I do not resent-3
lived in fantasy
Even though I knew that nothing would change even if I struggled alone, even though I vaguely knew that even if I tried, it was certain that I would die.
She harbored a sense of complacency that if she was with Mirajan, that would be enough, that even if she lived like this, Mirajane would be safe.
“Miragen.”
Burning debris crashes into your shoulder. Even though blood flowed from the broken and torn wounds, it did not hurt.
I didn’t even have the mind to care about that, so I walked through the flames to find Miragen.
My clothes were burning, and my eyes were dry from the heat. There was no more moisture left to shed tears.
Maybe that’s why, the more I rubbed my bloody eyes, the more I felt my vision blur and looked around quietly.
tadak.
The sound of broken wood being burned filled the room.
Other than that, I couldn’t hear anything, and at times like this, I could only resent my own weakness.
If I had been able to sense magic like a knight, I wouldn’t have messed around here.
If I had been a little faster, if I had recognized the presence a little more quickly. The regret doesn’t go away even while the nails are digging into the flesh.
The corner of his mouth twisted while the bright red tears were flowing, so the emotion that arose between them was regret.
If I had given up on Miragen earlier, this wouldn’t have happened.
Didn’t I say it would make me happy? However, in the end, everything reached unhappiness.
Nothing changed. always, always Because Mirazen watched her last death.
That it won’t happen if time goes back.
It’s not that simple.
I remembered. No matter how much time goes back, in the end, even in the eternal repetition, if I remember it myself, that memory.
Can I really pretend that I don’t exist? I lived forgetting to wear out.
it’s always okay I thought I could always love with the same heart even though I knew I couldn’t.
So I didn’t think that it was loose for a while.
If he had poured his heart into Mirazen from the beginning, he wouldn’t have gone out to buy accessories in the first place.
Come to think of it, this was the first time Mirazen wasn’t there on the day he returned. I was complacent. It was stupid.
However, no matter how much I blamed myself now, nothing changed.
thirty-fifth. Living such a life, the only thing I learned was how to spread magic.
I tried to avoid solving it by force. In the first place, even holding a sword was useless, so I couldn’t see any progress for a year.
I thought it was a waste of time and gave up, but what does that matter now?
At least, if I had the strength to cut through the flames with a sword, I wouldn’t have felt helpless in this situation.
The shabby man who couldn’t even do that had no choice but to run.
Turning over the rubble with bloody hands, I made my way toward the ominous bloodstains that sometimes appeared on the floor.
i wish i was alive
If you’re lucky enough to accidentally hide in a crevice, that’s enough.
It was good to resent myself. While hating him, it was okay to blame him for his incompetence, asking where he had been.
as long as you’re alive Please, even if you hurt somewhere, hope it’s a light wound.
I prayed with the name of God whom I cried out so much after I was born.
While running, he roughly gripped the rosary he had received from the church.
“Miragen.”
I gritted my teeth at the answer that didn’t come back even when I called, and frowned at the flames passing by my forehead.
will be alive Because Mirazen had never died.
Because I believed in the past that I had been through, I just vaguely thought that I would be alive without any evidence.
-Something seems familiar. I’ve been here for the first time, have you been here before?
I couldn’t answer. Because I couldn’t say that I came with you.
It was a memory only for me, so when I came back to a place I had been to, I would be drenched in melancholy alone.
How did you feel looking at it? What would you have been like to see me make a sad face when you smile like I remember.
I couldn’t understand it.
– I like just being with you. To be honest, I was a bit taken aback at first, but you can’t hate someone who says he will love you.
Even when I approached suddenly, I didn’t explain anything to the woman who accepted me.
He never even said that he tried to use himself. It would have been enough.
After they became lovers, she had never heard a single complaint, even though she had confined herself to her room and thought about how to deal with the prince.
-Do you love me?
Since when did you hear that question? Was it when I became a lover with Mirazen and died ten times?
At the time, it just made me angry to hear such a question, but now I think I know a little bit why I asked that question.
I took a step that was less powerful than before.
At that point, I was already aware of the situation.
The wreckage of the building disappeared as they advanced, and the whitish starlight shook under the open sky.
The red light gradually became clearer.
As if someone with a deep wound could barely move, his expression hardened coldly as he occasionally stepped on pools of blood.
A cold wind blew, not like summer.
The sweat on my forehead was cold enough to freeze, and what came out of my mouth felt like pure white steam.
The blood flowing through the whole body hardens. A thrilling sensation from the tips of her fingers traveled down her spine and through her entire body, and she soon realized that the object that reached the end of her gaze was Miragen.
“…Miragen.”
I mumble weakly the name I had shouted hundreds of times in this short time.
The woman lying alone in pools of blood was what I was looking for, so I was full of only wanting to deny what I was seeing.
It couldn’t have been. Just because I haven’t seen you for a few minutes, there’s no way something that’s never happened before will happen.
When I finally reached out, I felt Mirazen’s always warm cheeks getting cold.
Unbeknownst to me, the woman’s body in my arms seemed to be approaching death.
mirazen dies
Even while those thoughts were swirling around in my head, it was difficult to grasp the reality, so I stared blankly into space while touching my lips as I muttered something.
