Chapter 7. Good People, Bad People (2)
After Tanya went back first, the two looked around the garden in the quiet air.
The warm air that was the same as before was nowhere to be found, and even talking to each other felt somehow awkward.
If it was different from usual, it would be that Emilia, rather than both of them, unilaterally kept her mouth shut. The sense of déjà vu she felt from Tanya and the lump floating above her head. I was worried about those two things, and time passed without being able to concentrate properly even though I had been alone with him for a long time.
“sorry. It’s a rare time… … .”
“You don’t have to apologize. I know you were worried about Tanya.”
He knew better than anyone else that he was not paying attention to the conversation. The apology he gave to Ludwig was also for that reason.
Ludwig waved his hand and shook his head, instead encouraging Emilia. He was not a bigot enough to deserve an apology for this. Besides, he was also a car that was concerned about Tanya’s physical condition. Although Emilia’s reason for worrying about Tanya was slightly different from him.
“I will visit Tanya once. Ludwig, you’d better go back to your room and rest.”
“If that’s the case, I’ll go with you.”
Ludwig expressed his intention to accompany Tanya because he was worried about Tanya anyway. However, she shook her head shallowly and expressed her firm refusal. It was because he wanted to rest, but there was a reason that took precedence over that.
“Tanya is easily distracted when she is sick. You wouldn’t want to show that to Ludwig.”
“ah… … .”
It’s definitely something Tanya would do. A soft sigh escaped from his mouth.
‘Well, if it’s Tanya… … .’
Ludwig prided himself on knowing something about Tanya, even though he hadn’t spent much time with her.
If Emilia was the model of a strong and upright woman, Tanya was the opposite. A girl who pretends to be as upright as possible on the outside while hiding her inner weakness. At least, that was how Ludwig felt.
“All right. Then ask for Tanya.”
“Yes, leave it to me.”
Fortunately, it was Emilia who let out a sigh of relief when he seemed to give up his intention to accompany him.
After saying hello, Ludwig turned around and headed for his room. Watching his back, she took a cautious step. Before dinner began, Tanya and I seemed to have a few things to talk about.
* * * * * * *
Ever since I returned to my room, my mind has been confused. Ludwig is such an idiot. A man who can’t take advantage of an opportunity even if he creates it is no different from an idiot. I’ve never had such an idiot as a friend.
“My lady, why did you act like that… … .”
“… don’t ask My head hurts too.”
Rell, who was standing next to the bed, expressed his doubts, so he pulled back half of his face buried in the pillow and replied bluntly. Did you know that it would turn out like this? It’s all because of the stupid Ludwig.
“no. What I want to ask is why did you give up the position?”
“… … .”
yes. I knew you would ask that. It was the complete opposite of the advice Lell had given me.
Even thinking about it now, if you ask me why, I don’t have the confidence to answer easily. Because it was an act that came out too impulsively.
Originally, it was just a visit to check if Ludwig was in the room after hearing the news that he had arrived. He had no intention of going out into the garden with the three of them, much less giving up the seat to Emilia. But why? Thanks to the scene we encountered, all our thoughts were completely changed.
“Actually, I went to see you for tea with Ludwig?”
“Is that so?”
“yes. But when we arrived, Emilia was clinging to Ludwig. At first, I thought they were kissing, but it turned out that it was because of dust in their eyes.”
Lel is consistent with a calm reaction, but I knew that it was to help me speak comfortably. That’s why I giggled and continued the story for no particular reason.
“But it’s really strange. Realizing that it was definitely a misunderstanding, I still don’t know what kind of relationship the two of them have, but I was scared all by myself.”
“If you’re afraid… … .”
“Well. I do not know either. What were you afraid of?”
A few reasons I could infer myself. However, if you ask which of them worked the most, there was no way to know. maybe it’s all That’s right, because I knew better than anyone else that I was a coward.
‘It’s always been like that.’
