115 – While I was sleeping…
…I watched Yoo Seon without a word. Yu Seon, who slept in a cold sweat, seemed to be having a nightmare.
His eyes furrowed, he kept tossing and turning while saying strange words that he couldn’t understand. Every time that happened, I wiped away Yoo’s cold sweat with the sleeve of his clothes.
I’ve never… Never asked you to do this…
What is Yu Seon going through in the dream world right now?
… I don’t know about that, but one thing’s for sure, it doesn’t look like you’re having a happy dream.
I didn’t want Yoo Seon to be beaten like an animal and dragged here like an object.
Not once since the funeral did I ever say to harass Yoo Seon, or he somehow dragged me in front of me, but why… Why… I don’t know why this happened to me.
…Working side by side, eating delicious food, and talking to people. Always bright. It’s okay to be far away, so just seeing Yoo Seon-i like that was enough.
…Actually, it wasn’t enough, but I shouldn’t have brought him if it was going to hurt me this much.
“…I don’t like this”
I think I cut open the goose that lays the golden eggs.
Although I wasn’t satisfied with it, it was regrettable that I wasn’t in Yoo Seon’s happy daily life. Still, it was nice that Yoo Seon-i wasn’t afraid of me…
Did Grandpa think that just because he locked me and Yoo Seon in a room like this, I would be happy or like him?
When I see Yoo Seon-i injured so badly, my heart is torn and tears are flowing down my face… My heart hurts..
“I need to come to my senses quickly…”
I wiped Yu Seon’s forehead with a wet towel.
I’m sweating a lot, and I’m not even wearing clothes… If I sweat like this, I’m sure I’ll catch a cold. My body is so hot that I feel like I’m about to get burned… But if I don’t cool down my overheated body, I think something big will happen.
…Ice… Ice…
I searched the refrigerator and there is no ice. Then what to do..? What to do..? …I’m on the cold side… Yeah…
If I hug Yoo Seon-i tightly, wouldn’t the heat in Yoo Seon-i’s body go down a bit?
I came back into the room, pulled up the blanket, and clung to Yoo Seon-i’s arms, who was sweating cold.
…I didn’t feel offended. I could feel Yoo Seon’s warm body temperature on my skin.
“…”
Coming to think of it, wouldn’t it be okay if I asked for ice as well as ordering medicine? …I thought so, but it’s already too late.
I’ve already used Yoo Seon-i’s thick arms like a pillow and clung to them… Now I can’t fall off.
…Come to think of it, when I watched Yoo Seon-i at the construction site, I looked at Yoo Seon-i from more than a few meters away.
Yoo Seon’s eyes are a bit fierce. And the eyebrows are thick too. His jawline is thick. I’m thin, but … I have a cut on my cheek, and fortunately my nose isn’t hurt.
In the past, when I saw him at Mirae High School, should I say that he was skinny because he grew up so fast..?
He didn’t weigh too much for his height, so he looked a little thin, and he looked exhausted-and weak. It has changed between then and now.
She has tanned skin, and… She usually does a lot of hard work and likes to exercise… Yoo Seon-i’s body is incredibly thick.
In high school, there were a lot of images from when I was in elementary school, but I can’t find them anymore. It’s not that he’s bad, he’s very grown-up. ..Mature. Also…So attractive…
“…Smells”
Perhaps she didn’t wash properly while coming here, but Yu Seon’s body smelled… It wasn’t a scent, so I described it as a smell, but…I don’t hate it.
… Covering the same blanket, clinging to each other like this… Sniffing and smelling other people’s bodies. Besides, I was brought in because I suffered a loss, and I know that doing something like this is abnormal even in my opinion.
“But… I’m sleeping right now…”
Wouldn’t it be okay to do this while Yoo Seon is sleeping?
…There’s only me and Yoo Seon here. No one else is up now except for me.
…I don’t know. Someday… I want to try it once. Because I thought about it, because I wanted to be held tightly in my arms just like that child did.
You know that the body is hot, needs to cool down and all that is an excuse.
…I know very well what kind of expression Yoo Seon will make if he finds out I’m doing this, and I also know that he won’t like me for saying this.
I knew in my head that I couldn’t do this, but my body was already attached to the wire…
“…..Sorry”
When I lowered the blanket, I saw Yoo Seon-i’s bare body with nothing on.
Because men go to the beach and take off their tops and walk around. I thought this much would be okay… I took down the blanket and looked at Yoo Seon-i’s body.
