41 – The First Kiss Tastes Like Tears on a Lettuce Salad (2)
“Hello.”
Not knowing what to say, I started with a greeting. However, she didn’t respond and just silently looked at me before blurting out a word.
“…What’s wrong with you?”
“Me?”
Only then did I look at myself. And there, the pitiful appearance that had been hidden in the darkness was revealed. My shirt was torn in several places. My pants were covered in dirt, and both hands were full of small wounds.
It wasn’t surprising. I had been searching for Yuna all day long. In addition, I had wandered through the bushes to sneak into the noble dormitory and crawled my way to Yuna’s room without any equipment. My whole body was covered in bruises. The accumulated fatigue was starting to weigh on my eyelids, but I shrugged it off as if it was nothing.
“I don’t know. I just realized I was in this state.”
“…”
Yuna looked at me with trembling eyes, without saying anything. I just smiled and sat on the window sill. A cold wind blew from behind, chilling my spine.
“So, why did you come here? What’s the reason?”
Finally, Yuna cautiously asked, avoiding eye contact. In her voice, which had lost all pretense of venom and was now filled with fragility, I answered as gently as possible, so as not to break her heart.
“Just because. I wanted to see you.”
“That’s…”
“Is that not allowed?”
I smiled softly and tilted my head forward. Yuna flinched and took a step back. Then, she bit her lip and answered.
“No, it’s not.”
“Why?”
“Because… I’m not the Yuna you know.”
In the end, the problem was the same. I had barely crossed the threshold of the window, but there was another hazy barrier in front of me. To me, it was just an obstacle that reached ankle height at most, but to Yuna, who had become so small, it felt like a towering wall.
That’s why, instead of immediately crossing that wall, I asked cautiously.
“What does that mean?”
“…”
Her tender lips closed again in response to the straightforward question. After a long hesitation, sincerity, which was not easily revealed, finally came out. Nevertheless, Yuna answered with her eyes tightly closed.
“Literally. I am not Yuna.”
“So. I don’t understand what that means. Explain it in detail.”
“Even if I explain, you won’t understand.”
“I’ll try to understand.”
“But you still won’t understand.”
“I’m not that stupid, Yuna.”
This time, instead of approaching, he earnestly locked eyes. In response, Yuna, instead of stepping forward, bit her lip slightly. Then, placing her hand on her chest, she replied.
“The Yuna you knew is not here. The body looks the same as Yuna, but the mind is not. Now there’s someone else here.”
“That means… someone else’s soul has taken over the body. Is that really the story?”
“Yeah. That’s right.”
“Who is it?”
“Someone you don’t need to know.”
She decisively asserted her existence. And somewhere regretful, she continued to add self-deprecating remarks.
“A person inferior to Yuna. Someone who wanted to take over her body in such a subject. Call it whatever you want. But the important thing is that Yuna is not here. That’s what it means. I am not Yuna.”
“So, the Yuna I knew is no longer in this world?”
“Yeah. That’s right. She’s not here right now.”
“I see.”
She answered as if she understood, but it was still an unbelievable story. That someone’s soul could enter another person’s body. I had never heard of such magic. But if it were true, then all of these things made sense. Yuna’s sudden transformation. Elise’s strange behavior. And all the events that had happened so far.
…
Perhaps she too was a victim caught in the cruel play of a wicked god.
“Yeah. I understand now.”
I slowly stood up from my seat. Yuna took a step back again. But I stood firm without retreating and opened my mouth.
“Me…”
“Now leave.”
But even before that, Yuna spoke first. She still averted her gaze from me.
“I know everything I wanted to know now. Right? So just leave.”
“There’s still something I want to ask.”
“Sorry, but I have no intention of answering. So please, leave, Ellen. Please.”
“Yuna…”
“That damn Yuna, Yuna, Yuna!”
Suddenly, she shouted at the top of her lungs. Her voice pierced through the cold night air with all her strength.
“I told you! I’m not Yuna! No matter how you think of her, even if you like her, it has nothing to do with me. Got it? So get out!”
