＜Episode 126＞ Beginner Husband and Beginner Father 4
No one can sleep comfortably in this situation.
It is impossible to throw away the crying Si-eun. Moreover, it was the first time I had seen him so angry.
Si-eun is often joking around, but rarely expresses sincere anger. It was never before rare.
Needless to say, it was a huge shock.
I immediately grabbed Si-eun’s hand and headed to the couple’s room.
As she walked, Si-eun wiped her tears with the back of her hand.
So, even when I got to the room, I had no choice but to hesitate for a while.
Have you ever dealt with Si-eun in such an atmosphere? It’s like the first time since I ran out of a company party long ago. Before that, it was only when I got a call about my mother-in-law on the first date.
Contrary to the time when there was plenty of room for extenuating circumstances, today it all happened because of my hasty actions.
It was hard to keep my lips together.
A heavy silence fell in the couple’s room, where they always flirted in the past.
Standing in the middle of the room, our gaze just wanders through the air. Now we didn’t even have the courage to face each other.
“honey.”
It was Si-eun’s weeping voice that broke the silence.
Then I made eye contact. There was still water in the corners of Si-eun’s eyes.
For a moment, my heart tightened.
“yes.”
Only a crawling answer came out of his parched mouth. However, as soon as it reached Si-eun’s ear, it followed soon after.
“Are you tired?”
“Is it hard?”
“yes. Are you having a hard time taking care of one?”
Si-eun asked the question again, as if urging for an answer. There was a small wrinkle on the forehead.
After choosing an expression for a moment, she parted her lips.
“I’m fine… … .”
“It’s not okay.”
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My mouth was closed at the shrill voice.Si-eun interrupted my words and just looked at me. His distorted expression looked like he was asking the truth. As if he would not tolerate lies, as if he knew everything.
And then he adds a word.
“It’s not okay.”
It felt like an ultimatum to me.
Si-eun has good eyesight. You must have seen early on what my condition is these days.
No, Si-eun gave me worried words from the postpartum care center. I didn’t know it at first, but at some point I pretended not to know. In Si-eun’s eyes, it seemed that all my tricks were exposed.
The eyes that had been wandering as if trying to find a new excuse finally fell to the ground.
After taking a deep breath, he opened his mouth.
“… … Honey, it’s hard.”
“Of course. Raising a baby is usually difficult.”
“So… … .”
“So?”
Si-eun’s tone rose.
“So that I don’t have a hard time, are you saying that Honey will work harder?”
“… … .”
well Was that the intention?
So far, I have never tried to verbalize my inner feelings. Moment by moment, as I remembered, I moved as I wanted to. If you ask me what the principle of action was, I’d say I don’t know.
But when I heard it, I thought it was.
I didn’t want to see Si-eun struggling, so I tried to take on everything as much as possible.
The stillness that began to drift in the room again was broken by Si-eun this time.
“Since I was born, honey, you took care of me while sleeping less. Even when you are struggling with pain. even while in the hospital. even when in the kitchen. He sleeps less than me and does everything he wants… … .”
speech was interrupted When I opened my eyes to check the situation, Si-eun was still looking at me. Your warm eyes pierced my heart today.
“Still.”
Si-eun’s story continued.
“I was just trying to accept it. Because Honey is such a good person. He is someone who tries to take care of others even if he pretends not to be.”
“… … yes.”
“But, nonetheless. Trying to handle everything alone like today… … .”
The story was interrupted again. This time there wasn’t even a follow up.
However, with the tears flowing from Si-eun’s eyes, I could only vaguely guess.
Si-eun, I’m thankful, I’m sorry… … That’s what I’m most worried about.
To put it bluntly, well, I don’t think you need to worry too much. It is said that it takes about 100 days for a baby to fall asleep. That means you have to wait two months or so.
I take a taxi on my way to and from work. At work, even if I doze off, I just stick my nose in the keyboard. Accidents do not occur due to lack of sleep. I don’t even want to have any health problems.
In the end, it means that Si-eun’s worries are just a little too much.
can it be
Si-eun lost her father early and took care of her sick mother. The fear of losing a loved one and of having to let them go must never have been easy.
Furthermore, he may have blamed himself for all the hard work he had done for himself. In any case, it is not strange to have a sense of debt or regret of its own.
The appearance of taking care of my health by telling me to cut down on ramen or coffee, it must have all come from this.
I bit my teeth so hard it hurts.
Even with empty words, I can’t say I’m good at communication. During the days spent with Si-eun, the ability to communicate was developed, but the essential sociability did not change at all.
I never dreamed that my heart to take care of Si-eun would make Si-eun sick again.
It was only at this time that I remembered the words of Si-eun’s mother.
‘If you really cherish Si-eun, you should cherish yourself that much.’
okay. I should have realized sooner.
Wasn’t it something you learned sometime in the distant past?
As if being careful was not the only way to protect the opponent.
What you value is also sometimes hurting the other person.
“Si-eun.”
He let out a cracking voice and took a step forward.
Si-eun stared at me, still dripping tears like chicken poop.
took a step closer again.
Si-eun’s head raised slightly.
Taking one more step, this time, he stood right in front of Si-eun.
