In the name of God (6)
Knock… Knock…
Neftam woke up to extreme cold. When I woke up from the hallucination, I found myself in this bathtub.
Because his body was submerged in the water, he couldn’t tell whether he was cold or hot.
It was just painful. The water felt as if it knew well what to do to suffer the most.
It’s been several days already… ?
Neftam was out of his mind.
My head was dizzy, and just lifting my eyelids drained all of my energy.
It would be easier if she died, but unfortunately, her body as a Constellation did not allow her to die.
“Have you regretted it?”
The voice Elin had left behind floated in Neftam’s head.
The saintess of Yuan really treated Neftam with no mercy.
There was no emotional punishment for her.
However, as if he were doing his own business, he slowly destroyed her.
Some become stronger with repetition, while others wear out.
Neftam’s determination was just that kind of thing.
What does it mean to endure more?
The pain and suffering just kept repeating itself over and over again.
In that case, it’s okay to just fake apologizing and be comfortable.
I couldn’t stand it any longer.
I want to apologize now. apologize and be comfortable
When I made that decision, the waiting time was too much for me.
I’m going to get out of this bathtub soon.
Neftam, who had been impoverished to the point of impoverishment, was now only interested in being comfortable.
Neftam looked at the doorway with nervous eyes.
It was a door that I normally didn’t want to open, but once I made up my mind, I wanted that door to open quickly.
Happy thoughts kept running through my head.
At least I wanted to get out of this bathtub and be surrounded by warm air.
hurry. hurry.
Neftam forgot that she was a goddess and trembled.
The next moment, the door opened.
It was Elin who came in.
Elin walked in front of Neftam, who trembled pitifully with an emotionless face.
A hand came in and grabbed her long hair, which was still wet.
“I will start today.”
She lifted the little bell.
ding-
As the clear sound resounded, Neftam gasped.
My body reacted reflexively just by hearing that sound.
I couldn’t breathe. My lungs were in pain and my skin all over my body tingled.
The chills all over her body increased as if she had already been submerged in water.
Tears welled up in my eyes and poured out profusely.
The extreme fear came before entering the water.
“Ugh… under… .”
Elin grabbed Neftam’s hair.
At that moment, Neftam reflexively opened his mouth.
He coughed so much that a hoarse voice came out of Neftam’s mouth.
“Sorry. sorry… It’s my fault. Sorry! I regretted it! I regretted it!”
Elin’s movements stopped for a moment. She stared blankly at Neftam.
“don’t do it. Now please don’t… ”
Neftam looked at Elin and begged earnestly.
“Have you regretted it?”
After staring at Neftam for a while, Elin asked as if to confirm.
Neftam nodded heavily.
“yes. yes. I was wrong. Because I was wrong… I will do anything you want.”
I wanted to get out of this bathtub.
Now the suffering had to end. He wasn’t the kind of person to do something like this.
Let’s endure the humiliation for a moment. If that’s the end of this suffering…
“So what?”
The next moment, Neftam screamed. The bell started ringing.
At the same time, as always, Elin threw Neftam into the water.
I floundered in the water for a while. Why the hell, I apologized, but why didn’t it end!
Why won’t it end!
Like the endless darkness, the despair darkened Neftam’s eyes.
If apologizing doesn’t end, what should I do to end this suffering?
Raised from the water, Neftam inhaled and coughed frantically.
His swollen, chapped throat ached painfully.
Neftam’s neck was already in an infinitely damaged state in this repeated daily life.
“why… ”
Neftam grumbled and opened his mouth.
I hate it now stop it please. I apologized.
The injustice and sorrow in my heart rose like water.
“Repentance is natural. That doesn’t mean the punishment is over. i won’t forgive you Others, of course, will not forgive you.”
Elin’s words were mixed with hatred for the first time in a long time.
Only then did Neftam realize again that what she was doing to him was revenge.
I forgot about it for a while because of her businesslike attitude.
Am I really unforgivable?
Neftam thought as he submerged again.
