#16
Humans have been distinguished from flying animals since time immemorial. We are different from those who live in nature, howling according to their instincts from day one. There is a clear rationality. It is said that he knows how to do deep contemplation and thinking about all things and certain phenomena.
I was not a cub.
So, I went out to empty my mind that had become a mess. The emotions that were boiling like lava have cooled and calmly subside. The peaceful sound of birds chirping can be heard, which cannot be compared with my feelings now. This is nature, and this is peace.
Good.
Empty your mind to think. The empty expanse is high and blue. I wanted to empty my mind too, but it wasn’t easy. Too many things happened in a short period of time, there were conversations that I did not understand in English, and there were heavy emotional exchanges. My brain capacity was limited to organize everything at once.
Rubia as well.
I also didn’t seem crazy.
If Rubia was having a hard time because of me, I tried to talk with her with her own sense of responsibility and guilt. I wanted to erase the depth of water from Rubia’s eyes. Because Rubia has always been a bright, bright, and pretty smile that suits her well.
Because I don’t want to see myself pretending to be okay, desperately pretending to be okay because I don’t want to buy other people’s worries. So I called here.
But the result looks like this.
… Where the hell did it go wrong?
I hold my head and ponder, but I can’t find an answer. If it had come out easily, there would have been no need to worry in the first place.
The hand that was placed on top of my head slid down and finally covered my face. He sighed and wiped his face with both hands.
… … Why did you say that? Rubia.
Know. That Rubia is not normal now. He was barely standing on the cracked glass floor. It looked like he hadn’t slept properly for a long time. I also lost a lot of weight. Her lips were swollen and her nails looked like they had been bitten.
It was a characteristic of a person who was anxious like crazy because of something. Or were you afraid? Rubia confessed her identity to herself.
it was me
I was afraid of disappearing.
I can’t pinpoint exactly how much, but it was clear that they had been looking for me quite a bit.
Even so, I couldn’t see it in the end. because you can’t find me anywhere I felt like I was dead, or that I would have lost myself forever, so I started to panic and slowly start to corrode with that fear.
Then I came out and finally got back together.
Now I will never lose it again.
I would have thought like that.
In that way, when I met myself again, finally unraveled after a long period of time, and received forgiveness rather than forgiveness from me in a place where my memories were fully projected, emotions would have flowed out like a sudden explosion.
I said I didn’t want you to go anywhere.
I was worried if I couldn’t see you.
In the end, I was seriously injured in a place where Rubia’s eyes could not reach. In return, he lost some of his important memories.
remember The thought reached there.
When you get your lost memories back.
How should I treat Rubia?
If it’s just a friendship, that’s fine. That’s why Rubia was brought here in the first place.
Even if I get my memories back and I can no longer accept them in the space of my mind. In the end, I was prepared for everything and made that choice because it was me, not anyone else. Because once I decided to take responsibility, I had to take it.
Even if it wasn’t as good as before, if I had decided to be friends, I would have put it into practice.
But, if you say that here.
What am I supposed to do?
I know it’s an idiotic remark in an abnormal state. Rubia needed a break. Rest not only for the body, but also for the mind.
Rubia made a mistake.
Mistakes weren’t wrong. It was the difference between being intentional or not. So there would be no malice in Rubia.
Whatever the reason for rejecting my confession three years ago. No matter how far apart we’ve been No matter what feelings I realized only after losing myself——
If you really value me.
I was able to ignore the fact that I had said something that I should never have said by mistake, and passed on it once.
we were too young It still is.
Even when I confessed to Rubia at that time, I don’t want to lose her like the current Rubia – or I don’t want to lose her. In other words, I want to monopolize Rubia by myself. It must have been mostly dark and gloomy emotions wriggling like snakes.
I was anxious I’m afraid that Rubia will leave me behind. Rubia was like my everything, and I was just blinded by what value I could find in a life without her.
A lot of time has passed.
Like me back then, Rubia was making a mistake.
No.
It may not be a mistake.
it’s just late A lot of.
Maybe we were thinking the same thing from the beginning. Was there a difference in the way it was expressed and accepted?
I was not Rubia, and Rubia was not me. In fact, even if they were old childhood friends, they couldn’t understand each other’s deep thoughts. If that were the case, would I have confessed without looking back?
After all, it was a stranger.
Just as I do not know Rubia’s thoughts, Rubia does not know my thoughts.
If you don’t speak, you won’t know anything. Humans have a head to think and a mouth to get them out. It was natural that something would go wrong if I didn’t use what was made to be used actively.
So we needed a conversation.
So I did.
My childhood friend who dumped me said that he seemed to love me.
Humans must have reason. He must have sufficient and overflowing ability to judge what is normal and what is abnormal. For some reason, I was taking those words out of instinct rather than reason.
