#19
Neither side can’t help but regret it. Because I knew better than anyone that there was no place for my heart to go now.
There is no such thing as the right to say something that shouldn’t be done. It was absolutely unforgivable for anyone to selfishly push me for my own circumstances. I wasn’t the only one I shouldn’t have said that to Mew, who wasn’t anyone else. All I could say was that.
So it was just that.
scruffy
that is,
It was the limit of the expressions I could bring out now.
“I see you clinging to me… I can’t see well. Even if it was all a misunderstanding, the fact that it happened will never change. I… Now that I have no feelings for you, maybe no matter what you try… I don’t think it will change. So I was just recommending it. It’s good to forget me. that heart… It would be better to throw it away.”
Warm body temperature transmitted to my lower abdomen. Feather-like weight. Hair with tangled ends, and water dripping down evenly without stopping.
With a face in doubt about what he could hear, Mew looked down at me in vain. No emotions were read. As if the inside was empty.
It was a long time later that the light returned to her eyes so faint that she thought it was a small twinkle.
“… It’s a lie, that’s it. senior.”
It seems to have a negative connotation.
Those words seemed to have penetrated my innermost thoughts.
“I never lied. music.”
“no… It’s a lie.”
“It’s all my truth.”
“I.”
“… … ”
“A senior I know said that… I don’t do it.”
Wrong. Mu doesn’t know all of me. Even if I pretended to know about me through the relationships I had built up by accident, it wouldn’t work. About me, I know best.
If I believed that the sincerity of actions stemming from the right judgment was not a lie, but the truth, it would eventually turn into the truth inside of me.
I was in a situation where I had to make good judgment now more than ever, and I was doing it.
So, I wanted you to stop saying the word ‘a senior I know’ anymore.
In just under two years…
It’s like a relationship that lasted less than a year…
In the midst of times when it wasn’t enough to openly share everything about the past, the present and the future… It’s just that we’ve built up a little relationship.
If you shake your head like that proudly and arrogantly, as if in denial with certainty… I’m at a loss as to how to react.
I’ve come a long way and a long way
I just wanted to be happy, but too much has happened. I didn’t want to do this either. Still, why did it turn out like this? Without even a single word of common regret, he throws everything back to ashes. I am telling my precious juniors who still cry out that they love me, that I will never be able to repay that feeling.
but.
When Mew first confessed to me, she tried to somehow make contact with me. One-sidedly, I was faced with a burdened heart. Until it breaks, if there is an unbreakable wall. If there is a hole that cannot be drilled, until it is drilled. He continued to hover around me, chattering like a parrot. The atmosphere, nuance, tone, and content of the words were all different, but the intention was the same.
– Love me.
“Me too, I… I know. Really ugly… It’s just appealing to feelings that have already disappeared.”
Now it was different.
“I know… Can’t you… ? The time that me and my seniors spent… … Has it become a past that shouldn’t be mentioned anymore… ?”
– I like seniors.
He doesn’t even ask me to love him like he used to, or when he’s going to look after him.
I just confessed my broken heart. I was just asking for forgiveness. Maybe it wasn’t either.
I didn’t expect anything like my reward in the first place. Even the pure question of how devoted a person can be like this is about to arise.
Still, I tell you to let go of that heart.
The one who gets hurt because he still likes me will always be Mew himself.
If you keep getting sick, it’s better to get sick once now. No, even if it doesn’t disappear easily, it’s better than never disappearing. I just want you to break your heart even at the halfway point. It was right for Mew to shake off any regrets about me as soon as possible.
“I am really sorry… Seriously, I think I was wrong. Because there are so many sins that I have to pay back to the senior I like so much… Even if you spend your whole life paying it back, it’s not enough. Until you pay it all back… I don’t think I can let go of the things that seniors like… never… … ”
“… … ”
“It’s okay to call it sloppy. I think it’s all a reward for what I’ve done. Then, then I… Just, just like before… I like seniors… I couldn’t have everything of my senior, but I still like him… My heart is pounding even when I touch my seniors with my fingertips… Now it’s beyond the scope of what I can do… Even if my seniors say that, I will no longer… this… … Oh, oh, oh, uh… Ugh, whoops… ”
Like someone who literally threw everything away, Mew, with her eyes blurred like water mist, and her face with the reverberations of crying, finally makes a voice of pleading.