Since childhood, I have been told by my mother to become a child who is not hated. I don’t know if it was because of my mother’s strict education theory or because I didn’t want my precious daughter to gossip in a bad way.
Thanks to that, I used to act as lively as possible in front of others despite my weak body. This is because whenever I was in pain, I watched how hard the people around me were struggling, and sometimes it hurt when I listened to their comments. Even if I could bear the pain in my body, the feeling that pierced my heart was a sensation I never wanted to feel again in my life.
As time passed, I became unaware of myself. When the evaluation of ‘a young lady who is always energetic and strong despite her sickly body’ followed me, I didn’t want to miss it. At least for that moment, I was able to be a child who was not hated.
And when I gave in, my mother used to stroke my hair.
One day, a young lady from another family, whom I became close to, wanted to have a hairpin that I cherished. It was something I treasured very much, but before I could even realize it, my hand moved first and was giving the child a hairpin.
At least if I handed over this item, wouldn’t this child have nothing to do with hating me. I think it was probably handed over with that feeling.
“Hey, Rell.”
“Yes.”
“Am I a good person in Rell’s eyes?”
Rell is probably one of the few people who knows my true identity. At least, I am the exact opposite of the rumors that are known in the aristocratic family. I like to gossip about others, I don’t like having my belongings taken away, and I don’t speak very elegantly.
Can you tell me that Lel is kind? Suddenly, I had such a question.
“What does it mean to be good?”
“It is literally. Do you not know what Lel means to be good?”
Because I was in a state of calm, a kind tone came out unconsciously. But Lel answered my question as if he didn’t care.
“My lady, do you think that a person who simply gives in and gives in to others is kind?”
“Then isn’t it?”
“For some, that might be true. Then I will change it and ask.”
Even though Lel was talking, my lips and throat were rather dry. Rell handed me a glass filled with water. After all, she’s a talented maid. He was too precious to such an immature young lady.
“Can you say that a person who is unilaterally violent towards a lady, but who is kind to others?”
“not… will it be?”
“That’s right. Of course, there can be good people in anyone’s eyes. However, my theory is that a good person is nothing more than what he wants to say by packaging a person who is good to deal with as he wishes.”
If you ask me in that sense, the young lady would not be a good person to me. Lel wanted to finish his words, but smiled and added.
“It would be against etiquette to say that the person you are supposed to serve is a good person.”
like that. It was only now that I could understand a little bit of what Rell was trying to say. And I also found out that she knew me better than I thought. The reason why I brought this up is probably because there was something I wanted to convey to me.
“Lel knew that. That I am acting.”
The fact that I handed precious things to others and smiled casually, and the fact that I pretended to be strong by laughing even when I was sick. I thought that even Rell, who had been by my side all my life, would have cheated me. Maybe it was my overconfidence.
“Yes, a little bit. After all, I’ve lived a few years longer than the young lady. I have that kind of discernment.”
“It must have been funny.”
“no. Rather, I admired it. On the one hand, it was also sad. I felt it was too much of a burden to carry at such a young age.”
I wonder if Of course, even if I think about it, I think it was an absurd value, but it wasn’t that hard. Because at some point, it became grave.
When I expressed my feelings honestly to Rell, he looked at me with more sad eyes and shook his head. As if to say no.
“My lady, a man’s heart, like the armour of a knight, cannot withstand adversity and be replaced with a new one. Looking at the armor that I filled in my heart, I may have felt okay, but if one day it rusts and shabby, I will not be able to perform my job when greater adversity strikes.”
It was similar to what my mother had told me. Even if you hurt someone’s face, you shouldn’t hurt their heart. When I overlapped with Lel’s words, there were many parts that touched my heart. Just as I shouldn’t have hurt other people’s hearts, I shouldn’t have hurt myself either.
Did I treat it too harshly because it was mine? Maybe I should apologize a bit.
“What would Lel want me to do?”
