“Me, Do Jin-ah⋯⋯?”
As I drank the kalguksu in front of me on an empty stomach, I heard my sister’s voice from the other side.
“Hey, I’m sorry to disturb you, can you please comfort me a little more and eat me⋯⋯.”
The older sister holding the smartphone in landscape orientation said hesitantly.
However, hesitating was only the voice, and his eyes were radiating a serious light like a director who was making a masterpiece.
“Eat once. I will burn it all.”
“Ah, I feel full just looking at Dojin eating⋯⋯. Oh, that angle was nice. Yes. So open your eyes a little bit and chew on the dirt. Oh, it’s nice to see.”
I could feel the attention of those around me focusing on me at that shrill voice, but I couldn’t help it. Because I told you to take a picture.
No, I didn’t really want to leave a scene of eating rice.
I just said one word: if you’re going to take a picture, don’t take it secretly, and take it openly.
“Eating is cute too. our dojin Whoops, whoops⋯⋯.”
“⋯⋯.”
Hey, let’s have the momentum to shoot every move for 24 hours a day.
“It’s good to take pictures, but let’s eat first. Otherwise, I will undo what I said earlier.
.”
“What, what!?”
Surprised by surprise, the older sister started to eat the noodle soup. I smiled a little bitterly and opened my mouth.
“sister.”
“Woah, whoops. why?”
The older sister with an anxious expression raised her head. The area around the mouth is full of soup because I drank it in a hurry.
“Eat slowly. Time is overflowing.”
“Uh, yes⋯⋯.”
I pulled out a few tissues and wiped the corners of my sister’s mouth as she continued.
“Is there anything else you want to do after eating? Anything you want to ride⋯⋯.”
“Ummm, filming⋯⋯?”
“Not something you can do at home.”
My sister shook her head slightly.
“Then let’s go home one last time. It seems to be losing slowly.”
“Ugh, yes. But what are you going to ride? Atlas? Fruit Revolution? Will my sister go ahead and wait in line?”
I shook my head towards my older sister who was smiling.
Lately, I think I was really excited to see the types of people I was careful about saying I didn’t like to spit out the words.
I guess that’s what I’ve been suppressing for so long.
And now it was time to ask the truth toward that real intention.
* * *
“Dojin-ah, Cheese~.”
A flash of light obscured his vision with a click. After filming, the older sister held her smartphone and smiled softly.
“I won’t disturb you now, so do what Dojin wants you to do. Oh, if you’re scared, be sure to tell your sister. Understand?”
After saying that, my sister sat down and started looking at me.
The setting sun was starting to color her face in golden light.
Currently, we are floating at a height of 30 meters. In terms of the height of the building alone, it is 6 stories high.
The hot air balloon ride we were on was moving slowly along the rails.
It’s a little unsettling to make a clicking sound, but it’s not unbearable.
“⋯⋯.”
As I turned my head, I could see the whole view of the amusement park through the net.
Instruments that used to look so big now look like adorable miniatures.
“Very small.”
Perhaps my older sister was of the same mind, smiling and pointing her fingers around the park.
“There, Dojin fell over with a bang. What should I do, everyone here has seen it.”
“Yeah, you must have seen all of my sisters walking around with cream on their noses like a palpun.”
“It’s too small to be seen.”
When I saw that they responded without blinking my eyes, I think I was teased too much with the same repertoire.
I shook my head and looked at the view of the park again.
When I came to school, the only memories I had were the dirty tiles and the scenery of the fountain spewing fishy water.
If I had come with someone other than my sister, would I have felt the same way?
Of course, even if I came with Yu Ga-ryun or Midsummer, I would have been able to make no less memories than that.
But it must have had a different face than the one swimming in my mind right now.
The smile I had while watching the wrong thing, the warm feeling I felt from holding hands, the realization that a photograph is a frame that holds memories, and the realization of how enjoyable it is to fill such a frame.
It was possible because there was a person named Dasom by my side, not everyone else.
It’s not a feeling that comes out of guilt. It is not a feeling that is bound by the shackles of responsibility.
It wasn’t even leaking from the special link between my sister and me.
Because it didn’t even exist in the first place.
But it’s fun to be with her. That’s just the story.
There is no reason to justify or deny it by coming up with other excuses.
exhaled once.
Then I looked up and looked at my sister. I looked at those eyes that were still covered with the figure of someone else.
“sister.”
“yes?”
There was a time when I thought that those eyes were terribly cruel.
There were times when I turned my eyes away because I didn’t want to see him.
