44 – Conviction (2)
Despite providing an answer to the question,
even though my actions clearly demonstrated the emotion called love,
Ilia continued to react as if something inside her was broken.
The conclusion of our conversation always involved expressions of affection and declarations of love,
yet, unsatisfied with any answer, Ilia kept her face stiff.
“…There must be a reason for this, Ilia.”
“Are you disappointed in me?”
“I was. When it came to Dayeon.
But that doesn’t mean I don’t like you.”
“…”
Unable to provide a clear answer, I had to seek the answers myself.
I could understand that my actions were the cause, but I couldn’t pinpoint where the disappointment stemmed from exactly.
Like disarming a bomb, it felt like meddling with tangled wires on a complex circuit board.
“Ilia.”
“Yes.”
I revisited the changes that occurred after that day.
The most significant was that she no longer approached first, as she used to.
In the car, at home, on the bed, even when preparing to take a shower, Ilia would touch me first.
But now, she merely behaved like an excellent domestic android.
To put it plainly, she faithfully ensured our safety.
There was no happiness in that.
“It’s because of Dayeon, isn’t it?”
“No.”
“…What if I decide not to go to TechBoys at all?
Would it be okay then?”
“Such a decision would have a significant impact on Taehyuk-nim’s profession,
causing a disturbance in Taehyuk-nim’s goals.
I do not recommend that approach.”
“Then tell me what you want.
I want to see your old self.”
“…”.
Upon receiving this demand, he sealed his lips shut and showed no reaction whatsoever.
Was it because there was something he desired,
or perhaps there was a glitch in his thought module since that day?
…Should he go back to being a Tech Boy?
From Noble mtl dot com
“No. It doesn’t seem like that.”
“What are you talking about?”
Would it be impolite to inquire whether there was any malfunction?
Even though he insisted there was nothing wrong already, I forced him to yield once.
Continuing might be hazardous.
His intricate thoughts weren’t likely to be easily sorted out.
“Just… I was thinking about how to calm your anger.
That’s what I was thinking about.”
He deliberately tried to conceal words that treated him as ‘machine’ as much as possible.
Iliya distancing herself from me wasn’t solely because of Dayeon.
“I would appreciate it if you didn’t say that I can’t feel emotions because I’m a machine.”
Letting out a sigh after countless repetitions of this situation,
I calmly gazed at the figure in front of me, chin in hand.
He used to be the one who claimed happiness could be obtained through oral contact as long as he was close.
I sensed an increase in excitement and the cheerful playfulness that had captivated me was nowhere to be found, now…
“I’m sorry.”
“I’m not blaming you.”
“But, Taehyuk’s stress index has risen even more than before.”
“When you come back, maybe this stress will be relieved.”
“…I’m sorry.”
“Ugh.”
Why does this conversation keep repeating in such a gloomy manner?
I needed a solution.
At this point, there was a need for something to persuade a lover who is trying to completely turn away…
“…It’s because of me.”
“That’s not true.”
“No, it feels like it’s because of me.
Being in a relationship with you, thinking of you as my lover, and yet treating Da-yeon that way,
And maintaining a relationship with Tanaka Haru – “
“I cannot be an obstacle to Taehyuk’s economic activities and social interactions.”
“…If I were to give that up, you would oppose it.”
“That’s correct.”
Once again, the same conclusion.
In the end, even though we keep going round and round, we keep coming back to the same point,
Iliya kept telling me it wasn’t the reason.
It was complicated. It was dreadful.
I wanted to clear my mind completely.
…Well, it seems like that’s the way to go.
“Okay, then.
Get dressed. Let’s go.”
“…Are we going out?”
“Yeah.”
If I couldn’t convince him with words anyway,
if whatever I said wouldn’t comfort him,
wouldn’t his mood lighten if I did something special?
“Is there anything you need, Lord Taehyuk?”
I realized that thought was a bit short,
when I faced Iliya, who was still sitting in his seat even though I pushed the chair in.
“…What?”
“If I’m becoming an obstacle in your life, hindering additional connections and interactions,
meaning I’m not helping you, Lord Taehyuk.”
Iliya looked at me directly, moving only his lips,
then raised his hand, placing it on my chest.
As if pointing at oneself.
“I’ve kept Taehyuk waiting for ten years,
which means I’ve consumed all the possibilities during those ten years simply as a cost for myself.
But if what I’ve done, resurrecting Taehyuk even at the cost of a knee injury,
is not enough compensation,
and if, instead, it becomes a factor causing losses to the invested time,
I need to make significant modifications in my actions.”
