6. Proof of Existence (68)
“no way!”
It was a night of deep darkness. I was raising my voice at a woman on a low slope.
It was a cry rather than a rejection.
In my earnest tone, saying that this should never be the case, the woman made no reply.
He was just looking at me with sad, yet sad eyes.
The woman’s faint smile was so beautiful.
So I squeezed my vocal chords even more earnestly and shouted.
“No, no, no… You want to stay here?! look at that horizon! It’s a massive air raid that can’t even be estimated… If you stay alone, you will surely die!”
“What if I don’t stay?”
In a tone full of compassion, the woman asked me back with a sad smile.
“Then how many will die? And, what is the future of mankind without them?”
“Somehow… I guess I can do something… … !”
It’s been a long time since I’ve been in the middle of a long time. Logically speaking, the woman might be right.
Rushing from this place would not end with simply losing tens of thousands of elite soldiers. The front line in charge of the East would completely collapse, and humanity would have to face the large army of the Dark Church that ran from the East without a chance to prepare for the final resistance.
That’s it.
Even with this obvious conclusion, I was swarming as if I had returned to my childhood.
“Please, don’t do this. You know very well… The fact that you are the most precious to me. How can I, how can I live without you… … .”
“I also value you more than anyone else.”
It was a confession that came out without hesitation.
I was speechless for a moment and had to look at the woman with a pale expression.
The moonlight shines down.
The light pouring down in the darkness seemed to exist only for the woman in front of me. It was like this one day when we were drinking and kissing each other.
But why, today?
My voice trembled with resentment. I wanted to say something, but the dampness that filled me with tears blocked my heart.
A soft touch brushes your cheeks.
It was a hand full of love and comfort.
Before I knew it, the woman’s pale pink eyes were approaching me.
“So, I can’t make you a fugitive or a coward… I know, Ian. The fact that you will regret this choice someday.”
“… … Why why?”
Only fragmented questions were spat out repeatedly.
It’s been a long time since the emotions that have been pushed to the limit have eaten away at the brain. It took time to vomit the right questions.
Soon after, Toro, covered in despair and pain, continued.
“Why does it have to be you?”
“I do not know.”
“Is this fate?! Is that the will of that proud angel, only this!”
“… … Ian.”
“Even just once!”
Pak, the shout that burst out was so high and loud that it deafened my ears.
Without even realizing it, I slammed my chest. I thought I’d rather be bruised and broken ribs. Then your heart won’t hurt anymore.
The red-hot eyes were hot. The emotions that I hadn’t been able to vomit turned into heat and flowed out.
Do I still have tears left to shed?
Again I learned something new from the woman.
I was grateful for that, but resentful, so a watery scream rang out from my throat.
“I can’t give you permission, even just once… … ? That I’ve lost everything… Everything, anyone I love! By the way, but now I want to lose you too?!”
“Ian… … .”
“Why is it me!!!”
Streams of tears flooded his cheeks.
Why does the cry only leak out?
I, who had reached the age where I couldn’t let go of my voice and cry, couldn’t overcome the torrent of emotions and fell to my knees.
“Why does it have to be me?! Anyone other than me was fine! Why, only the people I love… Why do I have to lose all my precious people… … !”
A man clinging to the edge of despair is weeping.
At one point, I thought my emotions were worn out. But fate, as always, came to shatter my arrogance.
in the most brutal way.
Who can dare to fathom my heart?
The woman had a smile that seemed to break at any moment. Then he slightly lowered his upper body, and a wet whisper continued.
“I’m sorry, Ian. Even I hurt you… … .”
“… … If there is a god, if there is a god.”
Crying, I let out the question I had always had.
Dense moisture builds up in the air.
“Why don’t you save us? Why did you give me such a cruel fate… … ?”
No answer came back.
Instead, the woman silently held me in her arms.
Warm warmth, sweet scent, soft touch.
Does this all mean the end?
Unable to bear the fact, I asked with tears incessantly.
“Please, please answer me… … .”
“I do not know.”
It was a phrase I had heard many times.
God has no answer. So it was difficult for those who serve God to affirm everything. It was a fact that I had already heard.
But today, those words couldn’t have been more resentful.
Should I throw myself in the middle of a pit of fire and serve as a god someone who doesn’t even answer?
Losing my reason, I recklessly vomited hatred.
“How, how can you not blame the gods?!
But my words had to be blocked before long.
Wide, my head was completely buried in the woman’s bosom.
It was hard to even breathe. Of course, my words couldn’t go any further.
In fact, if you put your mind to it, you can get away with it.
I really didn’t want to do that. My body, which had been standing upright, was rapidly drained of strength.
With a sorrowful smile on her face, the woman gave more strength to the arms that embraced me.
“Why should it be us? Betrayed by the family I trusted the most, and being covered with scars, I waited for the day I would pay for my sins and die… Why did I meet you, fall in love like this… I like you so much, I feel like I could do anything for you… On the contrary, will I make a decision that will hurt you?”
“I, I… … .”
I couldn’t even spit out words properly, and I cried in the woman’s arms.
The saintess’ front island was wet with my tears.
And a warm and caring voice fills my ears.
“Ian, you are my salvation and blessing.”
I wanted to say yes too, but my vocal cords, drowned in tears, did not listen.
The whispers filled with affection continued. As if knocking on my chest, singing with a clear and beautiful tone.
“I met you and knew love. I got my happiness back, and I got the courage to trust someone once more… So I really appreciate it, Ian. to be able to meet you.”
“I, I… … .”
“How were you?”
With a blurry eye smile, the woman quietly looked at me.
“Are you resentful of meeting me? So, do you still hate the will of the Lord?”
How could I tell a lie in front of those pale pink eyes?
Eventually I couldn’t write any more evil. It was just quietly weeping.
“Me too… You were a miracle and a blessing… But how, how could this be… … ?”
But the wound doesn’t heal quickly. It was me who had already resented God for a long time.
There was still a lot of sediment left.
With a cracked voice, I vomited my resentment toward the woman.
“It’s too, too cruel… It’s happiness that I finally got back, but to take it away like this… … !”
The watery question ensued again.
A story I had heard the other day, inadvertently blended into my appeal.
“You still have to ‘obey’… … ? Is this, is this the will of the Lord?”
The woman stared at me silently for a while.
Soon, he said put, and burst into laughter. Then he carefully pushed me away and put his hands behind his back with a kind glance.
Soon, the woman’s pale pink eyes turned to the sky.
The moon was bright.
The nights with her were always like that.
“Ian, did I ever tell you something? Even if you go through painful and difficult things, you have to ‘obey’.”
It was a memory from long ago.
Before the woman and I were still close, in the late night masterpiece, she once said something rude.
Doing ‘obedience’ in front of a noble who lost his family and land.
I thought it was because I was deliberately trying to buy hatred. This was probably true. However, the woman’s scolding probably wasn’t just lies.
A white finger touches my forehead.
“Is your fate miserable and pitiful? Are the tragedies and trials that befell you so cruel that you want to break down and fall? Do you want to run and run, close your eyes and plug your ears?”
Feigning a solemn voice, the saintess’ fingers slowly turned downward.
Under my chest, around the pit of the stomach, a thin index finger.
“Then, I will tell you the will of the Lord, especially to you, whom I love very much.”
That one gesture.
By connecting the traces of the fingers, a line drawn with a bell appeared.
And sweet whispers followed.