173 – 168. Expression
“So, who is it?”
Joo-hee sunbae also glanced at me at Gyu-ah’s question, who had intervened from the side.
“What?”
“Hey, you know what I’m asking. Who are you going to choose?”
“……”
I didn’t know she would ask so directly.
“I don’t know.”
I ignored Gyu-ah with a curt reply, and Joo-hee sunbae seemed to think that it was not her place to intervene, so she just let it go.
“How can I help?”
“Just… I’ll just talk to the kids one by one. Just keep other people from coming around.”
Joo-hee sunbae nodded at my determined answer.
Thud.
She patted me on the back.
“I know it’s hard.”
Joo-hee sunbae’s gentle smile and comfort, which I don’t usually see.
“But that’s right. I’m proud of you for making the right choice. Thank you for not making me regret that I liked you.”
“Sunbae…”
“After the MT. I don’t know who it will be, but let’s have a drink with your girlfriend.”
I just smiled bitterly at her words and didn’t answer separately.
I wonder if I can really choose someone.
I thought I would probably be a selfish person until the end.
* * *
I said I would make time separately.
In fact, it was harder than I thought to have time alone at the MT.
It was hard to sneak out from the crowd of people, and the kids had a habit of gathering around, so even if one of them was empty, it would be noticed right away.
‘This is difficult.’
Time just passed by like that without me being able to do anything properly.
After the foot volleyball tournament.
I, who hadn’t done anything separately, decided to prepare dinner.
Anyway, Joo-hee sunbae was in charge of the overall command, and I was just doing odd jobs.
‘It reminds me of the festival.’
I still have vivid memories of the festival because there were so many things going on, but it’s been quite a while since I actually thought about it.
My relationship with them has changed a lot since then.
“What are you doing?”
Choi Yi-seo’s voice came from beside me as I was lighting a fire in the barbecue grill, which is a national rule at MTs.
“Weren’t you resting with the kids?”
I heard that you were struggling with the professors earlier, so I wondered why you were here.
“I should help prepare dinner. It will take a long time if we only ask the freshmen to do it.”
“Joo-hee sunbae is here, so it’s okay.”
“We can’t just leave it to the sunbae.”
He said that, but he didn’t leave my side.
Choi Yi-seo, who was awkwardly lighting a fire, spoke to me again.
“Are you going to grill meat?”
“Yeah, I missed the foot volleyball tournament earlier, so I should do this at least.”
“Pork belly?”
“No, not that. I’m just grilling meat.”
“It reminds me of the festival.”
It seemed like we had the same thought.
Choi Yi-seo, who had been staring blankly at the fire, poked me in the side and asked.”You’re not going to explain?”
“……Senior Joohee?”
“Yeah.”
She stared at me intently.
I tried to explain as plainly as possible, thinking that I would seem even stranger if I panicked.
“I got a confession, and I turned it down. That’s really the end of it.”
“Yeah, I know that. But I wish you had come to me first.”
“……I made a mistake.”
Unlike Yooarin, who couldn’t accept it emotionally right away and kept grumbling.
I had forgotten that everyone has a different personality, so I had to respond differently.
“I’m sorry.”
Choi Iseul, who had been staring at me, put her hand on the grill as I apologized sincerely.
She was checking if it was hot enough.
In the meantime, I looked around for a moment.
Since the grill had to be outside, there was no one around, but someone could come at any moment.
It wasn’t a suitable place to have a conversation.
“Kids, let’s start setting the table.”
I heard Senior Joohee’s voice leading the kids.
I turned my head slightly and saw that Senior Joohee had made the kids set the table first so that they wouldn’t come this way.
I met her eyes, nodded, and took a deep breath calmly.
I was prepared.
But the words didn’t come out.
But I knew I had to do it.
“Iseul.”
Thump, thump.
I whispered softly to the burning charcoal.
“Let’s stop.”
There was no way she could not understand what I meant.
My heart was heavy even as I uttered the words, but I knew I had to say them.
“…….”
A single word with a lot of meaning.
I thought I would hear some resentment.
I was even prepared to take a few hits.
However, her expression did not change much.
There was no separate answer.
I wondered if she was too surprised to answer properly.
Or maybe she was already prepared for this situation.
Choi Iseul, who was silent and calm.
I wondered what she would say.
