204 – Arwin’s Sincerity (1)
After taking some rest with Ner in the bed, I opened my eyes.
There was much to be done today as well.
I looked down at Ner, who was peacefully sleeping in my arms.
I couldn’t even remember how long it had been since we had been together like this.
I also felt regret for accepting her so late.
That’s how warm the shared bed was.
It was providing another pillar of support for my heart, apart from Sienna.
I carefully removed my arms from under Ner’s head and covered her with a blanket before leaving the bed.
*Thud*
“…Where are you going…?”
But Ner woke up quickly at my faint movement.
“I had warned her to be careful, but despite that, it turned out like this,” I said to Neur.
“Now I have to go to work.”
“…Can’t you stay a little longer…?” Neur hesitated.
“…”
I pressed my lips together and gently brushed Neur’s cheek.
It wasn’t easy to reject her weakened proposition.
Nevertheless, it was the moment I had to get up, so I said, “I’ll come back again.”
“…”
Upon hearing those words, Neur finally released her hold on me.
When I stepped into the living room, Lann was already waiting for me.
It seemed like he had been waiting for me to come out, sipping his tea.
“Did you sleep well?” Lann asked.
I nodded my head and replied, “Yes. And… Neur woke up.”
-Swish!
“…”
Upon hearing the news of Neur waking up, Arwin let out a sigh of relief.
I nodded at her.
“Yeah, she woke up.”
“…I’m glad. You were so worried.”
“…”
I nodded my head and gazed at the expansive field.
Now, all the seeds were sown in the field.
All that was left was the task of weeding and watering.
Only waiting remained.
“Thank you.”
Looking at that field, I expressed my gratitude to Arwin once again.
It was a change that had come about with a certain peace of mind.
Thanks to Arwin, we could manage our farming work on schedule.
Without her, all of this would have been impossible.
I squatted down and tilled the soil.
Arwin sat down beside me, leaning against me.
We were close in proximity, but there was no ulterior motive, I thought.
“You’re welcome. It’s just the beginning now.”
As she said, it was indeed just the beginning.
There was still endless work to be done.
Planting seeds alone wouldn’t make everything end.
But perhaps the tasks after this wouldn’t require me to rely on Arwin anymore, just like farming work.
There was a problem that had been lingering in my mind just as much.
I looked at Arwin with a gentle smile.
“…Arwin.”
And then, I pondered how to phrase my words for a moment.
“…”
Arwin, who was right next to me, gradually took on a more serious expression as she looked into my eyes… and then, her gaze shifted to her lips.
I said to her, “It’s okay to go back now.”
“……………………”
Arwin remained frozen for a while, her expression blank as she asked, “….What?”
“We’ll handle the things ahead. You’ve been a tremendous help, from farming tools to small techniques. Without you, I couldn’t have achieved all of this.”
Arwin opened and closed his mouth.
His eyes wandered back and forth.
“…You, you’re telling me to go back?”
“Yes.”
“Didn’t I tell you I still have a lot to do?”
It wasn’t because I didn’t need her that I brought this up.
I addressed her backing away, her expression like a puppy abandoned after a hunt.
“The Devil’s right hand is coming here.”
“…”
“Whether you retreat or make another choice… A battle is about to break out soon. Starpin is no longer safe.”
“…”
“So take the people of Celebrien and take refuge first. It seems your job here is done.”
Arwin just looked up at me.
He looked deeply into my eyes as if trying to verify the sincerity of my words.
His slightly agape mouth seemed to not believe this reality.
“Another…”
“…?”
“…parting?”
I found the tone of his words strangely resonant.
“Parting isn’t unnatural. Even if it wasn’t a problem with Crund, we would have broken up someday.”
“…”
Arwin didn’t reply.
She who was taking shallow breaths, looked straight ahead.
“Why you…”
“What?”
“…………..”
After contemplating for a while, Arwin grabbed my arm.
“I’ll still help you. I can help you.”
“If it’s farming, now-“
“It’s not that… I, I can provide you with information.”
“…Information?”
“Like Sister Silfrien said… getting information here and there… about Klunde, things like that…”
“…”
“And, …and what if the royal family tries to pull you in? Wouldn’t you need me to deflect such a proposal…?”
I sighed deeply.