The corpse of Yuan, who had been left burning, came to mind.
The biggest mistake he tried to ignore even though it was his own sin.
Then, can Yuan forgive me? Will all of this end if I blame Yuan?
But even Yuan could not forgive him.
Perhaps even if he apologizes, he will only spit out hateful words.
Then, for the rest of my life, this suffering will never end.
The bell is over.
“Puha… Coke… Cough!”
Even after being pulled out of the water, Neftam could not breathe.
It felt like I was still submerged in water.
Then you can never be forgiven by anyone, so forever…
You can’t get out of this water.
Neftam looked up at Elin helplessly.
“Sorry… ”
How many times will I repeat it again?
How many times do I have to apologize for this to end?
.
.
.
Another unclear time passed like that.
The time in the Abyss was strange, and it was difficult to gauge how much time had passed.
one week? one month? It may have been much longer than that. I couldn’t tell.
While going back and forth between fantasy and reality, Neftam’s mind was extremely exhausted.
ding-
As soon as the bell rang, Neftam’s sleeping body jumped violently.
“ah… ugh… ah… ”
Neftam’s body trembled.
When she raised her head, she saw Elin.
She has come to do her usual business.
“Sorry… sorry… ”
Neftam habitually opened his mouth.
sorry. stop it now It was a word that made your lips tingle.
I gave up hope of being forgiven now, but those words flowed out of habit.
“You are not forgiven.”
Elin repeated what he used to say every day.
“Sorry… ”
Lips parted, Neftam said.
I couldn’t stand it any longer if I didn’t say that.
Saying I’m sorry is now like hope to Neftam.
‘Cause maybe you’ll forgive me very if.
If there really is a God, wouldn’t he bring you out of this hell?
Neftam used to think of funny thoughts these days.
It was a thought he had trembled in the past at the nursery school with his younger brother.
Read at noblemtl.com
Just a fleeting wind when there is no hope. just that.
“Then I will begin.”
Elin shook the bell once more and made a clear sound.
Neftam closed his eyes tightly.
“Ellin.”
It was then.
A voice that hadn’t been heard for a very long time came to my ear.
A boy with disheveled black hair and golden eyes appeared in the room.
Neftam’s gaze met his briefly.
“Wait a minute. I have something to say to you.”
Leonhard said while still making eye contact with Neftam.
From that moment on, Neftam’s heart started beating wildly.
He walked slowly to Neftam.
“I’ll let you do whatever you want.”
“sorry.”
He smiled and lightly kissed Elin’s cheek, who puffed out his cheeks curtly.
And he leaned slightly towards Neftam.
His hand touched Neftam’s dripping cheek.
Neftam was taken aback and curled up as best he could.
My cheeks, which had already lost their swelling, were throbbing and painful.
But the hand that touched Neftam’s cheek gently brushed her cheek.
“It hurts a lot.”
Leonhard said softly.
At that moment, Neftam could not contain his strong emotions.
“ah… ”
Transparent tears, indistinguishable from water, formed around Neftam’s eyes.
A few kind words and gentle gestures broke something in Neftam’s heart.
Neftam desperately rubbed his cheek against the hand.
In the cold and callousness that even your heart would freeze, that hand was the only warmth.
‘You’re being tricked.’
Some side of me said so, but I closed my eyes and ignored it.
I couldn’t help it now.
Not wanting to miss the warmth that came once, Neftam spat out his habitual words.
“Sorry… Sorry… I was wrong. I… ”
“Did I do something wrong?”
Leonhard asked, rolling his eyes.
Neftam thought his voice was sweet. In fact, I didn’t even know it might not be friendly.
I was just so grateful and thankful for that voice filled with emotion.
“yes… yes. I was wrong. wrong… .”
So Neftam habitually repeated the words even though he knew he would not accept them.
What if I get angry? The moment he thought that, Neftam flinched as he looked into Leonhardt’s eyes.
“okay. Okay.”
Neftam didn’t understand his words for a moment and tilted his head stupidly.
Drops of water ran down her cheeks.
