198 – Ner’s Choice (2)
Over the next few days, Ner could not sleep.
As Sien’s condition worsened, she dedicated herself even more to making medicine.
But perhaps it was already too late.
It was a truth that Berg didn’t want to hear, but it was the truth.
Even if she were to make a more fitting and effective medicine, it would be meaningless considering how weak her body had become.
Healing a body this weak was the domain of miracles, sorcery, or magic.
“…”
It wasn’t just because she was worried about Sien that Ner was like this.
She was worried about Berg, who was worried about Sien.
As Sien’s body weakened rapidly and ominous news about Crund circulated, Berg had an even harder time.
At the same time, the devil’s whispers were still with her.
What kind of future would unfold if Sien wasn’t here?
Could it be an opportunity that comes?
No matter how hard she tried to deny the thoughts by shaking her head and hitting it, the whispers kept echoing in her mind.
Perhaps it was because she knew how sweet the fruit was.
The days spent with Bergh were unforgettable happiness for her.
But she had an inkling.
It didn’t seem likely that Sien would die and she would be loved instead.
It was just a feeling.
For some reason…it was an impossible thing.
Ner was also continuing the hardships.
Without any rest, she studied and took care of Sien.
Even then, she envied Sien for having everything she wanted.
As she wiped the sweat from Sien’s body…she imagined if Bergh had touched this body.
As she wiped Sien’s mouth with a cloth when he was throwing up…she thought about whether Bergh would continue to kiss these lips.
As she covered Sien’s belly with a blanket, she thought about a child with Bergh, and as she looked at sleeping Sien, she wondered how much Bergh had watched over this person.
It wasn’t easy to endure these imaginations and still suffer for Sien.
It felt like continuing strenuous exercise without water.
“…”
If there was only one thing she wanted…it was Bergh’s acknowledgment.
She wished he would praise her for trying so hard for Sien, whom she hated.
She wanted him to know that she was doing all these things for him.
In the process…it seemed like it would be nice if she could show him even a glimpse of the affection she had shown before.
Like Bergh, she was reaching her limit.
Was this also the result of their soul binding? Although the connection on paper was broken…Ner wondered if it continued inwardly.
There must have been various reasons for reaching the limit.
It was hard to endure physical hardship, not receiving affection from Bergh…but perhaps she was suffering even more at the sight of Bergh wavering.
The fact that she might be the one causing him pain also hurt her.
“…Sigh.”
With a light sigh, endless pain was contained.
If Bergh could just hold her once…no, if he could just show her a single expression of love remaining for her, it seemed like she would gain strength.
But she knew it too.
It’s not a situation to wish for such a thing right now.
It was unthinkable to ask him for such a thing when he had no room to spare.
It was something she couldn’t say, to look at herself struggling.
Because he was struggling too.
Rather, right now Ner wanted to comfort Berg with her whole heart.
She wished he would hold on firmly and gather strength.
For that reason, she was tirelessly making medicine.
In the evening, when the sunset cast its glow.
Her fingers were swollen from handling medicinal herbs all day.
The bitter scent of medicinal herbs wafted from her entire body.
For her, with a sensitive sense of smell, it wasn’t an easy task.
At the same time, her head felt dizzy, and her eyes were heavy.
No matter how hard it was, she was okay.
As long as one day Berg could accept her.
…It didn’t matter in what form it was.
It was okay if they were not husband and wife.
Secret affection was still okay for her.
“…Sigh.”
Rubbing her sleepy eyes, Ner heard the sound of someone entering the house.
Her heartbeat quickened at the heavy footsteps.
As she opened the door and went out, Berg was there, looking back at her with a stiff expression.
“…Berg.”
He looked even more tired than usual.
The village was in turmoil due to Krund’s problem.
She knew they had begun to prepare for escape to some extent, following Gail’s guidance.
The issue was that escaping wasn’t as easy as it sounded.
Especially for severely ill patients like Cien, who might not have the physical strength to endure the journey.
They were already struggling to lie in bed.
Escaping from Krund in this situation meant nothing different from giving up on them.
Thinking in terms of numbers, giving up on them might be the right thing to do.
It might be a way to save more people.
But morally, it didn’t seem like the right choice.
Berg knew that it wasn’t her choice to make.
“…”
Berg was sweating, continuing his strenuous exercise.
She knew that whenever he had a hard time, he would clear his head like that.
Ner watched him with a heavy heart.
She wanted to be his strength.
“…Ber…”
She tried to say something, but Berg walked past her.
“…I’m sorry, Ner. Later.”
And he quietly entered the bedroom.
-Thud.
The bedroom door closed.
“…”
Ner was left alone in the living room.
In the house that she and Berg had renovated together, she felt awkward, like an outsider.
She looked down at her feet, her head drooping in defeat.
She couldn’t be more pathetic.
Despite trying for days, staying up all night just to get Berg’s attention… she couldn’t even catch his gaze.
The fatigue that had settled in her body surged all at once with that realization.
Likewise, her repressed emotions also began to stir.
“…Ugh.”
It felt as if a hole had opened in a dam, and her pent-up feelings started to flow all at once.
The trigger might have been small, but there had been far too many incidents.
A few days ago, Berg had secretly complained to Sien… about how he wanted to run away somewhere.
The endless rejections and refusals.
The hand that never reached out to her.
Despite her efforts for days, staying up all night… the praise never returned.
“…”
Still, Ner suppressed her feelings one last time.
With the desire to be Berg’s strength, she took a step forward.
It must have been even harder for Berg.
– Knock.
And then she knocked on the door and entered the master bedroom.
Ner entered what used to be her own bedroom.
“…Berg.”
Berg was sitting on the edge of the bed.
Wrapped around her head, she remained stiff.
If Ner hadn’t come to find her, who knows how long she would have been sitting like that.
Ner slowly approached Berg and knelt down in front of her to see her face.
“…”
“…”
There was a unique atmosphere.
No matter how much they had divorced and the situation had changed.
When the two of them were together in a space alone, the atmosphere of the past blossomed.
There were emotions that could be conveyed to each other without speaking.
It felt like it would never disappear, no matter how their relationship changed.
In that atmosphere, Ner naturally reached out her hand to touch Berg’s face.
Berg’s face felt cold.
“…Berg… You must stay strong-“
– Thud.
But once again, Berg pushed Ner’s hand away.
“…”
Ner looked down at her hand, which had been pushed away powerlessly.
The sound of the shallow dam she had built up in her heart crumbling seemed to echo.
It might have been the moment she gained realization.
Ner let out a hollow laugh.
Even in her difficulties, Berg pushed away only herself.
Whether it was an act or sincere… it was enough to take away the remaining strength in Ner.
“…Now I…”
Tears slowly streamed down from Ner’s eyes.
The tears felt colder than ever before.
There must have been no rejection more painful than this, even after being rejected by people her whole life.
“…Can’t I even comfort you…?”
Once she had been his wife, but now it seemed she couldn’t even stand in the position of an ally.
Rather, she felt like an obstacle that only made him struggle more.
Bergh covered his face with his hand.
‘…Please…no more…’
He whispered.
Was he saying not to do such a thing anymore, or that he couldn’t push himself away anymore…please stop.
She couldn’t know.
But an explosive impulse burst forth from her shattered heart.
Ner silently rose from her seat.
A life of being rejected all her life.
There was no more attachment to such a life.
Without the sunshine that Bergh provided, the world was too cold.
Even in such a situation, she faced rejection…what could change in the future?
She returned to her room and quietly wrote a letter.
And with that, Ner left the house without saying a word.