88 – Safety Audit
1)
“…Ah.. Yes, lady. Well, if you suddenly come to me like this, no- I’m not saying it’s burdensome.”
“I’m sorry for coming so suddenly.”
I went back to the apartment site I went to yesterday.
When I entered the field office, the director wearing a black hard hat hurriedly ran up to me, dragged me to an empty place, and started talking to me.
It was originally clean, but it was windy yesterday, so it looks dirty.
It’s time for a break right now, but we’re just finishing up, and those people will sit in the shade and rest.
The resting area for workers is well made, and the food is well served- They pour out stories to me that I don’t even know about, but I didn’t ask about those things today.
“There’s something I want to ask you.”
“If you were to ask, what would you say…?!”
“…Shh!, By any chance, does anyone other than you know who I am?”
“..No…?”
“Can we talk in a quiet place for a moment?”
It’s a top secret that I’m my grandfather’s granddaughter.
Because I’ve learned that being known doesn’t help anything- And I’m used to hiding my identity.
Grandpa’s granddaughter of the Mirae Group is also in a mess – it’s difficult when news like that comes out on the news.
It helps a lot in hiding my identity.
So even within Mirae Group, very few people know that I am my grandfather’s granddaughter.
My relatives don’t even know what I’m doing. People who know my identity are people my grandfather can really trust.
The manager of the construction site of Mirae Department Store is one of them.
“…Still, since I saw him with the chairman yesterday- he’s a very important person. Wouldn’t you think that much…?”
On-site office.
Among them, no one visits the director’s office except for the director himself, and he looked around as if he had been anxious since before.
“…I’m going to work here for a while starting today!”
“…Yes? No, the president is…”
“Even my grandfather said that’s fine…? Because I can’t just go in and out of the hospital forever…”
“…Lady…”
I didn’t say it with this in mind, but the atmosphere calmed down.
The director looked at me with sad eyes, knowing that I was getting drunk every day, and that blood was dripping from open wounds that hadn’t healed.
The warden is a good person.
I know that out of my grandfather’s entourage, he is the one who wants to help me the most.
That’s why whenever we run into each other, we smile and talk to each other first, and then talk to them. Because he’s a trustworthy adult – that’s why I’m asking you this.
“So can I work here?”
“…Uh… Um… The young lady doesn’t study for construction, so it seems difficult to entrust her with professional work… Actually, she’s too young to be given a managerial position- Because she’s 23 years old this year- It seems difficult too…
Again- that’s why other people saw me going out with the chairman the other day to leave the low-end office job…
Surely, if someone who had been in the same car as the chairman until yesterday suddenly tapped on the accelerator here, wouldn’t that look more suspicious..?
So, it’s a moderately important position, and- I have to do a job that suits the lady’s aptitude… Because a lady is more meticulous and delicate than she looks… How about taking on the roles of auditor and safety supervisor?”
“Thank you…?”
“It is to investigate whether there are dangerous places on the site or if there are difficult tasks for workers to do, but usually they do not go alone, but in groups of three.
Three people become one group, and several groups move. So, there is relatively little chance that the young lady will stand out. Also- but since it’s thanks anyway, the person dispatched from the head office.
Since people think that way, it is only natural that someone with a high position will come. You might think so.
Again- After the proper audit period is over, you can give an excuse to be dispatched to another place and quit.
If you say it roughly like that, even people who don’t know the lady’s identity will accept it with an ah.
One of the attendants who rode the same car as my grandfather was dispatched as a recording agent for the safety audit – I’ll tell people that.”
2)
When I got home, I just picked it up and threw myself onto the bed as if I was about to collapse. I feel like I’ve put all my energy into the day.
I can’t move a single hair.
…Am I doing well…?
I promised myself that I would never go near Yoo Seon again.
You promised.
I decided not to.
I don’t want to hurt Yoo Seon anymore, nor do I want to be hurt by Yoo Seon. I don’t want to see that face looking at me with a cold face…
But… But it’s okay if it’s just once… I miss you…
I’m tired of crying every night, sobbing that I’m sorry, and slitting my wrists.
From noble mtl dot com
It’s hard now to drink strong alcohol to reflect on what I’ve done every day. I don’t like taking drugs that I don’t know about even though they don’t have much effect on depression.
