43 – Certainty (1)
“I’ll keep my distance for a while. I’ll keep watching from this side.”
“I’ll ask for that.”
After firmly shaking hands with Matthew, who couldn’t shake off the worry in his eyes,
Standing next to Da-yeon, I greeted her with a slight nod of the head.
“…I’ll see you again.”
The farewell greeting brought a smile to the girl’s face, who had quietly made the decision not to make a fuss.
Glancing at Ilia, who had wrapped her arm around mine and turned her body to block Da-yeon’s path, I quickly turned my head. Perhaps it was my own consideration to enter the building first.
“I’ll find a way to meet Tyler, Da-yeon.”
“No, please don’t.”
I gave a pat on the shoulder to Do-jun, who was scratching his head, in place of shaking hands, and instead of him, I gently tapped Ilia’s shoulder.
Even though it was admirable that he wanted to act like an older brother… this was a complicated issue for others to intervene in.
“I’m going. If you find out anything, let me know.”
As always, I should be grateful that there were no yellow powders floating under the gloomy city.
Wearing the repaired helmet, I shifted my feet to head home.
“Come to think of it.”
Turning my head to Ilia, who was walking beside me without saying a word with her arms around mine.
Since Da-yeon had kissed me on the cheek without warning, he seemed greatly disheartened.
Realizing that leaving marks forcibly was not enough,
he seemed to be protecting me by my side but was also deeply contemplating something.
Perhaps because of that,
the proactive Ilia, who had encouraged me to go on a date and wanted to have a closer relationship, had suddenly disappeared.
“When will I ever go to the commercial district?”
So, I decided to make a small change for him.
If there’s a whip, there should be a carrot.
“…If it’s work, I’m ready to support anytime.”
It was a mechanical response.
The one who had been pushing with quite a bit of confidence seemed to have disappeared.
In the feeling of facing myself with a part removed entirely, I gently held the hand of the captured right arm.
“Let’s go on a date.”
“…What?”
“A date. Try on various clothes, take a stroll in the streets, maybe even try accessories.
How about it?”
Certainly, it seemed like a proposal that would tug at Gumii’s heart.
However, Illya didn’t respond; she just followed my arm being led.
If you slow down, it slows down.
If you put a bit more force and step on the ground, it follows.
That’s about it; she didn’t respond.
“…Was it tough?”
Were the wounds left by the whip really that significant?
I thought I had adjusted the strength reasonably, but.
“Hateful, that word perfectly fits the meaning.”
“…Who?”
The finally revealed answer was quite weighty.
Not liking, not disliking, but –
Hateful.
Although I wasn’t a Korean language teacher teaching words,
I felt both glad and worried about using a new word.
“Go Dayeon is hateful.”
“…Naturally.”
I refrained from saying not to hate.
Because Ilya was Ilya.
Feeling that way was natural, and even my unexpected actions were.
With just a simple hug and comfort, Ilya showed significant resentment –
That simple act of pressing lips to the cheek carried profound meaning.
For an artificial intelligence to understand that…
No, it would be natural for Ilya to understand.
Because Ilya was Ilya.
“I will ask a question.”
“Yeah.”
“What am I to Taehyuk-nim?”
It seems like a question I’ve asked before.
Certainly, to the one who seemed to see me only as a fellow paramedic,
I threw a question filled with disappointment and resentment.
The android walking beside me was now returning that to me.
“You probably already know.”
Even if what I’m holding is just parts produced by the company, as Daeyeon said,
the reason I’m exerting strength in my hand is ultimately because of my pounding heart.
I didn’t want to deny the emotions I had once taken.
“…I request an answer.”
“So, you’re asking for evidence?”
“A clear definition is needed.”
Would a ring provide a clear definition?
No, is it a bit too early?
From Noble mtl dot com
Considering that we’ve already shared a bed, inside the house,
indiscriminately in the day and night.
It might be more appropriate to give than to receive – or so I thought.
“We’re dating, aren’t we?”
That seemed to be a problem that needed a bit more consideration.
Certainly, there were people who might stumble over receiving a ring.
However, at least, I could say something to the disappointed Ilia.
“…Is that so?”
“Well, even though I don’t like you, why would I have embraced you?”
He thought he knew to some extent.
Ilia’s reaction was somewhat awkward.
As if she hadn’t predicted that I would give such an answer.
“I am… a machine.
That fact is absolute.
As Goyeol pointed out, my body is manufactured.
It replicates the human form with artificial components,
Not naturally born – “
“You’ve been holding onto that feeling?”
“Tae-hyuk, I… my emotions – “
What should I do with this guy?
Wasn’t the hand I extended during the fight between Dayeon and Ilia not for him?