Now that I think about it, it was an absurdly childish act.
Everyone looks into their own face through the eyes of another.
Dropped from somewhere, he tries to fill the empty space with his eyes.
Without having to go far, didn’t I start right away?
With Chae Seol-ha’s eyes, I tried to fill the hole that someone who was no longer by my side had drilled.
With the eyes of midsummer, I tried to fill the hole I had drilled in someone.
Dasom tried to fill in the hole I had drilled in my sister’s eyes.
To feel betrayed by someone trying to fill a hole in my eyes on such a subject, there is no other petty person like this in the world.
Surely your sister would know. So it’s not filled.
He had endured for years with a big hole in the corner of his chest for me.
“what’s the matter? Didn’t you call because you had something to say to your sister? Oh, is it because you suddenly became scared?”
At the end of those words, the older sister carefully got up and sat down next to me.
Then he said while holding my hand, which was lying on the floor, tightly.
“Come on, aren’t you afraid now?”
I still don’t know what the intention of doing this to my sister is.
But I am well aware that this is something that will never happen in a normal human relationship.
The time when we could pretend we didn’t know it had passed. Because it wasn’t just the two of us anymore.
I was obligated to say that this relationship was wrong.
“sister.”
My sister held my hand even more tightly. He seems to think that I am genuinely afraid.
Or maybe it’s because there’s still a tremor in my voice.
“It’s okay, Dojin-ah.”
My sister’s warm hand caressed my back.
“Noona will always be by Dojin’s side from now on, no matter what happens, always⋯⋯.”
But there was a faint tremor in his voice. It had the same shape that had been ingrained in my voice a while ago.
“⋯⋯.”
My sister already knows. He is a person who knows better than me what went wrong and where it started even though he didn’t say it.
It is different from Midsummer or Yuga-ryun, who had to take the lead in paving the way. If you push someone who already knows the way, nothing will change.
If you try to come to a hasty conclusion, the direction is bound to be distorted.
Even if you don’t do it, the band-aid is supposed to come off on its own when the wound heals. And it takes time to heal a wound.
So I just have to sit next to my sister and serve as a support for her to lean on and rest. Until one day, when my older sister can afford to expose her wounds.
Just like midsummer did to me in the past.
Of course, in the process, it was self-evident that the line would be crossed beyond what it is now.
I will cut a scar in the heart of my father who believed in me, and I will remove the smile of my mother from his face.
But I wasn’t on their side, I was on my sister’s side.
If their wishes conflict with my sister’s, I must hold her hand.
I have no intention of justifying such an act. If there is something I have to endure, I will endure it, and if there is something I have to accept, I will gladly accept it.
But I won’t let my sister carry it alone. That’s my conclusion.
“Dojin-ah?”
Her sister’s anxious eyes traced her face. I must have been worried about myself, who had been quietly organizing my thoughts for a while.
“It’s nothing. I just have something to think about.”
“Yeah, that’s right. I ⋯⋯ again.”
As the hot air balloon entered the small cave in the center, a cool wind blew from somewhere. I opened my mouth as I carefully removed the hair that was clinging to my sister’s face.
“⋯⋯Can I ask you just one thing?”
“Ugh, what is it?”
“How was today⋯⋯?”
Hearing my words, my sister tilted her head. A small smile burst out of me unconsciously at that small gesture.
“I had fun.”
“⋯⋯ Huh?”
“It was fun being with my sister.”
The sister’s eyes widened. He seemed to remember why we were here today.
After waking up from the dream and returning to reality, the older sister trembled and muttered a little.
“Hey, lie. It can’t be⋯⋯.”
But the words didn’t go any further. Because I knew that the expression I had now was something that couldn’t come from a liar’s face.
I questioned my sister’s eyes, which were slowly starting to fade.
“How was your sister?”
“Uh, how was it, what⋯⋯.”
“Did you enjoy being with me?”
“Well then! Of course—.”
The older sister who responded reflexively soon shut her mouth. It must have been because he knew what the words meant a moment ago.
I just proved
I know that being by your side is never because of feelings of guilt or punishment, but because I really like a person named Dasom.
So, as long as you like it, you can trust and lean on it.
“I, I⋯⋯.”
A small tremor flowed through the hands that were holding each other.
“I⋯⋯.”
“Let’s not rush.”
I said while holding her hand tightly.
“I will wait too. Stay next to my sister.”
After that, until I left the park and went home, my sister kept her mouth shut and didn’t say anything.