Got it? are you accepting really… ?
It was unbelievable.
“But it seems that your posture is a little off. Did you say that when you asked for forgiveness?”
His hand rubbed gently against Neftam’s cheek.
Perhaps because it was a god, it didn’t feel like it was damaged even after being immersed in water for a long time.
Neftam’s thin body trembled in pain.
However, the bell in Leonhard’s hand drew more attention.
My heart was beating so fast.
“I know you haven’t reflected on it yet.”
Leonhardt’s hand grabbed Neftam’s hair.
I was in a hurry for a moment. Her hair flashed and her vision flickered.
The back of my head became hot as if it had been around for a long time.
posture… posture…
You have to get your posture right.
ding-
At that moment, the bell rang.
Neftam opened his mouth and croaked.
The body, which reacted naturally, stiffened with tension. Even before entering the water, I started to choke.
The head was tilted back.
The back of my head was dipped in cold water.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry… ”
Neftam said with tears in his eyes.
Leonhard’s hand stopped.
Neftam looked at Leonhard with tears streaming down his face.
Tears obscured her vision, making it difficult to see Leonhardt’s face properly.
I couldn’t tell if he was smiling or frowning.
But what was certain was that he had to apologize.
very sincerely and sincerely.
so you can be forgiven
“I’m sorry. sorry… sorry… ”
Small lips moved, and a wet voice flowed endlessly.
‘You’re being tricked.’
Reason murmured in Neftam’s head.
But Neftam brushed the voice aside.
It was a voice that didn’t help at this moment.
What was needed now was reflection. you’re going to fight I don’t know why I thought that before. Build a strange ego.
Right now, all I could think about was wanting to be forgiven.
“okay. You are reflecting.”
Got it! That you’re reflecting!
Neftam was thrilled and nodded vigorously.
“yes. I am reflecting!”
Leonhard’s hand touched Neftam’s eyes.
He grabbed her head and wiped away her tears.
As if clinging to that kindness, Neftam repeated only saying sorry like a habit.
He gently tucked her wet, quivering hair behind her ear.
“A lot of?”
“yes!”
Neftam replied as vigorously as he could.
I eagerly looked up at Greonhardt with a nervous feeling.
Leonhard smiled and nodded.
“Then shall we do it one last time?”
said Leonhard, thrusting the bell in front of her.
As soon as I saw the bell, my breath stopped.
When the bell rings, the torture begins. The breath is choked, the water fills the sight, and the agony begins.
To feel that fear and pain all over again.
It was similar to telling Neftam, who was deeply imprinted with fear of water, to go through death once.
Neftam’s swollen chest rose and fell rapidly. A howl broke out.
I’m so scared. scared.
Neftam looked at Leonhard eagerly.
“no?”
Leonhard’s face contorted slightly.
Then, Neftam realized that there are more fears than going into water.
to be here forever.
That the kind touch and friendly voice of a moment ago could be lost right now.
“yes… Do it, please do it.”
Hesitating and hesitating, Neftam’s lips barely parted.
“great.”
Leonhard held her head gently.
And once again, he pushed her into the water.
“Relax.”
Leonhardt’s creepily soft voice reached Neftam’s ears.
“I will not die.”
At the same time, the head was once again submerged in the water.
The same agony as usual began.
But this time it was a little different.
A gentle hand ran through her hair.
don’t die don’t die
His voice echoed in Neftam’s head.
As if relying on that voice, Neftam endured the time underwater.
So she didn’t even notice that she was submerged in the water much longer than usual.
death began to approach.
When the bell stops, the time under the surface ends.
uh? But did you ring the bell earlier?
… ?
By the time Neftam realized this and started struggling, it was already too late.
No matter how much she struggled, Leonhard calmly pressed her head down.
“Do not die. don’t worry.”
A kind voice, as if enveloping it, was heard again from beyond the surface of the water.
please forgive me. Forgiveness…
Looking at Leonhard’s face, Neftam prayed earnestly.
please forgive me
And soon, my vision went black.