I’m the Main Villain but the Heroines Are Obsessed With Me chapter 101

101 – 43. Ian’s Reflection (2)

[I am not an extraordinary person. I don’t have the courage to jump into anything to save the world, nor do I have the strength to defeat demons without discrimination…. Just. I was a commoner living day by day, barely enduring.]

Ian Volkanov, or rather, Lee Hyunwoo.

Due to an electric shock accident, he was not an extraordinary person.

He wasn’t a genius who excelled in every field like those in novels or movies, and he didn’t possess the leadership qualities to lead everyone.

All he knew was to live his life, rolling through it like a rolling stone, using the skills he had.

To such Lee Hyunwoo, a new life was given. Unfortunately, it couldn’t be said to be entirely good.

[The existence of parents that I saw for the first time after possessing was awkward. Could they really be my family? I couldn’t believe it to the point of wondering if they were truly my family.]

Originally, Ian Volkanov should have been erased from this world.

Eris and Velfegor succeeded in resurrecting him by putting a new soul into his empty body.

However, irregulars were destined to be rejected by the flow of this world.

To Leticia and Kylain, the existence of Ian was feared and forbidden, so maternal or paternal feelings couldn’t arise.

[My parents often forgot not only my name but the existence itself, showing love abruptly like a malfunctioning doll and then returning to their previous state.]

He wanted warmth, but the moment he realized that only coldness awaited him ahead, he felt the presence of despair.

Sadness and despair. There were times when he felt like screaming while trapped in his room, thinking if this was the only path given to him in life.

But what was even more terrifying was the fact that even after such a tantrum, no one paid any attention.

The fear of living as someone who shouldn’t exist… the moment he realized that fact, his heart began to numb.

As expected, this world was not a blessing. But I didn’t want to admit that fact. If I accepted it, there would only be a harsh winter ahead of me. As someone who longed for spring, I decided to put an end to this cold myself.

I can’t keep denying forever. I knew from my past life that life doesn’t change if you just stay still, so I decided to change myself.

If I engraved the name Ian Volkanoth in everyone’s minds, the world would no longer be able to deny me.

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But even with that determination, there was still a real problem left.

“I will distort the world.” The first thing I tried when I made up my mind was to learn swordsmanship and mana. It’s regrettable that I can’t use the martial arts or boxing I learned, but for now, this was the best choice given the current situation.

Mana. The power bestowed upon this world by the goddess of peace, Eris. I had to be able to control the mysterious power flowing through Gaia.

If I couldn’t handle it, I would become useless. So I gritted my teeth and practiced it.

Swordsmanship was the same.

Even though it might not be properly researched like in a game, the people here saw those who swung their fists or rolled on the ground in fights as uncivilized. In order to engrave my name in everyone’s minds, Ian needed to be noble and exceptional, so he had to choose a new method.

And there happened to be a perfect method.

“Granting the blessing of regression.” Even though the goddess who possessed me and said those words might feel sorry, the talent for mana wasn’t bad at all. The problem was learning swordsmanship… I decided to secretly observe my father’s training.

Looking down from the attic of the mansion, through the window, I could see the training ground below.

Watching my father, who was famous for being the best swordsman in the empire, swing his sword, I clumsily imitated him.

Of course, if someone came into the room, it would be embarrassing… but I knew they would ignore me even if I cried and screamed, so it didn’t matter.

Learning swordsmanship for the first time was difficult. Just when I wanted to double-check if my posture was correct, my strict father moved on to the next technique. Sighs kept escaping from me, but what could I do? Since there was regression, time was abundant, so I just had to keep at it until it worked.

Although it made my heart dull and melancholic, it wasn’t all bad.

It made me able to focus solely on my goal without being swayed by petty emotions.

From then on, I practiced swordsmanship tirelessly.

Except for eating and bathing, my hand was always clutching a long branch, and I reduced my sleeping time to refine my mana.