I’m afraid to fall asleep.
When I go to sleep, all the bad things I suffered in the past keep repeating, but in my dreams, I just feel lethargic.
Again- that Yoo Seon pushes me away with a cold face, but the situation where I can’t do anything is very difficult.
As time goes by, the image of Yoo Seon-i, who smiled brightly at me in the past, is getting blurry, and the friendly voice is gradually being forgotten… The precious memories we had together are fading into gray memories. That there is
It’s so hard to accept the moment I realize.
I will no longer be obsessed with Yoo Seon. I will get away from Yoo Seon.
I won’t go any further.
I made that promise to Yoo Seon at the funeral, and as soon as I entered the house, I burned all the things I had with Yoo Seon.
Because looking at it makes me feel like I’m going to visit Yoo Seon again.
So… In order to erase Yoo Seon in my head. In order to forget, I camped out on my own, but at some point it became poison.
Was Seon Yoo’s voice a good low-pitched tone? Or was it high-pitched? How tall is Yoo Seon?
What color of clothes does Seon Yoo like?
Yoo Seon-i… Yoo Seon-i… Yu Seon-i… Every time I struggle in a similar nightmare, Yoo Seon-i comes to rescue me.
…The terrible thing is that the wired teeth seem to get blurrier as time goes by.
As the next few years pass, I think the image of Yu Seon-yi in my head will wear out more than it does now.
Every time it happens, I feel like my precious childhood memories wear out as well.
It was always a fun day. The only happy moments in my short life.
That’s gone.
It disappears.
I couldn’t turn back even if I regretted it.
The few pictures I took with Yoo Seon when I was young. And because I have already erased all the videos of Yoo Seon who secretly filmed while attending Hanbit Middle School and Mirae High School.
At that time, I think I cut my wrist myself for the first time. It made me want to die because I was stupid and pathetic, and I was so stupid that I couldn’t find the will to erase Yoo Seon-i from her head.
Every day for the past few years, I cut my wrists, choked my throat, and – I drank a lot of sleeping pills at once and was taken to the hospital – I don’t want to do that anymore. I can’t live like that.
I told the director who I spoke with today that I would go to the hospital to receive the rest of my treatment and rehab training after my term of safety audit is over- so I would return to study abroad in good health.
Actually, that’s a blatant lie.
I’m sorry I lied to the warden, but I’m not going to a foreign country, I’m falling from a tall building, or I’m jumping into a running truck.
Or I’ll die in one short, thick shot by injecting poison or something. Slit your wrists anymore – I want to see Yoo Seon. I’m tired of whimpering alone.
There’s no point in living any longer anyway.
I think it’s better to die than to live like this.
Foreign…? Are you going back to college to study? I don’t need any of that.
I’d rather die than go back there.
I’m not kidding, if I’m going to that gloomy foggy city, I’d rather jump off the roof of a building!
But I can’t die now. Because my grandfather planted a lot of people here and there without my knowledge, they secretly follow me wherever I go.
They might know what I talked to the warden today.
I can’t die yet because there are always people watching my every move, who will do anything to keep me alive when they see me jumping into a truck or climbing a building.
…So… I need some time.
To some extent, my grandfather said my condition is fine, better than before.
I need some time to think so and let go of my guard.
And if the surveillance is a little lax… Then… I will disappear from this world.
Hold all the sins you’ve done to Yoo Seon in your arms.
Three months at the longest.
While I’m working as a safety auditor, I’ll do whatever I want in the meantime. It’s okay if Yoo Seon doesn’t care. It’s okay if he doesn’t smile at me a second time.
But with uncomfortable eyes- I don’t like it when Yoo Seon looks at me with a disgusting face.
So… So… I’ll just watch Yoo Seon from far away, far enough away that he won’t notice.
I can be satisfied with that. That’s it.
Yoo Seon’s smiling face. Troubled face. Happy face. Sad face. Stunned face.
The face of Yoo Seon-i, who just watches from a distance and comes out as a kaleidoscope on the verge of dying, must be clear.
When I end my life at the end, the face that looks like a kaleidoscope will be Yoo Seon-i’s bright smile.
When I think so- I will prepare to end my life without regret.