It was not a decision to be made in one moment.
After some thought, she might also feel that it was right for her to leave.
I suggested to Arwin.
From Noble mtl dot com
“Just think about it. Talk to Sister Silfrien. Then make your decision and let me know.”
“………”
I stood up from my seat.
Brushing dirt off my hands, I spoke to her one last time.
“You got it?”
“…”
Arwin didn’t respond.
****
When I returned home to check on Ner, several caregivers including Rahn were with her.
The increase in people watching over her was concerning.
Why did everyone gather here? What happened?
“What’s going on?”
As I asked upon my arrival, they sighed in relief and looked at me.
Rahn spoke to me as the representative.
“…this stubborn one gave us a hard time by not listening.”
“What?”
Rahn stood up and handed me a white cloth.
“After Ryker left, there was a brief fever in Ner… hence she sweated a bit.”
“…A fever?”
“She’s fine now. It must be a sign that her body’s getting better. But, she says she won’t be comforted unless you tend to her.”
I looked at Ner amidst the crowd.
She was twisting her body tightly clutching the hem of her clothes.
At the same time, Raan signaled the other caregivers to leave.
They began to leave their rooms one by one in response to Raan’s signal.
“You know that cleanliness is important for health. I would like to request something.”
Even Raan said that to me before she left.
It was almost as if she had grown tired of Neer.
I couldn’t follow along with the sudden turn of events.
-Thud.
The door closed in an instant.
Only the two of us remained in the room.
“Is it true?”
I asked Neer.
Neer turned her body and nodded.
I reproached her with a hint of frustration.
“Neer, isn’t getting healthy the priority? Where do you have the luxury to choose a partner-“
“I… I was bullied by Sister Raan, you know.”
Neer spoke to me in a voice healthier than in the morning.
At the same time, her voice revealed hidden sadness.
“…”
“Blackwood… People… pointed fingers at me.”
“…”
“…How can I show my body to such people? I’ve only ever asked for help from the servants I trust, even in the realm.”
I struggled to find the right words and said, “I understand, but for the sake of your health-“
“You’re here.”
“…”
“…You were my husband once.”
I sighed softly.
I ultimately gave up on the meaningless argument.
I slowly approached Neer.
I wet a cloth in the water jug beside me, wringing out the water.
And then I spoke to her.
“Look this way.”
“…”
Only then did Ner turning her body towards me to look up at my face.
Perhaps she had been crying. Her eyes were tinged with red.
In retrospect, it seemed like Ner cried more than Cien did.
I pulled a chair and sat next to her.
At the same time, her scent wafted over to me.
She had been sweating, so her scent seemed a bit stronger.
“…”
Strangely enough, it was a pleasant smell.
Slowly, as I looked down at her, I brought up the cloth.
“I’ll start now.”
I began by wiping her eyes.
I gently swept away traces of her tears.
Ner’s pointed ears flinched slightly.
She accepted my touch easily.
On the first night, the miserable sight of her shedding tears at the merest approach was drastically different now.
The girl who always put a pillow between us when we slept no longer did that.
I gently wiped her forehead, cheeks, neck, and collarbones.
It was such a naturally unfolding act.
Ner only looked up at my eyes during all these moments.
Her powerless eyes stared at me without wavering.
It seemed as though she was trying to engrave my every action into her memory.
“…I love you.”
“…”
At Ner’s unexpected confession, I hesitated for a moment.
“But it’s too much…”
Ner belonged to a tribe that loved only one person.
Now, I was finally able to accept that heavy heart.
I was only now realizing the weight of those words.
I looked into her eyes for a moment, and then continued cleaning myself.
After cleansing every visible part, it was time to cleanse my body.
It seemed as though Nell knew what was to follow.
She swallowed as if embarrassed and anxious.
I spoke, holding the hem of her clothes.
“I’ll undress you.”
“…”
At those words, she looked up at me.
She blinked continuously, hesitating.
It seemed less like resistance, just hesitation.
For a while, Nell stayed silent.
I, looking at her, asked,
“Should I stop-“
-But.
Before I could finish my sentence, she grabbed my arm.
She squeezed with all her strength and shook her head.
She, who had been taking deep breaths, finally spoke.
“….Undress me.”
I nodded my head and removed her top.
Yes