“I…ugh…!”
Before I could say anything, she grabbed me by the collar and shoved me out of the room. And before I could even turn around, she forcefully closed the door.
Bang!
…
Perhaps it was due to the shock of the door closing, but I even felt the air in front of me ripple slightly. I stood there, not knowing what to do, and eventually slumped down, leaning against the door.
“Sigh…”
I thought it wouldn’t be easily untangled. As expected, it’s difficult.
From Noble mtl dot com
Leaning my head against the door, the cool night air flowed faintly. The solid sensation of the wall seemed to withdraw from me now. Yes, the wall. Once again, a wall has been erected between us.
Suddenly, I recalled the night spent under Yuna’s bed. There was a wall back then too. A sturdy ceiling separating Yuna and me. Somehow, it felt like a wall that divided our status.
But, as it turns out, there was another wall between her and me. A huge wall that traversed the entire space. It was the room named Yuna. People were often deceived by its splendid appearance and turned away, but in reality, an unknown girl was trapped inside.
Yuna, a small and pitiful girl trapped within her own name.
She still hadn’t thought of coming out from within.
Knock. Knock. Knock.
I knocked on the door once again. Soon, a muffled voice came from inside.
“Go away, Ellen. Please, I’m begging you.”
“I still have things to say.”
“I don’t want to hear them today. So, just go.”
“Will you listen tomorrow then?”
“…”
She couldn’t answer. Then, just as I was about to knock on the door again, she finally managed to squeeze out a response.
“No. In fact, I’d prefer if you didn’t come anymore. I don’t want to… talk to you.”
“Is it because I’m unlikeable to you?”
“…”
“Or maybe, I’m just not good enough compared to you?”
“That’s…! That’s not it, Ellen. So, just… just go. I’m begging you.”
A desperate voice scratched through the gap in the door. How on earth could Yuna be pulled out of the room? As I pondered, a mischievous smile suddenly appeared. I smoothed my voice a bit and casually replied.
“Got it. I’ll go then.”
“…Sorry, Ellen.”
“Instead, before that.”
Without even standing up, I rolled my feet and made the sound of footsteps. Then, I opened my mouth with the most sinister voice possible.
“As a commemoration, I should grab a few panties from the closet.”
“What? Wait…!”
At that moment, the door was forcefully pulled, and the space I was anticipating disappeared entirely. I naturally lost balance and hit the back of my head on the floor. With a loud thud, a sharp pain spread before my eyes.
“Ow!”
“E-Ellen?”
I heard Yuna’s voice in surprise. Due to the impact of hitting my head properly, my vision blurred, and my mind became hazy. With closed eyes, I let out a faint groan.
“Ouch…”
“What… what are you doing? Are you okay? Did you hit your head?”
“Yeah. That’s probably why. I can’t see anything in front of me.”
“What? Seriously? Are you not joking? Wait a moment. You’re really…!”
“Ugh…”
Perhaps because of my convincing act, she was surprised and tilted her head towards me. As I heard the sound of kneeling above my head, I reached out. Then, with a squishy sound, the cool cheeks were caught in my hands.
“Ha…!”
As soon as I caught her cheeks, Yuna let out a cute scream, and I chuckled while continuously playing with her cheeks. The sensation of them breaking apart was somehow addictive, making it impossible for me to let go.
“Wow. It’s so squishy. This is fun.”
“Don’t fool around…! Get up. Let me see if you’re hurt.”
“Do you know when you see it?”
“I don’t know! But I don’t know. Something big might have happened, so just in case…”
“Why are you treating me so well?”
“Huh?”
“Why are you treating me like this?”
“Well…”
“Is it because I’m good-looking? I doubt that. Or is it because I have a lot of money? Definitely not. Maybe because I’m such a valuable person? That can’t be it. Compared to Prince Hwang, I’m really nothing.”
“Don’t say that, Ellen.”