He was very angry, and his fists were clenched.
He didn’t know who he was angry at.
Holding down the rage that had not yet been expressed, he walked out of the hut.
Feelings that were only able to be touched as the hot surface cooled, were surprisingly inorganic and empty at the same time.
It was neither joy nor sorrow.
The anger, too, was short-lived.
I loved Rubia. my first love first performance. Those passionate feelings at that time were undeniably pure mine. Now that I think of it, I can laugh. All the times I spent with Rubia were happy. The past me who loved Rubia remained in those memories.
The warmth of the hand we held, the warmth of the forehead we met. A small thrill that I would have kept alone.
all remained in place.
Now there was nothing here.
It’s just that.
I can’t love anyone anymore.
I had to adapt to the sad reality.
It seems that the pitiful appearance was very pitiful.
I was comforting myself.
Giving up Rubia was a good thing in the end. Besides Rubia, I still have a lot of work to do. You can now restore Rubia’s wrong feelings and do your job. Now that we’ve realized each other’s feelings, that’s all.
Like Rubia’s best friend. With Mu… … A little more, we’ll have to talk.
It’s complicated.
My head hurts.
After all, things like the mind and emotions make people tired. Because I had to think of formless things as if they had form. It’s something I have, but it’s also something that doesn’t work the way I want it to. All of a sudden, a thought comes to my mind that it is pointless.
I wanted to exercise with my head empty. Where should I go for dinner tonight? It’s been a while since I’ve called Gabriel to make a bet or a bout.
— Then, then I… … If, I, now, Ezio you… Even if it sounds like you’re in love… …
to rot.
Can’t you just get out of my head?
It seems to be coming to mind over and over again because it’s so close, but it seemed like I had to sort out this problem first.
Getting out was the right thing to do. My head has calmed down, and my heart has calmed down. Before I left the hut door, I thought I was going to say something I wouldn’t say to Rubia at any moment. not now It seemed that he could go back to this way and calm Rubia up, appease and calm her.
I’m glad.
I’m glad
The taste was still bitter.
It must have been overly sweet honey that I had just shoved into my mouth, but the bitter taste of bitterness did not go away on my tongue.
#17
All the stars have gone down.
Like the male protagonist of a tragedy novel, I sat down on a bench and trembled, then suddenly felt a funny feeling and returned to the hut.
profit… …
Rubia was curled up in a rocking chair.
The sniffling stopped, and he buried his head between his knees, hiding his face from me. But I don’t see it at all. At least it will be puffy. And as soon as I opened the door, I saw everyone flinch.
“Rubia.”
“… … ”
The teacup on the table was empty only mine. It’s a pity it was a special ride. In the end, Rubia took a sip and it was over.
“How did you calm down?”
sat on the sofa and asked.
There seems to be a groaning sound, but a voice slowly flows. The first words seemed to bleed because of the passionate crying.
“… … I don’t know.”
“Hmm, it’s difficult if you don’t know.”
“… … ”
“It’s a joke. Is it better than before?”
“… … ”
He nods his head without saying a word. That was enough.
“What time is the next class?”
“… … 5 O’clock.”
It’s been a while.
My last class was at 4pm.
Coming here, we made sure that we didn’t have any plans until the next class, and in the meantime, we had free time. I’d be hungry because I didn’t eat lunch. It seems that we didn’t even have the brains to feel hunger.
Who is coming to the hut?
He probably won’t come.
Freshmen may not know it, but the seniors seemed to prefer to just rest in a luxurious dormitory because they got used to life.
“I’ll make the tea again. Let’s rest here.”
Even though it had already cooled down, it was a waste to throw away the remaining tea, so I poured Rubia’s teacup into my mouth, rattling like I had poured it before I left the hut. Rubia seemed to slowly raise her head at the sound of gagging, but in the end, she didn’t listen.
After pouring hot steaming tea into a new teacup, he opened the honey jar and scooped it out with a spoon, then opened his mouth while dissolving it in the tea.
“… I know what you’re afraid of. But I have no intention of getting out of here. As long as you don’t have a major accident, you won’t be expelled from the Epic class. My goal is to graduate safely without a single accident for 5 years here.”
“… … ”
“I will be by your side. Rubia. I’m not going anywhere. You don’t have to worry anymore because you can’t see me.”
as your best friend.
“So, don’t be too hasty.”
“… … ”
It must have been very confusing So did I. After a good rest, think again with a clear mind. Once the underlying anxiety is relieved. The old Rubia, who had regarded me as a precious friend, would return.
It was better to believe that way.
I held my cup of tea in my hand. I took a sip and it tasted the same as before. I didn’t really learn anything like the tea ceremony, so I don’t know what the quality of tea is, but maybe this is a passing grade.
Of course, the magic machine was a very good thing. So what. Handling tools well is also a skill.
