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“You looked so sad back then. You looked like you had lost something precious, or so it seemed to me.”
I certainly did treasure Misaki.
My shy and reserved childhood friend who wasn’t good at talking, I liked her.
That’s why I couldn’t stand Misaki changing.
I couldn’t accept Misaki ceasing to be mine alone and becoming a girl I didn’t know.
“I saw myself in you. I thought, this person is just like me. I saw myself in you, who could only cry alone, so I called out to you, Tsujimura-san.”
She sympathized with me because she saw herself in me.
She says it was an act of self-consolation.
But I was certainly saved by that consolation.
“Even though it was just a brief encounter, you’ve always been in the back of my mind. That’s why when we met again like this and ended up going to the same school… it’s a bit of a cliché, but I thought, maybe it was fate.”
As Akanishi-san spoke, her cheeks flushed slightly.
Seeing that, I felt as though the volume of blood being pumped from my heart had increased slightly.
“Akanishi-san…”
“But it seems that was just my imagination.”
But she immediately shot that down.
“Eh…?”
“Misaka Misaki-san. I didn’t realize that she was also at the same school. Even though you told me her name, I wasn’t able to connect her to the girl from that day…”
Akanishi-san paused, but it wasn’t her fault.
Rather, it would have been incredibly difficult to make that connection. It’s normal not to think that you’ll ever see someone again.
“You’re in different classes, so it’s no wonder you didn’t notice Misaki. It’s highly unlikely that you would have.”
I intended it as reassurance, but Akanishi-san didn’t seem convinced. She shook her head slowly and said,
“Anyway, she met you before I did. Even though you say she’s your ex-girlfriend… Misaka-san is definitely hung up on you, Tsujimura-san.”
“…………That’s”
Can other people tell too?
I didn’t want anyone to know, and I didn’t want to admit it, but it seems that even from that brief encounter, Misaki’s attachment to me is something that can be understood.
“Misaka-san left a strong impression on me as a beautiful person. When I saw her again yesterday, she was even more beautiful than before, and she had grown taller and looked more mature. She also seemed more confident… she’s the complete opposite of me.”
I think there were many meanings behind Akanishi-san’s self-deprecating words.
The difference between her and Misaki. Her mouth twisted slightly as if she were looking it straight in the face. It would be useless to tell her that it wasn’t true; it wouldn’t reach her heart right now.
I could only remain silent and listen to her.
“If she’s the light, then I’m definitely the shadow. In a story, Misaka-san would definitely be the heroine. In a novel, I’d just be the supporting character who stirs things up between the two of them.” . I can see that clearly.”
“I’m a runaway. I wasn’t interested in other people. I just wanted to live in my own world. But I knew that wasn’t right. I knew I had to change. And on my way to high school, I met Tsujimura again. I thought maybe I could take that chance…”
Her voice was choked with sobs here and there.
Her voice was so full of sorrow that it made my heart ache.
I could tell that Akanishi was finally telling the truth.
Because her feelings were exactly the same as the troubles I had been carrying around for so long.
“I thought that maybe I could change, just a little bit, if someone like Mihara talked to me. But when I saw Misaka’s eyes yesterday, I remembered… I realized…”
She wanted to change. But she couldn’t.
I could understand her frustration all too well.
The past was chasing her, and she couldn’t escape.
She felt like she couldn’t change, no matter what she did.
“It’s not that easy to change…! I just want to forget everything and start over! …I can’t be happy!”
From Noble mtl dot com
She finished with that realization.
(I understand how you feel.)
No matter how beautiful the scenery in front of me was, it wouldn’t last forever.
Eventually, I would have to leave and go back to where I came from.
And when I did, the reality I had been ignoring would be waiting for me.
I couldn’t run away.
Her scream was my scream too.