42 – There’s a Reason for Obsession (6)
“…Sigh.”
“I can’t apply the disinfectant without it hurting.”
“Can’t we do that with IT technology?”
A few words and a few smiles were enough to lighten the mood.
Whether it’s a man or a woman.
If you know what the other person wants and cater to their tastes, conversations always end smoothly.
Especially when it comes to matters tied to emotions.
Mercenary work ranges from simply shooting a gun –
to everything that involves being with people and protecting them.
“If it’s a mechanical arm, I don’t know, but I don’t understand human arms.”
The face that was once weeping uncontrollably seemed to have found its way somewhere else. Now, she was smiling gently, occasionally meeting my gaze, signaling that some degree of accomplishment had been achieved.
…I couldn’t help but think how stubborn I was, treating even relationships as a mere task,
But all the lessons from a decade of mercenary life had taught me only this way.
“When you apply the gauze and wrap the bandage tightly…”
Surprisingly, my skill in handling wounds wasn’t half bad.
With a light touch, winding the bandage meticulously, there was no hesitation in my hands.
Da-yeon, cutting the tape once, and then again to finish, looked at me with bright eyes.
“How’s that? Not bad, right?”
“Were you a medic before or something?”
“My older brother used to come back injured often, so I had to learn, unavoidable, you know.”
“Is your family always causing trouble and running around?”
“Huh? Don’t you know Tae-hyuk too? Godo-jun is my older brother.”
I’ve never heard such a story before.
Listening, there seemed to be some resemblance, but… their personalities felt entirely different.
Unlike Do-jun, the calm and cheerful security guard who handles kids well,
Da-yeon seemed to be too easily swayed by emotions.
“Being here, getting injuries is almost like an everyday thing.
Some mishandle machinery and lose fingers,
and others touch soldering equipment and get badly burnt.
If troublemakers or the notorious nomads mess with the area, it turns into chaos…”
“Can’t catch the little ones to eat, huh? That right?”
“Yeah…
Of course, in that sense, I still appreciate Taehyuk taking care of our work.”
Even though the treatment of the wound was over, he tried to move away from the girl who didn’t seem to leave his side.
The hand that had come to grab his arm prevented him from doing so.
“The words I said, they were sincere… You know that, right?”
Speaking like this even with Ilia right behind was perhaps a form of revenge in its own way.
While slyly putting on a smile, his gaze focused on Ilia.
Sure enough, in the blurry background, those eyes were fixed on Dayeon, who was precisely blocking my view.
“I have Ilia with me. That heart might seem hard to receive -“
“Ilia is a machine. I am… a person.”
“A comrade who roamed the battlefield with me. She’s not just a simple machine.”
Even though he said he would take responsibility, he had clearly drawn a line.
With a young girl he had never considered as a romantic interest from the beginning,
Though he had secretly denied it since waking up,
Now, the treatment towards Ilia, whom he had come to accept, couldn’t be the same.
“Telling love through countless letters of the alphabet and the emotions created as the human heart beats… Still, aren’t they a bit different?”
The desperate clinging to me was pitiful.
Trying to somehow detach me from the android body,
With diligent gestures, as if searching for an empty spot to fit into, I couldn’t help but smile.
“The emotions I have for Ilia aren’t programmed, you know.”
“…So, you’re not even going to give me a chance?”
And finally, the most crucial moment arrived.
The words coming from Da-yeon’s lips, determined to not let go of my hand, clung to me like a sticky thread.
“It’s unfair.
I waited.
I tried my best until the opportunity to meet finally arose.
Why does that machine over there get to be and I don’t…”
Pulling the clothes tightly, tears streaming down, the pitiful sight of soaking the blanket with tears was like a woman’s weapon, they say.
Quietly accepting the narrowing distance, erasing the subtly drawn lines, I gently caressed her head with my empty hand.
“You waited, but you should also consider my perspective.
How would you feel hearing suddenly that I like you without any context?
Especially when I’m already living with Ilia.”
“Uh, uh…”
Patting the clinging body with a soft touch, I tried to gently discourage the attempts to get closer.
“I understand that you like me. Honestly, should I be happy about it?
I, who have already crossed thirty, never even imagined receiving a confession.”
“Then, all you need to do is accept it, right?”
“You wouldn’t dislike someone without any reservations, would you?”
…”
Feeling the strength that only held without a response, I took a long breath.
I tried to console just enough and escape, but… human emotions were complicated in many ways.