There were some parts that were slightly injured, but other than that, everything is perfect… My shoulders and chest are wide, so they fit snugly and don’t fit in my arms, and also… My stomach… I can feel my abs when I touch them.
…The wired thighs are at the level of my waist… They are incredibly thick. Even if I press hard with his fingers – it won’t go in.
“…”
Since he was young, Yoo Seon-i has been running around and he likes to exercise.
If you think about it, Yoo Seon-i was stronger than the other kids and his body was quick, so he always protected me from kids like the golden sun.
With this, he could be a martial artist or an athlete.
No.
…Coming to think of it, I don’t think Yoo Seon-i shouldn’t be a martial artist or an athlete. I don’t like to see Yoo Seon get hurt.
… Yoo Seon-i has a kind personality and has a delicate part … I think he would do well even if he was asked to do something other than field work …
“…Ah”
I was out of my mind for a while, but I sold it.
… I lightly wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.
Until now, I’ve been touching Yoo Seon’s chest or stomach with my fingers, but that’s not okay… Yoo Seon is sick…
….How did the girl and Yoo Seon sleep?
Since Yoo Seon-i has thick arms and a big physique, I thought he could sleep on his arm pillow without too much trouble.
I wish I was smaller than that girl, but not big, so I guess I could do her arm pillow.
Or, it would be nice if Yoo Seon could give me a massage on my tired thighs or shoulders… Or give me acupressure with my hands.
Holding her tightly to Yoo Seon’s chest, what kind of story did she have that day? Today, someone said strange things to me and said that I was so upset.
I wanted to be comforted while being stroked with only one hand on my head…
Mirae When I lived with Yoo Seon in high school, I remembered that Yoo Seon always held me tight in her arms every morning and acted cute, flirted with her… I wanted to be cute… She did all sorts of mean things.
“……”
…Then it couldn’t have been.
I remember when I was in high school, I called a few people from the security team because I thought it would be difficult for me to crush and tame Yoo Seon.
Yoo Seon must have something he wants to do- press down with force, hold on so he can’t run away… Yu Seon has never done that to me.
He always respected my choices.
No matter what I did, they always cheered me on and encouraged me. I hurt Yoo Seon-i, insulted her, harassed her again… I didn’t want to cry. Tears come out.
When I was little, Yoo Seon always wiped away my tears whenever I cried. Don’t cry, Jin-ah, wiping it with his finger.
I recalled in my head how you kindly comforted me.
Because it’s good just once, once again… I want to receive such comfort from Yoo Seon, but I can’t do that anymore..? But… I keep looking forward to it.
I want to be with you, but just being close like this… Calms me down. I also want to do everything Yoo Seon-i wants, I want to keep by Yoo-sun’s side, and I want to be his life partner.
That I don’t deserve it. I’m well aware of it.
I certainly shouldn’t have wished for that. I know I don’t have that opportunity anymore, and I know that what happened this time is the end of our relationship.
I still can’t let go of my attachment to Yoo Seon.
When we’re together like this, my heart pounds, and my heart races.
… I like you, I like you more than anyone else in the world.
I liked Yoo Seon more than that girl.
I knew Yoo Seon before I went to elementary school.
Why…? Why…? Why was the woman Yoo Sun hanging out with, and not me?
I also like talking, and I can also enjoy delicious pasta, and go round and round around the lake- I can go around the lake more than 10 times if I’m with Yoo Seon.
You don’t have to eat expensive food. I’m confident that I won’t complain at all even if I just eat triangular gimbap sold at convenience stores or ramen all day long.
You can also do things that make you feel good. If Yoo Sun tells me to do it, I can do anything.
Since I was in Hanbit Middle School and until now, I could have given Yoo Seon-yi as much of my body as he wanted.
I remember what happened after I had an argument with Yoo Seon in high school. Sorry, that wasn’t what I wanted.
So that night, you can go to Yoo Seon-i’s room and do whatever you want with me. … She said that and then she remembered being pushed out of bed.
Now Yoo Seon goes into a motel with other girls casually and kisses in front of everyone…
Me too… I can do better as a woman – as a friend – and as her lifelong partner than she does…
I want to be loved, sympathized, protected, and possessed- I wish I could be Yoo Seon-i’s woman… Why…? Why..? Why….??
…Do I have to suffer all the time, guilt-ridden, and… Watch from a distance…?