107 – I can’t accept your feelings.
1.
Byul’s lips fell and her closed eyes opened to face me.
Byul’s white cheeks, which filled his field of vision, were flushed red, and his heart was beating so strongly that the thumping sound could be felt so clearly.
Kung. Thud. Thud. Thud. Thud.
Of course, my heart is beating so strongly that I feel like my whole body is shaking.
Me and Byeol’s heartbeats resonate, each other’s eyes collide in the air, and warmth is exchanged on the skin they are in contact with.
In this dream-like situation, as if there were only me and Byul in the world that I had felt before, Byul opened her mouth.
“······ Damage?”
I tried to avoid my gaze, but my heart was stabbed at the sound of a voice that seemed so absurd that I couldn’t even say a word, but the back of my head was caught and I couldn’t even avoid my gaze.
Still, I managed to avoid the important lip smack. Then it happened.
Of course, the lips touched the cheeks… No, to be precise, they touched the area around the mouth, so I didn’t avoid it properly, but I prevented the lips from touching each other.
“Why did you avoid it?”
Before Byul was disappointed, she asked me in a voice as if she really wanted to know the reason.
I had already explained the answer to that question to Byul once, but it seemed that he couldn’t understand it once.
Yes, this is my fault. I should have made it clear, but I was suppressed by the atmosphere because Byul, whom I met after 7 years, became so mature and pretty. So I made a strange answer.
But now that he has avoided the lip smacking, any more ambiguous attitude will only hurt Byul more.
So, at this moment, having already crossed the river of no return, I had to firmly adhere to my position and will to Byul.
“Star, I told you. You are so charming that I forget my dreams, and if you push me, I will have no choice but to fall.”
“Yes. So why did you avoid me? My brother said he fell in love with me!”
As expected, the habit of hearing only what you want to hear and interpreting it the way you feel comfortable is still the same even after 7 years.
“What did I say before that?”
“Huh? I don’t know?”
At my question, Byul tilted her head as if she really didn’t know.
That sincere tilt of the head was almost as cute as Jiwoo’s, and it put a strain on my heart, but right now I wasn’t in a situation where I was so excited about being cute.
I hardened her face, looked at her star, and put the answer she couldn’t answer into her mouth.
“Now I said my dreams are more important than anything else.”
“·······································.
Only then did Byul realize what I was about to say and what my will was, so she hardened her expression and bit her lower lip.
Byul-yi’s habit of biting her lower lip is a habit that comes out when she is in a difficult situation, and if you go to the next step, not only Byul-yi but also you will be in trouble.
It’s a story that you have to tell if you’re not going to bend anyway, like removing the horns and disbanding the gang after seeing them.
I made up my mind that I would never bend, and I looked straight at Byul, determined not to break the opponent no matter how starry they were.
“Oh, brother. Oh, I see. That… Oh, let’s stop here for today. I’m tired from having to adjust to jet lag…”
Stars in my straight eyes felt that if this situation continued, she would be in great trouble, and tried her best to avoid the situation somehow.
But my hands were already holding on to Byul’s slim waist, and Byul couldn’t resist me as I did to Byul.
So I was able to say what I had to say while looking at the stars without worrying about anything else.
“Byul, I have a dream of making the best idol. And that dream is more important and precious to me now.”
“Oh, hold on a second…”
Byul reached out his hand toward my mouth with a puzzled expression to stop the answer, but his mouth moved faster than that.
“Yes, the stars are better than you.”
“·······.”
“And now, the stars are you for me to achieve my most important dream. He’s the world’s most dangerous saboteur. Because once I share my heart with you, I will forget my dreams and live only looking at you.”
“Oh, brother.”
From Noble mtl dot com
“So, star. I can’t accept your heart.”
And for a very long time there was no sound between the two of us.
Clap!
“Float, fall!”
Until I went into the room to take care of her and didn’t come out for a long time, until Ha-an came in suspiciously and shouted in surprise.
※※※
The dream of raising the best idols came from Byul.
Eight years ago, when my only goal in life was to return to my hometown, Korea, I was stunned for the first time in my life to see Byul-i working hard to become the world’s brightest superstar just like her name.
Beyond the whole world spread out beneath my feet from the highest peak on earth, than the largest waterfall in the world, and more than the vast land stretching all the way to the horizon, Byul who confidently spoke of her dreams was the most beautiful to me.
I was seduced by Byul’s dream, so I set the goal of making the best idol with my own hands that Byul was aiming for.
The person who added colorful colors to my achromatic life, which only knew about surviving, fighting, and destroying, was the star.
Byul is my lifesaver and lifesaver. A person who is more valuable than anyone else.