“Just, just… like this… Sometimes I wanted to cry… I wanted to apologize to my senior while crying… I still love you, I just wanted to say… Are you going to say no to this? ? Just to listen… it can not… ?”
If I had been normal now, my face would have been distorted to the extent that I couldn’t even describe it. As much as that, the feeling that Mew conveyed to me was desperate, and I could feel how serious it was with the skin of my whole body.
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Dedicated love that doesn’t ask for anything in return. A sense of guilt stemming from the fact that the direction of that love is directly toward me.
It was really unrealistic. What the hell am I supposed to say, is there anyone who loves me this much? What on earth is love that makes such a perfect woman collapse on her own?
How am I supposed to react here? Do I have to throw it out again like I just did?
“you… ”
Mew, who is just dripping with tears without even a slight movement, even though I make movements to slowly raise my upper body.
“Why don’t you hate me… ?”
To her, I asked.
Mew, full of tears, looks at me with a sad expression, as if to say something.
“If you can’t… I did a lot for you too.”
If it was a normal situation, the person who shunned the affair here and vehemently rejected the other person would have to be Mew, not me.
Before and after becoming lovers.
My attitude hasn’t changed that much.
Until that day comes.
It was Mew who always hid a bitter smile at my insufficient expression of affection, and I couldn’t do much for her, who I was also hoping for inside. It was Mew who told me I couldn’t do anything, but it really can’t be.
that’s the boyfriend
it is the person you love
I can’t help but be happy to be deeply loved by such a person. Conversely, if I don’t get it, I’ll be sad. Mew was a person like me. In the beginning, he was a more possessive person than me. Still, it kept holding it tight for me, and in the end it just burst.
“I couldn’t even say a word you wanted properly, and I’ve only hurt you until now. It hasn’t been long since I’ve made you feel satisfied by dating me. We spent so much time together… Honestly, I don’t understand. It wouldn’t be strange if you left me because you were tired of me. Even so, I still love these days… What’s the benefit?”
Why are you angry?
Is it because Mew, who consistently likes only me, is foolish?
Am I pathetic because I can no longer feel any emotions when I see a girl who is so single-minded? hate you?
I do not know.
But I know one thing.
It was clear that all the causes were in me.
Mew didn’t move until I got up and grabbed her by the shoulders and slowly pulled her away from me. He was just staring blankly at me like a puppet untied. Even that soon fell down and looked down at the floor.
At one point, Mu’s mouth moved.
“I didn’t keep my promise… It’s just me.”
Before I even questioned what the promise was.
“I decided to be by your side forever and never betray you no matter what… I couldn’t keep that promise.”
I could see Mew’s eyes looking somewhere far away.
“But he came to keep his promise with me somehow. Even if something like that happened, even with that body… Finally for me… You made me accept my heart. Then the waiting until now is no longer relevant. Whatever it was… My senior came to me. With that, I became the happiest person in the world… could be… … ”
Mew put her hands on the floor in a relaxed posture, slowly brought it to my face, and vomited out words with a hot sigh.
“It… I ruined everything with my own hands.”
“… … ”
“In the end, I couldn’t trust my senior. The things you would say to the person you love the most, the person you hate the most… I did. I was in denial of everything my seniors had done and tried. The words I should not say the most because I was closest to my senior… I gave it to my senior. I’m blind. blinded by jealousy You create a situation that you don’t want to be in, and you move into it, and you get so angry… I have done something that I will never be able to undo.”
“… you didn’t know anything back then So.”
“Even if you didn’t know, you couldn’t keep your promise. Trust your seniors until the end… Promise that you will never make your seniors hard or hurt… You couldn’t keep it. The senior came to keep his promise until the end… I couldn’t. Then I was wrong. There’s nothing wrong with the senior… ”
A poor woman, whose eyes were covered with endless guilt and iniquity, and who could not see anything else, was kneeling in front of me.
He is a person I am extremely grateful for.
There was no way I could say to such a person to quit because I didn’t want to see them.
I couldn’t even sever the relationship completely.
You will see each other every morning, noon, and every evening.
In a canyon where even the escape route was completely blocked, it felt like meeting an uncountable number of forces.
I didn’t know I would have to worry like this.
The woman who likes me is too much for me, and I don’t like her, so I have to push her out somehow.
Furthermore.
That girl is my ex-girlfriend.