“…Thinking rationally?”
“Yes.”
Upon hearing that response, I immediately took Ilia’s hand.
And then I said,
“Stand up.”
“…What?”
“If you’ve said all you wanted, then stand up.
Are we going out?”
Despite feeling fortunate for a surprisingly simple reason, I was simultaneously angry.
Ultimately, it seemed that Ilia had her own limitations.
Leading the guy who awkwardly stood up as if he didn’t understand English to the wardrobe,
Ilia assessed the estimate while glancing at the clothes haphazardly.
“Taehyuk-nim, for what reason now…”
“Do you think white suits me, or does black suit me?”
“If you’re choosing my clothes for going out, just tell me the nature of the place, and I’ll wear an appropriate combination.”
“Just casually. Something that looks pretty.”
As I jealously restrained myself from choosing, when my spirit died out, to the cute black fox that I could only offer this much –
I thought that this was all I could do in the end.
“Understood. While you prepare for the outing, I’ll finish getting dressed.”
Without hesitation, I turned my back to the one who said that and closed the door.
Right after, I opened my phone, disconnected the synchronization, and was about to search for an accessory shop near the place I intended to go.
“Taehyuk-nim, the synchronization with the device has been released, but, by any chance…”
…I should have tried this earlier.
The one who had always been depressingly quiet for the first time hinted at something that could be called an emotion.
Fear. Anxiety.
The visual sensor that looked at me as the door opened, without even properly putting on clothes, contained such reactions.
Although he said to take ‘appropriate measures’ if my presence happens to be a hindrance.
But when it actually comes out like this,
“It’s nothing, I have something to prepare.
I just wanted you to quickly pick out clothes and come out.”
“…Understood.”
I had my own thoughts too.
The bank account was filled with a substantial amount of money.
Perhaps thinking it’s impractical to send a large sum at once, Matthew sent money in bits and pieces to various accounts.
Among them, I prepared for payment with an account that had an appropriate amount accumulated.
Then, I lightly tapped the recorded phone number and made a call.
[Bright Jewelry.]
“Yes, if you come now, can it be prepared right away?”
The door opened immediately as soon as I spoke.
I chose an off-shoulder jacket.
But the pants still seemed untouched.
I wonder if the content of the call is bothering me.
[Could you please tell us what item the customer is looking for?]
“Oh, yes. Just a moment.
Ilia, come out in your clothes.
I’ll be on the call for a moment, knock when you’re ready.”
It couldn’t be revealed at this point.
I didn’t want to ruin the plan to give a small surprise to the completely clueless guy.
So, gesturing, I put him in the road to the room, and I also went to my room and closed the door.
“I’m sorry. Well, I’ve been browsing the product list on the website,
but it seems like I lack the discernment to choose something.
She’s a woman with black short hair and a sharp impression, but do you have any products that would suit her?”
[Designs with cross or rings on chrome chains are trending, but other gemstone options are also possible.]
[If you visit the store directly, we may be able to provide smooth recommendations, but could you provide us with reference material on our side?]
Should I choose something appropriate?
Or would it be better to give a smoother recommendation for you?
…My heart must be hurting.
It’s probably better to be more careful.
“I’ll send the picture right away, please confirm.”
Before, Ilia used to handle everything one by one.
But after disconnecting the synchronization, the inconvenience of manipulating each screen one by one surprisingly felt refreshing.
[Confirmed. Seems like a gift for a loved one. Is it an anniversary?]
“…It might become a memorable day, I think.”
[What amount are you expecting?]
The amount.
Thinking of bank statements filled with zeros, I closed my mouth for a moment, then opened it again.
“I believe I can receive as much as you suggest.”
[Understood. We will send you expected images of our products worn, along with the amount in the picture. Once you choose what you want, we will prepare it for immediate collection.]
As I checked the new messages that came in with a notification sound,
Various necklaces appeared in AI photos designed to expose the collarbone.
Starting from gems with subtle and elegant colors –
There was even one that connected a silvery heart with a black border to a chain.
And that, it appealed to my heart.
The price wasn’t too burdensome,
But it felt like it would hit Ilia’s black short hair and eyes right on.
“I’ve sent it. To your account, or would you prefer on-site payment?”
[You can pay on-site if you visit.]
“Then, I’ll do that.”
[Please come before the store closes. Thank you.]
“Yes, thank you.”
After such a brief conversation, I pressed the button to turn off the screen,
And opened the closed door.
And then,
“…Ilia?”
There he stood, motionless.
With his completely opaque black eyes due to the lack of light, he just stared at me.