“Come on, here.”
Saying so, he puts the teacup down on the table.
I didn’t think it would come soon.
I sat on the sofa across from him and savored the tea.
Rubia’s long, pale pink hair. The crown looked oblique. Perhaps because he was curled up, the thin calf and the thigh behind it were clearly visible. It was incredibly white. For some reason, Rubia’s skin doesn’t seem to burn in the sun since ancient times.
After sipping without a word for the third sip, Rubia’s legs slid down.
The handkerchief I had previously held seemed damp. It seems that all the tears have been wiped away.
Still, I wonder if the face after crying profusely is still embarrassing, I carefully put my hand to the handle of the teacup without trying to show it to me as much as possible.
Cool the surface while blowing small breaths, and take a sip.
I asked when I saw it.
“What do you think?”
“… … It’s warm.”’
“It’s natural.”
“… … ”
I was laughing while saying “hehehehe” earlier.
Since there was no word, I was also out of breath and did not speak.
The purpose was to make Rubia feel as comfortable as possible during this time. I didn’t want to throw in a few more words to give you something to think about. There are things in the world that you don’t know unless you say it, but there are also things you can feel by not saying it.
The clock’s second hand went by indifferently.
I almost emptied my teacup, and rubia was about halfway there. I thought I was going to put three or two sips in my mouth, but surprisingly I drank a lot. As my stomach gets warmer, my tension is relaxed, and I seem to be falling asleep more and more. On the rocking chair, Rubia’s hazy eyes could be seen. The tears were still red. It was going to be like that for a while.
The wind blows through the window sills of the cabin. If it was cherry blossom season, cherry blossom petals would have been loaded from somewhere. There was only a cold wind blowing.
No blankets, no coats. Rubia’s pale pink hair gently swayed. My shoulders trembled in the cold wind. Rubia was the same. I was just staring blankly into the air for what I was thinking, so I checked that there was enough firewood in the fireplace and immediately raised my magic power.
Whoops.
The fireplace rages and makes a hot fire.
He held up his palms. was warm
“Magic is still difficult.”
It was fun though. The more I learned, the more interesting it became. The reason for using magical power is that I was mostly just watching, not using it.
For example, it was no different than a fantasy that exists in reality. When I learned how to use that kind of magic even a little, I was excited like a child.
“Actually, magic isn’t all that difficult. It was all difficult. Because I didn’t know how to handle either swordsmanship, magic, or alchemy. I knew it in my head, but my body couldn’t keep up with it, so I couldn’t do anything about it. So I read a book or a lot of books day and night at the academy library on Heo Guheon Day.”
Even though Rubia didn’t ask otherwise, I was talking about middle school at some point.
It just seems like what I wanted to do.
In the end, the story of my middle school days that Rubia was curious about was terribly boring and uninteresting. Maybe he just wanted to let you know that it was that much. After all these boring parts were removed, there was only one thing left in my past, which made me doze off and yawn.
“I just wanted to read a book, but someone kept interrupting me.”
“… … ”
that’s probably
It must have been the story Rubia wanted to hear the most.
A soft fire warms our body. As I watched the fluttering flames, I suddenly felt like I was being sucked into the fireplace. Forgetting what he was going to say next, he stares at the flames in the fireplace like Rubia.
Is it really?
Have you forgotten what to say?
read at https://noblemtl.com
Did you want to forget
Even though she believed that Rubia’s words were not sincere, why did it suddenly become difficult to bring them out? Once we start talking, it takes so much time. In the end, it seemed too much of a burden for Rubia, who had to go back before 5 o’clock.
I didn’t want to say anything more, but I shut my mouth.
Rubia didn’t ask me any more.
couldn’t ask
Turning her head, Rubia had her eyes closed like a princess in a fairy tale and fell into a deep sleep. As the feeble life intermittently spit out a shuddering breath, her chest shook slightly.
I put my elbows on the armrests of the sofa and watched Rubia sleeping with her chin crossed.
It’s a big deal if I forgot to be absent.
I had to stay awake.
Just by seeing Rubia falling into a deep sleep, half of her goal had already been achieved. Satisfied with that. What Rubia needed right now was that, above all else, she had enough rest.
“… … ”
I got the words out of my mind over and over again.
There were plenty of opportunities for correction. In the end, I didn’t really know for sure. It just seems like that – I just made an abstract expression.
I honestly don’t even believe it.
It will be a temporary and impulsive feeling anyway.
All things fit together nicely.
something that just happened by chance.
It was nothing more and nothing less.
That’s the way it was.
“… … ”
But if that was the truth.
No, seriously, sleep.
The truth is, there shouldn’t be even a fragment of any possibility.
If only Rubia really looked at me like that.
I lost a friend today.
That too… most precious
– Hrup.
The tea felt bitter.