6. Proof of Existence (73)
The firewood was crackling and burning.
On a dark night, sitting with my back to the moon, my blind eyes turned to the flames. In the middle of the vast open space of the Court on the Mount, the flames were high and fierce.
Inside, there must be a woman with no name.
It was a ‘purification trial’.
As a last resort, I threw my body onto firewood to ask God whether I was guilty or not.
Of course, no sinner has ever returned alive. Even though she probably didn’t know that fact, the saintess dared to choose this difficult path. The reason was also ridiculous.
“Ian, you don’t have to die.”
It was around the time when I went to the saintess and told her to stop, as soon as I managed to get myself together. The saintess drew a line at me with a firm attitude.
No matter how much I persuaded him, it was useless.
For me, the saintess’ stubbornness was to the point of resentment.
“I will not die… Did you see it yourself? The saint said he had no intention of killing me! Somehow, as long as you endure… … !”
“Because I saw it.”
With a calm voice, the saintess said that and quietly grabbed my hand.
My body stiffened at the soft and warm touch. Not even an hour had passed since the skull had been smashed and the internal organs had been crushed repeatedly.
Such affectionate contact seemed unfamiliar to her.
The saintess must have guessed my situation as well, and Ho-seon, caught in that expression, became very sad.
“Do you know how many times you died in front of me? How much, how much my heart was torn every time… … .”
It was a watery voice.
I thought I would shed tears if I left it like this, so I took the saintess in my arms without saying a word.
I could hear whispers from all over the place, but it didn’t matter. It was more important to comfort the crying saintess than that.
Even when covered in dirt, the saintess was a saint.
It still smelled good. A tear-soaked sound filled my ears with sorrow.
“… … Never again, never again.”
“Saint… … .”
“No, I won’t make it that way.”
It was an assertion, not a request.
Actually, that was enough. I immediately noticed the saintess’ determination.
Anyway, if I try to dissuade them, they won’t listen.
It was better to give up on persuasion.
Even so, I couldn’t let go of the lingering until the end.
“Only one day… Can’t you just rely on me for today?”
“I have already relied on you every day.”
“If you trust me one more time… … .”
“… … Ian.”
A low call had a manpower that was hard to refuse.
I kept my mouth shut and looked at the saintess with sad eyes.
Sometimes a glance conveys more emotion than a hundred words.
The hand of the saintess who met my eyes tightened up. A soft pressure was added to my clasped hands.
And a faint smile formed on the corner of the saintess’ mouth.
With light dew forming on the corners of her eyes, the saintess shook her head slowly.
“I can’t even look at it like that.”
“Then what shall we do? Do you want me to just watch you risk your life on this gamble?”
“I will come back alive.”
It was a persuasion that led to a calm tone as if to soothe me. Even so, I couldn’t help but put on a face that I couldn’t understand.
Will you come back alive?
It was nonsense.
No one could spend the night on a burning log. This was a miracle that was granted only to a few superhumans, whereas the saintess was only a priest dedicated to healing.
The end of this trial was so obvious.
The pain of burning the whole body is beyond imagination. Even if he died, there would be a better cause.
Even though I looked even more nervous, the saintess was too stubborn to listen to my wishes.
“Ian, I’ve lived my life without giving up my name. Now I don’t even have the guts to pick up the names of those days again. The past few years of living only as a ‘saint’… Because the orphan girl who lived by evil has changed so much.”
what do you want to say
As my gaze became stunned, the saintess smiled vaguely.
Again and again and again.
The saintess secretly released her hands and hugged me tightly. A hand patting the back was warm.
“I don’t want to live in a shell anymore.”
“So you’re saying you’re going to burn to death?”
“Because I want to ask.”
Despite my harsh questioning, the saintess’ answer was calm.
I bit my lip in frustration.
“Does God exist, and does he still love me after throwing off the shell of a ‘saint’… Even if you die, wouldn’t it be nice to check it out at least once?”
“Please, saintess… … ”
“Do you believe me?”
I was about to get down on my knees and beg, but my words were blocked at once.
A question I heard in my memory.
