57 – 19. I am cursed.(2)
A small mountain above the city.
The church built like a symbol there.
The stone steps to climb it had the stubbornness to not allow even a small cart, let alone a wagon.
Other than climbing with backpacks, there is no choice but to climb with feet.
A great wizard can fly and climb.
Or going up through the woods, ignoring the stairway.
A steep hill.
It is a sheer cliff and different from a canyon, but even those who are accustomed to mountain trails will not choose the mountain path, even if they climb the stairs.
But.
Kariel was rather used to such mountain roads.
Climbing the stairs would be more difficult.
At first, I thought about whether I should go up here or not.
Unexpectedly, he decided that there was no need to worry and ran straight up the mountain as if climbing a tree.
Let’s reach the summit, the last place where the church can be seen.
“… Uh, did you come all the way up here?”
I ran into Alessia, who was just following the well-maintained path towards the stairs.
As we saw for the first time, the outfit has a unique golden cross pattern on top of chain armor on a pure white background.
He has a small backpack, but he is wearing various gears.
Even St. Cariel’s straight sword had no sheath yet, so it was wrapped around the body in a cloth and wrapped around his waist.
Aside from that, the other armaments were on the back, and since it was hung from the waist, both hands were relatively free.
“I told Filvar just in case, did you really intend to leave right away?”
“… Yes. I didn’t know there was a holiday festival.”
Perhaps, if I hadn’t had work today, I might have even visited the festival.
I have changed my mind.
Things have changed.
Any excuse is fine.
“Are you going to leave Alessia too?”
“Well, that’s… I was thinking of going with you too.”
“With me? Where?”
“To your destination.”
“… ….”
Looking at the silent Kariel, Alessia talks a little awkwardly.
“I heard the news. I just heard it. You said you came out of the system in the name of a pilgrimage to the Holy Land?”
“A pilgrimage?”
After thinking about it for a while, Kariel thought about whether she came up with such an excuse.
Perhaps it was Elhermina’s idea.
“You must now know who I am.”
“… ….”
Alessia closed her lips for a moment there.
“I don’t know the details. Really.”
Even when she stopped by Jedo Island many years ago, she wasn’t very interested in him either.
Why do people around me pay so much attention to what others say?
She is the ugliest of her warrior’s children, and Kariel has been criticized and criticized in many ways.
At the time she was listening to it, Alessia, likewise, had no other thoughts.
The descendents and heirs who grew up in famous families, show off their foolish and ugly appearance… Because it’s surprisingly common.
It could be because it’s crooked, or it’s broken and twisted because of excessive expectations, pressure, and forced responsibility… Because she’s seen it countless times.
If you think about it that way, it’s not uncommon.
Could it be an exception to that, given that it is the lineage of the warrior?
She shook her head firmly.
“If you want to leave the city, you’d better go before sunrise. If you just rush in from outside, it will take a long time to get out.”
After saying that, she headed towards her stairs again.
“Alessia has a place to go, right?”
“For this?”
She pointed to Saint Kariel’s sword hanging from her waist.
“Since I talked to the priest, let’s say I send someone to deliver a more detailed report. It’s something I’ll keep and listen to later.”
For example.
She said she would follow Kariel herself.
That’s what I’m saying.
“Do you know where I am going?”
“… If it’s going to and from the Holy Land, it has something to do with me.”
Or not.
“Or was that story just a rumor after all?”
“… ….”
Kariel said, taking her eyes off her for a moment.
“Strictly speaking, I came here by accident. I just wanted to see the place where my name came from.”
However, strangely, I encountered a strange relationship.
Her heart felt heavy again at her consideration and arrangement.
It wasn’t what I was hoping for. She
She didn’t even expect it.
Even mere imagination.
Perhaps neither they nor he had high expectations of me.
Just… He has come where he must come, and the time is ripe to face him.
“You don’t have to follow me. There will be no obligation or responsibility to do so.”
“What if I want to do it?”
“…… Why?”
I want to. What does
Mean?
“I am genuinely worried about you, and my heart goes… Would you like to accompany me?”
“… ….”
That’s… I don’t know.
“This is strange. Alessia is the first time I met this time, right? Meanwhile, she has a reason to be attached to me… Do you have it?”
Alessia questioned her a little, as if she was stumped.
“Kariel. I mean a person People like people, take interest in others, and things like that… Make sure to take each other’s point of view, think about calculations or think about it, and then make a decision. Ah, words get complicated. Anyway, you don’t have to go through all of that, do you?”
“… Is it like that?”
“Because my heart goes, because I want to. Wouldn’t that be a good enough reason?”
“… ….”
Is that so?
Something sounds obvious.
Why does it sound so distant?