“I am only following the wishes of the lady. However, with all due respect, I would like to add one more thing: I hope you find your own happiness.”
Lell bowed his head and conveyed his true feelings to me with a serious attitude. But I don’t know. What is the happiness I want?
“Yeah, Lell. I have no intention of wanting to be loved by Ludwig. I never thought of wanting to be a lover. This is my truth.”
“You are nice.”
Is it to play a joke by returning what I said? I don’t think it’s a bit much to say such a thing in this situation. It’s far from being nice in the first place. just because it’s true
Nor do I want to be lovers with Ludwig. He didn’t even want to push Emilia away and keep her side. Because both of them are precious to me and there is no advantage there.
But for some reason, a feeling of awkwardness remained. Something lingers in the corner of my heart and haunts me. I’m lost because I don’t know what it is. Like a soul wandering around this world with a lingering resentment, he couldn’t figure out where his aimless consciousness was going.
“And why? It’s been a very hard feeling in my heart since before.”
“Your lady doesn’t know why.”
“yes. Do you know Lel?”
I don’t know how I feel either, but I wondered if there was anything special about Lel, but on the other hand, I was also looking forward to it because it was Lel. Because she was a maid who always gave me clear answers.
“It’s simple. Because there is no one in the world who knows defeat and resigns easily. Aren’t you feeling the same way?”
“That means… You mean I feel defeated by Emilia?”
“Yes. That is my opinion.”
why? I’m really rooting for the two of them. If Emilaa connects with Ludwig, it must be a good thing. To the point where I repeat myself over and over again.
“miss.”
“yes?”
“That is not acceptable. You are just deceiving yourself. It means that you are afraid to get in between the two of you, so you step away and comfort yourself.”
Rell’s words were truly cold, but for me, it was a remonstrance that seemed to pierce a blockage. Maybe no one else can tell me this. Even if it was Emilia or Ludwig. It was something only Rell could say.
she was telling me Be honest with your desires. He told me not to repeat the childhood when I handed over the hairpin in my hand shaking.
“Lel wants his owner to become a bad person. You are a bad maid.”
“Won’t a bad master and a bad maid get along well? And as I said, that standard is different for each person.”
“Heh, that’s right.”
In a sense, Lel is stricter than her mother. If my mother was the one who taught me to be upright, Lel is the one who made me face the reality. Although the texture is a little different, there is a solemnity that makes you naturally listen to it.
“Is Lel not the type to see her surroundings in front of love?”
“I don’t know how. I’ve lived with the Ansberg family all my life, so I’ve never done anything that could be called love… … .”
I’m surprised I thought there would be at least one or two guys who hit Lel’s eyes.
no wait So you’re saying that to me when you’ve never experienced dating? For some reason, I thought it was a shame. It was also oddly funny.
“You said it well even though you had no experience.”
“Isn’t that different from that?”
“Okay.”
A voice with a lower tone came from Rell’s mouth, so he replied in a playful way. I didn’t think he would care too much about things like this, but I guess he’s the type of person who cares about things unexpectedly.
– smart.
As I was talking to Rell, I heard a knock. As soon as I heard the question, ‘Lel, are you there?’, I knew it was Emilia. You came all the way here because you were worried. I was sorry, but now was the time to hide it for a while.
“I’m going to be a bad person, Lell. You are resting in your room.”
“I wish you luck. miss.”
Let’s swing the sword at least once, even if defeat awaits as a result. Even if I don’t have the convictions of a swordsman like Emilia, I still have the pride of a woman. Perhaps that is superior to the prosecutor’s beliefs.
As I approached the door, my pounding heart gradually subsided. Miraculous. I wonder if Emilia would rather calm down if she had to cross swords with someone. I’ll ask later if I get a chance. Even if I become a bad person to Emilia.
It’s the kind of thing bad people don’t want to miss out on. Whatever the end of this story, I won’t miss these two. certainly.