I waited for her, my heart pounding.
“The you right now.”
Calmly.
No different from the usual Choi Iseul.
She confesses her feelings.
“Is it Kim Woojin that I loved?”
With just those words.
I felt like a huge boulder was stuck in my throat.
A tightness that made it hard to breathe. My tongue was heavy and wouldn’t move.
“Lately. I suddenly had that thought.”
“…….”
“Are my feelings fading? I wonder if that’s why I’m having these doubts?”
“I guess so.”
It had to be.
He was a man who wavered between several women.
Of course, his feelings would fade.
Even though I had broken up with him, it was me who was heartbroken.
The fact that I had disappointed Choi Iseul.
In fact, that hurt me more than anything.
“That’s what it is.”
Still, I affirmed it.In the end, I couldn’t give Choi Yiseo the answer she wanted. I thought it was better this way and turned my head with a wry smile.
Before I knew it, Choi Yiseo was staring at me and smiling.
“There’s a characteristic of people who play both sides.”
I intended to listen quietly.
Of course, the resentment mixed with complaints was entirely mine.
But.
Why was she smiling as if she was feeling so good?
“They constantly confess their love. They say that you’re the only one for them, as if they’re brainwashing you.”
“What are you trying to say?”
When I asked because I couldn’t read the flow of the conversation, Choi Yiseo shook her head with a smile as if something was so funny.
“The complete opposite?”
“……”
“You’ve never told me once. No, you’ve never told us that you love us.”
But she continued.
“So I thought about it. You don’t hesitate to mix bodies, though. You have no patience.”
“Ahem.”
A painful truth.
“Why is that?”
Because I’m Kim Woojin, who is selfish and faithful to desire. There was no other answer to give-.
“That’s why.”
Thud.
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Choi Yiseo’s finger touched my chest.
She had finally found the correct answer after going around and around, and Choi Yiseo was smiling brightly.
“Because if you confess with words, it will end.”
“……”
“So there was only one way you could express yourself. Everything becomes clear the moment you say it, but the truth of your actions can change in many ways.”
“……”
“Love and desire are different. I said that, but in fact, love also includes desire.”
So.
“That’s why you acted faithfully to your desires. Because that was the only way you could express your love for us.”
Don’t just talk, show me with your actions.
It was a famous phrase.
“You were wrapping your love in desire.”
On the contrary.
There was something that could only be expressed through actions because it would end the moment it was made clear with words.
That was our relationship.
A relationship that would end if you confessed your love to someone.
“Shall we turn the story around?”
Choi Yiseo’s gaze had never avoided mine until now.
“Shall we stop?”
I couldn’t help but want to run away from her honest gaze.
“While you were confessing your ardent love to me like that?”
“Ah, you… that.”
“hehehe, Woojin, do you know that?”
There was one reason why I wanted to run away.
“Your face is so red. Are you embarrassed?”
“……!”
Yes, I was embarrassed, so I wanted to run away.
I hurriedly covered my face with my hands.
It was clear that the burning sensation was not because of the charcoal fire in front of me.
“Since you couldn’t say you love me, you’ve been acting like you’re crazy about s*x instead.”
Choi Yiseo took a step closer.
I took a step back without realizing it and shouted.”What is it? In the end, I couldn’t choose anyone. I’m just a selfish bastard. I’m sick of myself like this. I want to stop now.”
Even though it was a heartfelt confession.
Choi Yi-seo came up to me again, grabbed my hand, and pulled it hard.
“You’re selfish, so you’re selfish even when you’re being considerate.”
“……”
“I’m sorry, but I’ve won everything and I don’t plan on losing.”
I was speechless.
I had clearly confessed my feelings.
I had said that it was too hard anymore.
I had said that we should just end it now.
So why were my feelings for Choi Yi-seo growing stronger?
“Honestly, I was worried at first. I thought that you might end up being satisfied with this situation and try to maintain it.”
Choi Yi-seo’s eyes were now filled with relief.
“And that’s not the Kim Woo-jin that I fell in love with.”
She lifted her heel slightly in front of me, who was in a state of confusion.
She put her hand on my chest, leaned in, and gave me a quick kiss.
Smack.
“Thank you for telling me to stop, Woo-jin.”
She smiled at me, her face flushed with embarrassment.
“You’re the Kim Woo-jin that I love.”