“You are very interested in me and like me, so it’s very burdensome.”
“No… Talking like that makes me feel embarrassed.”
Alessia avoids her gaze for no reason.
“Thank you very much. But… I am not in a position to accompany anyone on this journey.”
“Why? If I… Are you as burdened as you just said?”
“Alessia is burdensome… I’m not sure about that. The favor is appreciated, and there is even a dark heart in it. But even that is a grateful interest to me.”
…… Like.
Talk about yourself, talk as if talking to someone else.
As if excluding the sense of immersion and rationally writing a sentence on top of a paper scroll.
“Then, if you like me and want to be with you? When I said I like you… It’s never a show, is it? Ah, no way because of my age and size….”
“That doesn’t matter at all.”
I think it was good.
Even a dark heart will eventually become true someday.
Not just playing with fire, but lighting up the embers more vividly.
Someday, I’ll light more fire than that.
Such passion and determination.
The desire to own oneself.
The desire to be possessed.
… Affection.
Because the desire to love and be loved has been conveyed so clearly.
I don’t know if someone will make fun of this, calling it lustful or something.
Even so… If we can be good and satisfied with each other, is that really vice or evil?
If the result of impulse acts as regret in the future… It could be, of course.
“When I left the system, I left a lot behind.”
It’s like throwing it away.
“And one of the reasons.”
Kariel looked up at the night sky and said.
“… ….”
And as if blocking the night sky.
A girl with bright gold eyes, curiously watching us with her chin on her chin.
It was a blessing and a curse at the same time.
It was a curse and a salvation at the same time.
Perhaps, if time were turned back and the same choices were given.
I am willing.
Ten times and a hundred times.
I will continue that choice.
“I colluded with the demon king.”
That means.
It hit Alessia’s brain like a shock.
“What… ?”
“A curse is a curse, and a contract is a contract.”
For example.
I can’t be complacent.
If I don’t defeat my father.
In the end, everything related to me is broken.
Myself is no longer a problem.
I appreciate and thank you for sending me a favor.
That’s why it’s more burdensome and more difficult.
It was as if the burden on my back was only increasing.
Thank you.
… Afraid.
How much more so with someone who shows affection to me.
Even if it comes to fruition.
… It must mean that I will hand over the seeds of the curse I am bound to, and the embers intact.
How can I handle that?
Even if you want to close your eyes and look away.
Even those who say they want to be left unattended.
It was already too late, at least a long time ago.
“… ….”
But.
Nevertheless, because of that, I regained the leisure to look up at the night sky innocently.
So don’t be resentful.
I do not hate.
This result is also mine.
My absolute choice.
“Yes. As you can see, I am cursed. And that’s probably not something anyone would dare to do in this day and age.”
“Now, wait a minute. I think I heard it wrong, but….”
“No. You heard me right. I’ll say it again. I was cursed by the demon king, and I have work to do for that.”
Therefore.
“I am in no position to accompany anyone. There is no room for that.”
“No! So even more me!”
From noble mtl dot com
“Miss Alessia.”
Kariel bowed her head deeply.
“Thank you very much. Thanks for your interest and affection… I could be saved for a while.”
However.
“In the end, whether it is salvation or salvation, it is all up to you. It’s not something anyone can do for you.”
“… What if you can’t do it yourself? What if it is impossible?”
Alessia remembers. She
She knew she was in a situation she couldn’t help, because she went through that too in her childhood.
But.
Therein lies the difference between the two.
This is an irreducible gap.
Surely, Kariel got the help of the Demon King.
However, even that help was only possible because she had made up her mind on her own.
Take the pain and accept the irrationality.
She was able to do this because she was determined and persevered.
If not, would the demon king have left him alone?
Kariel herself, could she change like she does now?
“Even that is destiny after all.”
That’s why. She
She gave up praying.
Also, knowing that someone is doing you unconditional goodwill.
I no longer expected, trusted, or dreamed.
I don’t know how others feel.
At least, not me.
So if there is someone who can’t save himself.
If there is an existence that must be saved only through others unconditionally.
“… I think that is also a given part of me.”
In the end, that’s the story.
Even fully accepting that fact is yourself.
Even vehemently denying that fact and going wild.
Completely one’s own share.
Closing down when you can’t see the answer is also a choice.
Wandering around the thorny road until your limbs are broken in search of an answer, even though you think there is no way to find it.
… Her own share.
I like this… I realized it while facing the demon king.
And if you don’t want to make that realization meaningless.
If you don’t want the past covered with regrets to be covered with more regrets than the present.
… It was impossible to settle down, and even the time to sit down was a waste.
“Alessia, you and the many people I met here became entangled with my curse. So, I’m at least trying to stop it… We have to solve this problem.”