And the problem I had asserted was thrown at me again.
do i believe you
“I am nothing but a little girl. I thought I had achieved everything myself, but in fact I was standing on top of the sacrifices of so many people… Do you believe in me, who has even lost the name ‘saint’?”
Open and close your lips.
I wondered if I should cry. However, I felt that I would not be able to send the saintess away with a smile.
It was just that he gave strength to the arms that embraced the saintess.
“… … Emmanuel.”
Hearing my vaguely trembling voice, the saintess quietly closed her eyes as if she was relieved.
I could only hope that this time would last forever.
However, as time passed, the saintess sat down on her knees on several tiers of firewood without saying a word.
The sight of him clasped his hands together and immersed in prayer was like a torch.
While the flames lick the moon, is the saintess still putting her hands together and asking unanswered questions?
Then my eyes suddenly turned to the side.
Perhaps it was a reaction to the long battle, among the tens of thousands of people, no one wanted to come by my side. Maybe it was his intention to be considerate of me in his own way.
I, who let the saintess go, seemed low pressure to anyone.
Then there was a piece of grass that I saw in the car.
It was a weed that timidly raised its head, as if proving that life could sprout even in this dry vacant lot. Although it had already been trampled on countless times and had long since lost its former vitality.
I suddenly thought that she resembled a saint.
The moment I inadvertently stretched out my hand toward the grass.
“… … Isn’t life wonderful?”
A gentle voice like a spring breeze tickled my eardrums.
Startled, my frozen gaze turned to the epicenter. There was a boy with silver hair.
There was no warmth in the face with a subtle smile. In addition, the azure eyes looking down at the trampled grass were so full of compassion and affection that it was hard to believe that I was a human being who had killed me hundreds of times.
My tight, tense body was ready for battle. My hand groped around my waist to find the handle of the sword, but the saint didn’t even cast a handful of glances at me.
Only withered weeds were reflected on his retinas.
“No matter how harsh the environment, life blooms. And even if I trample and trample, I will live with my life. Nature is so tough and strong.”
Then the saint knelt down and lowered his upper body. It was only after he was in a prone position that the boy carefully breathed in.
The blades of grass rustled with a whooping sound.
A miracle happened.
Trampled and torn blades of grass revived. The weeds that erected their stems again repeated their growth, and soon produced small buds.
And the petals that spread out like a pak.
It was a simple flower like a weed. However, as if the small white flower was unbelievably beautiful, the saint had a faint smile on his lips.
“This is the path I am pursuing. I tried to serve the Lord and follow the providence of the Lord, and in the end I achieved a small achievement… Isn’t ‘nature’ truly wonderful?”
“I was afraid.”
It was a word that came out of nowhere.
Even after spitting it out, I thought, Oops, but the saint didn’t look very angry. Rather, it was just looking at me with eyes that were funny.
It was like an old man looking at a cute child.
He was a great man who had lived for hundreds of years, so it was natural considering my age.
Even so, I felt something awkward, so I cleared my throat with a hmmm.
“The mother nature that the Holy Son tried to resemble… Seeing them face to face, there is nothing more terrifying than that.”
Then, I averted my gaze. Depending on the listener, it was not strange even if it was considered sarcastic.
A saint who pursued Mother Nature.
His strength was terrifying. Even the fighting spirit displayed during the battle was close to madness.
To be honest, I was afraid.
who can’t do that An irresistible flow of power tearing me apart.
The saint only laughed at my rude expression.
“Yes, I see…” It should be. Nature is sometimes cruel.”
“Is this also your will?”
Again, it was an involuntary question.
Staring blankly at the burning firewood, I asked in dejection.
“Why does the Heavenly God give us trials that we cannot overcome? I did my best, struggled… why… … !”
“Brother.”
The saint called me in a low voice. The tone was so warm that I almost burst into tears.
“Expressions of beauty or cruelty are mere human sentiments. Is there a wind blowing with a will in this world? Or, was there a flowing water on purpose?”
“Isn’t that sophistry?”
In order to hide the overflowing tears, I raised my thorns and asked.
“Didn’t the heavenly gods love us… The Creator’s will is clear, so why was the world created in the exact opposite way?”
“Then what should I do?”
I was speechless and choked.