I can finally reach your sadness-3
Adrian was warm. Maybe, I was hoping for someone to approach me like this.
Even though I just held him in my arms, I felt that my anxious feelings disappeared.
Perhaps it was the saintess’ ability, but I realized that the feelings she had for me were not simple sympathy.
Not sympathy or pity, but something close to understanding. Adrian was sobbing in his arms.
I, who had gone through death, was calm, but the person I met for the first time in this life was crying.
What should I do? It’s the first time I’ve ever felt like this, because I’m feeling this for the first time in my life.
I didn’t know what to say to Adrian.
I didn’t know that there would be someone who would mourn for me.
I didn’t think that there would be anyone who understands and grieves the feelings of the death I’ve been through.
Not because I’m sorry, just. I didn’t know what to say to a woman who was really sad and crying.
The sound of my own beating heart rang loudly.
The pulsation, which gradually accelerated, gradually created heat, and before long heat spread over the heated cheeks.
He brushed Adrian’s hair, which occasionally flinched from his chest.
I don’t know what feelings I have now. It’s so unfamiliar, isn’t this the first time in all life.
I don’t know if I was just scared of myself.
He had never talked about the past to anyone, so maybe he was scared and afraid.
Of course, most of them have different feelings from Adrian, but one thing is for sure.
It was clear that this had a positive effect on me.
I slowly removed Adrian’s head, who had stopped crying.
Anyway, I just wanted to express that I was fine with her, at least carefully and not too harshly.
He rubbed his cheek and smiled around his reddened eyes. Tears spilled from my fingers.
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Just the fact that you cried for me made me cross a lot of emotions.
Is there anyone else who can cry this much for a person with whom he has made a relationship for the first time in this life and whom he has not met a few times?
It was possible because it was Adrian.
I thought that meeting her in this life might be like fate to me.
“Keep your head up. I have to clean it up.”
At my words, Adrian slowly raised his head.
Perhaps it was because of the fact that he had pressed his face against his chest, and he smiled a little with his blushing face.
The sniffing and sniffing was a slightly different feeling from before.
If he was more mature than anyone else before, should I say he looks like a child this time?
not bad. Rather it was fine.
Whenever I see Adrian like this, I used to laugh for no reason.
Adrian, who showed no resistance to my wiping hands, raised his head toward my face for a moment and pursed his lips.
“are you okay? About how I… got to see Robert’s memories.”
“it’s okay. Because I thought I should tell you someday anyway. I was embarrassed because it was a little fast, but it was okay because Adrian hugged me.”
“Oh, I didn’t come here to hug you.”
The tips of my ears turned a little red, so I shrugged my shoulders and wiped away the tears.
After wiping his face like that, Adrian, who was still looking at me, fell silent.
As if contemplating something, his lips, which had been parted several times, were closed.
Perhaps it is about the memories that are being shown now. Because this 35th life was special to me in many ways.
“Do you see Miragen?”
Adrian was slightly surprised that I called the princess by her first name, but soon nodded in affirmation.
“I can’t see it, but it flows into my memory. So I could see Robert’s emotions. If I felt bad… I’m sorry.”
“it’s okay. Other people may not know, but Adrian can.”
I didn’t want Mirazen or Adele to recall memories.
Mirazen in particular might feel guilty that she killed me.
If it came to Miragen and the coffin of memory, it might have been more serious than I thought.
Adrian bowed his head at those words, and I continued to explain this memory.
“Until this point, I was a bit immature.”
It would be a little strange to say that he died 34 times and was stupid, but that’s just how it seems to me.
At that time, it was time to find my own wisdom.
If you think about not killing the crown prince, and receiving YuRia’s approval, she went to the brink of marrying Mirazen.
It could be said that this was probably the time when he was closest to success.
But Mirazen is dead.
What can I say if I am not immature for failing to consider that?
I think he died a lot back then, but to the 101st me, he was just stupid and stupid.
“Do you remember what I said before? Saying there was someone I loved.”
That’s what I was talking about Miragen.
Miragen was the first and last time they loved each other since they were born, so they said that they would not love anyone anymore.
The heart was still there.
I met many ties in this life, but I did not want it to lead to a closer relationship.
“I remember. Could it be that it was Miragen?”
“you’re right. Because my last lover was always Miragen.”
Adrian, who had a strange expression on his face for a moment, looked at me blankly.
As if she finally understood the words, she hesitated before opening her mouth.
“Then it must have been Miragen who killed you, too.”
“Because it was the death I wanted in the first place. I don’t know how you read my memory, but you probably would know if you saw my memory.”
The scene the coffin showed was me crying while holding the dead Mirazen.
On a rainy day, a night full of uneasiness, I didn’t want to send Mirazen alone.
Now, I had to overcome those feelings to some extent, but it was true that even when I looked at them again, I felt useless feelings.
Isn’t Mirazen alive?