Even Ilia’s ’emotions’ watching from the corner would become difficult.
It felt like both paths were densely packed with mines.
In short, there was no answer.
“Dayeon.”
“I don’t like it.”
Even a moment ago, Ilia held onto me like this.
The sound of suffering involuntarily came out, scratching my throat at the sight of a girl who resembled my past achievements more than Dojun.
“Hey, you know I hurt my ribs.”
“…If you stay here for a long time, maybe you won’t have to see the sight of me with that robot anymore.”
I gestured with my eyes to stop Ilia’s attempt to move.
Despite giving instructions, her attempt to ignore them was not at all mechanical.
From Noble mtl dot com
If it was joyful, it was, and if it was difficult, it was.
“Forcing yourself on someone you love?”
“If you’re not going to accept it anyway, I’d at least like to hold on.”
“…Am I being hated, is that it?”
“You said you wouldn’t give love anyway.”
…I think I prefer it this way for myself.”
“Sigh…”
The suppressed sigh spilled down onto the head of the small girl.
There’s no need for more people pretending to be lovers.
Of course, it’s better than dealing with the troublesome Chihuahua, but increasing these kinds of relationships on my side is not good at all.
Why is it that everywhere I go, I end up entangled with women like this?
Is it just my bad luck, or am I the problem?
“Really, do I wish for you to ignore me?”
“…What?”
Trying to gently approach the young girl while diluting my emotions with kindness as much as possible,
It wasn’t a job where I could pour out raw emotions,
Yet, I couldn’t just coolly accept it either.
“For work, I’ll be coming here.
So, unavoidably, we’ll run into each other occasionally.
Especially… whenever Dojun comes, we always end up seeing each other.
Should I wish for you to act like I don’t exist every time?
As if we’re strangers, should I hope for you to treat me like an invisible person?”
“That, that’s -“
“So, you should choose your words carefully. You’re still young, so it’s natural not to understand these things well.”
Seizing the opportunity when the tension eased a bit, I gently created a gap between our bodies with my left hand.
Facing a face that seemed to have received a great shock was something I didn’t want as myself…
But this was something Da-yeon had to handle on her own.
“I won’t pretend not to know your feelings. However, I can’t accept that.”
Illya, over there, opened her eyes wide, as if glaring.
“…It’s a visual sensor, not eyes.”
Although tears were shed, did I manage to calm my heart enough to wipe them away?
Acknowledging the growing distance, I lowered my hand as she stepped back.
“By now, you’ve probably figured it out, but I don’t see Illya as just a machine.”
And then, it happened.
Something soft touched my cheek.
A fleeting warmth left its mark.
“…That’s right. So,
I understand.”
“You -“
“I won’t let my first love end like this.”
I still can’t forget the sight of them, fighting with guns for us.
Moreover, I can’t just hate someone who risked their life for valuable information.”
Standing up on my own, I shook off the dust from my body.
Dayeon, with tear-filled eyes, soon faced me directly, her once-messy face now cleared.
“I’ll go along with saying Ilyah isn’t a machine, just like you said.
…I don’t have the intention to beg.
But,
If it’s a request from someone I like, I can consider it.”
The direction the girl chose was something I never expected.
Accept or give up,
bitterly hate me,
I believed it would be one of the two, and I was prepared for a surprise,
and for Ilyah…
“I don’t know how you thought about Taehyuk during that time you were asleep.
But one thing is clear, I liked Taehyuk before you, who remembered him as a comrade.
…That’s something I can never concede.”
It was a proper response to the preemptive declaration of war.
Ilyah didn’t respond according to the instructions,
but at least, I could anticipate that she would end up hating Dayeon more than Tanaka Haru.
“I won’t act recklessly because of this.
I don’t like being hated either.
However, at least I hope you remember this fact.
I liked you first,
Unlike emotions imitated by machines,
I’m real.”
The warmth left by Da-yeon, who left before I could even open my mouth, lingered in my body for a while.
The word ‘real’ kept echoing in my ears.
The sensation of flesh, not covered by a heated wire.
Not actions dictated by logical judgment, but forced by raw, unbridled emotions.
The meaning embedded in those things remained vividly with me.
“Taehyuk-nim.”
Unlike the girl, Illya approached without hesitation,
I turned my head at the resonance of the air conveyed through lips that emotions couldn’t shake.
“…It’s over.”
In the action toward my exposed neck right after the words parted from her lips,
What meaning could possibly be concealed?