It was midday, but the atmosphere in the house was cold. Likewise, my father, who listened to me, was also staring at me with his cold, subdued eyes.
“I keep feeling it.”
It was Father’s solemn voice that broke the silence.
“You have no talent for jokes.”
“Father, this is-”
“I didn’t even notice.”
After cutting off my words, my father put down the glass of water he was holding and continued speaking.
“For now, it’s a story that can end as a joke.”
I felt like my heart was being tightened by the eyes that seemed to look at the ‘enemy’ beyond ‘others’, but I couldn’t back down.
“It’s not like a joke.”
He took a breath and opened his mouth again.
“What I told you that we were dating was a lie⋯⋯.”
At those words, the curve in my father’s forehead deepened even more, but I decided to continue speaking without regard for it.
“My older sister seems to be under a lot of stress related to marriage, so I suggested it first. If that’s the case, why don’t you fool your parents? I pretended I had a boyfriend and told him that if I broke up with him, I wouldn’t be able to say anything, so I said-“
Suddenly, I felt a warm warmth on my wrist. When I turned my head to look down at the strange feeling, I saw Dasomi’s sister’s hand holding my wrist.
“Dojin-ah.”
Slowly shaking her head, she looked into my eyes and said.
“You decided not to lie.”
Looking at those determined eyes, I could see how stupid the act I was trying to do a while ago was.
It was an act of trampling on her will.
“⋯⋯I’m sorry.”
“Ugh, thank you. for taking care of me.”
My sister, who had been stroking my face with soft eyes for a moment, straightened her expression and turned her head. Then he said to his father, who was looking at me with a puzzled expression, as if declaring.
“I asked first. Asking me to become a fake boyfriend, asking me to pretend to live together⋯⋯ everything.”
“What?”
Father, who looked at his sister with a blank expression for a while, shook his head as if in absurdity.
“No, that’s it, then⋯⋯.”
Even then, Father stuttered for a while as if he had not calmed down, then took a deep breath and barely spoke.
“Why did you do this? Is your dad shy about making a fuss? Yes, it could be. I’m sorry if it bothered you. That’s what I said, but I don’t mind getting married later. You can do it whenever you want, if you want everything ready. Or is it because of money? What is it, Dojin-san, you can come empty-handed. I will prepare all the necessary items, the dining room, and the money. So stop worrying about such useless things⋯⋯!”
“No, like that.”
My older sister’s calm voice cut through my father’s heated voice.
“It was just because I didn’t want to get married.”
“What, what?”
“I have no intention of getting married yet. No one likes it. But from some point on, my mom and dad kept talking about marriage, and I got fed up with it, so I didn’t want to suffer any more.”
“⋯⋯Dasom-ah.”
Dad said as if he was vomiting while pressing his forehead firmly.
“If you have something you want to say, do it straight away. Whatever it is, you will hear it.”
“There is no such thing. That’s really all.”
“Dasom!”
Father, who raised his voice, immediately coughed and cleared his voice.
“Sorry for yelling. But, that’s not to say that no one likes you⋯⋯, don’t you? The guy next to you right now. Enough to fill a cell phone gallery with pictures of him—”
“honey!”
This time, the mother raised her voice. The father did not continue to speak, but his gaze was fixed on the sister’s eyes.
The older sister stared into those eyes for a moment while clenching her fists, then slowly opened her lips with a movement full of hesitation.
“I was ⋯⋯stalking.”
Everyone in the room was speechless at the unexpected answer.
“I’ve been stalking Dojin since college days.”
Stalking, is that stalking what I think it is?
While calming my confused mind, my father opened his mouth.
“Wow, what are you talking about? Why are you stalking?”
“Because he resembles Dajun.”
As soon as the two-letter name appeared, the eyes of father and mother opened their eyes.
“Did you think so too?”
“⋯⋯Stop it. Because I never thought of it that way.”
However, contrary to the words, there was a complicated light on Father’s face. There was no difference in the expression on my mother’s face as she glanced at me.
You both must have known from the beginning. You just didn’t try to think about it.
“At first, it was all about looking from afar. It’s so amazing, I can’t believe it, so every class, just a little bit, little by little⋯⋯.”
My sister continued to speak in a trembling voice.
“Then I saw Dojin dropping a USB containing presentation materials in the hallway. So I secretly picked it up and put it on the desk, but I felt like I was helping Dajun with something⋯⋯. I feel weird because I think I can be of help⋯⋯!”
Even though it was my story, it just felt unreal as if I was listening to a fairy tale. It was such a distant past that I can’t even remember.
And my sister has been watching me since then.
I didn’t know her, but she knew me.
“When I woke up ⋯⋯, I was chasing after him and waiting for Dojin to make a mistake. No, I was trying to make a mistake. It was an obsession. I was trying to relieve my regrets by doing things I couldn’t do to him.”
“Mi, are you sorry? What do you think Dasom has regrets about you?”
At her father’s question, the older sister stopped talking and took a deep breath. Then he opened his mouth with a very calm expression.
“Because I thought it was me who killed Dajun⋯⋯.”
“What, what? What are you talking about right now, why is it Dasom’s fault that he died!”
Once again, Father raised his voice, but this time Mother did not stop him either.
“Because I was the one talking to you on the last day.”
“What?”
“You both know.”
“Don’t turn around! So what does that have to do with it? Why does that lead to you ⋯⋯, Dajun⋯⋯ killing that child?”
“I knew.”
My heart was pounding. I didn’t want to let her spit it out, to the point where I wanted to shut her mouth if I could.
“I could see something was going wrong on her face, but I didn’t do anything. No, I knew it, but I pretended not to know. I’m blinded by ignorant jealousy.”
“What⋯⋯?”
“I didn’t like that kid. I didn’t want to take away the love I deserved, and I didn’t want to monopolize compliments with my paintings. I hated everything about him and was jealous. I didn’t want to be scolded for such a topic, so I just pretended to take good care of me. Dajun didn’t do anything wrong. You always liked me, but I—”
“stop!”
My father’s trembling voice interrupted my sister.
“It’s a feeling that can be felt enough by children who have siblings in their teenage years. And I was the one who made you feel that way. Dasom has nothing to do with you. It was me who killed that child.”
“Hey, honey ⋯⋯!”
Despite my mother’s reluctance, my father continued to speak. Just as a person who starts vomiting cannot arbitrarily stop it.
“I killed him. Because I ⋯⋯ didn’t pay attention on the excuse that I was busy. Because I was crazy about money and couldn’t even see what the kids looked like. And even my one and only daughter⋯⋯.”
“Dad!”
“noisy! If you know too, why are you doing this? A guy named Abi couldn’t shake it off, so he forced me to treat the dead as living people. Without even thinking about how the rest of you will feel⋯⋯ So Dasom is with you⋯⋯.”
A story with no end in sight continues and continues.
The moment when you want to intervene because it is painful to just look at it.
“Please stop it.”
A sharp voice resounded throughout the house. it was my mother
“You, no matter how excited you are, there are some things you can say and some things you can’t.”
As if surprised by the harshly abandoned condemnation, Father stopped what he was saying and bowed his head.
“Dasom, so are you. Don’t just care about how you feel, but also pay attention to the listener’s point of view. Especially when it comes to parents.”
Mother, who took control of the atmosphere in an instant, sighed and opened her mouth as if she was at a loss for words at the terrible scenery around her.
“⋯⋯ Whatever the reason, Dasom only seems to me that you are going the wrong way. And I have a duty to fix it.”
are parents
He didn’t say anything, but he seemed to understand why.
As a result, even if they are hated by their children.