“Robert, are you here?”
“Miragen- what the hell…”
what should i have done Where did something go wrong and why are you lying like this?
The blurry eyes seemed to have already lost their light.
But as if I could clearly see where I was, Mirazen’s hand reached out to my cheek.
cold. Before I could even feel that sensation, I felt blood soaking through my body.
He stretched out his hand and tried to cover the wound, but nothing changed.
I wasn’t a saint, and I didn’t know much about healing magic either. I didn’t know what to say.
Tears that she thought had already dried kept flowing, and Mirajen smiled as she felt the water dripping down her face.
“Why are you crying? If that happens, people who go will not feel comfortable.”
“I hate to hear that. Because I, I will save it somehow. please. Stop talking about dying.”
Even if he tried to stop the bleeding, there was no way the bleeding would stop. Aren’t there a couple of knife cuts?
Was it Keitel? When asked out of a sense of urgency, Mirazen only replied that she had woken up after passing out, but that she did not see who had cut her.
The fire was just to cover Miragen’s condition.
Mirazen would have been stabbed and abandoned in the first place, so it would be too late to follow the flames.
Unbeknownst to me, a laugh leaked out. His clenched fists were stained white, and blood flowed from the flesh where his nails had dug.
Even so, he smiled naturally.
If I look nervous, Miragen will get anxious.
It didn’t go as well as I thought. He could see that the expression he was making now was ridiculous.
“It is my fault.”
“It’s not your fault. It’s just, it’s something that could be common in other royal families. It’s not your fault, I’m just unlucky.”
“No way-“
“Don’t beat yourself up. You know it’s hard for me to say right now. Will you listen to me?”
When I managed to suppress the words that were about to burst out, Mirazen’s expression relaxed a little and reached out to my cheek.
When the cold touch touched my face, I almost burst into tears without realizing it.
So I bit my lip, and Mirajen, who smiled as usual, pursed her lips.
“I’m worried. I thought Robert would blame himself if I wasn’t there. You’ll say it’s your fault and try to do everything yourself.”
“…I won’t.”
“lie.”
She and I both know this is a lie.
Perhaps if Mirazen dies like this, I will blame myself for this death for the rest of my life. It doesn’t change.
I will find the one who killed Mirazen and avenge it, and I will grow in strength to do so.
When you’ve matured, you can finally tell Mirazen that you love her again. It probably won’t change in the end.
“It was like that every day. Even if I get a little hurt anywhere, it gets serious, and I lock myself in my room to find out what’s wrong. I never once blamed Robert. It’s not a lie, it’s real, you know?” “Why don’t you know. That’s what you always said.”
“…Sorry. go first.”
I wanted to refute that I was wrong. However, the pulsation that slowly stopped blocked my mouth.
Mirazen is dead. Perhaps tonight, Miragen will surely disappear from the world.
I’ll see you again when I die, but Mirazen, the thirty-fifth, died before me.
It would not change, and would become a thorn to live with forever.
“I had something I wanted to say. Can I tell you?”
“You can speak.”
As she inhaled to hide her tears, Mirajen’s hand ran through her hair as she smiled softly.
“I always wanted to talk about it, but if you think about it, only Robert confessed when we first met. Because that’s what I liked. I only heard that I liked it, but I never said I liked it.”
Unlike the first time we met, I always knew that my one-sided confession was uncomfortable.
However, he said it was okay not to listen because he knew his heart. We lived like that, and we lived together several lives like that.
If I knew what would come out after this, what kind of heart would I have? Will it collapse or will it rise again?
Even that wasn’t clear, but I didn’t want to stop what Mirazen was trying to say.
“It was nice to hear that it was love at first sight. It was something I had always read in books.”
“…was it?”
“I wanted to say that too, but I guess I don’t have that kind of talent. So I’m going to confess a little shabby. I don’t know if you like it, but I really want to say this.”
Her lips were stained blue, and then a small voice leaked out.
A small voice that no one but me can hear, and only me alone in this world can hear.
“I, Robert, you…”
As the blood spewed out of his mouth, Mirajen stopped my frightened hand and smiled a little.
The quivering corner of his mouth twitched for a moment, but it seemed that he had used all his strength and then it began to quiet down.
“Can I like it?”
I don’t know why. I was speechless for a moment, and I was busy wiping away the flowing tears.
I couldn’t answer Mirazen’s last words.
No matter how many times I told her that it was okay to like her, Miragen didn’t listen.
Since the soul had already disappeared in the cold body, the answer I spit out no longer reached me.
“…He said don’t beat yourself up, so I’ll keep it.”
I don’t blame myself. If you wanted that, I wasn’t going to blame myself.
I just wanted to blame my weakness.
I was thinking of resenting my own weakness, which I spent so vainly on because I didn’t have the strength to protect someone I loved.
Poo-wook.
It was a simple task to drive the sword I had brought into my heart.
Having lived in a happy fantasy many times, it was nothing to suffer this much.
If my body couldn’t handle a sword, I was going to go to you over and over again.
somehow
By any means.
I will save you next time, the thirty-fifth me swore.