57
I’ve always thought of the classroom as a small place.
This space, where about 40 students are crammed into one class, is filled with people’s gazes.
Even if I’m by myself, I’m always in someone’s line of sight, and I feel depressed when I think about what they might be thinking of me.
In that sense, I didn’t like the classroom.
No, I guess I didn’t even like school in the first place.
I don’t want to go, and I don’t want to attend. But it’s a place I have to go to in order to live.
That’s how I saw it. People can’t live alone.
To be more precise, even if you try to live alone, humans are creatures that inevitably have to interact with others.
If we were creatures that could exist independently, it would be a different story, but humans have lived in groups since long before we were born.
And there are always rules in groups. If you break them, you’ll be ostracized.
The tricky part is that this doesn’t mean you can live alone.
All that awaits you is a terrible end, and no one would want that from the start.
From Noble mtl dot com
Because everyone wants to be happy.
Because without that, it’s impossible to live.
That’s why people learn. They learn the rules of living among people.
I believed that school was the place where children were given the opportunity to learn about interpersonal distance, atmosphere, and space.
Well, after all that long-winded talk, what I’m trying to say is that other people are a pain.
“Suzuka-chan, do you have a type?”
“Hmm, I guess I like cheerful people. I’m not really picky, but I think it’s nice when I can have a good conversation with someone.”
“Really! Hey, I think I’m pretty cheerful, what do you think…?”
“Tozuka-kun, you’re being too forward. You’re coming on too strong, it’s a little off-putting…”
“…”
Yeah, other people are a pain.
I’ve somehow been dragged into the circle and forced to join the conversation. It’s all very, very annoying.
Even though it’s just a short break, a conversation between five boys and girls, including me, is somehow taking place in the corner of the classroom.
(How did it come to this…)
It’s no wonder I can’t help but sigh.
When you’re in a group of five, you have a certain presence in the classroom.
I can feel people’s gazes drifting towards us from time to time, and it makes me very uncomfortable.
It’s probably because I’m a dyed-in-the-wool introvert, but I’m really bad at being the center of attention.
“Hey, Tsujimura, what kind of girl do you like?”
“Huh?”
I was minding my own business, not really participating in the conversation, when suddenly I was put on the spot.
“No, I missed it earlier. You don’t mind, do you? By the way, I’m basically all for cute girls, so nice to meet you!”
“Are you… asking us…?”
“hahahahaha…”
Totsuka was making his appeal in a very blatant way, not at all subtly.
The girls seemed taken aback, but it didn’t seem to change the flow of the conversation.
“See, I said it. Now it’s Tsujimura’s turn. I set the ball rolling, so you have to answer, okay?”
“Ugh… I’m stumped…”
I had a feeling, but Totsuka is definitely more of an extrovert at heart.
I mean, I appreciate the fact that he tried to be considerate earlier, but… I’m just not good with this kind of atmosphere in the first place.
Even in a small group, being the center of attention makes my heart pound.
“…Well, I guess I like quiet girls…”
I managed to squeeze that out somehow, but maybe I was just getting caught up in the atmosphere.
It felt like I was trying too hard, like it was a reflection of who I am as a person, and it was embarrassing, but maybe it was progress just to be able to say it.
“…That’s pretty ordinary.”
“Yeah, pretty ordinary.”
“…Pretty ordinary.”
But the reactions I got so bland that I almost wanted to cry.
“hahahaha…Yeah…”
Yeah, I know. I know I said something boring.
It wasn’t funny, it wasn’t embarrassing, it was just a really boring response.
That’s just who I am. I’m not interesting at all. The more I think about it, the more I want to cry… I’m just feeling really down.
“Um, Tsujimura-kun, do you have any hobbies? I like listening to music.”
“Oh, well, I like reading.”
Matsush*ta asked me a question, probably because she felt sorry for me, but my answer was boring as usual.
I’ve been killing the conversation all night. The only way to describe it is that I can’t read the atmosphere.
“I see… What kind of books do you read?”
“…Mystery novels. And I like human dramas. I read the series that have been made into dramas, and if I see something interesting in a bookstore, I’ll pick it up. And the last thing I read was.. .”
I knew she was trying to be nice, so I tried my best, but I don’t think it was the kind of thing that would get anyone excited.
Maybe I should have just said manga. I was trying to think of a way to change the subject when,
“Oh, I’ve read that one too.”
Akanishi raised her hand.