Even if you can’t accept Mew’s still unchanging feelings, if you can alleviate that feeling of guilt a little.
“I don’t know how you will take it… ”
Let’s do that.
what i can do… lets do it.
“I don’t resent you. The words you said… I think it could have been enough. Rather, you should blame me. That’s right.”
But looking at the current state, there is no way that Mew can blame me. As proof of that, Mew was slowly shaking her head. If you don’t hold on to it, you’re not strong enough to get knocked down.
I sat down on the floor and looked up at Mew and the silver ring that had rolled into the corner under the common room bench for a moment.
“So, I forgive you.”
“It’s not your fault.”
“but.”
“The things I said earlier are all my sincerity.”
“… I want you to stop letting me go.”
At the last minute, I calmly turned my back on Mew, who raised her hand helplessly as if trying to catch me.
—Profit…
thud.
Without knowing what expression I was making, I opened the door to the break room and walked away from Mew.
The next day, I suddenly remembered and returned to the resting room at that time, and the ring that had been placed under the bench suddenly disappeared.
I never know whether the staff cleaning the break room threw it away, the professor who was using the break room accidentally found it and took it separately, or whether Mew, who was left alone, put it in his arms, I never know.
Now that the ring is seen in front of me again…
there seemed to be no
#20
It was Sunday evening, a day after that, when Rubia, who had gone out outside the Frontier, returned.
“Whew… ”
A face darker than the last moon.
The senior I knew seemed really busy, so I couldn’t even see my nose, and I didn’t even get a reply back from a letter.
After getting off the tram, I took a weak step.
Time is getting tighter as the days go by, but it would be nice if I could find traces of it. Somehow, even after entering the tower and asking questions, the wizards usually ignored Rubia or just went to do their jobs.
“Where did you really go… Ezio… ”
So now it has returned without any harvest.
“Uhhh… … ”
A long sigh continued.
thump, thump.
Tub…
widely.
“Uh, uh.”
As she passed the station and climbed the stairs to the dormitory site, Rubia cried and brought her hands to the corners of her eyes as she burst into tears.
“Boo… Whoa… ”
Will I lose it again?
Am I going to a place I can’t see or touch?
Ezio…
Will it not come back like this?
dead, maybe?
“I hate it… ”
From a distance, the shadow of a person could be seen faintly, but since he was not in a state of concern for that, Rubia slowly sat down on her seat.
“Whoa… Oooh… … ”
He didn’t care that the tips of his hair were swept to the floor, he covered his face with both hands and started crying.
“Ahhh… Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa… … ”
The shadow that had been cast under the light in the distance slowly got closer as Rubia’s cry grew louder and louder.
“Ahhh… Aaa … ”
Soon after, he began to stretch out an ominous hand after wrapping it all in a shadow as if it would swallow Rubia’s crouched body.
chin.
A little weight to the head.
Looking up, he had blue eyes.
“What are you doing here?”
A familiar young man crouching down at eye level, a man who had been looking everywhere with tears in his eyes, had his hands on his head.
“… uh, ah.”
3 seconds later.
I don’t know if this is a reality or a dream, whether it is because I was riding a tram and came to the underworld after an accident, I don’t know, but I think this moment will never be real.
Even while Ezio took out a handkerchief and wiped Rubia’s face, Rubia’s senses stopped without any movement.
“You didn’t come back yesterday, so I kept waiting… … ?”
In an instant, as his body was drawn to him, he took drastic actions that he would not normally have done.
“Uh, huh?”
He hugs Ezio like a shove, and the recoil causes Ezio to stumble for a moment and slowly fall backwards.
After returning, he felt a sense of dread because he had already been knocked down twice before returning, but Ezio remembered Rubia’s stained face as he hugged him and buried his head near his neck.
The luster of her wavy pale pink hair and the scent that permeated it seemed to have gotten a little darker, but it wasn’t enough to make her frown because she felt bad. I don’t know if it’s the other way around. It was clear that he hadn’t washed for a day, but Rubia’s body didn’t feel dirty at all.
It was a sight that could be quite troublesome if someone saw it, but that meant it was okay to stay like this for a while until someone saw it.
“Now don’t go anywhere… I hate to disappear… ”
First, I decided to stay still.
“… … ”
without hugging each other.
If they get back together for some silly reason, after all the nasty things above. I will curse the author…