As I brushed my forehead and let out a low breath, Adrian approached me again and gently squeezed my hand.
It didn’t matter because I was in a good mood to talk about anything now, but I smiled a little at that expression of concern for me.
It’s been a long time since I’ve been worried about someone.
Her attitude was quite different from Adele’s, and I sensed that slight difference as she talked about her memories.
If Adele considers memories simply as memories and considers the present important, Adrian accepted the emotions of the entire memory as it is.
That’s probably why he reacts to every little action of mine.
Adrian thinks I’m in a pretty unstable state right now.
I looked at Adrian, who held my hand tightly as if he would not let go, and then quietly opened his mouth.
It seemed that he needed to reassure her.
From now on, no matter what happens, I won’t be shaken by anything else.
“Do I still look anxious?”
“…no.”
“I am okay. Even though I was a little embarrassed earlier, isn’t that just for a moment? If you feel uncomfortable, you can let go.”
Even though I relaxed my grip, Adrian was still holding my hand.
It wasn’t as much as when he was holding her, but the warmth was fully transmitted.
Soft, without the slightest callus, and small enough to cover the whole of one hand.
I quickly realized that this was the greed coming from her heart, but this time I decided to accept it.
This is probably the only way to repay kindness.
Even if the day comes when they reveal their feelings to each other, he just hoped that she wouldn’t be hurt.
If, even if my goal is achieved, if I am alive. I’ll give you another answer at that time, though.
My fingers move from the hand I was holding, and my fingers become entangled.
He quietly hugged his shoulder in surprise.
Earlier, they were in front of each other, but this time they hugged the woman looking in front from behind.
thump. The sound of my heart pounding came clearly to my ears.
The answer I can give is this, so it can’t be helped.
I thought I was saved for a moment. What if the saintess’ reaching out to me in the mire of inescapable emotions wasn’t salvation?
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Just thank you
It’s just that I don’t want to forget this feeling right now.
I hugged Adrian for a long time until his ears turned red.
#
memories go on
From the thirty-fifth night Mirazen died, through the fifty-fifth life I died to Mirazen again.
Even the life of giving up everything and leaving for the North.
Sitting in his arms, Adrian watched the memory silently.
Although it was a little uneasy to see without saying anything,
Through our previous conversation, I realized that she understands my feelings.
There was no need to be anxious. I just watched to see if Adrian would cry any more.
“Is this the first time you met the Grand Duke?”
“It’s not the first time we’ve met, but it’s probably the first time we’ve become friends. I came out as if I was running away. It was when I left my last name without telling my sister or my fiancé.”
When I think about it, it was amazing that Adele accepted me like that.
To be willing to accept the one who ran away without any ointment.
If he had been instigated for her assassination, what would he have planned?
I was a little worried, but my thoughts were distracted by Adrian’s grip on my arm.
It was a strange attitude in many ways. It was like leaning on my chest with my legs spread out and enjoying the memories.
Her hair in a high ponytail tickled her nose from time to time, and her eyes narrowed at the sweet scent.
If you thought Adrian was simply a relationship, it seems that your feelings have changed a little with this incident.
Is it an alliance?
I hope that’s not the case, but I don’t know when I’ll change my mind at this rate.
The person who was a lover, the person who was meant to be a lover, that
Although it was a woman who had no relationship with Rigo. The feelings I had for those people were still the same.
I wanted to be the only one worrying about this complicated relationship.
“Robert, are you going to tell anyone else about the memory?”
“…I do not know.”
Adrian knows about this memory, and I believe that Mirajen will one day recall it, just as Adele did.
Would it be better to let us know in advance? No matter how many times I thought about it, it was a problem that I couldn’t find a clear answer to.
The memories they recalled were not only happy, so I think it would be better to live without knowing if possible.
Although I don’t want you to be sad if you know about the memory. It would be difficult to say right now.
“Perhaps I will have to hide it for a while. As you can see, there are not only good memories.”
“…I guess so.”
Adrian, who muttered that, smiled bitterly, then sighed and looked straight ahead.
Now, my memories were also slowly ending. If she was watching her memories moving toward her 100th death, there was one thing I had to reveal to her.
What on earth did I repeat the regression for?
The essence was blurred, but if it was a goal that was embracing at the bottom of the chest, it was definitely there.
killing the crown prince. Shouldn’t I tell the only woman in the world who knows my memory?
After a long time passed and all the deaths were over, I quietly opened my mouth to Adrian.
“I think you now know that I have died 100 times and am living my 101st life.”
“I know. Here… I saw everything.”
“I don’t know how many times this regression will repeat in the future, but I am trying to end it in this lifetime.”
Adrian, surprised for a moment, looked at me.
The reason why he chose to go south in the first place was to gain her support, so in the end, he returned to Wonron.
After looking at Adrian gently, he continued to speak carefully.
“I am trying to kill the crown prince.”