focus, or is it because of some other reason? For some reason, I couldn’t look straight into Sarah’s face.
“…I know very well. That what I’m doing is just a simple deterrence. It is an act close to the beating of a child who puts his own emotions first without logic or logic. However-“
However, she just couldn’t turn away from the pain that was blooming in her heart.
Yes. Although it was only for a moment, there was a time when I was monopolizing your love.
It was a useless time that ended up scattering everywhere like petals blown by the spring breeze, but deep down I tasted the subtle joy of your love for me.
…But at the same time, I was terrified. I was afraid that I would forget my purpose after falling in love with you. I was afraid that if I really loved you, this too would play out the way the family wanted.
That’s why I was left out. And if he was going to turn away from him and betray him, he decided to take on the villain thoroughly. I knew that if I apologized, my heart would be at ease as if I had been given indulgence.
…No, in fact, this is also a lie. I was just desperately pretending not to know.
because i’m sick too I am also like this, but I rationalized myself under the thought of who could help and take care of whom.
In the end, it hurt him. The 10 years he loved me disappeared in an instant.
That too, in a very ephemeral form.
You are right. My past toward you cannot be said to be a random sin. Nor is it a story that has to end with someone dying. In this world, there are far more stories of love that ended up happening than love that ends with a happy ending. The reason people yearn for a happy ending is because they know very well that it is difficult to achieve.
And even though I know it well, I think that what I did was wrong and that I should pay the penalty. Considering himself ugly, he only sought sincere atonement for him.
…Because I love you very much right now.
since when What moment was it? That moment when I fell in love with you
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Maybe from that night in the woods when you brought me out of a long nightmare.
No, actually that day it was raining. Maybe from the time you came looking for me through the rain.
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Maybe, it was from when you hugged me tight that you would save me.
No matter how long it was, I think that this woman has been in love with you and has only followed your back.
But there were already women by your side who couldn’t even compare to me. And I thought that I, who had already left you once, could not seek your love without shame.
That’s why I wanted to stay by your side and be your strength. Although the form is different, I wonder if this is also a kind of love while masturbating.
…Someday, I secretly hoped that he would also recognize this kind of love for me.
Self-indulgent love that doesn’t expect anything in return. A noble sacrifice for him.
Intoxicated with such ugly, disgusting self-satisfaction, she considered herself the heroine of a tragedy-
I just couldn’t stand it. Through the past Kyrie showed me, now that I learned the truth of the past, I felt so ridiculous and disgusted with myself.
He, who had suffered so much for 10 years because of his betrayal, saved himself without a moment’s hesitation.
He angered me on my behalf, cried on my behalf, and even brought me out of a long nightmare in the end.
Actually, I was intoxicated with myself and stayed by his side, pursuing only happiness, on the subject that I could not do anything with my fate in front of me.
…I don’t have the confidence to endure this contradiction. Just now, I told him to judge me, but he was wrong. It is none other than oneself who has passed this judgment on oneself.
At this moment, because I love you with all my heart, I yearn to end everything with death in front of you-
“…no. This is not what I wanted. I didn’t crave freedom so much just to be this kind of person!”
A roar reverberates toward oneself, not someone else. The current Sara Cernard was sincere. Now, she only hoped to heal all the contradictions she was facing through her own death.
In the end, I hated it. The Sarah Cernard of the past, who, at the end of her longing for freedom, threw away all the happiness she could have had. and the current self.
“To be honest, I still don’t know what’s right and what’s wrong. However, there is one thing I can say for sure. That is, it means that you must take responsibility for any wrongdoing you have committed. The old duchess suffered so much pain and suffering, so I must pay the price accordingly. So don’t beat yourself up. The one who decided to atone in this form is none other than myself.”
Saying that, Sara put strength into her hands holding the branch. Watching her shoulder tendons twitch, I involuntarily screamed at her.
“Sarah!”
“Then, bye. Oh, and.”
Smiling at me, Sarah leaves her final words.
“I love you. It’s as sincere as this. Cain.”
Her hair flutters all over the place. Before she even had time to use her hands, the branch gently dug into her heart.
and-