691 – 8. Last Words (65)
The languid evening glow casts a red shadow.
Children who should be running around and playing were making a lot of noise even though dinner time was approaching. As soon as the restaurant bell rang, they came rushing in, and it seemed like they had a lot of energy after eating their meal.
For your information, I was on duty for dinner today.
I had never cooked before in my life, but beside me was Gilford, who had been the director of an orphanage for over a dozen years. All you have to do is follow his instructions and use your strength. How simple is this?
At least it was better than when we were wrestling with the future of humanity.
The spring sun burns warmly on the horizon.
It was a color that resembled a candle flame flickering in the middle of the night. It was the time of year when the cold wind was blowing outside, but here, everything was just the opposite.
There is no need to agonize and worry about the future.
The biting wind, the monsters that threaten my life, and even the pain of losing my best friend.
There was no reason to care anymore. Yes, a daily routine that was once taken for granted.
It was repeating itself before my eyes.
“Aren’t you hungry?”
A voice suddenly awakens my thoughts.
My eyes naturally turned to the back. There, Gilford was standing, wearing a stained apron.
He was an adult whom everyone could respect.
As an orphan, he used his life savings to build an orphanage to take care of children. Although the children’s meals were not luxurious, they were not poor, and their clothing, although shabby, was not dirty.
It probably means that they are taking care of their children with that much care.
I also once truly respected him. Until I found out the ugly truth he was hiding.
Actually, I still felt a little awkward with him. Even if he is unconscious, it must be said that it is unclear how to deal with him.
In the end, my choice was the same as before.
“Mr Gilford… ….”
At least give it an honorific title.
Of course, Gilford wouldn’t have paid particular attention to either one. Since he was a ‘commoner’ from the beginning, he was a person who always gave me the honorific title ‘Young Master’.
However, it was a little strange.
Why did I fall into this memory?
Because of this orphanage, the memories between me and Gilford would be closer to a bloody struggle.
It was strange that we had returned to the most peaceful time.
As I trailed off, pondering so much, Gilford made a suggestion to me with a nonchalant expression.
“Would you like to eat soon?”
“No, I…” ….”
“It’s cheap, but they also have alcohol.”
To be honest.
I didn’t want to eat face to face with the person I killed with my own hands. If I close my eyes right now, I can think of the pain in my bones and the blood rushing from my stomach that day, so how can I enjoy a meal?
But we can’t just avoid it like this.
In the end, I sighed and decided to comply with the request.
“It’s been a while since I had a drink.”
“Of course, you have to drink alcohol after putting all the children to bed.”
That was the sound of an exemplary orphanage director.
I swallowed a laugh, got up and headed toward the restaurant. Perhaps because the children were such good eaters, there wasn’t much food left even though we thought we had prepared a lot.
I barely scraped the pot and made two bowls of stew.
Hard barley bread and a few small tomatoes picked from the backyard of the orphanage. It was a very poor meal by aristocratic standards, but it was not bad for food served in an orphanage.
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There were some pieces of meat in the stew.
It was around the time when I was dipping the barley bread in the stew to somehow reduce its rough and hard texture.
“Responsibility…….”
Drurrr, he said, as if he was used to it, as he scooped up the stew with a spoon and drank it down.
My curious gaze turned to Gilford due to the unexpected topic.
“It wasn’t light. “Taking care of dozens of children.”
“Isn’t it natural?”
An answer that was thrown out as if it was no big deal.
I may have thought it was a difficult topic when I met Gilford, but I had also completed my growth. Haven’t we been fighting with a burden so heavy that it can’t even be compared to back then?
So there was no problem with my answer.
“Didn’t you know that there is nothing as heavy as life? “Because I was a mercenary.”
“That’s right.”
I said that as I took a bite of the barley bread, and Gilford also obediently expressed his approval.
There is no way you wouldn’t know.
He was a mercenary from Goa. I don’t know if he would have fought more grueling battles than me, but it was clear that he had at least been through more battlefields than me.
The weight of life.
He probably didn’t know how heavy and difficult it was to handle.
“However, it is true that sometimes it is difficult.”
It has to be that way.
