186 – Past (2)
“No, f*ck it, everyone looks at a woman smoking in amazement.”
Have I been looking at it for too long?
Kim Ji-hyun looked up at me, swearing just as I remembered.
Although he was a little over 160 cm tall, he seemed strangely taller, perhaps because of his attitude.
Should I say the momentum is strong?
“No, I just…”
He stopped talking and just nodded and left.
‘We can’t see the same ending.’
My ultimate goal was not to sweeten the past with Jihyun once again.
Get out of this place quickly and find out why the fate of despair did this.
Excluding that, the rest was like a passing memory of the past.
Mystery novels with known endings are no longer interesting.
I knew how this would all end, so I decided to ignore her this time.
“What, didn’t you go to smoke?”
“No, you can just burn it at the store anyway.”
“Ah… Well, you do what’s convenient for you. I’ll eat whatever you give me.”
“What are you eating?”
“Both what you think about, food and girl.”
I went into a suitable bar while listening to Donghoon’s words, which were well-spoken in Konglish.
Half of the people were drunk and fell on the table, while the other half were just scanning the opposite s*x.
This place was just right.
From then on, everything went smoothly.
At this time, there were many people intoxicated by the ‘free atmosphere’ and most of them had lax boundaries.
It was early in the morning, so it was a good day to get emotional, so I just went and said a few words and it was over.
What I needed was a handsome face, and I was born with this, so there was no need to make an effort to be funny.
If you say a few simple words, they will laugh and talk on their own and automatically ask where my seat is.
Then all I had to do was introduce Dong-hoon and play a few drinking games to slowly warm up the atmosphere.
After paying for the drinks, I go to a motel with the girl who clings to me and doesn’t want to let go, and that’s it.
Dong-hoon immediately went to shake his waist to say he was happy, and I roughly laid the dead girl on the bed and left the room.
‘I really can’t do this, even this.’
In the past, you used to say that you were going to do something to a woman with a strange strategy, like squid, golbaeng, etc.
After dating Kim Ji-hyun just once, I started avoiding women because I was scared rather than because I was sick of them.
That eerie feeling when your precious lover seems like a time bomb, not knowing when they will die.
I didn’t want to feel that way anymore, so I refused all favors even in the game.
An environment where it is impossible to protect everyone if the demons decide to commit terrorism.
Falling in love in a place like that was like preparing to break up.
Since I no longer needed separation in my life, I also did not want interactions between men and women.
“Ang…Aang…”
A sound similar to DoxEmon singing comes from beyond the motel door.
If this is loud enough to be heard beyond the door, how loud is it?
The old building definitely had poor soundproofing, so I could see what was going on in the next room.
Probably Donghoon will continue to shake his hips even after the sun rises the next day.
Then, going first here was the shortcut to not wasting time.
+++++++
A month since I fell into a space where the past is recreated.
A situation where we haven’t even tasted anything similar, let alone any clues like this.
The only thing special about it is that the day keeps repeating itself.
I wondered what had happened, but it seemed like the day would repeat itself if I didn’t pass a certain junction.
And even without looking at the turning point, it seemed to be related to Kim Ji-hyun.
I tried everything else and there was only one thing I didn’t do.
It was about spending one night with Kim Ji-hyun.
If things had gone as they were, I would watch Kim Ji-hyun smoking a cigarette, then start talking to her, and eventually we would drink together.
And after building a relationship there and experiencing a complicated incident, they develop into lovers through repeated encounters.
Because of this, the fate of despair was blatantly making the day repeat itself as if it wanted to see me and Kim Ji-hyeon in a relationship.
‘Is this a dating show panel?’
Why do you want to see other people’s relationships like this?
Come to think of it, I said I would show you why I came here.
Are you planning to break me by making me experience how I was broken after Jihyun died?
“It’s not even funny, really.”
“What’s wrong with GagCon reruns? Isn’t it fun?”
No matter how many times I see it, it makes me laugh.
I stood up and gave a rough answer to Donghoon’s foolish words.
I didn’t feel like I was going crazy or panicking every time the day repeated itself.