“No, it’s true. At least it’s true for Yuna. She used to look at me with eyes that could see through me like a bug. So I was a bit surprised at the library today. I felt a gaze similar to the old days. But I couldn’t completely mimic it. Even if Yuna could, it would be impossible for you.”
“… So I want to ask. Who are you, treating me so well?”
Yuna couldn’t answer. It seemed I wasn’t the only one who couldn’t understand her inner thoughts. Instead of a response, she spoke in a hushed voice.
“Just get up quickly. I’m really worried.”
“Yeah.”
Following her words, I obediently got up. As I opened my eyes, the moonlight that had pierced through the clouds was gently shimmering through Yuna’s brown hair. She looked at me with eyes that seemed on the verge of tears.
It was undoubtedly Yuna in front of me. However, if it really was Yuna, she wouldn’t have had the expression that she was wearing. Sitting there precariously, with a face that could break any moment like a young girl, you didn’t look like Yuna at all.
“So, who are you?”
So I asked again. I had thought about this before. The current Yuna is behaving as if she’s a completely different person inside. Back then, I thought it was okay. It didn’t matter how Yuna changed, as long as it didn’t concern me. Yuna responded in a decisive tone, as if she also thought the same.
“You don’t need to know, Ellen.”
“I’m not asking Yuna.”
“…”
“I’m asking you.”
I took another step closer, my foot touching the floor. The doorknob pressed against my fingertips. This time, she didn’t take a step back either.
“Tell me. What’s the name of the person inside you?”
“No, I can’t.”
“I want to know.”
“You can’t know.”
“But still, I want to know.”
I approached a little closer, tilting my head forward. Suddenly, we were facing each other so closely, with the door between us. As always, Yuna’s bright red lips caught my attention, but I closed my eyes.
And then, I pressed my forehead against Yuna’s.
“…!”
Like a wave crashing in calm waters, a warm body temperature spread throughout my entire body. It felt like there might be a little sweat on your forehead where we touched for the first time, so if I let my guard down, it seemed like it would stick forever. I quietly felt that sensation and cautiously asked.
“Are you here by any chance?”
“Stop it.”
“Are you, by any chance, here?”
“I said stop…”
“Then, listen.”
“Stop…”
“I like you.”
“…”
It had been said so many times before. If I were to count on my fingers, I might be surprised by the sheer number. But until now, I didn’t know who I was saying it to, so the words fell to the ground as worthless.
But now, it was different. I knew who I had to say it to. That’s why it felt like I could say it sincerely, not as a joke.
“I like you. I don’t even know your name or your face, but I still like you. I realized it not long ago. When my days felt empty without you. When the space you pushed away hurt more than a knife wound. I… I like you.”
“Ellen.”
“I know too. It might be because of Yuna. I can’t completely deny that. But it’s there. I can be sure of one thing. If it wasn’t you inside Yuna, I would have never held your hand or spoken to you.”
“But…”
“And if you turn back into Yuna, I won’t like her anymore. So listen.”
I held my breath once again. I was afraid my voice would tremble at such an important moment. I was afraid it would sound metallic. So, in order to not tremble even a little, I put all my conviction into each word, hoping it would reach you.
“I like you.”
“…”
“Not Yuna. I like the person inside.”
“Ellen…”
“What about you? Can you like someone like me?”
“…”
“Even though I’m foolish and not good-looking, and sometimes act thoughtlessly…”
Still, can I like you?
Yuna couldn’t respond. As she faced him, she could feel a clear heat rising to her forehead. She didn’t understand the meaning, but she wanted to believe that her feelings had reached him.
“I…”
Soon, her lips opened with a trembling voice. And a mix of self-deprecating words flowed endlessly.
“I might actually be uglier than Yuna.”
“It’s okay.”
“I might not be as small and cute as Yuna.”
“It’s okay.”
“I might have a big burn on my face.”
“It’s okay.”
“I don’t have a confident and cool personality like Yuna.”
“That’s why I like you even more.”
“Maybe I have a really serious disability.”
“It’s still okay.”
“And me… I might not be the good person you think I am.”
“That’s not true.”