From a distance, life is terrifying, and up close, it induces nausea. But it doesn’t matter. It was a life where anything was possible as long as fate could be twisted.

In Ian’s eyes, filled with sorrow, there was nothing to see, only the thought of reclaiming spring.

It was a time when, in the midst of repeating a hellish existence, he would think of a beautiful future every time he suffered.

[Disregarding interest in others and devoting oneself to training, it was a day when the door suddenly opened, and a girl with blue hair entered.]

The door that was thought to remain closed opened, revealing Celia Wignoran holding a branch. She looked at Ian, who was holding a branch, and chuckled.

[‘So, you’re Ian! Nice to meet you.’ With those words, the hand she extended and her bright face… I could never forget.]

The appearance of someone who could be considered a friend when they first met.

However, Ian could only keep his distance from her.

Why? Isn’t it simple? Because he thought he shouldn’t exist, so he would eventually be forgotten anyway.

It was surprising that she found herself and gave a bright smile. However, thinking it was an error caused by some unknown reason, he calmly responded, suppressing his excited feelings.

But the moment he realized that Celia was different from others, he couldn’t ignore her.

[I still don’t understand. How on earth does she treat me like an ordinary person… I was sure she would forget after tonight. However, when I opened my eyes, she was in the room, looking at me sleeping.]

Celia thought Ian was distancing himself because he caught a glimpse of her imitating swordsmanship with a branch and felt embarrassed.

But that wasn’t true.

Why would there be a reason to be embarrassed? Struggling to live is so admirable.

The only reason Ian treated her with reluctance was simple.

She didn’t appear like a malfunctioning machine like others did, and above all, she never forgot herself, always wearing a refreshing smile.

Doubts about when she might change like others arose, but at least the time spent with her was too precious.

[Celia, who had been rejected by her family for living with the curse of the Red Dragon that her father killed, began to bond with me, sharing the commonality of being outsiders.]

Exploring the forest together or spending time in a flower garden with blooming hyacinths, adorning crowns, began to awaken the emotion called happiness.

At the same time, the frozen future of Ian began to melt away.

[In that moment… I thought. If it’s her… I could spend my life with her. Originally, according to the plan, I had thought of distorting fate as soon as possible. But if I could see her smile even a little bit more… Maybe I could repeat life through regression a few times.]

It was the moment when Ian, who had been running forward with his eyes fixed ahead, gradually began to look around.

[Even though the future was clearly like an icy pond, Celia volunteered to be my companion and walk with me. Even in the Ark, she surrounded me, except for the platoon leader and other squad leaders who ignored me. She was eager to help me, without caring about her dignity as a noblewoman, and willingly sacrificed herself to clear the path for her younger sister, Ariel, who was a warrior.]

The time spent with her was incredibly happy.

The first love I ever experienced was so warm, and I didn’t want to let it slip away.

At the same time, a little bit of greed began to grow in Ian’s heart.

[When I graduated from the Academy and was subjugating demons with Celia… There was a time when I gently stroked her sleeping head and had this thought. If I regress… I might crumble.]

Regression. It was the power of the gods that could correct mistakes and start life again. It was such a sweet word.

Ian was so afraid of the price hidden beneath it.

If he failed, the timeline would go back, and he would be alone again.

Of course, Celia would still come to find him. But the thought of having to fill the bond they had built up until now was terrifying.

[If I succeed this time, I won’t need to go through such efforts… But I could predict to some extent while fighting. It means that it is impossible to deal with the demons who dirty the world on the first chance…]

He had to succeed somehow. If he saw her, who had lost her memories, he might truly crumble.

With that thought, he swung his sword relentlessly… But in the end, Ian failed.

When his heart was pierced by Satan’s sudden attack, the timeline began to rewind.

Ian could see it.

“You’re Ian, huh! Nice to meet you.”

“Ah… Ah…”

“Um… Why, why like that? Is something wrong?”

The sight of Celia, absent-mindedly swaying her head, having forgotten herself.