Then he wrapped his arms around his waist and gently hugged Si-eun.
He continued to brush Si-eun’s hair, which was sticking close together. Black hair glided down from his fingertips to the sky.
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My touch, which had always given me reassurance, seemed to stimulate Si-eun’s tear glands today.Si-eun’s crying grew louder and louder.
One day before the wedding. I told Si-eun about this.
‘When you’re having a hard time, I hug you. When I am lacking, I make up for it. So we’ll be together until the last moment of each other… … . I think marriage is like this.’
‘Even if I can’t always make you smile. Don’t cry because of me… … .’
I really couldn’t keep anything.
Before I was a first-time father, I must have been a first-time husband.
“I must be a real fool.”
“What?”
Si-eun raised her head without weeping at the self-helpful words. Tears welled up in his eyes as he looked up at me.
Continue the story regardless.
“I was thinking of honey and trying to help, but that actually made it hard for me. Sorry.”
“Oh, no.”
Si-eun shook her head as if in embarrassment.
“It’s nothing to be sorry about. Thank you so much. Thank you, honey, because I’m worried about your body… … .”
“know. What do you mean?”
Si-eun stopped stuttering words. After hearing my answer, Si-eun quietly buried her face in her chest again.
“Because I am lacking in many ways. I don’t even know how to express it. Because there are many times when I don’t understand even if I express it. In the end, it seems like this.”
Si-eun’s head shook horizontally from the edge of her chest. Do you want to deny that it is not? At least a little bit, he had a smile on his face.
“I think I was a little sorry to see you giving birth to a sweetheart. I haven’t been able to do anything straight for ten months. Same when giving birth to one. So, even now, I was going to pay the price.”
“What are you talking about. How well have you been doing so far? Besides, I told you a few times.”
Si-eun’s voice echoed through her chest. I definitely remember having a similar conversation a few times. Even then, for doing such a frivolous thing, I felt even more sorry for Si-eun.
“I guess I didn’t understand no matter how many times I heard it. That’s really stupid.”
After I shed a short joke.
“So I think I’ll probably do a lot of stupid things in the future. As a husband and a father, I am still immature. If I do something stupid, please point it out right away. I’ll fix it right away.”
In my heart, I told you this.
A promise to prevent this from happening in the future is meaningless. I bet I’m going to do another stupid thing this week.
So at least I wanted Si-eun to teach me. So that I, who is lacking, can learn slowly.
Si-eun leaned on my chest and listened quietly. How did Si-eun listen to my resolve? A little impatience grew.
Soon, Si-eun raised her head.
Then with a loose smile, he replied softly.
“no.”
“… … Can’t you?”
“yes. You can’t be called an idiot in front of one.”
“ah.”
do it that’s it It’s Si-eun who insisted on naming her children in front of them saying that you can’t do it. You’re such an idiot for the baby’s dad. There’s no way I can tolerate it.
then.
“Um, then. Do it in a whisper.”
“It’s a bit too. It’s a little bit like a baby.”
be a baby chick It’s a word I haven’t heard in a long time. However, this was also correct. It seemed very funny to hear him whisper in his ear like an idiot.
The options are gradually decreasing. Is there any other way?
“Uh, so would you like to leave it as a KakaoTalk message? stupid.”
I guess I didn’t like this. Si-eun snorted.
“If you go later, you will only have a pile of messages saying you are an idiot.”
“Are you going to spend a lot like a mountain?”
“According to your actions honey.”
“I’ll have to be careful for the rest of my life.”
When I spoke in a relaxed tone, Si-eun’s eyes drew a pretty arc.
“To say something really stupid.”
“yes. You can do that.”
“what.”
Now, Si-eun laughed softly.
Tears were still forming in the corners of his eyes, but his stiff expression almost seemed to have loosened.
Si-eun’s mouth, who had been smiling at the bash, slowly opened.
“honey.”
“why?”
“I’m sorry I got angry earlier.”
“What are you sorry for? When we live together, we sometimes get into fights as a couple, huh?”
“this… … Is this a couple fight?”
Si-eun tilted her head in response to the answer she gave without much thought. uh, well
“If you don’t treat this as a marital fight, there will be no quarrels for the rest of your life… … .”
“That’s right.”
“right?”
“yes. So today will be the anniversary of the first couple fight.”
“I don’t think it’s something to celebrate.”
“but.”
We both laughed out loud here.
The atmosphere that had been hardened suddenly melted, and now it has become a soft jelly.
Our little cacophony, which had dragged on for days and days, was so easily tuned.
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My heart to help Si-eun actually hurt Si-eun. Si-eun’s sincere expression of anger actually strengthens our relationship.It felt a little ironic.
But maybe life is like that.
If love is a tug-of-war, the cord is most likely entangled like a spider’s web.
It’s not drawn as much as you pull, so it might be confusing at times.
Unraveling the entangled things one by one for the rest of your life… … Perhaps it is the homework given to us.
Since then, we have clasped our lips again and again.
Like a child who had just learned a bad joke, with a shy smile on her face.
When we finished our long kiss, our cheeks were stained bright red.
Looking at each other like that, we shared a smile again.