“Not just saying, really… ?”
“There’s no way the voice you just say can be this heavy, right?”
Kariel draws a clumsy smile.
Alessia felt great sadness there.
Although I’ve never shown a proper smile before.
Are you trying to forcefully smile at something that isn’t even a joke?
Is it self-help? Or is it some kind of self-blame?
“If I want to follow you even at the cost of that? I love you so much….”
“Thank you.”
A word of rejection, not acceptance.
“As much as I love you, I think I can do my best. I am you.”
I don’t want to be unhappy.
How much less, if it was due to some fateful irrationality that even she herself didn’t know about, or something caused by malice.
“I can only be strong when I am alone.”
If someone stays by my side.
Because I want to rely on it right away.
Because I want to lean on it.
Your heart is so strong.
… How I stood on my two legs
I feel like I’ll forget even that soon.
…… He couldn’t handle his own weakness.
More than when I’m with other people, when I’m with Alessia.
Because those longings, desires, and thirsts became more severe.
I feel like she will embrace me without any resistance.
The unconditional favor and affection.
How can it be so burdensome?
“That’s why. You did nothing wrong. Rather, we should be grateful.”
This is just that.
“It’s just my weakness.”
“… ….”
I have a lot to say.
There are many things that come to mind and come to mind.
It’s nothing like that… How can you do
It would have been possible, of course, to pour out rants.
For some reason, the lips do not come off.
It’s because of Kariel’s expression and eyes.
She completely put herself down.
Those eyes that seem to only care about this side….
“What if the method you try does not work? Or if there is another way?”
“… ….”
Kariel suddenly looked up at her.
There’s nothing there.
Although it is clear that there is nothing.
A very brief moment.
Alessia, she felt like she saw something.
But she doesn’t know what it is.
All that comes to mind is brilliant gold.
“Please don’t worry.”
Kariel said with a surprisingly comfortable face.
“I don’t vaguely resent anyone, but even so, it has come to this point… It’s also who’s to blame.”
I don’t hold grudges.
She misunderstood the object she should be resentful of, and she wouldn’t hate someone who was petty.
“That is why I am cursed.”
A curse is a curse.
A contract is a contract.
Anything is fine.
I will keep my promise.
I don’t mean to say that I’m protecting someone I care about, or that my face gets hot.
To be honest, that’s for later.
Someone said that he was too childish towards himself like that, and that it was possible to hold a grudge against him so fiercely.
No matter what you say to yourself.
… Is that what i know
“Thank you for loving me.”
And just in case.
“If the day comes when I put down the burden I am carrying, would you please come back then?”
If that’s the case.
I will gladly welcome your affection.
Eventually.
My failure leads to her unhappiness.
Besides that, it will lead to the misfortune of countless people.
At the point where Elhermina had affection for me.
If I don’t fulfill her role, it will lead to misfortune for her and those around her.
This will soon spread to the misfortune of the empire.
“… ….”
That damn girl, she thought she was there and she didn’t confess her love to me.
My feelings for Elhermina are nothing but admiration.
With a bit more refinement, she’ll be respectable.
It does not include affection.
I don’t know how things will change later, but I wonder if the latter will come.
I am a bit skeptical.
But Alessia is different.
… Unless she changes her mind.
But in my heart, I hope it will change.
That way would be good for her too.
“…… Then I will have to do my best.”
In a subdued voice.
Looking at Kariel herself with empty eyes somewhere.
She said so.
“?”
“If the eundeok I have accumulated increases, he will listen to my prayers even a little more.”
Alessia smiled sadly.
“So from now on, I will pray for you.”
Please don’t be unhappy.
So that you can exert even a little more strength.
“… I don’t even know how I’ll change.”
If my heart doesn’t change even after that time.
“… At that time, I want you to accept my confession. Ah… Instead, get things done quickly and come back? Because I’m quite old too… If I miss the timing, wouldn’t I have to live alone all the time? I don’t know if I’ve been that religious, dedicating myself to God like everyone else… ‘Cause I’m a snob So I just want to get married quickly, have children, and live a happy life with less suffering.”
Sure.
“… ….”
She couldn’t bear to speak more of her. Staring at her.
Kariel lowered her head lightly.
Then I passed her and headed for her stairs.
Amid the increasing number of words.
It seemed that his voice was gradually becoming damp.
Because I couldn’t take care of my facial expressions, and the disheveled face caught my eye at first glance.
I decided to avoid it.
Would it hurt her?
Would it be comforting?
… I honestly don’t know.
Please be comforted.
Please.
Everyone who seeks is easily released.
As she wishes, the world is a little… Be good
I wish you a little more peace.
But I don’t pray.
Just… I hope.
I just put those wishes in the wind and let them go.