In a situation where the worst imagined scenario had become a reality, Ian, overcome with strength drained from him, ended up fainting involuntarily.

[The price of failure was truly bitter. Yet, knowing that I had countless opportunities given to me, I had no choice but to rise again.]

As agonizing as it was to the point of wanting to tear his own head off, he couldn’t give up. Knowing he couldn’t give up, Ian found himself wielding the sword once again.

To retrieve scattered memories… he had to run again.

Whether it was a thorny path or an icy path, it didn’t matter. To regain precious memories, sacrifices had to be made.

Was it the result of the efforts to carve away flesh? He succeeded in reviving the memories with her that had been scattered… but the journey of hardship was far from over.

[Building memories with Celia and losing my life to Satan. If I were to describe my life in one line, it might be something like this.]

I don’t know how many times I’ve tried… I counted up to 30 at one point, but I gave up counting after that.

Maybe the 50th attempt? I’m not sure, but around that time… Ian felt like he was standing at the edge of a cliff.

[At that moment, I sobbed in Celia’s arms, confessing everything. I confessed that I was a reincarnator… and if I couldn’t defeat Lucifer beyond Satan, I would lose memories with you, Erzabeth, and other precious people again… I was terrified of that.]

He cried in the arms of his beloved like a child. It was embarrassing, and the sturdy image he had built up until now might be shattered.

No more. He didn’t want to suffer alone while hiding the truth.

Whether she understood that feeling or not, Celia accepted Ian’s tears without saying a word.

“It’s okay, Ian…”

It was a moment when she said that while hugging Ian tightly.

[How long had it been like that? She made one suggestion to me. To transfer the attributes and take responsibility to make Ariel strong.]

The moment when a method to break this cycle began to appear.

Ian’s plan to break the cycle was simple.

While the chosen Ariel wielded the Holy Sword in the fight against Lucifer, allowing others to handle their own issues, taking care of her, who used happiness as a conduit for power.

However, this plan had two serious problems.

First, Ian was not strong enough to wipe out all the other demons.

Second, due to her parents’ constant fighting, Ariel did not have many happy memories from her childhood.

[Her plan was simple. Using the hidden pieces she obtained while conquering the dungeon, she would transfer her dark attribute to me. Then, using the seal stone obtained from the Miles family, she would create distance between us and try to create happy memories with Ariel.]

Ian, who couldn’t manifest his attribute, set out to find various hidden pieces to compensate for it, and among them, there were items that could transfer attributes.

Celia promised to use it to transfer her dark attribute to Ian.

At the same time, she would use the seal stone to instill a sense of rejection towards Ian and create a liking for Ariel, and then start a new life… That’s what she said.

It seemed like quite a plausible plan. No, it might really be a good plan.

If Ian were to gain the attribute, he would become even stronger, and if she, who had spent her childhood in Vulcanov, were to be with Ariel, she could create happy memories.

She would be able to solve all the flaws in Ian’s initial plan.

However… Ian couldn’t help but hesitate.

[It’s definitely a good method… but I couldn’t help but hesitate. If I make a mistake… I won’t be able to regain the relationship that has drifted apart.]

If they followed Celia’s proposed method and returned to their previous relationship, the possibility of defeating Lucifer would increase.

But how could they mend a relationship that had drifted apart?

In the worst-case scenario, Ian and Celia might never be able to be together again.

That can’t happen. Not only for his comrade, Erzebeth, but also because Celia was an extremely important existence to Ian.

Would he lose someone like her? The only understanding person he could rely on from his pitiful childhood?

Ian hesitated due to the fear that arose for no reason… but Celia met his gaze as if to reassure him.

“It’s okay. I’m okay. Don’t look at me like that, Ian…”

“Celia…”

“Then…. Promise me. You know. If the happy future you paint unfolds… and if I regain my memories.”

She, who took a deep breath, spoke again.

“At that time, will you welcome me back as your friend? I’m fine with just that…”

Celia at that moment… with flushed cheeks, was shedding tears endlessly.