I reached out my hand and held Yuna’s hand. And firmly clasping my fingers, I said.
“I know that for sure.”
With those words, I lifted my head again. It seemed like it was time to hear the response. Of course, as always, Yuna couldn’t answer. But before I knew it, a faint smile had formed on her lips.
That smile was more than enough as an answer.
In that moment, I bowed my head. Whether you anticipated what would happen next or not, you raised your head towards me. I still held her hand, and with my lips, I lightly brushed her soft cheek. And then, I pressed my lips firmly against her ear, making sure a clear sound could be heard below her earlobe.
“Can you hear me?”
“…Yes.”
“Did it reach you?”
“Yes. Clearly… I heard it.”
Her voice trembled as if she could burst into tears at any moment. I spoke with the deepest voice possible, as if trying to reach the depths of those tears.
“If I could, I would kiss your soul.”
“Yes…”
“But I can’t do that…”
Instead, I leaned in again, this time to her ear, so that I could at least knock on the door trapped within Yuna.
Perhaps we kissed for so long that there might be a mark left. Soon, her slender arm gently pushed me away. With a face as flushed as always, she whispered.
“…Even so, I can’t kiss your soul.”
“But did it still reach you?”
“No. Honestly, I don’t really know.”
“What should we do then?”
“Well, you see…”
She lifted her head and our eyes met. Though she still had shadows of fatigue, her expression had lightened considerably. With a smile, she answered.
From Noble mtl dot com
“This time, do it on my lips.”
“Really?”
“Yes.”
“Hmm…”
Once the situation unfolded, a sense of embarrassment crept over me. I gently scratched my chin and, for no apparent reason, asked,
“Should we do it with eyes closed? Or… with eyes open?”
“Closed is better.”
“Got it.”
I almost regretted not asking that question just now. Fortunately, she graciously didn’t scold me for it. I once again held her cheeks and delicately pressed my lips against hers.
“…”
“…”
The girl’s lips, tasted for the first time, were softer and warmer than I had anticipated. However, the unfamiliar stickiness made me unintentionally pull away my lips quickly. Then, another unnecessary question popped up.
“Um… did it transmit this time?”
“…Yes.”
Yuna, seeming a bit awkward, touched her lips with her hand. But once again, she lifted her head to look at me.
“But it wasn’t enough.”
“Then… one more time?”
“Yes.”
Once again, our eyes closed. This time, I boldly tilted my head a bit more. Yet, as soon as our lips touched, I found myself holding my breath, unable to endure it for long. Eventually, our lips separated once again, after an all-too-brief moment.
“…Ah.”
“…”
We looked at each other again. But this time, there was more regret than awkwardness. It felt like we could do better if we tried again. The thrill of the first time subtly tempted me. Unable to resist, I asked once more,
“One more time?”
“Yes.”
Yuna also seemed disappointed. We kissed again, longer and deeper than before.
“…Haah.”
“…Ah.”
When our lips parted again, we both let out a sigh mixed with regret. Naturally, when our eyes met, we realized there was no need to ask anymore.
So once again, we tilted our heads towards each other. Our breaths mingled, our hair flowed down, and our lips intertwined. It was now familiar. That’s why the unforgettable sensation was engraved deep inside.
This time, we didn’t part our lips for quite a long time. I still didn’t know how to breathe properly, and I still couldn’t bear the awkwardness, but your intoxicating scent held me tightly. I wanted to feel more of you. I wanted to etch this moment in my heart.
“…”
In that moment, something flowed from the corner of my eye. No, to be precise, something flowed from the corner of your eye. That tear, I couldn’t understand its meaning, but it trickled down your cheek and through your lips. It was slightly salty, bitter, yet refreshing, like the taste of tear-soaked lettuce in a sandwich. Without realizing it, I burst into laughter.
“…!”
Yuna seemed to be in the same state as she let out a sigh and leaned her head back. But I didn’t want to miss her lips, so I kept my body lowered. Before I knew it, I had crossed the long-awaited threshold and entered her room. And I raised my hand and closed the door tightly.