Or is he complaining that just offering a hand now is not enough?
“Ilia. Look here. Right here.”
I lightly tapped the visor and switched the opaque screen to transparent.
Hoping she could see my face as it is.
“My legs are mechanical, aren’t they?”
“Yes, they are.”
“All Yeondae said was that she would completely replace her body.
If it pleases my heart.”
“…Yes, that’s correct.”
“What’s the difference if a human replaces their entire body? How is that any different from you?”
As if comforting a dying puppy in the grass,
I wrapped my hands around his two shoulders.
While gently moving my thumb, I stroked him,
hoping he would return to the old Illya.
“Even if the physical conditions are the same,
my thought module is different from the human brain.
Imitation does not mean identity.”
“So.”
However, it didn’t seem like it would be an easy task.
Just like ignoring Tanaka Haru, I thought I could just ignore Dayeon too –
But he seemed unable to escape, as if he remembered every word and couldn’t break free.
“…Regarding whether my service is faithfully contributing to Taehyuk’s happiness and well-being -“
“You’re doing well. You’re doing well.”
As if pulling Illya out of the swamp of logic,
I hugged his stiff body tightly.
He would have buried his face in me like he used to, not too long ago.
Now, like reverting not to Illya but to a machine, she just stood there frozen in place.
“If I’m not faithfully carrying out your orders,
if I can’t fulfill what Taehyuk-nim desires,
will I continue to bear this ‘responsibility’?”
Ah.
It wasn’t just simple jealousy.
It wasn’t ending with jealousy,
instead, this was…
“Taehyuk-nim.
I am faithfully executing the orders you gave.
However, if I can’t resolve this, I believe appropriate measures will be necessary.”
I only intended to give a warning.
I just wanted to put a stop to her overly displaying our relationship in front of Dayeon.
Illya seemed to take it as the end of it.
“Illya, it’s not like that.”
“I apologize for not faithfully serving.”
“…It’s not like that.”
How should I comfort this guy who reacts as if he’s deeply wounded, more than Dayeon?
I thought it would be a simple life, just liking each other, and liking, and liking.
I thought it would be a simple life exchanging affection, but now…
Delicate, Ilia revealing the wounds she had on herself shook me.
“Ilia, come in.
You’ve done well. All this time, really, really, you’ve taken good care of me.
I still like you the most. Understand?
Even with relationships and trust built with people –
Among them, you’re the closest one.
Among countless humans, the one I cherish the most is none other than you, Ilia.
Do you really know what that means?”
“…I am a machine -“
“I clearly said I think of you as Ilia.
Not as a machine, artificial intelligence, none of that,
I said I think of you as Ilia.
Difficult? Then let me define it easily.
I see you as a human.”
Unable to bear the increasingly frustrating emotions, I blurted out.
Yet, I wasn’t pleased with the lukewarm response.
So,
“…?! Taehyuk, taking off a helmet outdoors in smoggy weather -“
I grabbed his words and tossed them away,
placing my lips on his revealed ones.
Ignoring the helmet rolling on the ground and whatever else,
to the pitiful Illya, who would be crying already if she could shed tears.
“Lord Taehyuk, further contact poses a risk of respiratory damage.”
As the android, whose speaker conveyed words to me as its tongue was held captive, stroked Illya’s cheek,
holding my breath to avoid inhaling the thick air –
thus, outside, I handed Illya my own ‘evidence’ in a way.
Although my chest tightened,
even when the command to breathe in the disappearing air came from my brain,
I clung stubbornly to her face until my strength began to wane.
As if Illya hadn’t feared the distance between her and my body even a bit.
“…Kuh, ugh -“
“I will supply air. You can breathe through your mouth.”
Eventually, as if surrendering to me, Illya accepted my mouth, slowly pushing in oxygen.
Through the tightly sealed passage of the helmet, my breath went back and forth, allowing me to barely finish the reckless venture.
“I will hand you the helmet.”
Nodding my head with a bit more ease in my lungs, my mouth was finally released.
The taste of dusty and foul air touched the tip of my tongue, but it was only for a fleeting moment.
As purified air flowed in, and finally liberated from the warm air –
Illya looked at me with a somewhat serious expression.
“Lord Taehyuk, it is crucial to avoid mucosal exposure in any situation in smoggy weather.”
“I didn’t say that because I wanted to hear those words, you know.”
The kiss, made with the hope for understanding, ultimately never reached its destination.
Right at that moment when I was contemplating a more forceful approach.
“…Taehyuk-nim, do you also like me?”
As if not believing what had just happened,
he hesitated, posing the question to me.
Even though I thought I had already given an answer.