This is a certain fact that will never change no matter how much time passes and no matter what happens to me.
However, I lost Byeol and Chuck, who were the saviors of my life, the source of my dreams, and the most precious people to anyone else.
“·····················································································
He even said that he was the most dangerous saboteur in the world.
“Sueueup. Haaa…
It’s something I chose and I can’t help it, but it was something I couldn’t help but feel so heavy that my heart couldn’t stand it.
A star was such a big existence to me that even I, who learned that regret is the most useless and inefficient thing in the world while surviving in the wild, regretted it to the point of heartbreak.
“f*ck.”
But now all I can do is just spit out the disgusting feelings boiling inside of me.
The best thing I can say is that I am on the rooftop of Bareungil Entertainment where the wind blows.
On this cold winter day in January, especially on a dark night after the sun has gone down, no one wants to go up on the roof.
So I was able to swear as much as I wanted without worrying about anyone listening.
“f*ck this dog…!”
The time when I was trying to spit out all the disgusting emotions that were clogged up in my heart.
Clap.
The roof door, which was supposed to be open, opened, and I quickly closed my mouth and turned my head to see who had come up to the roof.
“What is it, Jinhyeok, are you trembling here?”
“······· What is it? He is my brother.”
“What is the reaction?”
The strange person who dared to go up to the roof on this cold winter night was my older brother.
However, no matter how comfortable it is to be like family, my brother is not a person who has not learned enough to spit out curses in front of my elder brother.
So, instead of swallowing the sticky and slimy feeling again, I apologized to my older brother who came close to me.
“I’m sorry bro.”
“Huh? What?”
“What is it? Lady, you hurt me.”
“Oh that? Well… I guessed that this would happen from the moment we met after being released from prison. Not very surprising. It’s nothing to apologize for.”
“Then tell the lady at least…”
Boom!
“Keuheouk?!”
The intense shock that made the head ring vibrate through the neck and waist, and then the whole body.
Now, with the level of shock that I experienced when I fought a starving brown bear that woke up from hibernation a long time ago, it was hard to even keep my body in check, I heard an angry voice next to me.
“It’s been a while since you crossed the line, you idiot.”
“Ugh, the play…”
I was so blown away that I couldn’t even speak properly.
I guessed that my brother’s fists were strong, but I never imagined he would count to this extent.
But I couldn’t say anything even though I was punched in the head with such a strong fist.
“Hey, what will Byul do if you apologize! And what will become of your dream that Byul gave up and chose! What will become of those five people who have been enchanted by your dream and followed you!”
Because the words he continued to say made me speechless.
“You don’t know how much your trainees teased me while you were talking with Byul in the room, right? Yeah i don’t know I don’t know, so he must have said something like an idiot asking for an apology and fell into a daze.”
“·······.”
“I don’t work in this entertainment industry, but Byul is my dad and I really have him as my younger brother, so I see him come and go a lot. But I’ve never seen a kid who looked after Byul for 7 years and went right with him and relied on their manager like the trainees in charge of you.”
My children. Me.
“They kept asking me what kind of relationship you had with Byul, and if they were leaving. So Jinhyeok said you couldn’t do that. If you do, what will I be?”
“·······.”
“You idiot. You said that your dream is more important than the stars, and you bewitched children who don’t know anything about the world with that dream, and now apologize? Tell me i’m sorry Did I raise you like that dude!”
Shoo!
Unable to hold back, the older brother’s fist fell from top to bottom again.
The target was, of course, the top of my head. The fist, which felt like a meteorite, was so intense that the moment it hit, it seemed like a confirmation that a concussion was certain.
Boom!
“hahahaha!”
However, I did not avoid it.
No, it was unavoidable.
This fist was my older brother’s heart when he saw me and told me not to blame myself.
The shock caused my vision to shake and my legs to tremble, but I managed to endure it somehow because I was determined to receive it.
“It’s good for you and Byul to be swayed by your personal circumstances, but you have children to take responsibility for. These are the kids who only came to see you. Repay with power. That’s the best thing you can do for them and for Byul.”
With those words, older brother turned his back and headed for the door he came in, and I was able to speak only when I saw him closing the door and entering.
“······Yes, that’s how it should be. That’s right.”
Haan, Lira, Jiwoo, Haru, Woori.
The five stars I found and came to me.
For them and for me, I didn’t have time to stop like this.
“I owe this to my brother and the young lady.”
I ran my palm through my still tingling hair and looked up at the sky.
“To my brother and to the young lady. I will do my best to repay you.”
For that reason, I will no longer be shaken.
I made that resolution under the winter night sky embroidered with stars.