I fully understand that feeling. No matter how determined he was, he couldn’t help but feel tired.
Didn’t I do that too?
“It takes money to feed, clothe, and put children to sleep. But this old man’s fortune is not much left.”
“Let’s reduce the number of children.”
It was a simple solution.
We started having conversations that we hadn’t had at the time.
“You just need to reduce the number of children. It is physically impossible to care for dozens of children alone without any staff. “You don’t even have much money left, do you?”
“Where should the expelled children go?”
“We should try to go to the best place possible. However, there is no need to worry about things that are beyond your ability. “That is impossible.”
“It’s impossible, D.”
Huh, the old man smiled and slurped down the remaining stew.
“I can assure you that there is no better orphanage in the vicinity. No, it would be fortunate if it was a normal ‘orphanage’. Exploiting children and stealing subsidies… “Such places are widespread.”
“So, you can’t send the kids out?”
“If you reduce the number of children by more than half, dozens of them will end up sitting on the streets. Those young lives… “How could I throw it away?”
“Okay then.”
I put down the cup I was drinking water in with a thud.
I asked, unable to hide my burning eyes.
“Is it okay to sell the children one by one? “I don’t know how long I might suffer as the seed of a terrible monster.”
“Do you still think I was wrong?”
“Of course…… !”
“That’s a lie.”
Meanwhile, Gilford calmly picked up the bowl and ate up the remaining stew. It was because, unlike me, he didn’t stop spooning.
The bowl hit the table with a thud.
“Master. Master… “He looks like me.”
“Me? You?”
“Don’t you understand me now?”
Ha, I laughed and shook my head as if it was ridiculous.
The chewy barley bread tastes dirty. It was a taste that only northern elves would enjoy.
Nevertheless, Gilford’s words continue.
“I was struggling not to lose anything… As a result, there are bound to be one or two things that get lost.”
“Bullsh*t.”
I hit the table with a bang, and a growling sound came from my vocal cords.
“Letting go and letting go are completely different. I lost it because I wanted to lose it…… !”
“Is it still like that?”
I don’t know how many times I’ve heard silence.
My breath stops in my uvula. I opened my mouth to say something, but no sound came out.
“Even now, you don’t want to let go of anything?”
Of course.
I wanted to say that, but I couldn’t get that one word out.
The hand that was clenched into a fist trembled for a while and then slowly parted the lips.
“…… Yes, you are right.”
It was agreed.
Only then did my lungs, which began to vomit out my sincerity, vomit out intense heat.
“Now I know. Taking responsibility for someone else’s life… And yet you won’t miss anything! “I know how f*cking hard it is!”
Silence.
To my sudden confession, the old man gave me the most exemplary answer.
“Yes, I understand how you feel now…” It was so hard. So much so that I want to let it all go! I, I mean… “I thought something would be different, but it was just me throwing a tantrum like a child drunk with the power I just happened to get!”
Boom!
Unable to overcome my emotions, my palm hits the table once again. I tried clenching my fists, but the trembling voice showed no sign of subsiding.
“Then I lost my childhood friend, the junior I cared about left, and a friend who was never meant to be in my life died! Well, is that weird? “Do you really want to criticize me for just saying something without knowing anything?!”
“In the end, we both look alike.”
My eyes took on an even fiercer heat at that brief summary. Even after telling the truth that he couldn’t accept, Gilford remained relaxed.
“I will cancel my drinking plan.”
After drinking his last glass of water, the old man wiped his mouth and said.
“Instead, I’ll take care of your sword tonight for the first time in a while.”
“Yes?”
“I’ll see you in the backyard later when the moon rises.”
After saying nothing but his business, Gilford bowed his head and left.
The rest of me couldn’t speak for a long time. Laughter.
You look after the sword?
Do you really think I’m just a kid from back then? No matter how unconscious it was, it was a development I couldn’t have guessed.
Then my eyes looked out the window.
It was already dark outside the restaurant. The cackling and laughing sounds of children echo like echoes from afar, and there is a peaceful silence that makes you feel as if you are alone in a busy world.
The orphanage was peaceful.
Contrary to my heart.