Because it had already happened, I didn’t feel anything.
No matter what I do now, the future will not change, so I acted really boldly.
Every time it happened, I tried many times, and yesterday I even killed Dong-hoon as soon as I opened my eyes.
I was not crazy and was moving based on accurate and cool-headed judgment.
It really was nothing, and now all that was left was to kill Kim Ji-hyun.
If even this didn’t work properly, I was prepared to pretend that I had no choice but to be in love.
‘I can’t keep up with trivial things like this forever.’
My relationship with Kim Ji-hyun was really uneventful.
We loved like everyone else, and we just parted ways a little differently.
Kim Ji-hyun made it her business to drink with a man and secretly mix the drink with her medicine.
Knowing that, I secretly changed her drinking glass, knocked Ji-Hyun Kim unconscious, and took her to a motel to ask about her situation.
And there was a brief struggle here, but he quickly subdued her with a single punch to her abdomen.
I just passed it off like that and somehow managed to sleep for one night.
‘That’s where the problem arose.’
In the past, mixing alcohol with drugs was very common.
If you can find a route, it wasn’t a problem to get drugs or other items like that.
What you need is money and connections, or just the environment you have grown up in since you were young.
Among these three, the one who had the worst and last option was Jihyun Kim.
In unfavorable environments, flowers dry out and die before they even bloom.
Following that principle, Jihyun Kim took on difficult tasks from a young age.
Then he tried drugs and became addicted.
Of course I thought I could treat it.
In the first place, drugs were illegal, so I was afraid of getting caught if I went for treatment.
She couldn’t imagine being separated from Kim Ji-hyun, and she didn’t want to be separated from me either.
We firmly believed that we could heal each other.
My loneliness and Jihyun Kim’s symptoms of addiction.
I thought these two things could create positive synergy and open the way to a good future.
‘And it was ruined.’
Her withdrawal symptoms were stronger than she thought, and I ended up locking her up.
No matter how I found medicine to treat the symptoms, it was of little use.
Kim Ji-hyun became normal only when she took medicine, and when she stopped taking medicine, she immediately became a different person.
Breaking things, biting and scratching people.
It looked like a zombie from a B-grade movie.
But I still had hope.
Eventually, when the drug’s effectiveness wears off, it will return to normal.
I will be able to walk the streets happily again like I did then.
But that was only my dream.
One day, Jihyeon suddenly came to her senses and cried profusely, hanging on the railing.
She said she didn’t want to die, she said, and she couldn’t bear to be a nuisance to me any longer.
Even though she told him to forget her, she asked him to remember her, and she said she didn’t want to break up, but in the end, she decided to die.
‘…’
They say that people who fall from high rises die of shock before they hit the floor.
I would rather have died like that and not even know the pain.
If I had died from pain, it would have been too painful.
The floor was shiny, as if the plum-colored sidewalk blocks had been replaced with new ones.
Debris and torn skin scattered here and there.
Something indescribably disgusting flowing from the skull.
When the funeral was held, no one except Dong-hoon and me attended the funeral.
I handled the death without others knowing, and even that was easy because everyone was less connected than I thought.
But do you want me to repeat this one more time? It was an absolute specification.
“…So please understand this time, you’ve been selfish all along.”
When I asked you to do it together, you left first.
You said this knowing how painful it is for the living to ask people to remember the dead.
“Besides, this is going to repeat anyway, so you might come back to life tomorrow.”
Actually, I died that way too.
While drinking every day, I invested all the money I had saved into games and stayed in the corner of the room.
I ruined my body by eating only ramen with the pocket money Donghoon sent me every month.
Then I got into the game and closed my mind there.
She spoke frankly about her true feelings and stopped the screaming woman.
If the past suddenly fell away, it would be okay if everything happened suddenly.
I had no intention of dragging out the story in a messy manner.
It destroys the core of the dream, just like it did to Wraithsamber.
If that is my trauma, I have no choice but to kill it with my own hands.
Clink!
The surroundings are falling to pieces.
With Kim Ji-hyun’s death, the false world disappears and the world returns to its original state.
Final Destiny, now this is where I should be.